Thursday, June 30, 2005
Thursday June 30, 2005 - Year 3, Day 102 - won time
+ 10C, sunny, heating up toward afternoon thundershowers
. . .
yesterday we walked all the way down to Fish Creek to find the banks have widened by another 15-20 metres, more trees gone & bridge abutment repairs are eroded again; this morning my quiet walk in the woods was uneventful except for swatting following a prolific mosquito hatch but walking fast was a preferred solution
. . .
my mind is all over this morning – churning yesterday, planning today, daydreaming a little
. . .
I’ve rewritten this piece 4 times already – finding as I often do that putting something on the screen, on paper or just top of mind gets a process rolling – the idea soon discarded or else developed off in another direction; a full day of work & meetings ahead has my focus diverted
. . .
the challenge I find some days is to put my thoughts on this page for all to see, or to hide some of them as they are too private, too personal, too something . . . and often too those thoughts relate to other people & things that are not my story to tell
. . .
I am thinking of one friend’s excruciating pain
. . .
today I am without understanding & knowing what to say that might help; to know that you made someone else’s life a great place to be, albeit for a short while, may be the best reward of all & comforting in your grief
. . .
I am thinking of another friend’s adventurous pleasure trip
. . .
and with each thrill comes the opportunity for a spill; with each unexpected reaction comes a choice
. . .
I am thinking about today’s work, tomorrow’s rest
. . .
I am thinking of the collision of ideas I witness daily – looking to harness some more effectively recognizing that this is what I do daily
. . .
every day I would like to harness some more – in part to have thrilling challenging rewarding things to do, in part because the adrenaline is intoxicating
. . .
and, maybe, the world gets a tiny bit better because of something I played a roll in
. . .
then, regardless of outcome, I won
. . .
is it people, or notions, or ideas, or opportunities, or accident that causes magical things to occur ?
. . .
or the collision of them reaching 1 point at 1 time
. . .
1 time
. . .
won time
. . .
won ton
. . .
dim sum
. . .
lunch inspiration comes early today ! . . see you at noon MH
. . .
Mark
342,328
. . .
yesterday we walked all the way down to Fish Creek to find the banks have widened by another 15-20 metres, more trees gone & bridge abutment repairs are eroded again; this morning my quiet walk in the woods was uneventful except for swatting following a prolific mosquito hatch but walking fast was a preferred solution
. . .
my mind is all over this morning – churning yesterday, planning today, daydreaming a little
. . .
I’ve rewritten this piece 4 times already – finding as I often do that putting something on the screen, on paper or just top of mind gets a process rolling – the idea soon discarded or else developed off in another direction; a full day of work & meetings ahead has my focus diverted
. . .
the challenge I find some days is to put my thoughts on this page for all to see, or to hide some of them as they are too private, too personal, too something . . . and often too those thoughts relate to other people & things that are not my story to tell
. . .
I am thinking of one friend’s excruciating pain
. . .
today I am without understanding & knowing what to say that might help; to know that you made someone else’s life a great place to be, albeit for a short while, may be the best reward of all & comforting in your grief
. . .
I am thinking of another friend’s adventurous pleasure trip
. . .
and with each thrill comes the opportunity for a spill; with each unexpected reaction comes a choice
. . .
I am thinking about today’s work, tomorrow’s rest
. . .
I am thinking of the collision of ideas I witness daily – looking to harness some more effectively recognizing that this is what I do daily
. . .
every day I would like to harness some more – in part to have thrilling challenging rewarding things to do, in part because the adrenaline is intoxicating
. . .
and, maybe, the world gets a tiny bit better because of something I played a roll in
. . .
then, regardless of outcome, I won
. . .
is it people, or notions, or ideas, or opportunities, or accident that causes magical things to occur ?
. . .
or the collision of them reaching 1 point at 1 time
. . .
1 time
. . .
won time
. . .
won ton
. . .
dim sum
. . .
lunch inspiration comes early today ! . . see you at noon MH
. . .
Mark
342,328
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Wednesday June 29, 2005 - Year 3, Day 101 - balanced, not tranquil
+6C, sunny, calm . . . no rain predicted !
. . .
amazing what sunshine does to the speed of my walk – to say nothing of the enjoyment; nothing but a 1000 shades of green & damp everywhere
. . .
I wonder if I would like the balanced tranquil state of the easy life, the trouble free days of leisure &/or retirement many people pine for ?
. . .
I am not so sure I would be comfortable with that for long; as much as I see every problem imaginable when I am down & happily set them aside for a while when I am up – it is the edginess that gets my juices flowing as much as anything
. . .
my brain is full – too many good things – full day yesterday + a visit with my dad; always my best confidante . . . always happy to see me, always happy to listen, always an offer help in any way he can; always a lesson in fatherhood, always a lesson in friendship
. . .
a busy day of meetings downtown & around town all day + toastmasters tonight = I gotta dash !
. . .
dog report: like a 5 yr old child who had too much chocolate she has energy spurts at 11 PM that defy logic – Gusta continues to amaze me daily & give me laughter in every day
. . .
Mark
342,352
Note to readers:
responses invited & valued – just scroll down & fill in your comments
. . .
amazing what sunshine does to the speed of my walk – to say nothing of the enjoyment; nothing but a 1000 shades of green & damp everywhere
. . .
I wonder if I would like the balanced tranquil state of the easy life, the trouble free days of leisure &/or retirement many people pine for ?
. . .
I am not so sure I would be comfortable with that for long; as much as I see every problem imaginable when I am down & happily set them aside for a while when I am up – it is the edginess that gets my juices flowing as much as anything
. . .
my brain is full – too many good things – full day yesterday + a visit with my dad; always my best confidante . . . always happy to see me, always happy to listen, always an offer help in any way he can; always a lesson in fatherhood, always a lesson in friendship
. . .
a busy day of meetings downtown & around town all day + toastmasters tonight = I gotta dash !
. . .
dog report: like a 5 yr old child who had too much chocolate she has energy spurts at 11 PM that defy logic – Gusta continues to amaze me daily & give me laughter in every day
. . .
Mark
342,352
Note to readers:
responses invited & valued – just scroll down & fill in your comments
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
June 28 response
Mark, I had the day off yesterday and almost called you to see if you wanted to walk on at Confederation. Just thought I'd sew a couple things first, but before I knew it, it was 3:00. Where does the time go on a day off? Had a great day off though, sewing, some housework, watching the Discovery channel; reading 72 emails. Stuff I don't ever seem to have time to do. Today back to work, feel the blahs. You're dreaming of Maui, I'm dreaming of a lotto win so I can retire. I could stay home every day, no problemo. :)), SM
Tuesday June 28, 3005 – Year 3, Day 100 - basking in sunshine
+10C, raining, gloomy skies, more rain, more rain, more rain
. . .
gutters ran like mini-creeks, connecting spillways between streets ran like rivers & low spots were pooling [a.k.a. lakes] swirls of mud as we walked ‘very much alone’ in heavy rain – Gusta the wonder water dog loving every minute
. . .
when I began writing these musings I found I would often write from a perspective of ‘wanting to entertain & provide something’ – my mentors & many of you wisely counseled me to abandon that self serving perspective
. . .
in time I learned readers preferred to witness my efforts to understand, my quest for answers & my appreciation of things I learn because they were often grasping at the same straws I was – looking for the learning in life’s events rushing by
. . .
I often find – as I do today – a dark thought or two, a flitting bit of ‘downer-think’ creeping in; yet however dark & dreary a day can be [today surely a good example] I am heartened by lots of memories of dark moments turning into blazing sunshine, of icy cold realities melting because of a seed sown, an idea nurtured or kindness of a friend – or kindness of a stranger
. . .
I was thinking [pining] last night about my trip to Maui; remembering the warm sunshine – remembering more fondly the beach walks & meeting people than I did the golf – though that was ostensibly the reason for the trip . . .hmmmm ?
. . .
golf never happened yesterday & surely won’t today – another day to spend working on a business plan & fielding calls stretches out in front of me
. . .
I had 2 great calls; 1 message last night from the much traveled LL back in town & touching base + 1 from Carla this morning confirming she is coming down this weekend
. . .
ahh, my sunshine showed up !
. . .
Mark
342,376
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to & fill in your comments
. . .
gutters ran like mini-creeks, connecting spillways between streets ran like rivers & low spots were pooling [a.k.a. lakes] swirls of mud as we walked ‘very much alone’ in heavy rain – Gusta the wonder water dog loving every minute
. . .
when I began writing these musings I found I would often write from a perspective of ‘wanting to entertain & provide something’ – my mentors & many of you wisely counseled me to abandon that self serving perspective
. . .
in time I learned readers preferred to witness my efforts to understand, my quest for answers & my appreciation of things I learn because they were often grasping at the same straws I was – looking for the learning in life’s events rushing by
. . .
I often find – as I do today – a dark thought or two, a flitting bit of ‘downer-think’ creeping in; yet however dark & dreary a day can be [today surely a good example] I am heartened by lots of memories of dark moments turning into blazing sunshine, of icy cold realities melting because of a seed sown, an idea nurtured or kindness of a friend – or kindness of a stranger
. . .
I was thinking [pining] last night about my trip to Maui; remembering the warm sunshine – remembering more fondly the beach walks & meeting people than I did the golf – though that was ostensibly the reason for the trip . . .hmmmm ?
. . .
golf never happened yesterday & surely won’t today – another day to spend working on a business plan & fielding calls stretches out in front of me
. . .
I had 2 great calls; 1 message last night from the much traveled LL back in town & touching base + 1 from Carla this morning confirming she is coming down this weekend
. . .
ahh, my sunshine showed up !
. . .
Mark
342,376
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to & fill in your comments
Monday, June 27, 2005
June 27 Response
Hi Mark. I was just wondering if you had heard from LaDonna lately. I have not seen her posting any messages on your musings, I was thinking about her and wondering how she was coping with her loss. If you hear from her, please let her know that people are still thinking about her., NB
Mark, Sandra here in rainy Coeur d'Alene, Idaho! Speaking of goals, yesterday I was one of the thousands of volunteers for the Ironman Triathlon here in CDA, where athletes, swim 2.5 miles in the chilly lake, bike 120 miles, and then run a full 26 mile marathon!! They begin at 7 in the morning, end at midnight, fifteen hours later. To get the official medal, and to be recorded, you must complete it before midnight. Others keep streaming across the finish line well after midnight! As I stood at the finish line just before the final minutes, with the rock music blaring, the supportive and jubilant crowd cheering the runners, I broke into tears as three BLIND athletes, with their supportive team members all hooking arms, triumphantly entered the last stretch. Over 2000 men and women, young, and old, have personally overcome many defeats, obstacles, but as I heard their stories, the consistent theme was that the greatest challenge lies in their own thinking and mind! I woke up this morning in an altered state, due to an immersion experience with all that dynamic positive energy, purpose, but most of all BELIEF, that this was possible to complete!!!, SW
Monday June 27, 2005 - Year 3, Day 99 - goals, with or without rain
+11C, overcast, light rain stopped . . . more later
. . .
route & routine becoming regular, my 4 legged companion leads the way & she tugs much less on the leash; moisture seems to hangs in the air, everything damp from overnight showers
. . .
“Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals.” - Aristotle
. . .
yesterday, a crossed wires day – sometimes I learn as much from meetings that don’t happen as planned as I do from the ones that do + some calls, but mostly work
. . .
Sundays sometimes find me feeling just a tad resentful of the weekly newsletter marathon I’ve made for myself these past 6 years; but then someone I respect a lot writes to advise they are retiring & expresses appreciation – I don’t feel quite as tired then !
. . .
# 1 goal today is a ‘finish a project writing day’, the task to reduce to simple clear terms, a business plan, a culmination of many a restless night & debates with colleagues – time to reduce brainstorming to form & function on paper bringing together on the page all that material from notes & meetings & calls & the recesses of my brain to congeal - getting it right matters a lot
. . .
# 2 goal today is to squeeze in 18 or 9 . . or go to the range
. . .
if it doesn’t rain - or if it does !
. . .
Mark
343,400
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down & fill in your comments
. . .
route & routine becoming regular, my 4 legged companion leads the way & she tugs much less on the leash; moisture seems to hangs in the air, everything damp from overnight showers
. . .
“Man is a goal seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals.” - Aristotle
. . .
yesterday, a crossed wires day – sometimes I learn as much from meetings that don’t happen as planned as I do from the ones that do + some calls, but mostly work
. . .
Sundays sometimes find me feeling just a tad resentful of the weekly newsletter marathon I’ve made for myself these past 6 years; but then someone I respect a lot writes to advise they are retiring & expresses appreciation – I don’t feel quite as tired then !
. . .
# 1 goal today is a ‘finish a project writing day’, the task to reduce to simple clear terms, a business plan, a culmination of many a restless night & debates with colleagues – time to reduce brainstorming to form & function on paper bringing together on the page all that material from notes & meetings & calls & the recesses of my brain to congeal - getting it right matters a lot
. . .
# 2 goal today is to squeeze in 18 or 9 . . or go to the range
. . .
if it doesn’t rain - or if it does !
. . .
Mark
343,400
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down & fill in your comments
Sunday, June 26, 2005
June 26 response
Mark, sometimes it is tempting just to chuckle about your musings with you. Best headline of the year ;-) "less stream, more consciousness". But the counterpoint from JS offering consolation to VD was equally heartfelt and touching. We learn so much from each other when we stop talking ... Best., JD
Sunday June 26, 2005 - Year 3, Day 98 - less stream, more consciousness
+10C, sunny, chance of showers
. . .
Sunday morning papers read, caffeine level high, we ventured out; so calm, so quiet - tall stands of grass not previously explored capture Gusta’s attention – trees & a creek capture mine
. . .
I had a quiet ‘do a 100 little things’ day yesterday & dog walking & car washing & reading capped by dinner with a new prospect
. . .
meeting/dating new people – that intriguing though often arduous process of telling the same stories over & over again – making efforts to tell them more insightfully, in part listening for new insights, different reactions etc.
. . .
I am a talker, yet lately I see myself spending more time listening – oddly, I learn more !
. . .
this last year walking in the woods [perhaps my Thoreau / Muir period !] I see nature lessons for me in so many things; everything natural so interconnected & interdependent ecosystems working so well – even when that brings a big flood to change that landscape – it alls seems to work quite well without any thinking or ‘human brain’ intervention
. . .
things just ‘are’, earth turns, seasons change, a growing season will be a little damp but a growing season it will be nonetheless & many streams will follow an altered course
. . .
my landscape gets eroded from time to time – when it does I know I struggle & strain trying vainly to keep the same old flow going, rather than following a new direction, a new course – doing it with deliberateness as the NEW natural & correct course
. . .
I see how insignificant human involvement is in the natural world all around us – yet this human critter seems to think he can think his way through the obstacles of life – maybe it is time that I think less & just let the course of life flow
. . .
ohmygawd . . I just said ‘go with the flow’ !
. . .
I’ve always resisted that notion so strongly – always trying to make the flow go my way
. . .
maybe ‘stream of consciousness’ should be more about stream & less about consciousness
. . .
Mark
343,424
. . .
Sunday morning papers read, caffeine level high, we ventured out; so calm, so quiet - tall stands of grass not previously explored capture Gusta’s attention – trees & a creek capture mine
. . .
I had a quiet ‘do a 100 little things’ day yesterday & dog walking & car washing & reading capped by dinner with a new prospect
. . .
meeting/dating new people – that intriguing though often arduous process of telling the same stories over & over again – making efforts to tell them more insightfully, in part listening for new insights, different reactions etc.
. . .
I am a talker, yet lately I see myself spending more time listening – oddly, I learn more !
. . .
this last year walking in the woods [perhaps my Thoreau / Muir period !] I see nature lessons for me in so many things; everything natural so interconnected & interdependent ecosystems working so well – even when that brings a big flood to change that landscape – it alls seems to work quite well without any thinking or ‘human brain’ intervention
. . .
things just ‘are’, earth turns, seasons change, a growing season will be a little damp but a growing season it will be nonetheless & many streams will follow an altered course
. . .
my landscape gets eroded from time to time – when it does I know I struggle & strain trying vainly to keep the same old flow going, rather than following a new direction, a new course – doing it with deliberateness as the NEW natural & correct course
. . .
I see how insignificant human involvement is in the natural world all around us – yet this human critter seems to think he can think his way through the obstacles of life – maybe it is time that I think less & just let the course of life flow
. . .
ohmygawd . . I just said ‘go with the flow’ !
. . .
I’ve always resisted that notion so strongly – always trying to make the flow go my way
. . .
maybe ‘stream of consciousness’ should be more about stream & less about consciousness
. . .
