Musing

Hi dad, yes it is easier to read the musings on the new blog format. Still read them every day, but I know I don't respond much. Glad you enjoyed the book, Carla picked it out, she knows books. I was in Calgary Tuesday and helped grandpa out filling out some forms but if you could look over them before he sends them in that would be great. Also I had a date on Tuesday night, real nice guy....until I found out his ex-girlfriend still lives with him, what an idiot! Anyway, I know everyone keeps telling me I shouldn't date for a while, but I like dating, it's fun, kk

Hi Mark: I'm sitting here this evening, pondering the whys and wherefores of life.... and thought I would share some of my thoughts with you...Thanks for sending me your "Musings"....they certainly are food for thought. It seems no matter where you live, what your upbringing or life's circumstances we all have the same basic needs and desires, reflected in the basic life requirements of love, friendship and basic acceptance. Sometimes I wonder why? Why we make the choices we make, how we come to make them and how we deal with the consequences of our decisions. For instance, I often wonder how in heavens name I was able to make the decision to leave all that I knew, my family and the close friendships that I had spent a lifetime building and just move across Canada alone and head to the cold and darkness of the north....to explore new territory seeking adventure, somehow not really knowing that when I arrived there the same fears, disappointments and life issues would follow me no matter how far I went. It seems you cannot run away and think that starting a new life would somehow make the past disappear. The only thing it really does is make you appreciate what you had and what you took for granted and realize that what you thought was the problem was really only symptoms of something much larger. As I reflect on the past couple of months and the driving forces within myself to uproot once again and head further south seeking change, opportunities and maybe a more stable lifestyle, I realize that I am once again running away from something. I guess until I am able to recognize what is the driving force behind my fears or my inability to "Learn to be Still"....my favorite Eagles song, I will never find it. It seems I am at a crossroad and am having a frustrating time trying to solve the mystery of the elusive "happiness"....does it even exist. Rest assured I am quite thankful for all that has come my way in life.....my two beautiful children who are now forging there own paths.....my successful battle with cancer that threatened my life at the age of 29...divorce, relocation....seems I've had to fight a few but have been one of the lucky ones....and consider myself a much stronger and compassionate person for my struggles. I just wish that I could stop....pretending....and just live life and stop seeking the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..... I guess the reason for my rambling is just to share my thoughts with you as you have done with me and many others. I enjoy reading your musings everyday and hope that someday we will indeed get to meet and share a coffee and our thoughts...hopes and dreams. Until that time I will continue to enjoy reading your musings and please add my e-mail to receive pictures of Gusta...she sounds delightful....reading about her antics are certain to put a smile on my face.... Take care, CF, the lost maiden of the North......