Musing

Hi Mark: Got your good wishes - thanks so much. Hope everything is going well, best regards, GR, Naramata

15C/59F, overcast & windy; Gusta tried to befriend every bird on or near the lagoon; rain clouds loom as patches of blue disappear, reappear, disappear again . . rain suit & clubs ready for the NAIOP golf tournament this afternoon

‘There are four questions of value in life . . . What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.’ – Johnny Depp as Don Juan deMarco in the movie of that name

how we value friends, family & colleagues is one of the most important element of relationships; icing on the cake is how those we care about value us in return; sometimes they amaze us, sometimes they love us, sometimes they hate us, but always they surprise us

a surprise note last night from a friend proved that point; & speaking of rare find bean counters, one of those has a birthday today; in addition to growing grapes & earning winemaking awards he cultivates loyalty & friendship – rare talents, rare guy, rare qualities – from an accountant/CFO type turned wine-country gentleman; if he was wine, it would be a smooth 1955 Cabernet; if you visit Lake Breeze Winery in Naramata look for the hard working natty dresser (yes, he irons his overalls) that’s him; many more GR

the next few days – work becomes play; play mixes with work & this City gets ready for the 2 weeks of party-time that is Stampede; the other 50 weeks of the year used for getting over or getting ready for those 2 weeks; for some a summer festival, for some a time to work more than play, for some it is just liver damage, for some it is Mardi-gras with horses involved; countdown begun; how many hours till the Canada day long weekend? how many days till vacation mode? how many hours till school is out? or, how long till the kids go back? how many days till the Calgary Stampede starts? how many breakfasts, lunches & other functions will we attend? How many afternoons will people attend the grounds, the rodeo etc. - or how many did they manage to avoid? for some, how soon till it is all over?

for me: ‘how long till school is out in Hinesburg & how soon will vacationing teacher SN take to get here?’ .. tic-toc

seems patches of blue are emerging from the clouds

Mark

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Thanks Mark. The perception of control is funny and elusive. You put it into perfect context today., MW

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20C(on the way to 30+)/68F, Gusta & I had a calming walk on our regular path, uneventful, beautiful, no surprises

we are out of control, hurtling through space & time; no precision, no decision; no rights, no lefts, just hurtling forward, speed bumps, occasional brick walls & distractions everywhere

we have no control you see, I have no control, you have no control

surprises, come without notice

the only things we can change, with any real effect, are the choices we make; the analysis of this vs. that, yes vs. no, maybe vs. not-ever; we can change our vantage point, how we view what is happening & then we can make reasoned choices with the information we have

the spectrum of choices we have is both wide & narrow; we have limitless control but over a very narrow spectrum of things

someone recently taught me this phrase: ‘he needed to leave early’; the context was discussion about someone who committed suicide inexplicably – I liked the phrase & have chosen to use it a number of times in discussions about people who die before their time, who exit without rhyme, without reason, without notice; people who quit before their work is done – without leaving a note, a reason, an alternative

I like it

it does not explain anything, but seems to ease acceptance of that what we cannot change, it offers comfort I think when things happen, when people leave – leave without notice

how inconsiderate of the world to give me surprises without notice

do surprises come in some other form?

MW, friend & muser, is on a path he cannot control – a difficult path for anyone who is strong, decisive & used to being in control of what is happening, where he is going, where he is leading – but failing health of a family member puts him into a new role, a challenging one for the CEO (chief of everything officer) encounters a problem he cannot solve

a boss once told me that I could not be promoted unless I recruited a successor – he inspired me to train someone to do my job & I was promoted; I’m not sure that is a rule of the universe but at least he inspired me to teach someone so he didn’t have to

one person’s epiphany: ‘I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.’ – Rosalia de Castro

MW, your dad trained a successor; it appears he will have to leave early, but I suspect he feels he has trained you well & prepared you for all kinds of surprises except the one that looms in front of you now

Mark

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Mark – congratulations on your Toastmaster of the Year award. There – I bragged for you!, AW

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OK Now I'm dying to know what I need to congratulate you about so here goes.... You need to develop a finer sense of balance - to acknowledge when you deserve praise and equally, blame. Enough time for the blame later, let us share in your pleasure and render your just deserts as desserts. What's up? CH, Chimacum

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Congratulations! In my opinion speaking of positives is great! Our society seems to be good at celebrating ourselves as people (holidays, birthdays etc), and I like that, but our culture is a little short on speaking of things that we experience as good. The messages in my family were more along the lines that sending out the correct impression of yourself as a competent person was good and truthful. On the undesirable side of a gray area was overdoing it, after all others have successes too. Then I grew up and met a few people who spend more time trying to tear down others than they spend running their own lives. Apparently tearing down is politically correct, but any sign of recognizing anything positive or happy is politically incorrect. Kudos to you for speaking of something that you experience as good! More of us should do it more often! LHE, Edmonton

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Mark, today's musing was fully relative for me!! so eloquent on behalf of many many people, well, me at least! it is important to encourage people to feel good about themselves, and to encourage them to share their successes, else would friends be there to also fulfill the other side of friendship, and share the troubles or challenges??? Life is not to be lived alone! Cheers, DW, Edmonton
(PS, don't know who added me to your distribution, but thank him/her for me!)

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RE: thumbday - June 18 musing; Terribly sorry for the email yesterday....I was deleting emails and replied to that one by mistake. I know, I know, the send and delete buttons are really not that close but I was multi-tasking and was unfortunately not dedicating enough brain cells to the task of cleaning up my mailbox. Anyway, I am just one of the people to whom AO copied his response to your musings on Father's Day. I don't know him well and it is not clear to me (even after exchanging several emails with him on the subject)why he copied me on something that I thought was...well, bizarre to say the least. I don't agree with his opinions and didn't appreciate being told that if I don't agree with him then I should seek out a "a cold, steel syringe" as a mate. My response was to tell him (among many other things) that his position of how onerous the task of reproduction is for a man only has validity if men died from the humiliation of not being able to get it up. He didn't take it very well. The silly thing is that men don't have to have an active role in the actual physical mechanics of reproduction to have an valuable role in the lives of their children. I am just not sure why AO felt the need to aggrandize what is in essence a few seconds of enjoyment at an opportune moment as being an indication of the value of a father. Anyone who has had children knows (or should know) that conception and birth are the mere starting point of the very long, complex process of raising a child to competent, confident adulthood. This is true for men or women. As the years go by the pregnancy itself becomes totally insignificant in comparison to the many milestones of a child's life and the effort required by his/her parent(s) to get him/her there. Just ask an adoptive mother if her child is any less hers because she didn't carry it for 9 months. The opportunity to play a significant role in their children's development is there for any father who wants to take advantage of it. Any man can "father" a child but not every man is a father. Oh, well, apparently, AO upset more then just me with his weird email as he said that one person he sent it to no longer wants to communicate with him. I am not sure yet if I will join her but am leaning in that direction. Again, sorry for the odd and unsolicited email yesterday - and perhaps this one too, though you did ask for an explanation so this one at least is not unsolicited, BB, Calgary

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Mark, please let me join the ranks offering you sincere congratulations. Definitely Type A, definitely Leo, but those are accidents of birth. I prefer words like "skilled, determined, achievement driven, enthusiastic, committed, risk taking." Go ahead and brag, get a swelled head, it doesn't hurt at all. Know you a little, like you a little, trust you. rnRN

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15C/59F, clear & sunny; fresh mosquito hatch around lagoon overnight made for brisk walking – Gusta seems to think moving insects are food but I wanted to move along so my legs weren’t their feast

with accomplishments – huge or modest – pride rises inside either way; I am a quick study on many things, but on some I am a really slow learner

I was raised not to brag about successes, some bizarre thinking in the 50’s had parents drilling that into everyone – I know because I have so often encountered contemporaries with similar stories to tell

these were parents who would brag about us to neighbours, but not tell us how important we were in their eyes; was my parents generation in isolation?