Mark
343,424
Saturday, June 25, 2005
June 25 response
Mark, I would like to share with 'VD' on her sorrow and search if I may? VD, I have been in a similar place that you are now, at 29 I lost my husband, father of my two young children and thought my world had ended. After 12 years together, I was alone even though I was lucky enough to have two wonderful little children, I was alone. Frightened, single and still a woman that wanted and felt I really needed a man to hold and comfort me, someone to share the rest of my life with me. I searched and held on to some false relationships, I was young and thought it was what I wanted, needed. Finally, I found that I needed me first; I needed to find the new me without a man at my side but it took many years and many experiences good and bad to learn that. As I have matured, I have been through the 'you don't know me' 'I don't want you to know me' stages, but some men really do want to know who you are and some only want to know your body or your bank account. But give yourself some credit to know you will make it through and you will be stronger and wiser. For all the people you meet will teach you something and those that love you now, will love you tomorrow too. Hang in there. If you remain who you were yesterday, you will stop moving and growing, enjoy your memories but don't wallow in them, take each day as a gift, smile as you rise and thank yourself for all the experience of yesterdays and get on with today. It has been 31 years now for me and not a week goes by where I do not think of what I lost so long ago. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the day that past and the love that was mine, the friendships that are found and the tomorrows I will see, maybe alone butnot forever, there is someone else out there I am sure of it. Like you, I am still afraid of finding I have been a fool (again) when it comes to love, but you have to give it a chance, give yourself thetime but please don’t give of your wealth, it is not real love if you have to pay for it. (That is experience talking and another story of why I am single and working so hard these days), js
Saturday June 25, 2005 - Year 3, Day 97 déjà new musing
+9C, overcast, risk of thunderstorms
. . .
walking in light rain – always one of my favorite things – just wet enough to get chilly, light enough to feel refreshing, just long enough to not feel drenched – always wonderful to come in from to something hot to drink & warm to eat
. . .
looking forward & looking back seems the same sometimes; as if déjà vu meets déjà new
. . .
doing something new, meeting someone new, embarking on something new conjures memories of all those ‘new’ moments that have come & gone, all those memories marked by some recollection of a moment around a fire-pit, an ‘a-ha!’ moment in a meeting, a yes & yes when least expected . . . or the creativity artistry of a squeezable ketchup bottle applied with direction & force . . . these moment are indelible for a reason
. . .
these moments happen leaving indelible impressions – like the deep grooves on a 78 – because we have reached out & been open - at the same time that someone else was open
. . .
as time passes, those déjà vu where laughter & smiles & love were involved become stronger, more vivid, more treasured . . . while the traumatic ones seem to fade a little more each year
. . .
“ Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” – Ogden Nash
. . .
some impressions are indelible – some memories too strong to ever erase yet others slip from view as distance in time makes them harder & harder to recall
. . .
touch someone – anyone; touch them today, let them touch you today – for every day all we have is today; time is all we have, relationships are all that matter
. . .
puppy report: Gusta discovered ‘fetch & carry’ function of sticks yet seems to think anything with bark is consumable
. . .
Mark
343,448
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to ‘Comments/Trackback’ & fill in your comments
P.S.: muser feedback from yesterday:
Having recently lost my husband of 23 years to cancer, I find myself thinking about getting back in the singles market. As you know..finding a fit is not always easy. Some entertain your mind...some entertain your body. But no one knows who you are or why you have become the person you are. I had a fellow ask me a while back how I got a certain scar on my hand, it's a remarkable story (from an aircraft accident that I was blessed to survive)...I then realized no one knows my history. No one knows my accomplishments, my failures, my love of family and friends. My love of children and the deep despair of not being able to conceive a child. We look at "partners" differently at this age. When I was young I wanted someone who would be a good husband...a good provider...a good father. Being a good lover didn't really matter...we would learn together with time. Truth be told, I was looking for my father...someone who would take care of me. Now at 43 I am financially secure enough...children are not a possibility and I have learned I can "love myself" so what is it that I am lacking? What do I expect of a man? Do we enter in to relationships far too casually now? Not really expecting them too work...a "lover du jour?" Will casual relationships cause a lack of respect for myself and erode my sense of self-worth? Am I still loveable? With all this wisdom and insight I have earned...am I fooling myself on love? Am I looking for someone who doesn't exist? I am just a woman...alone...looking for someone who fits...who might rescue me from what my life has become...someone who will not smother me...who will not get sick and die on me...someone who remembers me singing and dancing on top of the piano or imagines I still could... "someone who will be a witness to my life." Some days are really good...some days "it only hurts when I breath" - Mellisa Ethridge. (I know...some grief counseling may be in order eh?), VD
Mark, please keep pondering on this subject as I will need some help to submit the proposal (deadline is July 1st) for the Educ. Session at the Nov. Conference of TM. It will be interesting having a businessman's perspective on "Relationship Building" although I don't think you are the 'archetypical' businessman and you certainly express a great deal of 'enconium' for relationships of all sorts and sizes! I will call you to set up a meeting for Tues, June 28th perhaps?, EC
Hi Mark: I just opened the most recent photos of Gusta and, wow, she's beautiful. It's the eyes - there's something about those eyes that intrigues. Tks for sharing, KJ
. . .
walking in light rain – always one of my favorite things – just wet enough to get chilly, light enough to feel refreshing, just long enough to not feel drenched – always wonderful to come in from to something hot to drink & warm to eat
. . .
looking forward & looking back seems the same sometimes; as if déjà vu meets déjà new
. . .
doing something new, meeting someone new, embarking on something new conjures memories of all those ‘new’ moments that have come & gone, all those memories marked by some recollection of a moment around a fire-pit, an ‘a-ha!’ moment in a meeting, a yes & yes when least expected . . . or the creativity artistry of a squeezable ketchup bottle applied with direction & force . . . these moment are indelible for a reason
. . .
these moments happen leaving indelible impressions – like the deep grooves on a 78 – because we have reached out & been open - at the same time that someone else was open
. . .
as time passes, those déjà vu where laughter & smiles & love were involved become stronger, more vivid, more treasured . . . while the traumatic ones seem to fade a little more each year
. . .
“ Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.” – Ogden Nash
. . .
some impressions are indelible – some memories too strong to ever erase yet others slip from view as distance in time makes them harder & harder to recall
. . .
touch someone – anyone; touch them today, let them touch you today – for every day all we have is today; time is all we have, relationships are all that matter
. . .
puppy report: Gusta discovered ‘fetch & carry’ function of sticks yet seems to think anything with bark is consumable
. . .
Mark
343,448
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to ‘Comments/Trackback’ & fill in your comments
P.S.: muser feedback from yesterday:
Having recently lost my husband of 23 years to cancer, I find myself thinking about getting back in the singles market. As you know..finding a fit is not always easy. Some entertain your mind...some entertain your body. But no one knows who you are or why you have become the person you are. I had a fellow ask me a while back how I got a certain scar on my hand, it's a remarkable story (from an aircraft accident that I was blessed to survive)...I then realized no one knows my history. No one knows my accomplishments, my failures, my love of family and friends. My love of children and the deep despair of not being able to conceive a child. We look at "partners" differently at this age. When I was young I wanted someone who would be a good husband...a good provider...a good father. Being a good lover didn't really matter...we would learn together with time. Truth be told, I was looking for my father...someone who would take care of me. Now at 43 I am financially secure enough...children are not a possibility and I have learned I can "love myself" so what is it that I am lacking? What do I expect of a man? Do we enter in to relationships far too casually now? Not really expecting them too work...a "lover du jour?" Will casual relationships cause a lack of respect for myself and erode my sense of self-worth? Am I still loveable? With all this wisdom and insight I have earned...am I fooling myself on love? Am I looking for someone who doesn't exist? I am just a woman...alone...looking for someone who fits...who might rescue me from what my life has become...someone who will not smother me...who will not get sick and die on me...someone who remembers me singing and dancing on top of the piano or imagines I still could... "someone who will be a witness to my life." Some days are really good...some days "it only hurts when I breath" - Mellisa Ethridge. (I know...some grief counseling may be in order eh?), VD
Mark, please keep pondering on this subject as I will need some help to submit the proposal (deadline is July 1st) for the Educ. Session at the Nov. Conference of TM. It will be interesting having a businessman's perspective on "Relationship Building" although I don't think you are the 'archetypical' businessman and you certainly express a great deal of 'enconium' for relationships of all sorts and sizes! I will call you to set up a meeting for Tues, June 28th perhaps?, EC
Hi Mark: I just opened the most recent photos of Gusta and, wow, she's beautiful. It's the eyes - there's something about those eyes that intrigues. Tks for sharing, KJ
Friday, June 24, 2005
June 24 response
Having recently lost my husband of 23 years to cancer, I find myself thinking about getting back in the singles market. As you know..finding a fit is not always easy. Some entertain your mind...some entertain your body. But no one knows who you are or why you have become the person you are. I had a fellow ask me a while back how I got a certain scar on my hand, it's a remarkable story (from an aircraft accident that I was blessed to survive)...I then realized no one knows my history. No one knows my accomplishments, my failures, my love of family and friends. My love of children and the deep despair of not being able to conceive a child. We look at "partners" differently at this age. When I was young I wanted someone who would be a good husband...a good provider...a good father. Being a good lover didn't really matter...we would learn together with time. Truth be told, I was looking for my father...someone who would take care of me. Now at 43 I am financially secure enough...children are not a possibility and I have learned I can "love myself" so what is it that I am lacking? What do I expect of a man? Do we enter in to relationships far too casually now? Not really expecting them too work...a "lover du jour?" Will casual relationships cause a lack of respect for myself and erode my sense of self-worth? Am I still loveable? With all this wisdom and insight I have earned...am I fooling myself on love? Am I looking for someone who doesn't exist? I am just a woman...alone...looking for someone who fits...who might rescue me from what my life has become...someone who will not smother me...who will not get sick and die on me...someone who remembers me singing and dancing on top of the piano or imagines I still could... "someone who will be a witness to my life." Some days are really good...some days "it only hurts when I breath" - Mellisa Ethridge. (I know...some grief counseling may be in order eh?), VD
Mark, please keep pondering on this subject as I will need some help to submit the proposal (deadline is July 1st) for the Educ. Session at the Nov. Conference of TM. It will be interesting having a businessman's perspective on "Relationship Building" although I don't think you are the 'archetypical' businessman and you certainly express a great deal of 'enconium' for relationships of all sorts and sizes! I will call you to set up a meeting for Tues, June 28th perhaps?, EC
Hi Mark: I just opened the most recent photos of Gusta and, wow, she's beautiful. It's the eyes - there's something about those eyes that intrigues. Tks for sharing, KJ
Mark, please keep pondering on this subject as I will need some help to submit the proposal (deadline is July 1st) for the Educ. Session at the Nov. Conference of TM. It will be interesting having a businessman's perspective on "Relationship Building" although I don't think you are the 'archetypical' businessman and you certainly express a great deal of 'enconium' for relationships of all sorts and sizes! I will call you to set up a meeting for Tues, June 28th perhaps?, EC
Hi Mark: I just opened the most recent photos of Gusta and, wow, she's beautiful. It's the eyes - there's something about those eyes that intrigues. Tks for sharing, KJ
Friday June 24, 2005 - Year 3, Day 96 is it real, is it worth it, can I win ? musing
+11C, sunny, light breeze
. . .
hyper-active dog drags owner around trail; my walk this morning was more like a light sprint trying to keep up with Gusta – enjoying greenscape blurring by
. . .
I was wondering what creates chemistry – what catches attention – what inspires two people to collaborate; whether it is sparks of romance, collaborators in a business concept, choosing of one supplier over another or selling to a customer – whatever the relationship context – I think there are magic moments sprinkled with fairy dust that determine direction
. . .
but I wonder – which are the moments where almost all the ingredients are in place, but the fairy dust is missing ? . . how do we know ?
. . .
when things are going really well I rarely stop to examine elements of success in my failures or elements of failure in my successes - I am too busy racing ahead
. . .
I used to have a screensaver reminder for qualifying prospective client leads: ‘Is it real ? is it worth it ? can I win ?’
. . .
often I have found what seemed to be ‘a magic moment’ only to find that I had drastically misread some signals, assumed too much, drawn conclusions from someone’s comments only to find they were not what I thought them to be
. . .
over the years I have had more right-reads than mis-reads I think, but every now & again I have some experience that makes me wonder, makes me say ‘huh?’ . . . or ask ‘Mark, what were you thinking ?’
. . .
when I thought there was a spark, did I read it right, did I handle it well, did I measure my words effectively ?
. . .
experience has taught me that, notwithstanding momentary self-doubt, the best course of action is to be me, be myself, express myself openly & take some little risks
. . .
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
. . .
maybe I should re-do my screen saver !
. . .
it is a gorgeous day with a ton of things on the ‘to-do’ list
. . .
bye
. . .
Mark
343,472
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to fill in your comments
musings posted daily @ http://markismusing.blogspot.com/ & http://markismusing.blog-city.com/
. . .
hyper-active dog drags owner around trail; my walk this morning was more like a light sprint trying to keep up with Gusta – enjoying greenscape blurring by
. . .
I was wondering what creates chemistry – what catches attention – what inspires two people to collaborate; whether it is sparks of romance, collaborators in a business concept, choosing of one supplier over another or selling to a customer – whatever the relationship context – I think there are magic moments sprinkled with fairy dust that determine direction
. . .
but I wonder – which are the moments where almost all the ingredients are in place, but the fairy dust is missing ? . . how do we know ?
. . .
when things are going really well I rarely stop to examine elements of success in my failures or elements of failure in my successes - I am too busy racing ahead
. . .
I used to have a screensaver reminder for qualifying prospective client leads: ‘Is it real ? is it worth it ? can I win ?’
. . .
often I have found what seemed to be ‘a magic moment’ only to find that I had drastically misread some signals, assumed too much, drawn conclusions from someone’s comments only to find they were not what I thought them to be
. . .
over the years I have had more right-reads than mis-reads I think, but every now & again I have some experience that makes me wonder, makes me say ‘huh?’ . . . or ask ‘Mark, what were you thinking ?’
. . .
when I thought there was a spark, did I read it right, did I handle it well, did I measure my words effectively ?
. . .
experience has taught me that, notwithstanding momentary self-doubt, the best course of action is to be me, be myself, express myself openly & take some little risks
. . .
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
. . .
maybe I should re-do my screen saver !
. . .
it is a gorgeous day with a ton of things on the ‘to-do’ list
. . .
bye
. . .
Mark
343,472
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued – just scroll down to fill in your comments
musings posted daily @ http://markismusing.blogspot.com/ & http://markismusing.blog-city.com/
Thursday, June 23, 2005
June 23 response
Hi dad, yes it is easier to read the musings on the new blog format. Still read them every day, but I know I don't respond much. Glad you enjoyed the book, Carla picked it out, she knows books. I was in Calgary Tuesday and helped grandpa out filling out some forms but if you could look over them before he sends them in that would be great. Also I had a date on Tuesday night, real nice guy....until I found out his ex-girlfriend still lives with him, what an idiot! Anyway, I know everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't date for a while, but I like dating, it's fun, kk
Hi Mark: I'm sitting here this evening, pondering the whys and wherefores of life.... and thought I would share some of my thoughts with you...Thanks for sending me your "Musings"....they certainly are food for thought. It seems no matter where you live, what your upbringing or life's circumstances we all have the same basic needs and desires, reflected in the basic life requirements of love, friendship and basic acceptance. Sometimes I wonder why? Why we make the choices we make, how we come to make them and how we deal with the consequences of our decisions. For instance, I often wonder how in heavens name I was able to make the decision to leave all that I knew, my family and the close friendships that I had spent a lifetime building and just move across Canada alone and head to the cold and darkness of the north....to explore new territory seeking adventure, somehow not really knowing that when I arrived there the same fears, disappointments and life issues would follow me no matter how far I went. It seems you cannot run away and think that starting a new life would somehow make the past disappear. The only thing it really does is make you appreciate what you had and what you took for granted and realize that what you thought was the problem was really only symptoms of something much larger. As I reflect on the past couple of months and the driving forces within myself to uproot once again and head further south seeking change, opportunities and maybe a more stable lifestyle, I realize that I am once again running away from something. I guess until I am able to recognize what is the driving force behind my fears or my inability to "Learn to be Still"....my favorite Eagles song, I will never find it. It seems I am at a crossroad and am having a frustrating time trying to solve the mystery of the elusive "happiness"....does it even exist. Rest assured I am quite thankful for all that has come my way in life.....my two beautiful children who are now forging there own paths.....my successful battle with cancer that threatened my life at the age of 29...divorce, relocation....seems I've had to fight a few but have been one of the lucky ones....and consider myself a much stronger and compassionate person for my struggles. I just wish that I could stop....pretending....and just live life and stop seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..... I guess the reason for my rambling is just to share my thoughts with you as you have done with me and many others. I enjoy reading your musings everyday and hope that someday we will indeed get to meet and share a coffee and our thoughts...hopes and dreams. Until that time I will continue to enjoy reading your musings and please add my e-mail to receive pictures of Gusta...she sounds delightful....reading about her antics are certain to put a smile on my face.... Take care, CF, the lost maiden of the North......