I think not; I think they were a culmination of previous learning so they probably had it the same or worse though surviving a world war on top of a depression, everyone who merely survived was an unheralded hero – so winning a prize at school, a trophy, a tournament or recognition for something I was supposed to work hard at anyway did not deserve tooting my horn

so I was taught – so I learned

in raising my children I remember strong urges (could not know where they came from at the time - they felt instinctive - though I would later understand they were compensations for things missing in my own childhood) to praise them, coach them, encourage them, hug them, tell them daily how much they are loved; repeat, repeat, repeat

something happened yesterday – I won some acknowledgment - not a monster thing, but an important one in one element of my life

I had number of calls & emails congratulating me; while I liked that a lot, am grateful & proud – there is something from my childhood telling me not to talk about it, not to write about it, not to bring attention to myself for that accomplishment

I am a slow learner, so I won’t brag or gloat or swell with pride or get a swelled head (I never met a kid with a swollen head but remember well my mother telling me not to get one)

I have learned far more from the hard battles I lost than anything I have ever won; the victories feel good, validate & reward – don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the wins

but far more real learning has come from the hard losses than from any victory easy or tough

whether coming first in the spelling bee, 2nd in the 3-legged race, being the best at something that matters a lot to me or finishing last in a long race – but finishing, the most pride & value comes not in finishing first, but in finishing

I am not sure if these character permutations are A-type personality, life experience in sales or being a LEO, but

I learned early on not to brag

so I won’t

Mark

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Thanks for the blog, I enjoy many of them but can't deal with all the e-mails I get daily as it is so need to cut some out. Please delete me from your list. Thanks, GU, Calgary

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suggest you be ready.. but not on guard ..for whatever life,a weekend or even a day may bring...just think if you are.. you just might like what you find, SN, St. Paul

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Hi Mark: I am assuming this is where I would send a change of e-mail address to continue receiving your musings. I met you at the singles toastmasters the one evening I attended. It is not that I didn't enjoy it - just too much else got in the way. My life as a single has picked up considerably since those first shaky months. Life does go on! Keep on writing, JS, Cochrane

13C/55F, skies & path clear, quiet – nothing in our way – just Monday morning buzz as traffic hums in the distance taking weary weekenders to work, exhausted but exhilarated by thoughts of a long holiday weekend looming 5 days ahead

en garde means ‘to be ready’, it defines the position fencers take before a bout begins, a warning to be on guard; in conversation sometimes we need to be en garde before investigative questioning begins

not everyone is on-guard all the time; it can be like drilling hard rock, forever

or it can be a simple penetration of an easy opening, not always, but sometimes

always - easier to be driller than drillee - always

everyone has defenses & fences & walls; be they a long established private core stuff or de-fences that separate areas of lives lived in compartments, or barriers raised again because some hurt revisited along the way causing us to rebuild the fortress we worked so hard to tear down

thrust & parry of verbal fencing when someone is determined to get to the heart of matters is challenging to fend off; it reveals much, stings a little sometimes

it can be painful or spectacular, it can leave us skewered or stimulate, or both

when it is slow, gentle, relentlessness (like water torture) it continues until cracks open, superfluous waste drains away revealing in its place what is really there

sometimes intense investigation reveal deep truths, sometimes they are just conversation; sometimes they matter a lot, sometimes not much

mostly, they matter

extreme pawing-through-the-hay experiences, often coming up empty-handed; rarely coming up with the needle that lives in that haystack

looking for clues, pieces, bits & pieces, remnants of long ago when the need to be guarded did not exist, when the desire to be private was less practiced, less effective, less real; testing boundaries, probing, asking, listening, exploring – but what are they looking for?

in fencing, if one is not en garde, defeat can come quickly; it has many names; defeat, conquer, vanquish, beat, rout, subdue, subjugate, overcome - meaning to triumph over an adversary

deep within this haystack, there are some needles

if not on-guard, someone pawing through my haystack will inevitably find my needles, my true feelings, my deepest thoughts – dark ones & pure ones, sweet & the sour too

triumph in this sense is a joint victory, hurting someone is often labeled harsh failure but more often it is just a difficult or painful step

it is all new, be careful, step carefully – en garde!

whether we explore & probe with someone new or rediscover truths with old friends, there is much that is important, worth listing to

question & listen, question & listen, question & listen - it matters

I am asking many questions, being asked many more in return

I’ve been here before, I know the way

rarely are we not guarded, rarely does it get better than we are not guarded

this bankable truth can be counted on, forever and always

Mark

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From what I read today......all I can think is that you are looking for a witness to your life.....I truly hope you find it...having that one special person to witness it and for you to witness their’s is truly a blessing....., JB, Calgary

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Hello there, Turns out that my current lifestyle barely allows me to check emails. So, I'll have to sign off of musings for now. Perhaps in the not too distant future I'll allow myself the time for reading and reflections of this type. Cheers, AJ, Edmonton

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We should talk. I will call you tonight if you are going to be home. I also have a funny story to tell you. Musings yesterday were great...., SC, Fort Smith

15C/52F, sunny & calm; weary Gusta leads weary owner around familiar route, my left foot tight & heel hurting from yesterday’s climb; she slept while I cooked breakfast, while I read the paper – she sleeps while I write stirring slightly each time I venture to the kitchen to fill my coffee cup

laughing with my daughters & dog, the drive to Banff, lunch @ Melisssa’s - we hiked to upper falls at Johnsons Canyon & down again; then drove back dinner with them & my dad

in my small family, a small family gathering is a table for four

in my small family, a large family gathering is a table for four

Q. how to define - in a sentence or single word - what matters most, works best & ensures success in relationships?

A. reciprocity

in families the occurrence of reciprocal unconditional love is easy to see, with a dog even easier because the love that flows is balanced; it has no issue with age, capabilities, differences, intellect, history or skills

it is reciprocal you know

the best of the best of the best of relationships hinge on it

all the best families have some, the better ones have lots

not a dull ache in my belly, or lingering day-dream; not an urge to merge or to share a laugh

connections, however beautiful to look at never work, always fail, have no hope – not a prayer, no chance without it

reciprocal balance, quid pro quo, giving & getting – easy to say, hard to find, easy to do when you find it - whether predicting synergy of business deals, acceptance of ideas or ideals, volunteering or pioneering, working or playing – all relationships we foster need reciprocity, thrive on it & cannot succeed without it

ocean & shore have a constant unceasing symbiotic reciprocal relationship, metaphor for how people can relate to one another in a reciprocal relationship

Hafiz, Sufi master poet of 14th century Persia, wrote: ‘I think of no greater devotion, than to be shore to your ocean’.

while love & caring are grease for the wheels of life, we cannot have anyone be the sundae on our Sunday without reciprocity

love & loving - whenever with whoever, does not matter ever without reciprocity

reciprocal love brings the right to call, say, do, be, want, need anything anytime; the whole while knowing the one you love who loves you too wants & needs you to make that call, write that note, be one of the ones you turn to

cream of the crop, top of the heap, someone to share everything with when we colour over the lines; someone to laugh & cry with in sorrow; someone to challenge us to balance competing values, someone to cook turkeys with; somewhere out there a sundae for my Sunday awaits

waking up without you

waking up . .

table for five please

somewhere, on an ocean would be good

Mark

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Yes, it is true. There is no way out of the fact of "being," and "being here now in this generation...." I take heart in knowing it is written "...that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, crafted uniquely before the foundation of the world...." LK, Edmonton

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Hi Mark, I am a bookend .. not one of those L shaped gray ones.. or one that looks like an I with feet .. not one that is finely carved of cherry wood or alabaster but one who is made of some substance just called X. I can bend and mold and stand alone. "Burned" my bra and shook the hand of the man from Camelot and remember with gut wrenching clarity the day Camelot was no more .I remember the day the man who said "I have a dream" died on a balcony. Chicago, Watts, Kent State, a brutal senseless war. Letters from friends telling me that other friends were dead, they came home in body bags .. it made me rage, carry placards, have long discussions late into the night... this bookend wore her share of beads, bell bottoms, and a peace sign around my neck. Said cool, far out, that's awesome man. Listened to Simon and G sing about " bridges over troubled waters" and took to heart the words of John Lennon's "imagine". Taught my child to stand for something and herself. No way out? .. don't want out, no way man . . like being this substance called X

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Mark - As I prepare to leave town for a Saskatchewan lake (new trend - go East!), I am in Priddis. I read your note, listen to the redwing blackbirds and friends in the 'late' dawn chorus (7:30 is mid day for them!) and watch a deer bound away. (A small taste of how you get your charge every day. I have not kept current with 'Musings' lately, so I may be outside the latest discussion string!?) Not all is bucolic, however, as, even now, the constant river drone of HWY 22 whooshes below. We live in a mix of new and old; primitive and sophisticated; natural and fabricated; of growing and dying. The world is under the stewardship of the 'boomers' - another thing we inherited. Our job - and we are doing this well - is to introduce new perspectives on how to manage this stewardship. J.F. Kennedy inspired us to consider public office; Nixon made us reconsider. In this case, as in others, the Boomers redefined public leadership. Our public service leaders (philanthropy - Gates family; moral pulse - Bono Vox; volunteerism - Rotary International and its 'Polio Plus' eradication effort) come from within. Were they elected? No. Did they step up? Yes. Our challenge - as Boomers - is to step up while we still can! It will soon be a time to pass the torch. In the meantime, take time to mentor and get to know those that we pass it to. Enjoy what looks to be an amazing week! CD

13C/55F, gorgeous calm sunny morn; the lagoon/lake is bursting, Gusta more amused by a mole hill odours than new shore birds

Carla & Krista are in Calgary for the weekend – staying at my dad’s place; we are taking Gusta on a hike today; not sure if we will do Johnson’s Canyon or some other spot along the way; say it is all about

first borns, first boomers, first, first among my collection of extraordinary people in my life are my - 60 yr olds are one bookend of a generation, 39 yr olds the other – each disconnected from generations before or since

I am nearly 55, born near the leading edge of this ‘boomer generation’; subjected to the hoola-hoop, b&w TV, Dr. Spock inspired rearing in an era when parents shuddered to think Fidel & Nikita would re-colour our maps or wipe us all out; growing up with sonic-booms & Sputnik memories; from John Glenn to ‘one giant leap for mankind’

nobody asked me?; no one said 'would you like to be a baby boomer?'; would I like to be part of the Pepsi-generation, part of the peace movement, part of drug culture, the space age, the cold war or détente?

no one said, you cannot be an individual because you are part of a group, the group behaves in a predictable way – you are a statistic – no one told me this

we, the generation of Camelot, not the quintessential spot but Kennedy era spawned pop culture & psycho babble - 60’s fear & loathing, protesting & Viet Nam & the cold war & assasinations

we were just born, some of us first born’s in families where there were no first born buffer zones between us & parents; no one issued us membership cards, we did not apply - we are members who cannot escape or resign; we are done like dinner; tarred with the boomer brush, there is no escaping

minor rebellion is OK, not because of what we are rebelling against, but because we are boomers – rebelling is as much a part of our DNA as was school recitation of the Lord’s Prayer & swearing allegiance to the Queen or cod liver oil

none of us can look back at a time when we were not ‘baby boomers’, as children we never thought of ourselves as a unique generation; on my block 8 yr. olds hung out with 9 yr. olds & 5 yr. olds – we were just kids, not boomers; not realizing we were part of a unique group in history, in the social sciences – a demographic group of consumers who are marketed to, pandered to; an economic & political tour de force

the first of them, now turning 60; the Globe & Mail this morning features a retrospective on baby boomers - the youngest 39, the oldest 60

I cringe a little when I read analysis of the Gen-X we propagated who collectively have values & behaviours that defy explanation; each time some supposed expert or enterprising gen-X or Y journalist writes us up, or someone write a book to explain us to everyone or explain us to ourselves I cringe a little

I know some of these first born first boomers

like most first born's (the worst kind are we 'ONLY CHILD' first born's !!); I have come to appreciated the independence, arrogance & pushiness that fosters

my 55th is coming soon – the Freedom 55 plan I envision is the freedom to not plan, not retire, not fit-in, not follow a path but to make one; sadly, I suppose, none from my generation find any of this outside the norm

we are a generation who were told we would run the world - we do, we have, we are; is it a better place because of us, or in spite of us?

I like to think we make a contribution – every day my life connects mostly with boomer generation friends & clients; I don’t know if that is a good thing or a tunnel vision thing

no way out; caught between 39 & 60 we are alive like never before, full of P&V, full of ourselves, full of swagger, full of it

no way out, no way in

if you are not a member of the boomer club, there is no way to join

it is an exclusive club

no way out of the bookends

no way out

no way!