Hi Mark: I'm sitting here this evening, pondering the whys and wherefores of life.... and thought I would share some of my thoughts with you...Thanks for sending me your "Musings"....they certainly are food for thought. It seems no matter where you live, what your upbringing or life's circumstances we all have the same basic needs and desires, reflected in the basic life requirements of love, friendship and basic acceptance. Sometimes I wonder why? Why we make the choices we make, how we come to make them and how we deal with the consequences of our decisions. For instance, I often wonder how in heavens name I was able to make the decision to leave all that I knew, my family and the close friendships that I had spent a lifetime building and just move across Canada alone and head to the cold and darkness of the north....to explore new territory seeking adventure, somehow not really knowing that when I arrived there the same fears, disappointments and life issues would follow me no matter how far I went. It seems you cannot run away and think that starting a new life would somehow make the past disappear. The only thing it really does is make you appreciate what you had and what you took for granted and realize that what you thought was the problem was really only symptoms of something much larger. As I reflect on the past couple of months and the driving forces within myself to uproot once again and head further south seeking change, opportunities and maybe a more stable lifestyle, I realize that I am once again running away from something. I guess until I am able to recognize what is the driving force behind my fears or my inability to "Learn to be Still"....my favorite Eagles song, I will never find it. It seems I am at a crossroad and am having a frustrating time trying to solve the mystery of the elusive "happiness"....does it even exist. Rest assured I am quite thankful for all that has come my way in life.....my two beautiful children who are now forging there own paths.....my successful battle with cancer that threatened my life at the age of 29...divorce, relocation....seems I've had to fight a few but have been one of the lucky ones....and consider myself a much stronger and compassionate person for my struggles. I just wish that I could stop....pretending....and just live life and stop seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..... I guess the reason for my rambling is just to share my thoughts with you as you have done with me and many others. I enjoy reading your musings everyday and hope that someday we will indeed get to meet and share a coffee and our thoughts...hopes and dreams. Until that time I will continue to enjoy reading your musings and please add my e-mail to receive pictures of Gusta...she sounds delightful....reading about her antics are certain to put a smile on my face.... Take care, CF, the lost maiden of the North......
Thursday June 23, 2005 - Year 3, Day 95 loving & living & anguish musing
+7C, sunny & cooler this morning following overnight rain
. . .
caffeine & fresh air & sunshine help me overcome fatigue from a brutally long albeit pleasant day yesterday . . . a nice long walk, beautiful morning
. . .
Toastmasters we had a great meeting last night at Toastmasters; lots of new visitors out including one fellow I used to work with 25+ years ago
. . .
thanks to those who have given me feedback on the blog-city format; I will try to tweak the format . . . let me know if the changes make it easier for your to read
. . .
my motor now running at high pitch; wet dog at my feet, yesterday’s email sorted & read, papers skimmed & some catch up chats
. . .
so often I think I tend [don’t we all?] to mostly think of love in the romantic sense, the sizzling buzz of joy & sweat, the meshing of two spirits, but when I hear first hand from people very special in my life – as they tell me about things that touch them – stories of people I have never met but feel I know to some degree in a vicarious fashion; when I listen to my friends tell me how they are at one moment torn/peaceful/joyous & in agony – all those emotions colliding at once for the loss of that person who has been such an incredible influence on their life – it reminds me what love truly is, truly ought to be . . . to recognize that which matters most
. . .
one friend/muser just lost a dear friend & former business partner – he died in a hospice following lengthy illness while another friend/muser waits in a daily vigil, watching one of those meshed hearts beating inside a body engaged in a futile cancer driven battle
. . .
it is hard to imagine that level of emotional exhaustion – that level / mixture of loving & living & anguish – of not wanting to let go while at the same time wanting that loved on to be at peace
. . .
when we focus on that which matters most, when we focus on who matters most, we have an extraordinary opportunity to live, perhaps to love, with integrity; what could be better ?
. . .
Mark
343,496
. . .
caffeine & fresh air & sunshine help me overcome fatigue from a brutally long albeit pleasant day yesterday . . . a nice long walk, beautiful morning
. . .
Toastmasters we had a great meeting last night at Toastmasters; lots of new visitors out including one fellow I used to work with 25+ years ago
. . .
thanks to those who have given me feedback on the blog-city format; I will try to tweak the format . . . let me know if the changes make it easier for your to read
. . .
my motor now running at high pitch; wet dog at my feet, yesterday’s email sorted & read, papers skimmed & some catch up chats
. . .
so often I think I tend [don’t we all?] to mostly think of love in the romantic sense, the sizzling buzz of joy & sweat, the meshing of two spirits, but when I hear first hand from people very special in my life – as they tell me about things that touch them – stories of people I have never met but feel I know to some degree in a vicarious fashion; when I listen to my friends tell me how they are at one moment torn/peaceful/joyous & in agony – all those emotions colliding at once for the loss of that person who has been such an incredible influence on their life – it reminds me what love truly is, truly ought to be . . . to recognize that which matters most
. . .
one friend/muser just lost a dear friend & former business partner – he died in a hospice following lengthy illness while another friend/muser waits in a daily vigil, watching one of those meshed hearts beating inside a body engaged in a futile cancer driven battle
. . .
it is hard to imagine that level of emotional exhaustion – that level / mixture of loving & living & anguish – of not wanting to let go while at the same time wanting that loved on to be at peace
. . .
when we focus on that which matters most, when we focus on who matters most, we have an extraordinary opportunity to live, perhaps to love, with integrity; what could be better ?
. . .
Mark
343,496
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
June 22 response
Hey Mark, Continue to enjoy your musings. Liked the longest day comments especially. Almost sounded like you took your dog golfing. Never thought of that one !!! By the way, a friend has some very cute little Samoyeds (purebred- CKC registered) available starting July 16th (8 weeks) if any of your readers are interested in a companion like Gusta. If anyone is interested they can phone her at 780-XXXXXXX "Keep up the good work on your "motivating musings", mm
Mark, the way I regain the joys of childhood is by slipping down to the school where my 'mentee' is. Once a week, for an hour; better than any medicine! If any of your readers want to try it, I'd be happy to tell them how., DP
She gets more and more gorgeous - lucky you!, DR
Hi I got your reply seconds after I sent the second note. I am not sure if I am ready to talk to you yet. You were correct .. about taking time. Although I would feel honoured to be included in your daily Musings. Nice picture by the way... distinguished. My dogs name is Maximillion. Max for short although if you have food he answers to anything! He's a chocolate lab., VD
Mark, the way I regain the joys of childhood is by slipping down to the school where my 'mentee' is. Once a week, for an hour; better than any medicine! If any of your readers want to try it, I'd be happy to tell them how., DP
She gets more and more gorgeous - lucky you!, DR
Hi I got your reply seconds after I sent the second note. I am not sure if I am ready to talk to you yet. You were correct .. about taking time. Although I would feel honoured to be included in your daily Musings. Nice picture by the way... distinguished. My dogs name is Maximillion. Max for short although if you have food he answers to anything! He's a chocolate lab., VD
Wednesday June 22, 2005 - Year 3, Day 94 happy romp musing
+16, clear, calm
. . .
a routine walk, a routine path, dog frolics in wet grass, return home, same old same old – wonderful fresh air in our lungs – a happy romp
. . .
wouldn’t that be great - to set aside the stresses of every day just to romp through the tall grass to get wet because it felt good ?
. . .
maybe if we take a little time to regress . . . to think about the things we enjoyed most as children, when we felt the most creative, the most energetic . . . when we were without fear, without understanding of all the nasty things that could befall us . . . when romping in the grass was fun no matter how much trouble we might be in because of grass stains on our new clothes
. . .
I think innocence can be recaptured, restarted, resuscitated, renewed & refreshed in all of us
. . .
what would it take for you ?
. . .
it doesn’t take much – a call, a visit, a plan, an idea – or maybe just the thought of doing those things can bring it all into focus – then get romping !
. . .
yesterday was a play day . . . grass stains on a few things; the longest day of the year was a great day – a great day golfing @ Gleneagles in Cochrane – beautiful views & hanging out & laughing & losing golf balls with colleagues – Gusta made many new acquaintances
. . .
today is a meeting-ful day – hopefully a meaning-ful one too; AREIX all day & Toastmasters in the evening with a few calls shoe-horned in along the way
. . .
have a happy romp today – it feels good !
. . .
Mark
343,520
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued
P.S.: muser feedback from yesterday:
Great day to be on the course, I'm envious! I also feel like I must see a photo of Gusta now...I'll send you one of Clifford in exchange! Siberian Husky/Char Pei cross. Resembles a baby hippo with fur. The musings are great. Like so many other folks, I am at a cross-roads in my life and they do help to get the contemplative juices flowing. So many choices. Oy! Looking forward to my first Toastmasters meeting tomorrow night! LB
the horrors of cancer...the despair and loneliness it leaves behind...the caregiver left behind to sort out the "whys", "what ifs" and "if only’s". when will the "oy" return?, VGD
Hi Mark! I missed your Gusta pictures. Can you please forward them to me? Thanks, CL
Is there an easier way to get our addresses in the blog? can we enter them, or subscribe? What would help you? CS in Maine
. . .
a routine walk, a routine path, dog frolics in wet grass, return home, same old same old – wonderful fresh air in our lungs – a happy romp
. . .
wouldn’t that be great - to set aside the stresses of every day just to romp through the tall grass to get wet because it felt good ?
. . .
maybe if we take a little time to regress . . . to think about the things we enjoyed most as children, when we felt the most creative, the most energetic . . . when we were without fear, without understanding of all the nasty things that could befall us . . . when romping in the grass was fun no matter how much trouble we might be in because of grass stains on our new clothes
. . .
I think innocence can be recaptured, restarted, resuscitated, renewed & refreshed in all of us
. . .
what would it take for you ?
. . .
it doesn’t take much – a call, a visit, a plan, an idea – or maybe just the thought of doing those things can bring it all into focus – then get romping !
. . .
yesterday was a play day . . . grass stains on a few things; the longest day of the year was a great day – a great day golfing @ Gleneagles in Cochrane – beautiful views & hanging out & laughing & losing golf balls with colleagues – Gusta made many new acquaintances
. . .
today is a meeting-ful day – hopefully a meaning-ful one too; AREIX all day & Toastmasters in the evening with a few calls shoe-horned in along the way
. . .
have a happy romp today – it feels good !
. . .
Mark
343,520
Note to readers:
your responses, replies & feedback are invited & valued
P.S.: muser feedback from yesterday:
Great day to be on the course, I'm envious! I also feel like I must see a photo of Gusta now...I'll send you one of Clifford in exchange! Siberian Husky/Char Pei cross. Resembles a baby hippo with fur. The musings are great. Like so many other folks, I am at a cross-roads in my life and they do help to get the contemplative juices flowing. So many choices. Oy! Looking forward to my first Toastmasters meeting tomorrow night! LB
the horrors of cancer...the despair and loneliness it leaves behind...the caregiver left behind to sort out the "whys", "what ifs" and "if only’s". when will the "oy" return?, VGD
Hi Mark! I missed your Gusta pictures. Can you please forward them to me? Thanks, CL
Is there an easier way to get our addresses in the blog? can we enter them, or subscribe? What would help you? CS in Maine
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
more June 21 response
Is there an easier way to get our addresses in the blog? can we enter them, or subscribe? What would help you? CS in Maine
June 21 response
Great day to be on the course, I'm envious! I also feel like I must see a photo of Gusta now...I'll send you one of Clifford in exchange! Siberian Husky/Char Pei cross. Resembles a baby hippo with fur. The musings are great. Like so many other folks, I am at a cross-roads in my life and they do help to get the contemplative juices flowing. So many choices. Oy! Looking forward to my first Toastmasters meeting tomorrow night! LB
the horrors of cancer...the despair and loneliness it leaves behind...the caregiver left behind to sort out the "whys", "what ifs" and "if only’s". when will the "oy" return?, VGD
Hi Mark! I missed your Gusta pictures. Can you please forward them to me? Thanks, CL
the horrors of cancer...the despair and loneliness it leaves behind...the caregiver left behind to sort out the "whys", "what ifs" and "if only’s". when will the "oy" return?, VGD
Hi Mark! I missed your Gusta pictures. Can you please forward them to me? Thanks, CL
Tuesday June 21, 2005 - Year 3, Day 93 the oy of writing musing
+11C, calm, sunny, going to +28
. . .
invigorating walk for me, hyperactive adventure in a tall grass rain forest for a pup - no critter in sight except me & my dawg
. . .
this day is not more or less important than is any other day
. . .
today is supremely important
. . .
every day is supremely important
. . .
I hate going to bed on June 20 because I sleep through twilight as the longest day of the year begins - last night was clear with a full moon blazing & coyotes howling for the 2nd night in a row
. . .
my longest day of the year will be spent – in part – on a golf course; the REIX annual golf day & dinner is @ Glen Eagles in Cochrane today – much laughter ahead today
. . .
the book I got from Carla & Krista for Fathers Day – The Joy of Writing by Pierre Berton – has the title in black bold face except for the letter J, which is a sweeping red graphic; in a quick glance the title appear as ‘The Oy of Writing’ . . . I like that
. . .
I got a big hug when I saw GS on a street corner yesterday - your hair looks great [curls ! . .who knew?] . . . good to see you looking & feeling so good . . . a call too from LR on the weekend; 2 great chats about shifting priorities, 2 great reminders cancer CAN be beaten – humbling reminders we could be all among the company of those whose cancer cannot be cured
. . .
Oy !
. . .
as each season ends I compile the musings + responses in a single PDF file – in part to keep an archive but also to print for my dad to read; if anyone would like a PDF of Spring 2005 [or any other season for that matter Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter – 2003, 2004], just send an email to musing@maxcomm.ca
. . .
today begins a 2nd day of water rationing in Calgary; while flood waters recede water treatment facilities cannot put out water as quickly as we use it; hard to imagine people washing cars & watering lawns . . . but that’s what fines are for !
. . .
much work do before tee-time . . gotta run
. . .
Mark
343,544
. . .
invigorating walk for me, hyperactive adventure in a tall grass rain forest for a pup - no critter in sight except me & my dawg
. . .
this day is not more or less important than is any other day
. . .
today is supremely important
. . .
every day is supremely important
. . .
I hate going to bed on June 20 because I sleep through twilight as the longest day of the year begins - last night was clear with a full moon blazing & coyotes howling for the 2nd night in a row
. . .
my longest day of the year will be spent – in part – on a golf course; the REIX annual golf day & dinner is @ Glen Eagles in Cochrane today – much laughter ahead today
. . .
the book I got from Carla & Krista for Fathers Day – The Joy of Writing by Pierre Berton – has the title in black bold face except for the letter J, which is a sweeping red graphic; in a quick glance the title appear as ‘The Oy of Writing’ . . . I like that
. . .
I got a big hug when I saw GS on a street corner yesterday - your hair looks great [curls ! . .who knew?] . . . good to see you looking & feeling so good . . . a call too from LR on the weekend; 2 great chats about shifting priorities, 2 great reminders cancer CAN be beaten – humbling reminders we could be all among the company of those whose cancer cannot be cured
. . .
Oy !
. . .
as each season ends I compile the musings + responses in a single PDF file – in part to keep an archive but also to print for my dad to read; if anyone would like a PDF of Spring 2005 [or any other season for that matter Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter – 2003, 2004], just send an email to musing@maxcomm.ca
. . .
today begins a 2nd day of water rationing in Calgary; while flood waters recede water treatment facilities cannot put out water as quickly as we use it; hard to imagine people washing cars & watering lawns . . . but that’s what fines are for !
. . .
much work do before tee-time . . gotta run
. . .
Mark
343,544
Monday, June 20, 2005
more June 20 response
So very cute Mark, she is so worth it don't ya think??, LW
Thanks Mark. She is growing up to be a very pretty girl indeed!!! , HS
Mark - thanks for the pictures - gusta is beautiful. Sorry I missed you Friday - absolutely swamped at work. I am in the process of switching jobs, so I am doing two jobs at the moment. Perhaps when things slow down to a more normal pace, I'll give you a call.. PM
Very, very, very cute! , SM
Hi Mark - what a cutie! What breed is she? Sorry but have to reschedule breakfast tomorrow - The Rockyview Golf Tournament was cancelled due to "high water" - guess you guys are in it pretty deep, huh? I hope Cochrane is on higher ground. Will let you know when I will be in Calgary next - but certainly for the first weekend of Stampede -are you around then? , SE
Good morning Mark, it is 3:26 a.m. and I have been at at City Hall in the Citizen Action Centre, since 2:00 a.m. because of the flooding, so far so good. Gusta seems like she has grown since I last saw her. Sounds like you had a good fathers day. Just looking up the weather and you will be glad to hear you will have warm weather in Calgary for the next few days. I am just hoping the weather is good for next weekend when I go down to Wainwright for the rodeo. My shift is till 6:00 a.m. and my co-worker and I have already covered a wide range of topics, and I have received 7 calls from some nervous people, by the sounds of it the worst is over so they should be OK. Well, I think I will go make some coffee, so I trust you are sleeping by now, since your newsletter is out. Take care. Hugs, MM
Thanks Mark. She is growing up to be a very pretty girl indeed!!! , HS
Mark - thanks for the pictures - gusta is beautiful. Sorry I missed you Friday - absolutely swamped at work. I am in the process of switching jobs, so I am doing two jobs at the moment. Perhaps when things slow down to a more normal pace, I'll give you a call.. PM
Very, very, very cute! , SM
Hi Mark - what a cutie! What breed is she? Sorry but have to reschedule breakfast tomorrow - The Rockyview Golf Tournament was cancelled due to "high water" - guess you guys are in it pretty deep, huh? I hope Cochrane is on higher ground. Will let you know when I will be in Calgary next - but certainly for the first weekend of Stampede -are you around then? , SE
Good morning Mark, it is 3:26 a.m. and I have been at at City Hall in the Citizen Action Centre, since 2:00 a.m. because of the flooding, so far so good. Gusta seems like she has grown since I last saw her. Sounds like you had a good fathers day. Just looking up the weather and you will be glad to hear you will have warm weather in Calgary for the next few days. I am just hoping the weather is good for next weekend when I go down to Wainwright for the rodeo. My shift is till 6:00 a.m. and my co-worker and I have already covered a wide range of topics, and I have received 7 calls from some nervous people, by the sounds of it the worst is over so they should be OK. Well, I think I will go make some coffee, so I trust you are sleeping by now, since your newsletter is out. Take care. Hugs, MM
more June 20 response
Mark - I didn't receive the new pictures of Gusta- I received earlier ones - maybe with the change-over, they have got lost or washed away. Would you send them to me please. Thanks, IS
June 20 response
Hi Mark, Sorry about not making it to the Toastmasters meeting last week, but between a wet basement and an AGM that I had to attend, I was somewhat pre-occupied. I am hoping to make it this week if that is OK. I feel as if I have been left out of the loop having not seen the pictures of your dog, so at your convenience, could you send me a picture or two? Take care, PG
Dear Mark: I must say that this a first time in responding to one of your writings. In reading this morning posting I was sitting down reflecting on how we as human beings are like a river in a storm. Depending on the outside influences we have towards life will determine how we coexist on any given day. Walking yesterday in Fish Creek park was an eye opener as to how powerful water truly is and what it can do when it is angry. Hope Gusta enjoyed her walk and I look forward to tomorrow's posting., SM
Dear Mark: I must say that this a first time in responding to one of your writings. In reading this morning posting I was sitting down reflecting on how we as human beings are like a river in a storm. Depending on the outside influences we have towards life will determine how we coexist on any given day. Walking yesterday in Fish Creek park was an eye opener as to how powerful water truly is and what it can do when it is angry. Hope Gusta enjoyed her walk and I look forward to tomorrow's posting., SM
Monday June 20, 2005 -Year 3, Day 92 water power musing
+8C, sunny, light breeze
. . .
walking around the ‘new’ lake, a.k.a. storm water retention ponds across the road I can see the water is receding a little – a warm rainless day or two would be helpful as the city starts recovering from floods that still leave people in low areas flooded
. . .