Mark
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©2006 Mark Kolke, all rights reserved.

surrender..to give in ..to let go scary words those are, for those of us who need to hold the reins of our lives in our own two hands. Do I trust me, can I trust you? can we open up ? let another human see what makes us laugh, ponder, question, weep. share the reins... blend the paths. surrender to the moment.. the day, the thought. surrender... to let go, SN, St. Paul

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A friend once told me to "live each moment fully and deeply"... to really be there, experiencing what ever is happening RIGHT NOW to the fullest. We have plans, dreams, hopes, choices, more more more to experience if we are lucky... and we must look forward to and prepare for that... and still, at the same time, live THIS moment, now. Surrendering to this day... not something I expected you to say... to let the day happen as it will... You've said more than once that "going with the flow" is not what you do... But maybe I see... When something happens to affect you that is entirely out of your control, really the only thing to do is accept it. To do otherwise is a waste of energy... There is what is - and sometimes all we can do is choose our attitude. (Btw: loved the 'idea mixed with metaphor... cream dreamy notions' line... very deliberate choice of words lately in your musings - maybe it was always there, if so, I'm glad to notice) LS, Calgary

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We have never met and until recently I thought you were spamming me…..and I was both right and wrong as I have been often in my life. Like a freight train I have been rolling though life happy to be moving forward and moving fast, until recently I found out I wasn’t bullet proof. So going from 100 miles per hour to 0 was a shock but was not surrender. Surrender suggests giving up entirely whereas I only gave up some habits, beliefs and actions to be replaced by new and improved ones…..moving more efficiently is both exciting and rewarding… Participating in this discussion is a willingness to throw myself into your fray…..my Dad always told me to pick my causes carefully, RR, Calgary

11C/52F, light breeze, sunny; Gusta walked as I returned calls – I was oblivious to landscaping crews that got her sniffing, engrossed in my calls, engrossed in some buzz in my head

often I hear of friends or colleagues or a stranger on page 3 of the newspaper who had their life turned 180 degrees in a heartbeat because of something they could not control - rarely do they surrender to the adverse situation, fighting instead against that adversity, problem or issue

for the fortunate who have spectacular change thrust upon them, it is easy to say ‘surrender’, but is that really surrender?

sometimes a voice from within or on the other end of the phone can bring inspiration

an idea mixed with a metaphor, add spice & verve, drizzle with something sweet & wet, iced with creamy dreamy notions

someone told me to see things through ‘my mind’s eye’; an easy phrase rolling off the tongue but a new one for me

where would my mind’s eye take me ?

Alice had wonderland, Dorothy had Oz, where is my dreamyland?

I believe it is right here, one day at a time

buzzing - dreaming - eyes open I imagine a future unfolding

no clear idea how today will unfold let alone the next few weeks or longer

far riskier than fearing collision with a bus or disasters unknown, would be to not dream, to not plan, to not plot courses, to not focus energy on bringing about change

change I want to see, in my mind's eye

where, when & how I change my life, self discovery mixed liberally with discovering others – a face across a crowded room or a voice from a distance, a picture, a word, a phrase – to capture that mind’s eye perhaps; uncertain if I can unlock my grip to surrender to it

history has conspired to have me right here, right now, in this moment – whether fate, ‘for a reason’ or just observing a world of opportunities from this tiny vantage point – I move forward an inch or two every day, some days falling back, some days lunging forward

dreaming a future is just that, dreaming; creating the future I want – risking incredible failure, risking incredible joy – one of the few things in life I can control, that’s the ticket

it would be nice to go cruising along an easy route, stopping at delicious ports of call

one day, one day at a time, every day one day at a time

this day is glorious

I give in to it, I surrender to it

I surrender, one day at a time

to say 'I will let it happen' is the antithesis of me

those who know me well know complete surrender is a place I get to rarely, uncomfortably, awkwardly

today is one of those awkward days

Mark

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14C/54F, sunny & calm, this morning Gusta further inspected that snarly miniature poodle while his owner gave me dog instructions; NOT the way to get me warmed up even if she was interesting or attractive

my whole life, is divided into the years of being oblivious to the impact of touch (prior to Dec. 7/86) & the remainder; people have touched me - too many to count or remember them all; it seems ones I have had an impact upon grows daily

such good luck makes my whole life whole

my whole life, whole & lively more because of that than any other single reason that comes to mind

yesterday I wrote about touch, encouraged you to touch someone who least expected it from you

who touched you yesterday? who did you touch?

imagine if you did some more of that today, any day or every day

I reached out to some strangers, some new friends, some old ones too & family members; I lost count of the touches, hugs, handshakes, calls & emails; while many were routine that would have happened anyway, but here are a few precious ones:

SN continues to tantalize, fantasize & realize there is maybe something of depth worth digging for between us; exploring on an emotional level is intriguing, risky & tons of fun; I would compare it to spelunking – crawling around in a dark cave without a light, feeling your way along not knowing if stepping into a puddle of muck, on terra-firma or into a fatal crevice fall will come at any moment; scary to explore, scarier yet not to because it could impact my whole life

my whole life might flash before my eyes with fear once & a while

better that than nothing flashing before my eyes

speaking of flashing, one never knows what lurks under a trench coat or rain-slicker; Parka-girl resurfaced proving she has a good mind, great smile & sense of ha+ha suggesting we will have laughs & stories to swap over coffee when she visits Calgary

I am lucky – very lucky – at some of the connections I have made in peculiar ways

I probably comment most on my dating mishaps & muser meetings with women, however the connections the MH & MW & DK in Calgary prove that interesting men are just as interested in reaching out to meet new male friends

reality being that guys are not as comfortable reaching out to make those connections with men as are women, but we are learning to do it better – we need it as much as you do

reaching out to touch someone, yesterday’s theme, has no better example/story than when I attended a workshop on handicapped children’s services in Edmonton [15 or 16 yrs ago I think it was]; while collecting my coat, a tap on my shoulder came from a beautiful blonde with a grin from ear to ear; like an idiot I answered her questions & left without getting her #, but our paths crossed again soon at a school band concert where we learned her son was in my daughter Carla’s class

the next night I made the call - to ask her out; SD turned me down saying she was seeing DA [what are the mathematical odds both DA & I . . each having had successive relationships with RM, would both next pursue SD?]

she said, ‘why can’t be friends, lets do lunch’; we did; a precious friendship was born, the extraordinary mathematically inexplicable small world stuff still boggles my mind; in due course SD became SA – 10 yrs ago today

a great chat with her this morning wishing them many more renewals; SA first said the marriage was going to be like a 5 yr. renewable term policy, today she told me she has converted to whole life

I lost count a long time ago

I lost count how many people I touched, how many touched me

some lightly, some deeply, some for a moment, some for a whole life

Mark

341,700

Thanks Mark.....I don't always find the time to read your musings but I did today and it touched me. I'll pass on the touches and hugs and the smile in my voice......Great way to start a new summer season., MP, Calgary

. . .

It takes a courageous man - or woman for that matter-- to touch people deeply. Even if you think you don't intend to, I believe the deep touch can only happen by intention. To acknowledge the depths of a person in the simplest of ways, as you describe, takes a willingness to know they are really there. People hunger for that acknowledgement and usually let it in. I commend you. Thank you for writing. Suddenly you remind me of someone--Keith Ferrazzi. Check him out at http://nevereatalone.com/. Click through to the blog. You'll like this guy, and his book. CS Maine

. . .

Mark, This touch is for you. Thanks for the daily musings. SA and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary tomorrow – she tells me she hooked me longer ago than that. As I said at the reception “ And you think yesterday was the longest day”. As your book title will say one day and as your daily musings go forth every day “ It is About You ……. Sweetheart. “, DA, Edmonton

. . .

Mark, I will share some advice from Virginia Satir, writer and family therapist - "We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth." When you consider how many there are living in isolation and despair - we are indeed fortunate to be able to anticipate a touch....EC, Calgary

. . .

Hi Mark! I saw you on the news last night! It's so hard to imagine the same person talking about property and writing all this - everyday no less, and so eloquently. It will be good to meet you - perhaps clear up the mystery. Happy Summer, all! LS, Calgary

. . .

we touched today and it felt good.. at the behest of my principal I was asked to plan and coordinate our schools Aboriginal Day events; we listened to O Canada sung by a young Cree woman who's voice captures your heart - ate "Indian Taco's" for lunch. Made bracelets, necklaces, key chains and beautiful painted feathers. Then as the sun shone we took "our children" out to Mother Earth - three legged races, tug of war - smiles, laughter so loud that the eagles came and circled overhead - a round dance to end the day - we touched today and it felt good, SN, St. Paul

. . .

I don't know much,,, and I haven't replied for a while,,, in reply to Monday's choking up,,, my friends and I call it a surge in hormones or a lack thereof welcome to the world of we can do whatever we want when our experience allows us to emote. ( Or shall I call it manopause? ) I know you're doing well Mark cuz I read your musings daily,, hope you continue to do well,,, call if you'll be thru Kelowna this summer,, ,bring your clubs , I guess that goes without saying,, ttys, TA, Kelowna

11C/52F; bright sun, 1 miniature poodle encounter on our trip, otherwise just a walk in the park

yesterday I got more smiles from people I encountered than usual; some because I called to give them good news on a deal, some because I called to tell them we were short-listed on a project pitch; some because I asked a question, some because I gave an answer, some because I offered a complement, some because I gave some critique; some because I volunteered for something, some because I declined; some because I took some time

time to talk, time to listen, time to look them in the eye; in the case of a phone call looking someone in they eye requires paying respect & paying close attention

some because I touched them somehow

it seems only yesterday it was spring

longest day of the year, summer solstice

solstice, gateway to summer - new season - fresh outlook & change of posture; maybe time to dance in the sun, chase new dreams or to go chair shopping

I go from intensely busy to thinking more of leisure, of relaxing of chilling out as I am warming up; I am warming up, sometime warming others too

it is National Aboriginal Day, so watch for sun-catchers, pow-wows & celebrations across the country – reach out & touch some of that, it will be good for you

for some it will be the longest fun day of the year

for others, not

not just for those dealing with headline tragedy stuff, stresses of daily life, anxiety attacks or the pickle they find themselves in, but mostly a long day is horrid for those who go all day untouched by human hands

those who feel they have little to celebrate, no one to care, no one to touch them; for those who have not had a smile, a touch or a hug it may be the longest day of a different kind

touch someone today please, touch someone who will least expect it from you or from anyone; touch them gently – say anything – the words are pale in importance to the power of your touch

touch an arm, touch a shoulder or touch the small of someone’s back; hug them loosely or tightly, just hug them sincerely . . or just hug them

this is not for the faint of heart . . it takes a little extra effort

within the bounds of propriety of course, just pick someone - anyone - find them in the bowels of your office, on the street corner, in an elevator or across the world

go ahead - you can do it

even if it’s just a finger on someone’s shoulder, or a courtesy handshake that last 2 extra slow pumps to extend the length of the touch – what matters most is THAT you touched, THAT you spoke of caring about how someone is doing

I’m going to touch some people face to face, some over the phone – some through e-mail

enrich your longest day of the year by shortening someone’s longest dreary day of the year

because you will touch them somehow

mostly, you will touch them more deeply than you can imagine

more deeply than you can imagine

more deeply than you can imagine

more deeply than you can imagine

more deeply than you can imagine

see how good it feels when you repeat good things !

Mark

341,724

A business colleague of mine left the company and I had her email forwarded to me sometime ago. I felt voyeuristic reading your daily dose of thought so have decided you are quite right- action is always better than inaction. Just a first note to say that I am enjoying your musings and that when you pluck a cord in me I will add to your ongoing discussions- please add my direct email to your list. Thank you, RR, Calgary

9C/48F, raining, raining, raining; dog & owner soaked to the skin – fabulous

I love rain, love walking in it, thinking in it

never serve me bland words, I like mine lightly seasoned

when we communicate, if we are truly communicating, the bulk of our words are lost; our fillers, props, constructs & mindless connectors of thoughts fill the air or the page; when I read or listen I tune out – filter out – the bulk

I read & listen to grab the word, the phrase or the sentence in the midst of all those keystrokes or banter to savour the flavour of little gems

speech & writing is littered with these special expressions of thought – salted - seasoned, like cracked pepper on a pasta dish, special ingredients taking pedestrian conversation or food to the realm of extraordinary memory

language peppered with phrases that excite or enlighten grab me most, hit me most, affect me most, imprint memory most; pedestrian courtesies & fill connected with context & people I know or want to know better

seasoning enhances the sweet, draws out the sour

tantalizing my tongue, stimulating my mind, producing smiles, frowns, disgust or side splitting bladder leaking moments

chat becomes banter, banter becomes laughter, laughter becomes flirtation, flirtation & exuberance or it falls flat

never short

innocent use of words conveyed with wistfulness, playfully or with deep seriousness – changes flavour in less time than 1 turn of my pepper grinder

a few such gems from my inbox in the last couple of days:

‘ hold that thought.............’

‘the thought not wasted’

‘ . . . what's the title.....I want more’

‘ . . . it's a special place, the spirits walk there . . . so loudly that even a "bug squash" guy might . . . .’

‘you are a merciless pal . . .’

‘I'll be here to meet you for coffee - or whatever.’

‘I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!’

‘ . . sends images both in the light of day and the dark of night . . ’

in language, life, food & people; to enhance flavour, season it some

in language, life, food, business or romance; to enhance flavour, season it some

to taste the juicy product of words people write, of the special messages they convey with a smile, a smirk, a laugh or a taunt I try to give as good as I get; sometimes I hit, sometimes I miss - but rarely fail to produce a result; a result that would have never occurred were it not for some form of action

from my experience, action beats inaction, speaking or writing beats silence every time

every time

I would rather reach out to someone – testing their boundaries a little sometimes – to show my interest in mutual seasoning them in return; not that they are not delectable already, but to add flavour to the discussion, to bring out the fullness of what is in them

every time

clever seasoning conspires with ingredients in the dish to erupt in mouths, I enjoy even more the experience of having thoughts & words erupt into feelings, feelings explode with passion for something, for someone – anyone

every time

taste it, taste you, taste me

I love words, serve me up a plate

don’t miss the banquet, don’t miss the spice

season to taste - you have no idea what a delicious feast awaits; no idea what you will miss if you leave out the spice