I had dinner & a great visit with my dad yesterday + calls from my daughters yesterday; all is well with everyone . . . a perfect fathers day
. . .
water – something this city is partly floating in can be a destructive force, a beautiful force while at the same time being a sculpting tool, a nurturing treasured resource
. . .
water rationing – a new reality as water treatment facilities are taxed to the max; as our woes abate under sunshine the downstream benefits for points east will be soggy ones & worse
. . .
I have a list, I have a pile – plus a bunch of diarized calls, plus a schedule of meetings plus a mental list of ‘should do’s’ not unlike any other busy week’s beginning
. . .
within the list & the pile & the bunches there will be drudgery, fatigue, failure, frustration & time wasting exercises, but
. . .
there will be more
. . .
there will be nuggets, gems & great things
. . .
there will be seeds & kernels which need cultivating, nurturing & water
. . .
just as floods wash away stuff to expose buried stuff, a cleansing purge of a list & a pile can expose those nuggets & gems
. . .
wash away some things to see what you can reveal
. . .
Mark
343,568
. . .
walking around the ‘new’ lake, a.k.a. storm water retention ponds across the road I can see the water is receding a little – a warm rainless day or two would be helpful as the city starts recovering from floods that still leave people in low areas flooded
. . .
I had dinner & a great visit with my dad yesterday + calls from my daughters yesterday; all is well with everyone . . . a perfect fathers day
. . .
water – something this city is partly floating in can be a destructive force, a beautiful force while at the same time being a sculpting tool, a nurturing treasured resource
. . .
water rationing – a new reality as water treatment facilities are taxed to the max; as our woes abate under sunshine the downstream benefits for points east will be soggy ones & worse
. . .
I have a list, I have a pile – plus a bunch of diarized calls, plus a schedule of meetings plus a mental list of ‘should do’s’ not unlike any other busy week’s beginning
. . .
within the list & the pile & the bunches there will be drudgery, fatigue, failure, frustration & time wasting exercises, but
. . .
there will be more
. . .
there will be nuggets, gems & great things
. . .
there will be seeds & kernels which need cultivating, nurturing & water
. . .
just as floods wash away stuff to expose buried stuff, a cleansing purge of a list & a pile can expose those nuggets & gems
. . .
wash away some things to see what you can reveal
. . .
Mark
343,568
Sunday, June 19, 2005
June 19 response
I'm in total agreement with KK. This blog format is far less personal. Seems I'm responding to a "thing" and not a person. Ahh change! Stranger change yet was this day for me, as it is the first day in my 51 years that I've not spoken to my Dad on Father's Day. Definite void for me, although we have connected in so many different ways throughout life. We've always had a quiet understanding. This process of his dying seems hollow at times......thank goodness his life hasn't been that way. He is a lover of nature and has shared much with me. Even as recently as a few weeks ago when he was teaching me how to distinguish between Ponderosa, Yellow, White and Jackpine trees. It's impossible to go into the forest without Dad coming to mind......coming along. So I'm happy today was so beautiful to have had the opportunity to walk amongst the trees.......just he and I. I am so blessed. Happy Father's Day., MW
Sunday June 19, 2005 - Year 3, Day 91 paternal musing
+5C, rains have stopped . . . for now at least, sunny . . . going to 20 !
. . .
yesterday’s flooded path subsided so we walked all the way to Fish Creek – to see water at least 2 metres higher than last week, tree debris decimated parts to the new sturdy timber rails of the bridge . . . clearly the water was much higher; Gusta found robin & killdeer stalking more interesting . . . the sun feels great
. . .
father’s day means more & more to me each year; in part because I am one – in part because each year I better appreciate the great one I have – I’ll have dinner with him tonight
. . .
“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ”
- Clarence B. Kelland
. . .
as a father I would like to follow Kelland’s advice & my father’s example – I have stuck my nose in more often than I should in their business, overstepped boundaries without meaning to some times – but mostly I am proud of my daughters Carla & Krista in ways I would never have imagined; I don’t deserve the credit but I do get some bragging rights !
. . .
yesterday was a ‘hang out at home’ watch golf, read & make a big pot of chicken black bean noodle soup day. . . missing the chaos of some neighbourhoods dealing with Elbow River flooding as Calgary & many other communities in southern Alberta declared a State of Emergency
. . .
a reminder that, no matter how smart we are & whatever massive structures we construct, nature has a way of having its way as it has for quite a while now – one would think in our 50,000 years of humanness we might of realized that yet we build on flood plains & wonder why homes get wet !
. . .
off to coffee with CM . . gotta run
. . .
Mark
343,592
. . .
yesterday’s flooded path subsided so we walked all the way to Fish Creek – to see water at least 2 metres higher than last week, tree debris decimated parts to the new sturdy timber rails of the bridge . . . clearly the water was much higher; Gusta found robin & killdeer stalking more interesting . . . the sun feels great
. . .
father’s day means more & more to me each year; in part because I am one – in part because each year I better appreciate the great one I have – I’ll have dinner with him tonight
. . .
“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ”
- Clarence B. Kelland
. . .
as a father I would like to follow Kelland’s advice & my father’s example – I have stuck my nose in more often than I should in their business, overstepped boundaries without meaning to some times – but mostly I am proud of my daughters Carla & Krista in ways I would never have imagined; I don’t deserve the credit but I do get some bragging rights !
. . .
yesterday was a ‘hang out at home’ watch golf, read & make a big pot of chicken black bean noodle soup day. . . missing the chaos of some neighbourhoods dealing with Elbow River flooding as Calgary & many other communities in southern Alberta declared a State of Emergency
. . .
a reminder that, no matter how smart we are & whatever massive structures we construct, nature has a way of having its way as it has for quite a while now – one would think in our 50,000 years of humanness we might of realized that yet we build on flood plains & wonder why homes get wet !
. . .
off to coffee with CM . . gotta run
. . .
Mark
343,592
Saturday, June 18, 2005
more June 18 response
oh my god!! she is adorable. i will have to send you pictures of my cats...including the new kitten. it is just the best, AW
She is soooooo cute......is it working ? (her being a chic magnet, that is), NC
She is soooooo cute......is it working ? (her being a chic magnet, that is), NC
more June 18 response
Mark I would love to see your pictures of Gusta! Please add me to your dog lover's list!, CL
June 18 response
Just got plugged into the blog - seems less personal than the e-mails (ironic when you think about it) - guess I'll get used to it. Saw your "Spanish" quotes - look like Latin to me (trust me - I'm a lawyer!) but enjoyed messages all the same. Cheers, KK
Saturday June 18, 2005 - Year 3, Day 90 just an ‘other’ day musing
+8C, raining still but supposed to stop this morning
. . .
rabbit observances, storm water ponds overflowing, more desecrated landscaping greeted us on our morning constitutional . . . Gusta met an older male ! . . a retriever named Caleb
. . .
another day & opportunity to make the world go around . . . or to just hang on for the ride
. . .
when my eyes are closed [literally or figuratively] I miss so much; when they are open, when I am open, when my ears are open I get to take in data, filter it or discard it or use it – I get to make it mine if I want !
. . .
some days, eyes wide open, I see nothing, feel nothing & learn nothing
. . .
other days – I see a cornucopia of worth & value in the worthy & valuable, I see strength in the weak, weakness in the strong, beauty & truth where there was nothing, nothing where there was promise, promise where there was a whiff of an idea, potential where there was a whiff of promise
. . .
yesterday was an ‘other’ day
. . .
yesterday was a great day for connecting with musers; coffee with MH . . .it turns out he & were both born in Estevan, but since he is 8 yrs. my junior, that would have been about the time my family moved to Red Deer . . small world, good chat & new friend made; connected too with SE & plan to meet next week
. . .
DB & I attended a party at JS’s last night; nice people & great fun - a single mingle jumble where all the good conversation took place away from the crowd – a hearth to hearth chat in front of the fireplace with someone from Estevan & Torquay who knew members of my family – really small world !
. . .
“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them.” - Phyllis Bottorne
. . .
I circulated some pictures of Gusta yesterday – anyone not on that distribution list who would like them, just email me & I will put you on the list
. . .
Mark
343,616
. . .
rabbit observances, storm water ponds overflowing, more desecrated landscaping greeted us on our morning constitutional . . . Gusta met an older male ! . . a retriever named Caleb
. . .
another day & opportunity to make the world go around . . . or to just hang on for the ride
. . .
when my eyes are closed [literally or figuratively] I miss so much; when they are open, when I am open, when my ears are open I get to take in data, filter it or discard it or use it – I get to make it mine if I want !
. . .
some days, eyes wide open, I see nothing, feel nothing & learn nothing
. . .
other days – I see a cornucopia of worth & value in the worthy & valuable, I see strength in the weak, weakness in the strong, beauty & truth where there was nothing, nothing where there was promise, promise where there was a whiff of an idea, potential where there was a whiff of promise
. . .
yesterday was an ‘other’ day
. . .
yesterday was a great day for connecting with musers; coffee with MH . . .it turns out he & were both born in Estevan, but since he is 8 yrs. my junior, that would have been about the time my family moved to Red Deer . . small world, good chat & new friend made; connected too with SE & plan to meet next week
. . .
DB & I attended a party at JS’s last night; nice people & great fun - a single mingle jumble where all the good conversation took place away from the crowd – a hearth to hearth chat in front of the fireplace with someone from Estevan & Torquay who knew members of my family – really small world !
. . .
“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties or you alter yourself to meet them.” - Phyllis Bottorne
. . .
I circulated some pictures of Gusta yesterday – anyone not on that distribution list who would like them, just email me & I will put you on the list
. . .
Mark
343,616
more June 17 response
Thanks for the pictures of your new blonde getting wet. I remember time was when you used to send far more racey images. xx from SK
Don't you just love having a dog in this weather??, BR
Dear Gusta, You sweetie Pie!......I'm here to look after you whenever you need a break from Calgary and your master!! Lol....How are you Mark? I move to Westbank next month, verging onto Kelowna....I hope the weather improves by then....rain, rain, rain...Take care, RW
She is beautiful and has great markings. Thank you for sharing., CB
OMG.........she is soooooooooooo pretty......dirty and clean! I bet she is a joy., AS
Have had trouble with slow net here but thought I'd send this couple days late, everything is mañana here, wouldn't have believed it. Thanx for pics of Gusta! She's beautiful!!! Those eyes!!!!, TA
Don't you just love having a dog in this weather??, BR
Dear Gusta, You sweetie Pie!......I'm here to look after you whenever you need a break from Calgary and your master!! Lol....How are you Mark? I move to Westbank next month, verging onto Kelowna....I hope the weather improves by then....rain, rain, rain...Take care, RW
She is beautiful and has great markings. Thank you for sharing., CB
OMG.........she is soooooooooooo pretty......dirty and clean! I bet she is a joy., AS
Have had trouble with slow net here but thought I'd send this couple days late, everything is mañana here, wouldn't have believed it. Thanx for pics of Gusta! She's beautiful!!! Those eyes!!!!, TA
Friday, June 17, 2005
more June 17 response
Mark, I tried to catch up with you last night. You appeared to be in deep conversation with someone, so I didn't want to interrupt. How is the golf game? We'll have to touch base again soon, BR
more June 17 response
Yesterday I had your “musings” forwarded to me from a friend that has just joined Toastmasters. I so enjoyed it and think it is a wonderful way to start the day! I would appreciate if you would place me on your email list to receive your daily musings. Looking forward to it!, KE
Mark - must say I have been following your musings for some time now - always enjoyed your real estate update and learning what was going on in Calgary - really value-added info for me as I work for XXXXXXX but am based here in Toronto. Feel I should meet you some time and perhaps catch you up on some of my musings...Not sure what kind of "pup" Gusta is but suspect she has a lots of Gusto and is large??? I have two little guys - cairn terriers that really make my days - So are you still in the Real Estate business? - I think I have missed a thread or two in your story. Anyway I will be in Calgary Tuesday - are you close to downtown and have time for a coffee or something? (We just moved our office there and franklyI haven't even seen the new one... but I think I have a map.) Have a great weekend. Regards, SE
Mark - must say I have been following your musings for some time now - always enjoyed your real estate update and learning what was going on in Calgary - really value-added info for me as I work for XXXXXXX but am based here in Toronto. Feel I should meet you some time and perhaps catch you up on some of my musings...Not sure what kind of "pup" Gusta is but suspect she has a lots of Gusto and is large??? I have two little guys - cairn terriers that really make my days - So are you still in the Real Estate business? - I think I have missed a thread or two in your story. Anyway I will be in Calgary Tuesday - are you close to downtown and have time for a coffee or something? (We just moved our office there and franklyI haven't even seen the new one... but I think I have a map.) Have a great weekend. Regards, SE
June 17 response
Mark, I tried to catch up with you last night. You appeared to be in deep conversation with someone, so I didn't want to interrupt. How is the golf game? We'll have to touch base again soon, BR
Friday June 17, 2005 - Year 3, Day 89 cool musing
+10C, cool, overcast, high humidity . . . sprinkling . . . heavy rain predicted
. . .
early walk & jog through wet grass, no critters sighted - uneventful compared with last night when we were checking out Fish Creek [level nearly down to normal] when my cell phone rang; a welcome call from MW & great to catch up – the call coming just as Gusta & I were having our close encounter of a coyote kind . . . to her just another large dog barking with a peculiar howl – we opted to walk on for a while – on the return trip with rock in pocket & large stick in hand there was no coyote to be seen
. . .
sometimes . . especially when weather is gloomy, it is easy to get down & its seems even more gloomy when gripping serious stuff, talking with or writing to people coping with tragic ‘in their face’ issues . . . where there is no bright side & surely a challenge to offer comfort
. . .
if you have someone in your life struggling like that – as I do – maybe they need a call, need someone to listen to them – even if it is only silence on the phone at times; talk may be cheap, but listening is priceless
. . .
sometimes we all need a ‘kick into another gear’ moment – a jolt of joy, a spark or sizzle, a ‘hey, that’s cool’ moment
. . .
what’s cool ?
. . .
walking into a function as I did last night & having someone say, ‘hey, I don’t get your musings anymore . . can you fix that ? . . . that’s cool
. . .
sending off a note requesting some time from a CEO of a huge company I’ve never met – getting a reply telling me he has no time in the next 10 days put offering help from his people & pointing me in some right directions . . . that’s cool
. . .
finding a website like http://www.imaginationcubed.com . . . that’s very cool !
. . .
what’s cool for you ?
. . .
this morning, like most lately, has become one of intensified routine; in part because I function best with routine especially in the morning but also it seems to be the best for Gusta – not that I presume to possess skills in behaviour modification, but it seems to be having a genuine impact on her proven by lots of tail wagging; she doesn’t mind being kenneled after her walk [she dries off while I read papers] if she can come sleep at my feet while I write & publish musings – very cool !
. . .
I attended a great Mexican theme party last night; thanks JR & RK . . your firm put on a great show as always . . . it seems it’s party season . . . JS is hosting one tonight . . . singles only, 50/50 ratio . . .sounds like an interesting place to be no a rainy Friday night ! – very very cool
. . .
this will be a weekend of writing & meeting some new folks . . . the opportunity to create new things, new experiences, new relationships is endless – way cool !
. . .