I love it when it rains

Mark

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hmmm... AO seems just a little bitter.. wonder where in his list of "men" he falls, SN, St. Paul

. . .

re: do we - June 12 musing; Hello Mark, I've been installing a new computer and all manner of terrible things have happened including my entire archive of emails and addresses being deleted. Absolutely nightmarish. Haven't got any musings other than this one and goodness knows what else I've missed. I'll let you know when I've got it sorted out with my service provider. Any musers who have direct contact with me might want to send a mail to remind me of their addresses. Best wishes, SK, London

11C/52F, stiff westerly breeze cuts sun’s warmth, Gusta eyed two large dogs that just moved in, two old retrievers across the street; I spotted two slender moms at a bus stop – the rest just scenery going by, pleasant but no special memories of it

people & events go by all the time; some imprint on our minds, others are just noise & sights going by; my hope is big & colourful, it is not blue, but gray shades, striped & swirled with many others – hopes & experiences are never ‘just red’ or just blue; never pure white or pure black; gray is the colour of it all; a mix of this thing, that idea, this person, that friend & some stranger who drifted by to make up the landscape that I see, the rest just scenery going by

it comes with truth & truth telling; it comes with hopes & fears, joys & tears

yesterday I got choked up a bit thinking about dad stuff; followed by Fathers Day lunch with HK, calls from my kids, golf with MM & AW, good weather, great chat with SN & LM – a perfect day

just like Phil Mickelson, a father too; he talked to his kids, golfed with friends, then got choked up; for my game I had an acceptable duffer score, for his, so did he - but he lost the US Open by 1 shot causing enormous distress for himself & golf fans everywhere who say choke

getting choked up, choking - common terms tossed around like anecdotes, but they are significant emotional moments to someone, especially for Phil; while viewers saw him flirting with disaster, he was really flirting with success; I save the stress & just flirt; Phil & I are best served to ignore our critics; he’ll ignore a media quick to brand him with Greg Norman 'choke' metaphors, I’ll ignore AO & the swamp he crawled out of - perhaps descended from the missing link; he lacks human-ness, cloaking it in writing skill & wit

today, I hope to get choked up; I hope to enjoy joy & get emotional about something that matters to me; I hope for something, strive for something, live for something, cry for something, work for something & play for so many good reasons

if someone out there needs what I have, I give it

if someone out there has what I need, I’ll take it

if someone out there gets me, I’m warm

if someone out there knows I get them, I get choked

Mark
341,772

From reading your daily musings lately you seem to be taking everything way too seriously ... lighten up a bit man. Not everything happens for a reason - sometimes "sh__ just happens" ... a bit overstated perhaps but we all have our ups and downs. Just remember the Highs and forget the lows - move on and you will live as long as I have (ha ha). Everyday over 50 becomes a new adventure ... all those years up to 50 are to give you the experience for the last 50!! KH, Edmonton, from the home of the 2006 Stanley Cup ... GO OILERS GO !!!

. . .

You are a sweetheart. Your birthday wishes and the mention in musings made my day. Really. I expected to have a birthday in solitude, but the people in Halifax found out about it and brought in a cake and the usual humor. It was a good day. Back in Calgary until Wednesday: flight up north for some "patch" work; off to Atlanta on Thursday and routing myself through Cincinnati on the return trip to help my daughter celebrate her birthday. I'll be leaving for Michigan on the 1st and returning on Sunday the 16th. And then I'll be here to meet you for coffee - or whatever. I am about to acquire a puppy, a Goldendoodle. She and Gusta may be companionable. The pup (probably Zoe, but I'll have to revisit that when I meet her) is coming from Cincinnati and will spend the summer on our farm in Michigan...an amazing place for a dog. Thanks again, CB, Calgary

. . .

A muser, liking Sunday’s musing forwarded it to a writer friend of hers. His response is printed only so I can mock the idiot, not out of any sense of democracy: I liked the poetic musings of the writer except the line about us not carrying a baby for 9 months. My response to that sentiment follows. "we reach that point of fatherhood having made only the tiniest of contributions we have not carried life inside us for 9 months" - I submit that the writer was merely pandering to mothers and did not put much thought into this statement - a futile attempt to ingratiate himself with women by playing down the man's role in procreation. Fathers, like mothers carry 'life' in them from puberty till death. Just think for a moment of the discipline involved in protecting this 'life' from contamination, or wasteful discharge over a lifetime. No matter how lonely he gets, a disciplined man must resist the company of his left hand to avoid a waste of this precious jewel. Even the very process of transferring this 'life' for ultimate union with its female half can be very challenging. Have you never heard of men who 'couldn't get it up' or those who couldn't keep it up long enough or, worst of all, those who don't carry enough of the 'life' in them to create a viable independent human. These are just a glimpse of the humiliation that men have endure to sustain human life on earth. Too bad we are not much appreciated. I would suggest that women who share the same sentiment as the writer should mate with a cold steel syringe instead of a live, warm and wormy, smooth phallus., AO

7C/46F, chilled air from last evening’s rain greet blazing sunshine; Gusta oblivious as walked around the lagoon – I was miles & years away – thumb thinking going on

primates have many distinguishing features that set us aside from other creatures – the opposable thumb key among them

as babies we suck on our own, later these special digits become invaluable tools

it helps us get a grip on thing, we use it daily for hitting the space bar on the keyboard among thousands of mindless things, yet we would be lost without them

hitching a ride could not happen without one; sticking the tabs in place on a disposable diaper impossible without one

someday, Sunday, big thumb day

these are not the words of a lisping child

fathers, dads, granddads – we all know what big thumbday is

babies & their own thumbs have a special connection, but what about that connection with their father’s thumb?

in just 30 seconds; we go from being expectant father to ‘father’ quickly forgetting the 30 seconds of creation followed by 9 months of preparation & many hours observing heavy labour

immediately this is it – 2 thumbs up time!

we are not so much created as fathers as we are plunged immediately into it

all over the world this morning – just as many old fathers will die – so too babies with tiny fingers are born

every day, new fathers (with big thumbs) are created

we reach that point of fatherhood having made only the tiniest of contributions

we have not carried life inside us for 9 months, we have not had hormonal changes, we have not been transformed into a walking-talking lactation machine

we have been waiting - just sitting on our thumbs with no real clue about what is to come

we have no idea that the most important thing we have to offer our child will be the very thumbs we are sitting on

we do not go to school to learn fatherhood; babies do not come with an owner’s manual or instructions printed in 3 languages

they are ‘assemble it yourself packages’ from IKEA for the young man with no idea what to do next; more than IKEA, the operative word is IDEA

we had no sweet clue what it would mean to be a father, how it would work, what it would mean; we have no idea

there is no better thing to do in life than to bring up a child – I’ve often said this as flippantly as if it were a slogan, or said it as seriously as I ever say anything

nearly 55 yrs ago my father became one because of me - a little over 28 yrs. ago I entered the brotherhood of fatherhood; we are not a fraternity that holds meetings but yet we seem to have uncommon of strong bonds of understanding