Mark
343,640
musings posted daily @ http://markismusing.blogspot.com & http://markismusing.blog-city.com
so far [though it is down this morning ---argghhh!!---- it would appear that the blog-city site will be the most effective long term solution for musing publication though it will take quite a while to get everyone’s address entered; until your address is added to that list you will continue to receive it from musing@maxcomm.ca
. . .
early walk & jog through wet grass, no critters sighted - uneventful compared with last night when we were checking out Fish Creek [level nearly down to normal] when my cell phone rang; a welcome call from MW & great to catch up – the call coming just as Gusta & I were having our close encounter of a coyote kind . . . to her just another large dog barking with a peculiar howl – we opted to walk on for a while – on the return trip with rock in pocket & large stick in hand there was no coyote to be seen
. . .
sometimes . . especially when weather is gloomy, it is easy to get down & its seems even more gloomy when gripping serious stuff, talking with or writing to people coping with tragic ‘in their face’ issues . . . where there is no bright side & surely a challenge to offer comfort
. . .
if you have someone in your life struggling like that – as I do – maybe they need a call, need someone to listen to them – even if it is only silence on the phone at times; talk may be cheap, but listening is priceless
. . .
sometimes we all need a ‘kick into another gear’ moment – a jolt of joy, a spark or sizzle, a ‘hey, that’s cool’ moment
. . .
what’s cool ?
. . .
walking into a function as I did last night & having someone say, ‘hey, I don’t get your musings anymore . . can you fix that ? . . . that’s cool
. . .
sending off a note requesting some time from a CEO of a huge company I’ve never met – getting a reply telling me he has no time in the next 10 days put offering help from his people & pointing me in some right directions . . . that’s cool
. . .
finding a website like http://www.imaginationcubed.com . . . that’s very cool !
. . .
what’s cool for you ?
. . .
this morning, like most lately, has become one of intensified routine; in part because I function best with routine especially in the morning but also it seems to be the best for Gusta – not that I presume to possess skills in behaviour modification, but it seems to be having a genuine impact on her proven by lots of tail wagging; she doesn’t mind being kenneled after her walk [she dries off while I read papers] if she can come sleep at my feet while I write & publish musings – very cool !
. . .
I attended a great Mexican theme party last night; thanks JR & RK . . your firm put on a great show as always . . . it seems it’s party season . . . JS is hosting one tonight . . . singles only, 50/50 ratio . . .sounds like an interesting place to be no a rainy Friday night ! – very very cool
. . .
this will be a weekend of writing & meeting some new folks . . . the opportunity to create new things, new experiences, new relationships is endless – way cool !
. . .
Mark
343,640
musings posted daily @ http://markismusing.blogspot.com & http://markismusing.blog-city.com
so far [though it is down this morning ---argghhh!!---- it would appear that the blog-city site will be the most effective long term solution for musing publication though it will take quite a while to get everyone’s address entered; until your address is added to that list you will continue to receive it from musing@maxcomm.ca
Thursday, June 16, 2005
June 16 response
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh screaming out loud I LOVE THIS ONE Ubi spiritus est cantus est - Where there is spirit there is song, CS
Thursday June 16, 2005 Year 3, Day 88 call & listen some more musing
+5C, sunny, calm
. . .
a mid walk interlude in tall wet grass witnessed 2 deer greeting Gusta - steady stares from each corner of that triangle – then each recognized it was time to move on, so we did
. . .
lawnmowers hum, concrete workers pour & my dog snoozes – the world would appear to be perfect in every way – a spectacular morning; I am relaxed, rested & joyful – what reason could one have for anything else?
. . .
my issues & problems du jour – like most of yours – just specs of sand in a Sahara, totally insignificant in every way in the grande scheme of things
. . .
part of life’s perfection – if one believes the concept – is that loss, death, tragedy & agony form part of that perfection; an easy concept to think about if you are not losing someone, if someone you know is not dying, if there is nothing tragic going on, if you are not in agony
. . .
I am not experiencing any of those things, however someone very dear to me is experiencing just that; as I am sure many others do every day . . . but few match the grande scale of this
. . .
what can I say, what can I do, what morsel of help could I possibly offer in help for this equation in any way ?
. . .
someone is experiencing sweetest agonizing sorrow one can imagine – what do I say ?
. . .
being at great distance precludes any ‘in-person’ hugs or spending time
. . .
what could I possibly know, do, offer, help, say that would be of any use ?
. . .
I called, I listened & today I will call & listen some more
. . .
tomorrow, I will listen some more
. . .
Mark
343,664
. . .
a mid walk interlude in tall wet grass witnessed 2 deer greeting Gusta - steady stares from each corner of that triangle – then each recognized it was time to move on, so we did
. . .
lawnmowers hum, concrete workers pour & my dog snoozes – the world would appear to be perfect in every way – a spectacular morning; I am relaxed, rested & joyful – what reason could one have for anything else?
. . .
my issues & problems du jour – like most of yours – just specs of sand in a Sahara, totally insignificant in every way in the grande scheme of things
. . .
part of life’s perfection – if one believes the concept – is that loss, death, tragedy & agony form part of that perfection; an easy concept to think about if you are not losing someone, if someone you know is not dying, if there is nothing tragic going on, if you are not in agony
. . .
I am not experiencing any of those things, however someone very dear to me is experiencing just that; as I am sure many others do every day . . . but few match the grande scale of this
. . .
what can I say, what can I do, what morsel of help could I possibly offer in help for this equation in any way ?
. . .
someone is experiencing sweetest agonizing sorrow one can imagine – what do I say ?
. . .
being at great distance precludes any ‘in-person’ hugs or spending time
. . .
what could I possibly know, do, offer, help, say that would be of any use ?
. . .
I called, I listened & today I will call & listen some more
. . .
tomorrow, I will listen some more
. . .
Mark
343,664
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
more June 15 response
MARK: COULD YOU PLEASE CHANGE MY EMAIL ADDRESS TO XXXXXX.ca , Leaving this position but want to continue receiving your musings. Thanks, DM
Well Mark, thanks for the musings. Very thought provoking first thing in the morning, which is a welcome thing from the immediate pressures that hit me as soon as I step into the office tower. I really enjoyed the Spanish translations as I am once again attempting to learn that language and attend weekly classes. Like anything else, when one learns something new, it makes you realize how little you know about what you thought you knew. Conjugations, direct pronouns and other elements of basic grammar have become vague recollections from elementary school - - and now they want me to do that in Spanish!!?? Its all good, though. Early morning walk thru Fish Creek ...hmmm...now that's my idea of a good start to the day! Have a good one., LB
Well Mark, thanks for the musings. Very thought provoking first thing in the morning, which is a welcome thing from the immediate pressures that hit me as soon as I step into the office tower. I really enjoyed the Spanish translations as I am once again attempting to learn that language and attend weekly classes. Like anything else, when one learns something new, it makes you realize how little you know about what you thought you knew. Conjugations, direct pronouns and other elements of basic grammar have become vague recollections from elementary school - - and now they want me to do that in Spanish!!?? Its all good, though. Early morning walk thru Fish Creek ...hmmm...now that's my idea of a good start to the day! Have a good one., LB
June 15 response
Mark, I really enjoyed the Spanish "Where there is love...:, "Where there is doubt...", etc., but with all the Ubi Amor and Ubi Dubium, brought to mind a famous saying I have always enjoyed - "Do bee do bee do" - Frank Sinatra - Thanks for the fun every morning, SH
Wednesday June 15, 2005 - Year 3, Day 87 ubi dubium musing
+7C, sunny, calm . . going to +18
. . .
usual sightings this morning – joggers, dogs with owners in tow, but continued absence of deer – they might be on the other side of Fish Creek waiting for the water to subside from last week’s flooding; walking while so many are struggling with rush hour traffic is a sweet reward – I’d rather make a 15 minute trip later than spend an hour listening to drive time radio
. . .
I read words & write words not just because I love words – I question myself, struggling for answers, struggling to ask better questions - to find clarity, to find my way
. . .
my message to you is not to look to me for insight – but to look to yourself; you know the questions that are right for you
. . .
my questions, my questing seems to resonate with some . . . while others simply hit ‘delete’
. . .
sometimes the answers, validation, clarity I seek comes like a bolt of lighting, sometimes like a nerf ball
. . .
yesterday 1 call from a previous client asking me for my help on a new project, 1 call from a friend saying ‘sure, that’s easy . . . I’ll show you how’ – and by day’s end new opportunities were in abundance again
. . .
maybe opportunities are like those stars – always there, but harder to see in the daylight because a stronger force makes it hard to see them
. . .
I came across a website that translates common phrases & sayings from Spanish to English arranged in alphabetical order; some were humorous – many were beautiful as are they challenging to roll off the tongue; this beautiful language I know only piquito
. . .
these struck me as an extraordinary sequence . . . each has its merit, but the grouping really grabbed me:
Ubi amor, ibi oculus - Where love is, there is insight
Ubi dubium ibi libertas - Where there is doubt, there is freedom
Ubi fumus, ibi ignis - Where there's smoke, there's fire
Ubi spiritus est cantus est - Where there is spirit there is song
Ubicumque homo est, ibi benefici locus est - Wherever there is a man, there is a place of/for kindness/service
. . .
where there is a question I wrestle with, I have the answer deep within me
. . .
Ubi amor, ibi oculus
. . .
Mark
343,688
. . .
usual sightings this morning – joggers, dogs with owners in tow, but continued absence of deer – they might be on the other side of Fish Creek waiting for the water to subside from last week’s flooding; walking while so many are struggling with rush hour traffic is a sweet reward – I’d rather make a 15 minute trip later than spend an hour listening to drive time radio
. . .
I read words & write words not just because I love words – I question myself, struggling for answers, struggling to ask better questions - to find clarity, to find my way
. . .
my message to you is not to look to me for insight – but to look to yourself; you know the questions that are right for you
. . .
my questions, my questing seems to resonate with some . . . while others simply hit ‘delete’
. . .
sometimes the answers, validation, clarity I seek comes like a bolt of lighting, sometimes like a nerf ball
. . .
yesterday 1 call from a previous client asking me for my help on a new project, 1 call from a friend saying ‘sure, that’s easy . . . I’ll show you how’ – and by day’s end new opportunities were in abundance again
. . .
maybe opportunities are like those stars – always there, but harder to see in the daylight because a stronger force makes it hard to see them
. . .
I came across a website that translates common phrases & sayings from Spanish to English arranged in alphabetical order; some were humorous – many were beautiful as are they challenging to roll off the tongue; this beautiful language I know only piquito
. . .
these struck me as an extraordinary sequence . . . each has its merit, but the grouping really grabbed me:
Ubi amor, ibi oculus - Where love is, there is insight
Ubi dubium ibi libertas - Where there is doubt, there is freedom
Ubi fumus, ibi ignis - Where there's smoke, there's fire
Ubi spiritus est cantus est - Where there is spirit there is song
Ubicumque homo est, ibi benefici locus est - Wherever there is a man, there is a place of/for kindness/service
. . .
where there is a question I wrestle with, I have the answer deep within me
. . .
Ubi amor, ibi oculus
. . .
Mark
343,688
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
more June 14 response
“I will prepare and some day my chance will come.” - Abraham Lincoln . . . There is nothing wrong with coasting; I think...Coasting isn't being stagnant...why run the risk of hitting an iceberg, just to get there faster? What's wrong with waiting to have a clear view of the lighthouse? GH
more June 14 response
Thanks Mark for your comments today. Keeps things in perspective as to what is important and really matters. It seems to me that the more 'modern' and high tech we become, the more my work seems to pile up on my desk. At home, I have all those modern conveniences to make my life easier & more enjoyable but my furniture is still dusty, my hamper and dishwasher are full, the flyers aren't read, the phone calls aren't answered, the sewing's not done (or the ironing). When it comes right down to it, what's most important to me in life haven't changed. Time spent with kids and friends, donating time for a good cause, sitting back with a good book or cuddling with someone special. Hope your day turns out to be as great as you've made mine. I'm going to attack that pile on my desk now. :)), SM
June 14 response
Haven't been able to access the musings for 5 days now. My computer can't deal with the hyperlink via the blog. Hope we can reconnect., SK !
Tuesday June 14, 2005 Year 3, Day 86 more & more is really better musing
+6C, sunny . . . going to 19 !
. . .
everyone basking in sunshine; kids at the bus stop were laughing, neighbours ventured out to survey rain damage & construction workers look happy to be working again
. . .
fresh sunshine energizes – waking to sunshine vis-à-vis another day of rain improves my disposition
. . .
most days I am awash in ideas, enveloped by information coming my way, busy with the many things I have been organizing & rushing my way through things – through life - to be available for, available to do
. . .
yet each day seems to be short about 8 hours, not because of any lack of motivation, but because I have – as do so many people – learned how to organize, digitize, prioritize & analyze 3 days work into 1 . . 15 days into 5 . . . doing more & more
. . .
when we do more & more, do we do better & better ?
. . .
I’ve always been rushing through life trying to save time, to be more efficient, to be more effective – I am sure we all do some of that
. . .
I used to be an early adopter of calendaring software, Palm Pilot . . . more than many of my ‘same age’ peers – getting more & more efficient juggling more & more
. . .
while I am not into the crack-berry world, clearly I spend a lot of my time interacting with the http:// world . . . connecting more with Google than with people many days
. . .
I was struck by a comment from someone – crisply & disdainfully dismissing something worth because, in their words, ‘I don’t have time for this nonsense’; I wonder how many times, especially when I was much younger, that comment could just as easily have been mine
. . .
on days when self doubt creeps into my life I question every bloody thing I do, beat myself up a little about some things I’ve done or tried to do that, in retrospect, appear like total wastes of time
. . .
but then – just when I least expect it, there comes a sign – a revelation of some kind which demonstrates to me that the time spent along the way, the learning done, the relationships cultivated DO pay off one day – just no way of knowing in advance which things . . . or which day they will pay off
. . .
so this day – again – I will do more & more because I am driven a little
. . .
OK, so maybe I am driven a lot
. . .
I am living life as WHO I AM, enjoying every tumultuous day
. . .
Krista stopped by last night for a short visit; she was returning to Lethbridge after a weekend in Edmonton . . . she’s doing great
. . .
Dog report: Gusta discovered two new species yesterday, the squirrel & the robin – both impossible to catch but she doesn’t know that yet; also she met an Irish Setter who lives down the hall . . . stay tuned
. . .
have a smiley face day
. . .
Mark
343,712
. . .
everyone basking in sunshine; kids at the bus stop were laughing, neighbours ventured out to survey rain damage & construction workers look happy to be working again
. . .
fresh sunshine energizes – waking to sunshine vis-à-vis another day of rain improves my disposition
. . .
most days I am awash in ideas, enveloped by information coming my way, busy with the many things I have been organizing & rushing my way through things – through life - to be available for, available to do
. . .
yet each day seems to be short about 8 hours, not because of any lack of motivation, but because I have – as do so many people – learned how to organize, digitize, prioritize & analyze 3 days work into 1 . . 15 days into 5 . . . doing more & more
. . .
when we do more & more, do we do better & better ?
. . .
I’ve always been rushing through life trying to save time, to be more efficient, to be more effective – I am sure we all do some of that
. . .
I used to be an early adopter of calendaring software, Palm Pilot . . . more than many of my ‘same age’ peers – getting more & more efficient juggling more & more
. . .
while I am not into the crack-berry world, clearly I spend a lot of my time interacting with the http:// world . . . connecting more with Google than with people many days
. . .
I was struck by a comment from someone – crisply & disdainfully dismissing something worth because, in their words, ‘I don’t have time for this nonsense’; I wonder how many times, especially when I was much younger, that comment could just as easily have been mine
. . .
on days when self doubt creeps into my life I question every bloody thing I do, beat myself up a little about some things I’ve done or tried to do that, in retrospect, appear like total wastes of time
. . .
but then – just when I least expect it, there comes a sign – a revelation of some kind which demonstrates to me that the time spent along the way, the learning done, the relationships cultivated DO pay off one day – just no way of knowing in advance which things . . . or which day they will pay off
. . .
so this day – again – I will do more & more because I am driven a little
. . .
OK, so maybe I am driven a lot
. . .
I am living life as WHO I AM, enjoying every tumultuous day
. . .
Krista stopped by last night for a short visit; she was returning to Lethbridge after a weekend in Edmonton . . . she’s doing great
. . .
Dog report: Gusta discovered two new species yesterday, the squirrel & the robin – both impossible to catch but she doesn’t know that yet; also she met an Irish Setter who lives down the hall . . . stay tuned
. . .
have a smiley face day
. . .
Mark
343,712
Monday, June 13, 2005
more June 13 response
Hi Mark, I'm back from San Diego and had to do a little mopping up. Would you still like to get together for coffee sometime? My week is a little scary but the weekend looks better., CM
June 13 response
I like the daily email as opposed to the now standard blog format that seems to have overtaken the world. I don't read every day... or for that matter... every entry..... but it does keep you in mind.... and many times the matters touched upon resonate clearly in my own experience. Keep up the good work... and much success in the publication, RF
Thanks Mark, I am so happy to be receiving your Musings once again, VL
Thanks Mark, I am so happy to be receiving your Musings once again, VL
Monday June 13, 2005 Year 3, Day 85 slippin’ in the slurry musing
. . .
+8C, rain stopped for a few minutes, or maybe longer
. . .
it feels more muggy/misty than like it will rain as we walked through & around debris from yesterday’s deluge, hailstorm & mini floods - a challenge slippin’ in the slurry of mud clay wet goo – dog filthy, owner filthy – both very wet
. . .
on days when I feel a little down or weary it never fails that someone calls me [thank you DB] or sends me a note – or maybe it is just a thought of someone rolling through my mind – but that lifts me . . gets me going . . + a ½ pot of coffee helps too
. . .
a weekend of deep thinking . . . shallow thinking . . . but thinking nonetheless, left me a little drained, but the caffeine is now working – the slow start is giving way to a race of ideas, tempered only by the very tall piles of files & to-do’s on my desk to start the week
. . .
if you are down a quart this morning . . . think of me thinking of you & smile some
. . .