father & child have a special bond too that is hard to describe

fathers, are you like me? do you sometimes find yourself driving the shopping cart down the aisle where baby products sit ready on the shelf, just cruising through, but slowing down sometimes with a smile on your face

when I see pureed peas or apple sauce, when I see zinc ointment & baby shampoo & all the rest – that is when I smile quietly, walking just a little bit slower in respect & honour of those early days

slower, respectfully, reflectively remembering those precious moments when we held those innocent little lives for the first times, when we changed, fed, burped & rocked our sleepless nights away

away, it goes away, it fades but never leaves

we fathers rationalize our contribution as being significant; pale compared to the nurturing, fatigue & role mothers play in terms of labour in its many forms as they ensure babies survive, have lunches in their bags & go out of the door each day with matching clean clothes

we, meanwhile, often sit on our thumbs more than we play an active role – we smile upon our work, brag about them, teach them to ride a bike & swell with pride each time they stroll up an aisle to collect a ribbon or a diploma

we watched them grow & play & succeed at life; when they scored a goal or did something special, how many times did we give them the ‘thumbs up’ signal ?

my memories are mostly of being dad to Carla & Krista; my dad’s memories are probably strongest of being grand-dad to Carla & Krista

things were different way back then in an era like so many before it when being a tender caring father who touched, talked to & held his babies close was simply not done

fathers, dads, granddads – we have come a long way

mostly we still have the best thing of all – a big thumb

you know, a big thumb

a child needs a big thumb to hold onto, a father to hold onto

they need a grandfather to hold onto, that thumb is a strong connnection

those tiny fingers can wrap around it, grip it

a prop for early shaky steps, an anchor on the hand they grow up to shake

when most of us dial a phone to speak with our fathers today we use fingers for dialing – not our thumbs, they are special purpose tools best saved for work with small children

trite to say ‘offer a child a hand’

first, give them your thumb

Mark

341,796

Possibly parka girl was being true to herself and who she was, someone who takes life head on and did not want the direction that you were going. Maybe the two of you mis-communicated and had different ideas about what was happening. If she had gone for coffee with you, then she might have considered that she was being dishonest and a tease and many other things that can be hurtful too. She had some of your own good qualities which is why you were interested, but at the same time she had different goals and a different life plan. Women are often urged to be assertive and she was, so give her credit for that as well. You missed finding out if she had a sense of humour. But you shine as well, since you are now moving on and using the released time and energy to look for someone who wants what you want. Good for you, LHE, Calgary

. . .

In reference to "Parka Babe". She is anything but prude; however, I would say that the fine art of flirting might be lost. I would also say that there isn't a loss yet ..... just a scared "Babe" waiting to shed her "Parka"....you just might be the one to help her shed it......, LB, Calgary

9C/43F, bright & sunny; Gusta got animated following 1 rabbit’s scent as we walked fast on our path to keep pace with Maureen’s long stride & runner’s energy

the way of the path is not about the path, it is about the way we walk it

the way I see things, especially ones that are not there yet

outside my line of sight, beyond my field of view

daily habit, practice, ritual on the path - what I do & where I go - established long before there was a dog to walk

time to process the day or week’s events, time to dream large or think small

on the path-ways, pathways, my path way

paths offer more than place or metaphoric experience

there is solitude, peace & quiet on the path

they are a map, a trail & later a record of where we are going, how we get there & where we have been on the path

not on the path of least resistance

not on the path of easy travel

not on the path paved with gold

not on the path paved with despair

on the path walking, like life, is a process of taking a familiar route most of the time – head down, we see little; head up we can see it all or nothing at all

looking around does little but provide multitude images for retina & brain to process

looking around reveals two key things; spotting what we think we want & really wanting what we spot

this happens on the path

finding a path to take is so easy

finding the path worth taking, not so simple

peaceful paths takes stress away

some paths take your breath way

breathtaking paths

what I want, on my path, will test every fibre of who I am

every struggle & joy

they are all there on the path

gotta go golf; we will hit them straight & keep our cart on the path

Mark

341,820

Sandra here in beautiful Coeur d'Alene! Forget about "parka babe!" I think your being "loud and clear" is very refreshing. She missed out and has no sense of humor! Women who play coy as if they don't know how to flirt, are very immature, insecure, and repressed. I'm glad you got something out of the exchange with her; but that's what makes you a delight!. Keep those sheets clean, and the candles burning. Who needs prudes! SW, Coeur d'Alene

. . .

Mark I'm sorry things did not work out with Parka girl but don't give up your soul mate is out there!, BV, Calgary

. . .

Hi Mark, Thanks for sharing your story today Mark….your true character shone through……taking a lump of coal and making it gold….. I am sure it touched many people…… How sad that this lady didn’t even go for coffee. You might not have hit it off for one reason or another but she would have met a fellow who is true to himself and perhaps she might have made a great friend. Her loss!! I don’t always agree with your opinions and comments but do know that you are true to yourself and who you are. Thanks for being you. EK

12C/54F, raining less heavily now, lagoon swollen – bulging really – a muddy waters song cue if there ever was one; golden retriever Gusta distracted by shorebirds – confused by race-walking ones that stay ahead of her without flapping a wing

a golden gem, long time friend-golf buddy & muser, MM coming from Edmonton for a weekend of golf if the weather cooperates

my retriever is a golden, a true gem

this morning, a story about another golden gem:

my Christmas gift came early this year metaphorically in a ‘lump of coal’ message for my stocking

a not yet arranged ‘meeting’ will apparently not be happening, nor will her visit to attend an event in September we had discussed; the title & a few words explained ‘silence is golden’ , why she had not written back to me promptly; frankly I didn’t expect a reply but rather I was expecting a call to meet for a coffee or lunch when she is next in town this July

I learned instead – of assumptions, expectations, consequences & motives extrapolated to where meeting me became a bad idea from her point of view

it was a note from a muser – lovely woman I am sure – who had planned to meet me when she is in Calgary in July; over the last couple of months e-mail swaps & 2 or 3 phone chats led to an interest in meeting

key words in the note were ‘had plans’ – it seems that is off; suggesting, in short, that my comments (light hearted & well intentioned) have caused her to change her mind about meeting me

coming from someone who wanted to meet me in July & who was planning to come to Calgary to attend an event as my guest in September – it seems odd that she ditches on me before we’ve so much as had a cup of coffee; but that is not the ‘golden’ gem

I opened it expecting a ‘hi, how about if we meet for lunch on July XX’ or something like that

‘silence is golden’ was in the re: line

silence allows for one-sided dialogue which is no dialogue at all; nothing golden about that

her note clearly intended to give me a ‘not ever will I meet you because of the kind of person you are’ smack-down simply because I had implied more than enjoying a cup of coffee together in an e-mail

given her last volley sending me a picture of her in a bulky parka holding a fish I thought levity was her game

I guess not, but that is not the ‘golden gem’

most of all, the reason I am sharing this story, is that she gave me a complement one could only wish for

in a world where motives, truth & plain disclosure of thoughts is so elusive, where truth telling is what so many people seek yet so few do it

no one ever said this to me before – but I really like the sentiment

it is golden

it could not be more clear or validating

she wrote these words: your motives come across loud and clear

I cannot imagine – in dealing with anyone about anything – that I want my motives to be anything other than ones which come across loud & clear

fishermen in parkas will speak of the big one that got away; this one did not get hooked but left a golden gem behind

thanks, it was golden

Mark

341,844

"only thing we have to fear is fear it's self" said FDR in his inaugural speech of 1933. I remember hearing those words in a history course many moons ago. Those words have stuck with me. I have come to understand that at least for me they mean this...don't let fear stop you from walking half way across the bridge to meet the stranger who has walked his/her half to meet you...don't let fear stop you from feeling a new feeling, exploring a new path - don't let fear of the unknown squash the desire to know, to share, to grow, SN, St. Paul

. . .