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” – Ambrose Bierce
. . .
now smile some more
. . .
Mark
343,736
+8C, rain stopped for a few minutes, or maybe longer
. . .
it feels more muggy/misty than like it will rain as we walked through & around debris from yesterday’s deluge, hailstorm & mini floods - a challenge slippin’ in the slurry of mud clay wet goo – dog filthy, owner filthy – both very wet
. . .
on days when I feel a little down or weary it never fails that someone calls me [thank you DB] or sends me a note – or maybe it is just a thought of someone rolling through my mind – but that lifts me . . gets me going . . + a ½ pot of coffee helps too
. . .
a weekend of deep thinking . . . shallow thinking . . . but thinking nonetheless, left me a little drained, but the caffeine is now working – the slow start is giving way to a race of ideas, tempered only by the very tall piles of files & to-do’s on my desk to start the week
. . .
if you are down a quart this morning . . . think of me thinking of you & smile some
. . .
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” – Ambrose Bierce
. . .
now smile some more
. . .
Mark
343,736
Sunday, June 12, 2005
June 12 response
Hi Mark, I'm guessing that if I'm the first to raise my hand in class and ask this question, I will be relieving others' need to do so...or maybe it's just me...though I like it, is there any way to increase the font size of your new format? Or should I just make an appointment with the optometrist to have the prescription on my reading glasses upped? Isn't there an old wives' tale about too much sex causing blindness? I'd rather get new glasses. Cheers, Lauren
I have spent the best part of this week pondering over the timing of your ...get in touch....call! You came into my life for a reason once and now you pop back in.....also for a reason. That reason is why Augusta Arlena Lein's life was not wasted......without her we would not have you in our lives......thanks for adding me back to your daily musings...keep writing so that we all keep thinking.....bp
Musings are thoughts pondered. I enjoy your's and the thoughts of others who respond; many times, I find, there is a disconnect because there are things said to you in conversation, or written to you through this medium, to which you respond and to which I am on the periphery. Still, it's interesting to speculate as to what has been shared. Best wishes, Mark. You've got my vote. Get your book published!!, RT
I have spent the best part of this week pondering over the timing of your ...get in touch....call! You came into my life for a reason once and now you pop back in.....also for a reason. That reason is why Augusta Arlena Lein's life was not wasted......without her we would not have you in our lives......thanks for adding me back to your daily musings...keep writing so that we all keep thinking.....bp
Musings are thoughts pondered. I enjoy your's and the thoughts of others who respond; many times, I find, there is a disconnect because there are things said to you in conversation, or written to you through this medium, to which you respond and to which I am on the periphery. Still, it's interesting to speculate as to what has been shared. Best wishes, Mark. You've got my vote. Get your book published!!, RT
Sunday June 12, 2005 Year 3, Day 84 she lives on musing
+11C, overcast, muggy, thunderstorms likely
. . .
talk grass marauding Gusta had a good time; some days I walk for the fresh air, some days for the exercise, some days just to be mindless . . . no thoughts . . . no time pressure
. . .
to stop . . to pause . . to change direction . . incredibly serious things to think about; but I wonder if we make the best choices about what to stop, when to hesitate & when to pursue a new direction is when we have an impulse, an instinct, a sense in our belly that ‘at that very moment’ the time is now
. . .
“Of any stopping place in life, it is good to ask whether it will be a good place from which to go on as well as a good place to remain. ” - Mary Catherine Bateson
“ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein
. . .
my dad & I tripped over to Home Depot to get some paint for his wall repair . . . coffee & chat while we waited was great . . . we should go paint shopping more often
. . .
interesting how much I value time with my dad – yet continue to be so ambivalent about my mother – the more time passes I admit to ‘no growth’ in terms of appreciation or reverence – just a better appreciation of my dad’s happier disposition . . & mine too . .
. . .
82 years ago today Augusta Arlena Lein, the woman who gave me life, was born
. . .
6 years now since she died, yet when I see June 12 on a calendar, it is hard not be taken backward in my life – so many memories
. . .
my mother’s birthday was always a challenge; it was just a few weeks after mothers day – the challenge to find an apropos gift & card & the challenge to write words that told truth & did not make me gag was often too much to muster twice in such a short gap of time, so I usually skipped the card, bought a plant & paid a short visit
. . .
was hers a wasted life ?
. . .
legacy of joyousness it was not !
. . .
maybe that was the lesson & the value of her life, to teach us - to teach me , how to live a more purposeful & loving life
. . .
we can all use some angst rolling around in our bellies I suppose – she is neither cross to bear nor any kind of memory of grace
. . .
but it seems she lives on
. . .
c’mon Gusta, lets make breakfast
. . .
Mark
343,760
. . .
talk grass marauding Gusta had a good time; some days I walk for the fresh air, some days for the exercise, some days just to be mindless . . . no thoughts . . . no time pressure
. . .
to stop . . to pause . . to change direction . . incredibly serious things to think about; but I wonder if we make the best choices about what to stop, when to hesitate & when to pursue a new direction is when we have an impulse, an instinct, a sense in our belly that ‘at that very moment’ the time is now
. . .
“Of any stopping place in life, it is good to ask whether it will be a good place from which to go on as well as a good place to remain. ” - Mary Catherine Bateson
“ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” – Albert Einstein
. . .
my dad & I tripped over to Home Depot to get some paint for his wall repair . . . coffee & chat while we waited was great . . . we should go paint shopping more often
. . .
interesting how much I value time with my dad – yet continue to be so ambivalent about my mother – the more time passes I admit to ‘no growth’ in terms of appreciation or reverence – just a better appreciation of my dad’s happier disposition . . & mine too . .
. . .
82 years ago today Augusta Arlena Lein, the woman who gave me life, was born
. . .
6 years now since she died, yet when I see June 12 on a calendar, it is hard not be taken backward in my life – so many memories
. . .
my mother’s birthday was always a challenge; it was just a few weeks after mothers day – the challenge to find an apropos gift & card & the challenge to write words that told truth & did not make me gag was often too much to muster twice in such a short gap of time, so I usually skipped the card, bought a plant & paid a short visit
. . .
was hers a wasted life ?
. . .
legacy of joyousness it was not !
. . .
maybe that was the lesson & the value of her life, to teach us - to teach me , how to live a more purposeful & loving life
. . .
we can all use some angst rolling around in our bellies I suppose – she is neither cross to bear nor any kind of memory of grace
. . .
but it seems she lives on
. . .
c’mon Gusta, lets make breakfast
. . .
Mark
343,760
Saturday, June 11, 2005
June 11 response
To: PM - maybe it is something in the air - I am also feeling the need for validation - have spent most of the day doing housework and berating myself for feeling sorry for myself when I should be grateful for the things in my life that are right. To: Mark - Are we just looking for someone to share our leftover pizza for breakfast? Being on your own has its owns joys and sorrows. If I book a golf game at Stewart Creek during next week or the following, what day works for you? , AW
Mark, I must confess that I haven't been reading your musings for a while ... time and mind-set, I suppose. ... feeling a bit out of the loop; but in today's I'm hearing some loss, pain and continuing on with life ... I buried, with two friends a week ago, their 32 year old step-son and son ... due to a life of addiction and self-abuse. There are few or no words that can comfort but our presence, an embrace, a warm hand and continuing to be there afterwards. Beside the pain and gap in our heart, what can we take away? We've heard it all ... life is precious, not to be wasted, live each moment ... and only truly know these truths when we've gone to a depth of loss personally. Although you may not have originally known what would come of your musings, thanks for providing a place for others to share, be heard and to hear that they are not alone in their experience, DAAM
Mark, I must confess that I haven't been reading your musings for a while ... time and mind-set, I suppose. ... feeling a bit out of the loop; but in today's I'm hearing some loss, pain and continuing on with life ... I buried, with two friends a week ago, their 32 year old step-son and son ... due to a life of addiction and self-abuse. There are few or no words that can comfort but our presence, an embrace, a warm hand and continuing to be there afterwards. Beside the pain and gap in our heart, what can we take away? We've heard it all ... life is precious, not to be wasted, live each moment ... and only truly know these truths when we've gone to a depth of loss personally. Although you may not have originally known what would come of your musings, thanks for providing a place for others to share, be heard and to hear that they are not alone in their experience, DAAM
Saturday June 11, 2005 - Year 3, Day 83 pizza, the perfect breakfast musing
+13C, light rain abated for a while, overcast, risk of thunderstorms
. . .
wet paths & a light breeze for the Saturday morning dog walk . . . lots of lap dogs encountered – Gusta looks like a hyperactive Clydesdale horse mixing it up with miniature poodles yet an hour later she sleeps exhausted at my feet . . fed & recharging for the next expedition; last night we went to the Fish Creek bridge . . . water level is still high but down about 1.5 metres from the other day
. . .
words of support & encouragement are extraordinary energizing things; when we receive them we find energy comes out of nowhere – when we give them, what are we doing for others ? . . . which makes me wonder if I do that enough ??
. . .
to MH – a first time responder to musings [see below] ; your words have a lot of lift & I am sure they will resonate with many as they do with me – many thanks
. . .
to GL – our history is long . . . 33 years I think, though prior to her death I liked Pia lots & you not very much; since then you have risen to many challenges most of us would shrink from; you have raised a 1 yr old into a fine young man, you & I have been on both sides of the mentor/mentored fence many times & laughed through some very tough ones; lately you have given me much help, encouragement, instruction & ideas – I just want you to know how grateful I am for all those things – but most of all for your friendship
. . .
to the other 3600 of you . . . thanks for coming along on this daily ride – a chance for each of us to look beneath the surface + witness others opening up their joys & sorrows too – I am indebted to all of you for a speaker is mute without an audience, weak without critique & never alone knowing you are there
. . .
the BEST part of rising Saturday without a partner or guest around is the lack of competition for breakfast pizza leftovers from Friday night & reading papers alone & not having to discuss anything with anyone
. . .
the WORST part of rising Saturday without a partner or guest is not having someone to have shared pizza with last night while watching a re-run of ‘A River Runs Through It’ on TV, but then there might not be any pizza left for breakfast
. . .
Mark
343,784
. . .
wet paths & a light breeze for the Saturday morning dog walk . . . lots of lap dogs encountered – Gusta looks like a hyperactive Clydesdale horse mixing it up with miniature poodles yet an hour later she sleeps exhausted at my feet . . fed & recharging for the next expedition; last night we went to the Fish Creek bridge . . . water level is still high but down about 1.5 metres from the other day
. . .
words of support & encouragement are extraordinary energizing things; when we receive them we find energy comes out of nowhere – when we give them, what are we doing for others ? . . . which makes me wonder if I do that enough ??
. . .
to MH – a first time responder to musings [see below] ; your words have a lot of lift & I am sure they will resonate with many as they do with me – many thanks
. . .
to GL – our history is long . . . 33 years I think, though prior to her death I liked Pia lots & you not very much; since then you have risen to many challenges most of us would shrink from; you have raised a 1 yr old into a fine young man, you & I have been on both sides of the mentor/mentored fence many times & laughed through some very tough ones; lately you have given me much help, encouragement, instruction & ideas – I just want you to know how grateful I am for all those things – but most of all for your friendship
. . .
to the other 3600 of you . . . thanks for coming along on this daily ride – a chance for each of us to look beneath the surface + witness others opening up their joys & sorrows too – I am indebted to all of you for a speaker is mute without an audience, weak without critique & never alone knowing you are there
. . .
the BEST part of rising Saturday without a partner or guest around is the lack of competition for breakfast pizza leftovers from Friday night & reading papers alone & not having to discuss anything with anyone
. . .
the WORST part of rising Saturday without a partner or guest is not having someone to have shared pizza with last night while watching a re-run of ‘A River Runs Through It’ on TV, but then there might not be any pizza left for breakfast
. . .
Mark
343,784
Friday, June 10, 2005
more June 10 response
it's simple -- ask yourself "what's my intention?" PM
more June 10 response
I would love to receive your daily musings. Thank you to my son for recommending it, RL
more June 10 response
Thanks for the reply Mark. One never fully appreciates what goes on in the world we live in. Each one of us has a ton of history made hour by hour day by day. At one time in my own life I was not in a very good place. My Dad was dying of cancer, I was going through a divorce and both of the companies I was running where floundering……..in short, I thought my life sucked more than anyone else’s. One day I was flying back into Calgary from Toronto after a somewhat difficult IR trip and it was a beautiful crystal clear evening and I could see Winnipeg and Regina and all the small centers in between as well as all the small towns off in the distance. I realized at that moment that I was passing over hundreds of thousands of people who all had the same issues I had…….both good and bad. In short I needed to get my goofy ass out of the feel sorry mode and grasp a hold of life and deal with it rather than have it deal with me. So………I did!! Let’s just say the rest has been wonderful history. Mark, I’m not sure why I am even telling you these things other than that you seem a very honest open individual and I am as well so maybe a bit of quid pro quo was in order. I’m not much of an internet guy. I only got an email in my office a couple of months back because everyone was tired of passing messages along to me. I truly believe we have lost something in our society because of this stuff and it has not been fully offset by what we have gained. However having said that, I do appreciate what you have been sending. It’s the only really non business thing I seem to be able to read during the day. Did the lilacs bloom yet?? If they did I believe that I missed it, MH
more June 10 response
You know........I get these things.......they are very interesting and it is a rewarding treat to actually visit inside a mind belonging to someone other than myself. I need a little help here. How did I come by to receive these in the first place and really.......what are they all about???? Unfortunately I haven't had the time to read them all, however some insight into them might force me to make more time. Best Regards, MH
more June 10 response
Well, Mark, only you will be able to judge if your clever amusing celebration of success was swill. You have forever deprived your faithful, friendly readers of your brilliance and pleasure in you feeling of accomplishment. Please don't do that again. We want to know. Least I do. It is call self-appreciation, and celebration, and bragging, and the world needs more of that kind of love! It is not a NEED, in my opinion. It is a higher level of spiritual awareness. CS in Hope, ME
more June 10 response
LH ... I need to share this with you. About 23 years ago , my brother (25) passed away as a result of a car accident. He was one of 7 kids in the family and it hit everyone hard but I don't think quite as devastating as it was for my parents. My Dad was very upset BUT it traumatized my mother. She tried to cope, read many books about handling grief, talked incessantly to those who would listen about 'Donnie' but it never seemed enough to stop the pain she was going through. She had grief counseling by our minister which helped her somewhat but eventually through time , she learned to accept 'Donnie's' fate. (So we thought) My Mother passed away three years ago and while going through her things, we came across many journals that she started writing after 'Donnie' died. This is what we think may have helped her cope with this unnecessary and unexpected death of her son. LH , maybe this is something that you can try. It may be comforting to you to put your feelings on paper. I am so sorry for your loss and wish thevery best for you and the rest of your family. CC
more June 10 response
You do good work, Mark. A master of connecting, I'd say. You touch people. It's obvious. Take care, and have a fantastic weekend. (Looking at taking up golfing...just not sure where to start!) Warmly, VG
June 10 response
Where does that need for validation come from? I have two degrees, have finally made it to where I wanted to get to, have a great family, and most people probably think I am pretty fortunate, and yet I am curiously angst ridden, needy, and would really like someone to just take care of me. And I think more and more all the time of just opting out of the life that I have worked so hard to create. This is so disturbing and pathetic. Spending much time wondering where, oh where, does this come from, and more importantly, how do I resolve this. Sounds like one of those personal growth opportunities is just around the corner . . . ! , PM
Friday June 10, 2005 - Year 3, Day 82 pondering musing
+12C & rising . . sunny – a great rain free day
. . .
beautiful walk, Gusta roams tall wet grass stopping to wag for dogs, stay-at-home moms & kids at the bus stop – her legion of fans grows
. . .
I started writing; I wrote about my ‘yesterday’ – it was a long & funny & cleverly wordsmithed description of how clever I was, how great dynamics will produce good things, yadda yadda
. . .
I had drafted dreary meaningless self serving swill – DELETE !
. . .
what is at the heart of that need - the reason I need to seek validation in such a contrived way ?
. . .
if this was a ‘one of’ it probably would not grab my attention; but this déjà vu record has played before & before . . .again & again; Sigmund . . vhat dos dis mean ?
. . .
why do I need to fluff my ego ? why do I need to explain to someone that I did good ? where in my chromosomes or childhood does that come from ? my self esteem & large ego are in good shape . . no shortage of stroking they get, but this is different methinks
. . .
pondering
. . .
both meetings yesterday were obviously invigorating; today I have another ‘explore new territory’ meet with new leaders at a company I’ve done work with before . .
. . .
a weekend of many little projects ahead
. . .
to dream, perchance to drive . . . to chip, perchance to putt
. . .
happy weekend !
. . .
Mark
343,808
. . .
beautiful walk, Gusta roams tall wet grass stopping to wag for dogs, stay-at-home moms & kids at the bus stop – her legion of fans grows
. . .
I started writing; I wrote about my ‘yesterday’ – it was a long & funny & cleverly wordsmithed description of how clever I was, how great dynamics will produce good things, yadda yadda
. . .
I had drafted dreary meaningless self serving swill – DELETE !
. . .
what is at the heart of that need - the reason I need to seek validation in such a contrived way ?
. . .
if this was a ‘one of’ it probably would not grab my attention; but this déjà vu record has played before & before . . .again & again; Sigmund . . vhat dos dis mean ?
. . .
why do I need to fluff my ego ? why do I need to explain to someone that I did good ? where in my chromosomes or childhood does that come from ? my self esteem & large ego are in good shape . . no shortage of stroking they get, but this is different methinks
. . .
pondering
. . .
both meetings yesterday were obviously invigorating; today I have another ‘explore new territory’ meet with new leaders at a company I’ve done work with before . .
. . .
a weekend of many little projects ahead
. . .
to dream, perchance to drive . . . to chip, perchance to putt
. . .
happy weekend !
. . .
Mark
343,808
Thursday, June 09, 2005
June 9 response
Hi, Wanted you to know I am still trying to stay "caught up" with you & musings. You do seem to frequently say something I find tremendously inspiring. Probably why I felt safe to share my story about Taylor with you. I think I was searching for inspiration. I loved "chemical reaction". I really believe what you said about rubbing the right way, wrong way, & touching. My motto for a very long time each morning was just to be thankful for one more day & one more opportunity to be a better mom, daughter, friend, & nurse to everyone I came in contact with. You know they say every person needs to be touched at a minimum of 7 times per day just to remain healthy. I also wanted to thank GH for her tears & sentiments. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I am a single mom but hurt for you in that aspect. You mentioned the song, can you tell me who sings it? Ensure might be a good idea, I've lost 17 pounds in two weeks. Very difficult to sleep or eat. Am actually trying to eat, just not keeping it in. Mark, I also wanted to let you know, that puppy will provide you so so much companionship. I have a Pomeranian. She senses something is very wrong & has been very comforting. Continue with your words of wisdom, inspiration, & walks in the rain. LH in OK
Thursday June 9, 2005 - Year 3, Day 81 my left foot musing
+11C, lighter cloud with sun peeking through, NO rain
. . .
outfall flow into Fish Creek diminished, it remains a raging little river eroding its former banks; a quiet walk . . later than usual, dog adventures along the way
. . .
I began my day with high-energy work, electing to walk after my caffeine rush subsided – great to take a walk/make some calls/relax break just as the rest of the city is getting into gear
. . .
upon returning it was juggle showering a filthy puppy, incoming calls & urgent emails – so now I can paws to write with Gusta asleep laying across my left foot
. . .
I wonder if the rain & flood experience is a metaphor for finding new paths ?
. . .
water moves around to find new paths, new routes of least resistance allow the water to push its way somewhere new - then high volume surges [water or new ideas] envelop everything in their wake – swirling whirling turmoil, wrecking some things along its path – only to return substantially to former levels in a short while – afterward some stranding water in ‘new ponds’, leaving trickles to flow in some new tributaries
. . .
does change represent opportunity or something to fear ?
. . .
offroading young men revved engines & spun tires till 2 AM . . . not sure if they ran out of gas or if someone wanting sleep intervened; 3 derelict trucks sit silently mired in mud across the way
. . .
Toastmasters was great last night – quite a few new prospects, an unusual temp. venue [engarde!]
. . .
Mark
343,832
. . .
outfall flow into Fish Creek diminished, it remains a raging little river eroding its former banks; a quiet walk . . later than usual, dog adventures along the way
. . .
I began my day with high-energy work, electing to walk after my caffeine rush subsided – great to take a walk/make some calls/relax break just as the rest of the city is getting into gear
. . .
upon returning it was juggle showering a filthy puppy, incoming calls & urgent emails – so now I can paws to write with Gusta asleep laying across my left foot
. . .
I wonder if the rain & flood experience is a metaphor for finding new paths ?
. . .
water moves around to find new paths, new routes of least resistance allow the water to push its way somewhere new - then high volume surges [water or new ideas] envelop everything in their wake – swirling whirling turmoil, wrecking some things along its path – only to return substantially to former levels in a short while – afterward some stranding water in ‘new ponds’, leaving trickles to flow in some new tributaries
. . .
does change represent opportunity or something to fear ?
. . .
offroading young men revved engines & spun tires till 2 AM . . . not sure if they ran out of gas or if someone wanting sleep intervened; 3 derelict trucks sit silently mired in mud across the way
. . .
Toastmasters was great last night – quite a few new prospects, an unusual temp. venue [engarde!]
. . .
Mark
343,832
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
more June 8 response
Have you heard about the new Pope's new campaign? Some sex marriage, FD
more June 8 response
Sometimes we follow other’s thoughts and feelings against our will, GH
June 8 response
Re: "some people are heavily involved in our lives & leave nothing – others brush by us slightly somehow & leave huge impressions" . . How very true, Mark. You do have a beautiful way with words, VG
Wednesday June 8, 2005- Year 3, Day 80 chemical reaction musing
+6C . . . rain finally slowed to an aggressive sprinkle, heavily overcast
. . .
fresh dampness – absence of rain pounding; it seems so quiet
. . .
this morning we saw proof storm water retention ponds can overflow; last night paths became storm water outfalls into Fish Creek . . . or should I say Fish ‘Raging River’
. . .
a quick visit with my dad yesterday, a great lunch with SM @ Teatro [thanks! & great to see you]
. . .
some people are heavily involved in our lives & leave nothing – others brush by us slightly somehow & leave huge impressions
. . .
close encounters of the human kind fascinate me – leave me affected
. . .
or maybe sometimes infected; infected with someone else’s idea that germinates in me, infiltrated by someone’s point of view that changes how I see things, irritated enough to see someone else’s point of view . . . or maybe just consider an alternate vantage point
. . .
some people rub me the right way, some people rub me the wrong way, some people just rub me – but worst of all are those who fail to touch me in any way – what a waste that is !
. . .
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ” - -Carl Jung
. . .
dog report: gusts of romping through tall wet grass is, thus far, Gusta’s greatest pleasure – having a blast these past few days + enjoying the warm showers she gets after dragging her beautiful fur coat through the mud & every puddle within reach
. . .
Mark
343,856
. . .
fresh dampness – absence of rain pounding; it seems so quiet
. . .
this morning we saw proof storm water retention ponds can overflow; last night paths became storm water outfalls into Fish Creek . . . or should I say Fish ‘Raging River’
. . .
a quick visit with my dad yesterday, a great lunch with SM @ Teatro [thanks! & great to see you]
. . .
some people are heavily involved in our lives & leave nothing – others brush by us slightly somehow & leave huge impressions
. . .
close encounters of the human kind fascinate me – leave me affected
. . .
or maybe sometimes infected; infected with someone else’s idea that germinates in me, infiltrated by someone’s point of view that changes how I see things, irritated enough to see someone else’s point of view . . . or maybe just consider an alternate vantage point
. . .
some people rub me the right way, some people rub me the wrong way, some people just rub me – but worst of all are those who fail to touch me in any way – what a waste that is !
. . .
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ” - -Carl Jung
. . .
dog report: gusts of romping through tall wet grass is, thus far, Gusta’s greatest pleasure – having a blast these past few days + enjoying the warm showers she gets after dragging her beautiful fur coat through the mud & every puddle within reach
. . .
Mark
343,856
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
more June 7 response
Just a short anecdote: I was golfing with my Dad and we came to a narrow Par 5. He suggested we play it safe and leave the Drivers in the bag. I used the ships are safe in harbour quote and we both proceeded to the tee with Drivers in hand, JT
June 7 response
Hi Mark, I am sending along a picture of our weather in Fernie. Maybe you could write something about it that would inspire me?? I can think of nothing. Have the gods forgotten it is June?? SD
Tuesday June 7, 2005 - Year 3, Day 79 catching raindrops musing
+8C . . .going only to +9 . . little hope for relief or warmth as rain continues all week
. . .
another walk . . or was it dancin’ in the rain with a soggy dog; Gusta loves water & finds tall wet grass, dirt piles & puddles compelling . .while mud slicked pavement is an adventure in skidding making my walk entertaining if nothing else
. . .
I get responses from musers telling me I gave them a lift, an idea, an inspiration of some kind; I get validation from those who tell me I articulate thoughts they have yet lack the opportunity or courage or audience to express them to; in my first year writing these musings I would often come back from my walk – especially on those days when my keyboard looked back at me with a ‘so tell me something?’ attitude – I would wonder if I could keep it going
. . .
on those days lacking inspiration – wondering if I could be fresh & relevant, if I would have the daily motivation to write my thoughts . . AND . . . if I would continue to feel comfortable sharing those thoughts with others, most particularly total strangers
. . .
some days ideas just fall into my head from somewhere – sometimes it is a struggle but not often
. . .
today my plan had been to work through a pile of things from ‘must do’ through to ‘postponed too long’ items – yet my mood is more a ‘curl up with a coffee & some good music – watch it rain, walk in the rain, absorb the rain . . dream dreams, think thoughts, create creation’ kinda day; something about this weather gets my mind racing
. . .
inspiration does not come in buckets
. . .
it comes in drips & drops & fits & starts
. . .
when those drips & drops come down all at once it rains !
. . .
I need a rain barrel to catch but just a little; or maybe I should catch my rain of ideas with a colander . . . letting all the drops through, but slowing the flow just a tad
. . .
stay warm !
. . .
Mark
343,880
. . .
another walk . . or was it dancin’ in the rain with a soggy dog; Gusta loves water & finds tall wet grass, dirt piles & puddles compelling . .while mud slicked pavement is an adventure in skidding making my walk entertaining if nothing else
. . .
I get responses from musers telling me I gave them a lift, an idea, an inspiration of some kind; I get validation from those who tell me I articulate thoughts they have yet lack the opportunity or courage or audience to express them to; in my first year writing these musings I would often come back from my walk – especially on those days when my keyboard looked back at me with a ‘so tell me something?’ attitude – I would wonder if I could keep it going
. . .
on those days lacking inspiration – wondering if I could be fresh & relevant, if I would have the daily motivation to write my thoughts . . AND . . . if I would continue to feel comfortable sharing those thoughts with others, most particularly total strangers
. . .
some days ideas just fall into my head from somewhere – sometimes it is a struggle but not often
. . .
today my plan had been to work through a pile of things from ‘must do’ through to ‘postponed too long’ items – yet my mood is more a ‘curl up with a coffee & some good music – watch it rain, walk in the rain, absorb the rain . . dream dreams, think thoughts, create creation’ kinda day; something about this weather gets my mind racing
. . .
inspiration does not come in buckets
. . .
it comes in drips & drops & fits & starts
. . .
when those drips & drops come down all at once it rains !
. . .
I need a rain barrel to catch but just a little; or maybe I should catch my rain of ideas with a colander . . . letting all the drops through, but slowing the flow just a tad
. . .
stay warm !
. . .
Mark
343,880
Monday, June 06, 2005
June 6 response
I have not read the musing when LH shared the important event of her child's passing...I have nothing much to say about it except that I have cried over you this morning just imagining what you may be going through...Its a wirlwind of emotions thats for sure...I have some experience with grief, as my husband passed away in 2003, and my friend lost her 6 year old daughter. I don't know what its like for you, because your grief is your own and no one elses, but when this happened to me, it felt like someone had taken my world and turned it upside down -It was hard to eat, and I lost a lot of weight...(Ensure, or other over the counter drinks were good to keep handy...for those days when you forget to eat, or can't eat.) Peace be with you in this difficult time. For some reason, the song 'You'll Never Walk Alone' comes to mind right now. I thought I would write this because it may be significant. With love, GH
Mark, I liked your musing today. You created a nice painting with your words; you did it nicely...unpretentiously. GH
I grew up in the Oliver neighbourhood, attending Oliver Elementary for six years. That sure brings back a lot of memories, including the one when our teacher helped our grade 4 class raise money (thru bake and hotdog sales) to take a trip to Hawaii for 10 days. Sad, but that would not happen these days due to all kinds of regulations and safety concerns. Glad I grew up then and was able to experience spending 10 days in Hawaii with 22 other 10 year olds. Thanks for reminding me of that, it brought a big smile to my face, RB
Mark, I liked your musing today. You created a nice painting with your words; you did it nicely...unpretentiously. GH
I grew up in the Oliver neighbourhood, attending Oliver Elementary for six years. That sure brings back a lot of memories, including the one when our teacher helped our grade 4 class raise money (thru bake and hotdog sales) to take a trip to Hawaii for 10 days. Sad, but that would not happen these days due to all kinds of regulations and safety concerns. Glad I grew up then and was able to experience spending 10 days in Hawaii with 22 other 10 year olds. Thanks for reminding me of that, it brought a big smile to my face, RB
Monday June 6, 2005 - Year 3, Day 78 rainy day musing
+9C, raining a little, predictions call for it to be raining a lot
. . .
a short walk – more later; the air is very fresh but not chilled . . . everything has greened up so much
. . .
so what makes a day beautiful ? today is a gray, rainy golf preventing event
. . .
it is a Monday – the day when rested workers return to their tasks . . . as must I
. . .
many will sport a Monday morning frown; while others will be walking light in their loafers with a grin that takes all the weight off their shoulders . . .
. . .
what makes that difference ?
. . .
what takes the drudge out of drudgery, the pain out of pain-in-the-__tt, what makes the rock I push up the hill slide just a little easier ? it is the connectivity – the stitching together of ideas, people, places, sentiments, encouragement & courtesies we exchange ?
. . .
I think it is easy to understand . . when I am ‘on top of the world’ about something . . or when I see someone else who is . . but not all of us feel that way every Monday morn !
. . .
what, then, does one take/do/think to get over that dullness . . . not an ache or a pain but certainly a failure to overcome inertia
. . .
for me . . it is easy today, reflecting on some recent events; the reaching out I’ve seen of people who have no connection whatever – save being spokes on this wheel – yet one person’s tragic loss is someone else’s opportunity to reach out sympathetically . . . while counting their own blessings
. . .
today there will be laughter somewhere, sunshine in many places, successes & moving forward of every description somewhere – they need not happen in my life, in my face or in my home for me to appreciate them, value them, learn from them . . .
. . .
each of us can count these things among our own; on another Monday the joy, the event, the hurdle crossed will be ours . . . others can then share in our glory, in our joy
. . .
have a great rainy day
. . .
Mark
343,904
. . .
a short walk – more later; the air is very fresh but not chilled . . . everything has greened up so much
. . .
so what makes a day beautiful ? today is a gray, rainy golf preventing event
. . .
it is a Monday – the day when rested workers return to their tasks . . . as must I
. . .
many will sport a Monday morning frown; while others will be walking light in their loafers with a grin that takes all the weight off their shoulders . . .
. . .
what makes that difference ?
. . .
what takes the drudge out of drudgery, the pain out of pain-in-the-__tt, what makes the rock I push up the hill slide just a little easier ? it is the connectivity – the stitching together of ideas, people, places, sentiments, encouragement & courtesies we exchange ?
. . .
I think it is easy to understand . . when I am ‘on top of the world’ about something . . or when I see someone else who is . . but not all of us feel that way every Monday morn !
. . .
what, then, does one take/do/think to get over that dullness . . . not an ache or a pain but certainly a failure to overcome inertia
. . .
for me . . it is easy today, reflecting on some recent events; the reaching out I’ve seen of people who have no connection whatever – save being spokes on this wheel – yet one person’s tragic loss is someone else’s opportunity to reach out sympathetically . . . while counting their own blessings
. . .
today there will be laughter somewhere, sunshine in many places, successes & moving forward of every description somewhere – they need not happen in my life, in my face or in my home for me to appreciate them, value them, learn from them . . .
. . .
each of us can count these things among our own; on another Monday the joy, the event, the hurdle crossed will be ours . . . others can then share in our glory, in our joy
. . .
have a great rainy day
. . .
Mark
343,904
Sunday, June 05, 2005
more June 5 response
Oh my dear LH...I don't know you but my heart aches so very much for you and the grief, pain, deep sorrow and loneliness you must be going through. My brother passed away very suddenly 7 years ago, and although we were very close and I miss him dearly, I can't imagine what my parents feel. It just isn't "natural" for a parent to mourn for their child...it isn't in the natural order, is it?? Somehow, they (we) got the strength to go on, to breathe, as you put it. As a mother of a beautiful 8 year old, I absolutely cannot imagine having to grieve over the loss of a child. I feel so sorry for the pain you must be experiencing. May God bless you, comfort you and bring hope to your life., lm
June 5 response
Mark, could you please forward this to LaDonna? Thanks, LR
Dear LH, There probably are no adequate words to assuage your sadness, but know that musers around the world feel your pain and wish we could shoulder some of it for you. Fear ends where your faith begins so live by that faith, one day at a time. Live for today but hold your hands open for tomorrow.. , Lauren,
Dear LH, There probably are no adequate words to assuage your sadness, but know that musers around the world feel your pain and wish we could shoulder some of it for you. Fear ends where your faith begins so live by that faith, one day at a time. Live for today but hold your hands open for tomorrow.. , Lauren,
Sunday June 5, 2005 - Year 3, Day 77 farmers get it musing
+11C, overcast, raining lots
. . .
Gusta & I walked for an hour early this morning in & before departing for Calgary; a quiet Sunday morning in suburban north Edmonton & certainly much drier than it would have been in Calgary
. . .
the highway I’ve driven so many times . . . the view straight ahead of dotted lines & tail lights lightly lit by brooding clouds - - -
. . .
but a look to either side reveals freshly planted fields of green – the planting done – a metaphor for working hard planting many seeds to, hopefully, reap a harvest later
. . .
farmers get it
. . .
every day we have a chance to plant seeds, cultivate a crop or to reap a harvest, but we won’t reap much if we stop planting
. . .
the comforting quiet of home . . . the chance for a nap after dog walking & before launching into my regular Sunday project & a good night’s sleep tonight in a familiar bed . . . ahhh . . hard to beat a good sleep
. . .
driving home my head was busy . . working through some strategy for the week ahead; mulling some old memories triggered by the Edmonton visit; arriving home . . no matter how much unpacking & laundry & forgotten chores wait for me is a comfort I never imagined when I was younger . . . so comforting
. . .
I had a great visit + golf + some fabulous salmon with Maureen yesterday . . . seems she’s a dog lover after all !
. . .
Mark
343,928
. . .
Gusta & I walked for an hour early this morning in & before departing for Calgary; a quiet Sunday morning in suburban north Edmonton & certainly much drier than it would have been in Calgary
. . .
the highway I’ve driven so many times . . . the view straight ahead of dotted lines & tail lights lightly lit by brooding clouds - - -
. . .
but a look to either side reveals freshly planted fields of green – the planting done – a metaphor for working hard planting many seeds to, hopefully, reap a harvest later
. . .
farmers get it
. . .
every day we have a chance to plant seeds, cultivate a crop or to reap a harvest, but we won’t reap much if we stop planting
. . .
the comforting quiet of home . . . the chance for a nap after dog walking & before launching into my regular Sunday project & a good night’s sleep tonight in a familiar bed . . . ahhh . . hard to beat a good sleep
. . .
driving home my head was busy . . working through some strategy for the week ahead; mulling some old memories triggered by the Edmonton visit; arriving home . . no matter how much unpacking & laundry & forgotten chores wait for me is a comfort I never imagined when I was younger . . . so comforting
. . .
I had a great visit + golf + some fabulous salmon with Maureen yesterday . . . seems she’s a dog lover after all !
. . .
Mark
343,928
Saturday, June 04, 2005
more June 4 response
Morning, Mark. The rain is lovely, isn't it? After hearing so much of your puppy, would love to see your pics! I must have joined your list after you sent them. Have a super day, LS.
June 4 response
Good day, Mark. Having grown up in the Oliver area myself, then into Glenora, you may have noticed two benches on the Victoria Promenade which we put up first for our grandfather, William (Bill) Sterne (wonderful gentleman) and then one for our mother, Mary Pardee, celebrating her 80th birthday in 1999. She lives just 1/2 block away from the Promenade on 118th Street, and has logged probably 1,000 km on the Promenade with her 91 year old sister who lives 3 blocks away! Isn't it great to walk/drive through the old 'hood? Have a good one., MP
you know mark, i have wondered about the "not forgotten" many times. i feel that there is some sort of cosmic click, expressed in eye contact, or a shared laugh, or incredible grief that makes a snapshot like presence in my mind and heart. some people that I have shared those times with have been my intimates, but at other times it is someone I have never met or seen since, yet connection to me is engraved forever to be brought out and cherished at odd times. kg in LA
Muser support has been very warming to my heart. You've offered a shoulder to cry on, if only closer & many many encouraging thoughts. NB said death could not break the bond between mother & child, you are so very very correct, but death certainly makes it lonely & seem so final. You know, I think I've realized that nothing in life is final except death. It is the final separation that we so desperately fear from our loved ones. I know someday I will be reunited with Taylor in heaven, but until then I will love him & miss him with all my heart & soul. He will always be a light that shines within me. I don't know how to go through this & fear to close my eyes for sleep, it seems difficult to breathe or eat. Food just gets stuck. I appreciate your many many thoughts & words of wisdom. I am saving them in a folder so I can regain strength from them when the loneliness & hurt is so excruciating. LaDonna
you know mark, i have wondered about the "not forgotten" many times. i feel that there is some sort of cosmic click, expressed in eye contact, or a shared laugh, or incredible grief that makes a snapshot like presence in my mind and heart. some people that I have shared those times with have been my intimates, but at other times it is someone I have never met or seen since, yet connection to me is engraved forever to be brought out and cherished at odd times. kg in LA
Muser support has been very warming to my heart. You've offered a shoulder to cry on, if only closer & many many encouraging thoughts. NB said death could not break the bond between mother & child, you are so very very correct, but death certainly makes it lonely & seem so final. You know, I think I've realized that nothing in life is final except death. It is the final separation that we so desperately fear from our loved ones. I know someday I will be reunited with Taylor in heaven, but until then I will love him & miss him with all my heart & soul. He will always be a light that shines within me. I don't know how to go through this & fear to close my eyes for sleep, it seems difficult to breathe or eat. Food just gets stuck. I appreciate your many many thoughts & words of wisdom. I am saving them in a folder so I can regain strength from them when the loneliness & hurt is so excruciating. LaDonna
Saturday June 4, 2005 Year 3, Day 76 gone but not forgotten musing
[written & sent from an internet café on Jasper Avenue in Edmonton]. . .
+ 14C . . .overcast, risk of thundershowers
. . .
a walk through the Oliver neighbourhood presented many fresh sights for Gusta, lots of memories for me
. . .
Saturday morning in Edmonton could not be complete without a visit to the BonTon Bakery; cheese buns & pecan rolls are health food !
. . .
when I walked Gusta yesterday on the Victoria Promenade we stopped at many benches; Gusta to sniff them & for me it was to read plaques dedicated to many familiar names from Edmonton days – but one stopped me . .
. . .
we had a long sit on the bench dedicated to Marvin & Mozanne Dower with the caption ‘Gone but not forgotten’ – former clients & the source of some great stories – Marvin the mentor & Mozanne the teller of jokes not printable here ! . . . the bench is just opposite their condo in the Arcadia where I met many times with Marvin – a mentor – gone but not forgotten
. . .
what is it that imprints some people & their memory so deeply in our minds – even if they are people we knew briefly or incompletely - their impression brings their face, tone of voice & time/place memories as if they were yesterday ?
. . .
gone . . but not forgotten
. . .
weather permitting – I think it will – Maureen & I will play some golf this afternoon & catch up on everything; KT is having a birthday today !!! a special day for an incredibly incredible kind person
. . .
yesterday: good meetings, lunch with GS [first time I’ve seen him since his heart attack] looking great but still smoking! . . movie [Cinderella Man was great !] & meal with Carla . . writer talk more than father/daughter . . what a great Friday night date !
. . .
dog report: Gusta traveled well yesterday – the trip to Edmonton her first distance trip; riding shotgun quite calmly . . . and of course winning new friends in Edmonton
. . .
Mark
342,952
+ 14C . . .overcast, risk of thundershowers
. . .
a walk through the Oliver neighbourhood presented many fresh sights for Gusta, lots of memories for me
. . .
Saturday morning in Edmonton could not be complete without a visit to the BonTon Bakery; cheese buns & pecan rolls are health food !
. . .
when I walked Gusta yesterday on the Victoria Promenade we stopped at many benches; Gusta to sniff them & for me it was to read plaques dedicated to many familiar names from Edmonton days – but one stopped me . .
. . .
we had a long sit on the bench dedicated to Marvin & Mozanne Dower with the caption ‘Gone but not forgotten’ – former clients & the source of some great stories – Marvin the mentor & Mozanne the teller of jokes not printable here ! . . . the bench is just opposite their condo in the Arcadia where I met many times with Marvin – a mentor – gone but not forgotten
. . .
what is it that imprints some people & their memory so deeply in our minds – even if they are people we knew briefly or incompletely - their impression brings their face, tone of voice & time/place memories as if they were yesterday ?
. . .
gone . . but not forgotten
. . .
weather permitting – I think it will – Maureen & I will play some golf this afternoon & catch up on everything; KT is having a birthday today !!! a special day for an incredibly incredible kind person
. . .
yesterday: good meetings, lunch with GS [first time I’ve seen him since his heart attack] looking great but still smoking! . . movie [Cinderella Man was great !] & meal with Carla . . writer talk more than father/daughter . . what a great Friday night date !
. . .
dog report: Gusta traveled well yesterday – the trip to Edmonton her first distance trip; riding shotgun quite calmly . . . and of course winning new friends in Edmonton
. . .
Mark
342,952
Friday, June 03, 2005
June 3 response
Hi Mark. It was pleasure chatting with you and AW at the performance last night. It is always fun to make new friends and acquaintances . We all look forward to hearing about the road trip to Edmonton with Gusta. Enjoy the golf and stay dry. HS
Morning, Mark. The rain is lovely, isn't it? After hearing so much of your puppy, would love to see your pics! I must have joined your list after you sent them. Have a super day, LS.
Just wanted to say "way to go" to SW. It may be self-indulgent but I knowit was worth the wait., SK
Morning, Mark. The rain is lovely, isn't it? After hearing so much of your puppy, would love to see your pics! I must have joined your list after you sent them. Have a super day, LS.
Just wanted to say "way to go" to SW. It may be self-indulgent but I knowit was worth the wait., SK
Friday June 3, 2005 Year 3, Day 751 giant water dishes musing
+10C, rain, rain, rain, rain
. . .
just the sound of rain - anything but quiet - not much to see but tree wells overflowing – Gusta sees them as giant water dishes; a strange rainy quiet broken by tires humming through puddles
. . .
today I have a meeting in Edmonton with someone who may collaborate with us in a new internet business venture; seems so ordinary to talk about that terminology today . . . things change so fast - though 10 yrs ago it would have seemed so avant garde to do such a thing
. . .
having grown up in an era when plastics, the jet engine & black & white TV were NEW innovations it is so amazing to see such rapid change; today I read of scientists developing ‘molecule sized transistor’ which might bring new medical miracles to the fore – that starting an internet business enterprise seems almost like exploring a mature industry
. . .
yesterday’s newspaper article on our Singles and Friends Toastmasters club produced some calls - hopefully some new members will come of that effort
. . .
AW & I went to a terrific jazz dance performance last night; many thanks to our host HS for the great hospitality
. . .
last night thought of ‘getting up a little earlier & packing in the morning’ seemed like such a good idea at the time – not so of course . .
. . .
Gusta & I are off to Edmonton [her first road trip . . .stay tuned !]for meetings today & visiting & golf on weekend agenda
. . .
gotta pack !
. . .
Mark
342,976
. . .
just the sound of rain - anything but quiet - not much to see but tree wells overflowing – Gusta sees them as giant water dishes; a strange rainy quiet broken by tires humming through puddles
. . .
today I have a meeting in Edmonton with someone who may collaborate with us in a new internet business venture; seems so ordinary to talk about that terminology today . . . things change so fast - though 10 yrs ago it would have seemed so avant garde to do such a thing
. . .
having grown up in an era when plastics, the jet engine & black & white TV were NEW innovations it is so amazing to see such rapid change; today I read of scientists developing ‘molecule sized transistor’ which might bring new medical miracles to the fore – that starting an internet business enterprise seems almost like exploring a mature industry
. . .
yesterday’s newspaper article on our Singles and Friends Toastmasters club produced some calls - hopefully some new members will come of that effort
. . .
AW & I went to a terrific jazz dance performance last night; many thanks to our host HS for the great hospitality
. . .
last night thought of ‘getting up a little earlier & packing in the morning’ seemed like such a good idea at the time – not so of course . .
. . .
Gusta & I are off to Edmonton [her first road trip . . .stay tuned !]for meetings today & visiting & golf on weekend agenda
. . .
gotta pack !
. . .
Mark
342,976
Thursday, June 02, 2005
more June 2 response
Mark, Sandra in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho! Responding to your musing today....After a long drought with men in the past four years.. who in any way strike me deeply.... in the past month, I have several who are flying in, or driving long distance to meet me!! When I fully decided to be wholly myself, outrageous humor, sensuality, sexuality, highly insightful, intuitive with no apology, share all my diverse life experiences....nothing in being toned down to protect a man....then....I'm like a goddess, a man magnet, attracting the most incredible men!! I'm speaking their language, and they want to pour out and give to me whatever my heart desires. I'm not making this up, and unless I was living it out, I would never have believed an older woman in her fifties could feel so powerful and desirable!! I'm having a blast!!!! The forwarded email is from a guy ten years younger from Seattle area. He's flying over here next week to spend a few days with me. Life can be hot and exciting, and everything we can possibly dream of... Mark, I believe that all of us come into each other's life for a purpose and reason, and we must be fully receptive and open....., SW
more June 2 response
All different, but similar...like mangos on a tree...Yet, at the supermarket, I carefully select the ones I want in my bag. You never know until you start to peel the fruit sometimes...GH
June 2 response
LH, I wish I could ease some of your pain, hold you and comfort you. Accept my shoulder, I wish it was in person rather than via the internet. You are incredibly brave to share your feelings with us and I hope there is some relief in doing so. , DL
For LaDonna My thoughts are with you, just know that no matter how awfull it seems you will get through this. There is no way to avoid the pain except to deal with it and go through it. At one point in my life I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to avoid the pain from a loss, now I know there is not a way around, over or under it, you just have to put your head down and when you are ready go through it. Somehow the hours pass and the sun rises and sets, the tides flow when I seem lost that still brings me comfort. There is nothing like the bond of a mother and her children, lights we carried under our hearts for nine months. Taylor will always be with you, death cannot break the bond between mother and child. Sending healing thoughts your way. Go gently. NB
For LaDonna My thoughts are with you, just know that no matter how awfull it seems you will get through this. There is no way to avoid the pain except to deal with it and go through it. At one point in my life I wasted a lot of time and energy trying to avoid the pain from a loss, now I know there is not a way around, over or under it, you just have to put your head down and when you are ready go through it. Somehow the hours pass and the sun rises and sets, the tides flow when I seem lost that still brings me comfort. There is nothing like the bond of a mother and her children, lights we carried under our hearts for nine months. Taylor will always be with you, death cannot break the bond between mother and child. Sending healing thoughts your way. Go gently. NB
Thursday June 2, 2005 - Year 3, Day 74 1 type of human musing
+11C, dark overcast, gusty, buckets of rain falling now
. . .
quick walk & short - inspired by wind & threatening sky - we got back just ahead of the deluge
. . .
do we find perfection in anyone ? . . . do we find the ingredients that complete the jigsaw puzzle but pairing up with some ideal partner who matches/counters/fits our strengths, our weaknesses & with whom we have chemistry & biology fun . . ?
. . .
our uniqueness is not that we are unique, but that we fail in unique ways to recognize how similar we all are
. . .
when we realize how we can be buoyed or sunk by the same things, realize we are all subject to common bonds & struggles – we are all 1 type – the human type & we are all the same
. . .
poignant responses from some of you – thanks – pouring out your support & feelings to LH
. . .
I missed my Toastmasters meeting last night in favour of the Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter fundraising dinner; 2 things of note – the first being a chat with a muser I’d not met before in front of me in line . . an interesting chat ensued; nice to meet-cha JM & your lovely wife too
. . .
the 2nd was the powerful message of the guest speaker Lt. General [Retired] & recently appointed Senator Romeo Dallaire . . who spoke of genocide horror in Rawanda & other conflicts bringing things to our consciousness it is so easy to avoid thinking about living our comfortable existence isolated from the realities of the 80% of the world’s population who live a profoundly different life – but reminding us we are all the same; though our circumstances appear to be worlds apart that there is only 1 type of human, 1 type of child; an incredible speaker & truly great Canadian who has served his country & by his example, his speaking & writing he has made the world a better more caring place
. . .
dog report: Gusta got shots & a 1st meeting with a vet yesterday – socializing enthusiastically with fellow patients, owners & staff; she weighs 20 lbs now
. . .
I have a sleeping dog footrest under my desk – what a great way to start any day
. . .
Mark
343,000
. . .
quick walk & short - inspired by wind & threatening sky - we got back just ahead of the deluge
. . .
do we find perfection in anyone ? . . . do we find the ingredients that complete the jigsaw puzzle but pairing up with some ideal partner who matches/counters/fits our strengths, our weaknesses & with whom we have chemistry & biology fun . . ?
. . .
our uniqueness is not that we are unique, but that we fail in unique ways to recognize how similar we all are
. . .
when we realize how we can be buoyed or sunk by the same things, realize we are all subject to common bonds & struggles – we are all 1 type – the human type & we are all the same
. . .
poignant responses from some of you – thanks – pouring out your support & feelings to LH
. . .
I missed my Toastmasters meeting last night in favour of the Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter fundraising dinner; 2 things of note – the first being a chat with a muser I’d not met before in front of me in line . . an interesting chat ensued; nice to meet-cha JM & your lovely wife too
. . .
the 2nd was the powerful message of the guest speaker Lt. General [Retired] & recently appointed Senator Romeo Dallaire . . who spoke of genocide horror in Rawanda & other conflicts bringing things to our consciousness it is so easy to avoid thinking about living our comfortable existence isolated from the realities of the 80% of the world’s population who live a profoundly different life – but reminding us we are all the same; though our circumstances appear to be worlds apart that there is only 1 type of human, 1 type of child; an incredible speaker & truly great Canadian who has served his country & by his example, his speaking & writing he has made the world a better more caring place
. . .
dog report: Gusta got shots & a 1st meeting with a vet yesterday – socializing enthusiastically with fellow patients, owners & staff; she weighs 20 lbs now
. . .
I have a sleeping dog footrest under my desk – what a great way to start any day
. . .
Mark
343,000