I just wanted to send a quick note of thanks for the chat and the free advice yesterday. It was much appreciated, especially knowing how busy you are. I hope one day soon I can take you for a coffee, SP, Calgary

. . .

Hi Mark I dont know who put me on your list but I like your musing! I feel the same way about remaining open minded in life - when you are ready to learn life will teach you. Hope the rain stops soon , BV, Calgary

. . .

Ah-ha. Yes. It's like you're reading my mind these days and putting the jumbled into words... not quite, though... A Bernard Callebaut ice cream bar is not complete until it is coated in nuts. :) LS, Calgary

14C/55F, park becomes rainforest - raining heavily - gutters become creeks, streets lakes, paths spillways; I look in every back yard expecting some guy named Noah building something; Gusta soggy & loving every minute

in recent months I have been working on seeing sides of issues & opportunities differently – lessons learned in one quadrant of my brain might help the other

the challenge to have the wisdom to know the difference between that which I wish for, yearn for from the ‘real deal’ when it shows up

my open-ness to risking used to require an obligatory reality check, analysis paralysis sometimes

more often now I act on instincts because I have internalized my needs, wants & desires better than ever before

the great new deal, business opportunity, special event, romantic connection

each, to be successful, requires unrestrained pursuit with shooting star velocity

each deserves a rain drop or two, or two trillion now & then

sidetracked by my occasionally one-track mind, riveted on project-person-events du jour; whether golf course, new course, main course, of course – each cool idea, each spectacular connection – my focus gets distracted sometimes

or, riveted irrationally on issue, circumstance, person or connection

focus - without distraction, without interruption unwavering

often, my project-mode focus so entrenched on one side of my brain, leaks to the free spirit side distracting my light hearted enjoyment

the free spirit side wants to wish, to dream, to play, to revel in exuberance – irrational sometimes, sometimes not – but exuberance

‘both feet, deep end of the pool’

dangerous especially for we non-swimmers

hard dampening effects of reality & experience say most things about which I am exuberant do not live up to expectations

the more I am open to embracing the exuberance without the ‘deep analysis paralysis’ mode that follows I am feeling like a free spirit – yikes – smile – jump for joy, jump into the deep end without a life-preserver

hopes, desires & dreams are a lot like drooling over goodies at the bakery counter or devouring a Bernard Callebaut ice cream bar; vanilla, dipped in chocolate

too much trepidation is as much a challenge as none at all; I hold back a bit sometimes

holding back, I tell myself, protects from yet another ‘oops, that seemed like a good idea at the time’ misadventure

in creeps fear, uncertainty & doubt - fear of the unknown - illogical fear, irrational fear, emotional fear, being not in control fear

surrendering to the fear, embracing the fear – that’s the ticket; if fear was a colour chart there would be many dark shades, bright unpleasant hues, black, white – uneasy on the eyes, uneasy on the tummy

trust evaporates fear I think, or maybe it is the rain that washes it away

trusting others is easier than ever; trusting myself without that irrational fear is not as easy, but it is coming along

spontaneous often, outrageous sometimes, expressive always

its damp

focus

Mark

341,868

Mark: Great e-letter today, about a difficult and perplexing issue. All the best, MJT, Calgary

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Hi – I thought you might be interested in this. I have become interested in the gaps in time…. After the reason and before the season or lifetime, Cheers DB, Red Deer

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON: People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. (or for you to offer the same FOR or to THEM). They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

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delicious ambiguity .. umm sounds almost like a dessert ..can I have mine with whipped cream? moments should never be wasted, SN, St. Paul

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A gem, Mark. Thanks always for sharing. I'm glad it's happened that I stumbled upon your musings - it's been about a year now, and I look forward to them every day. LS, Calgary

13C/55F, fresh wetness, heavy cloud in the west, drizzling leftovers of a thunderstorm that filled the lagoon last night; lagoon became lake

big choices are simply when smart people make practical decisions about house-buying, job changes etc.

we agonize, then do the right thing, the obvious thing

but, enter emotions

a whole different scenario envelopes us

in all elements of our lives – in business, in play, in body, in spirit, in love or hatred, in pleasure or in pain; then it is countless mini-decisions, innocuous little choices, that determine our path, our health, our wealth, our relationships with each other & with the world around us

some say each person who comes into our lives does so for a reason; having collided with some marvelous people I would suggest rather that little choices create those collisions – every such encounter could involve meeting someone special

in fact they all do, the question is whether or not we notice those special connections when they happen

one special connection with a muser; he initiated it – so glad he did – a good man to know, a good man perhaps questing for his own set of answers; this morning he is gripped by a situation

what can I wish for this son rushing to the bedside of his father who’s prognosis is doubtful?

while I am glad it is not me on such a flight this morning, I am glad my friend has the kind of relationship where he wants to do that, needs to do that – could not imagine doing anything but that regardless of outcome

fathers day can be any day, every day, this day or that day

we skirt, dodge & weave our way through life & death in lives fraught with risk, rife with opportunity

some of us last a short while, some last forever; some have to leave early

until we part, each of us can be across a table, across a great divide, across a telephone line

one palm pressed against another, a friend at my finger tips . . or at yours

‘I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.’ – Gilda Radner

while she was speaking about impending death, mostly I think she was talking about life, living & pursuit of richness in every moment, day, person & every opportunity in our lives

to good friends, old friends, new friends & friends not yet met - when I think of knowing you, I would mostly like to come to you with Gilda’s attitude & my impatience

I have no moments to waste

neither do you . .

delicious ambiguity

Mark

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knowing..for me there is no greater gift that one human being can give to another... to remove the mask, take down the walls.. to say, here I am. I will let you know me. Thank you for the gift, SN, St. Paul

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Great minds think alike…I too was listening to Don Quixote (Colm Wilkinson’s version). It struck me that like many romantics (not the soppy sentimental kind) you are on a quest; the kind of pursuit that seeks the important, not the urgent, behind (or beyond) the ordinary. It is a qualitative journey. The urge to discover, to conquer, but most of all to experience all that life has to offer is the basis for most of our great music, art and literature. So good luck my friend. I hope that your journey does not end in disillusionment (the saddest possible conclusion for a true romantic). , SB, Calgary

12C/54 F, sunny with a breeze; cute jogger warranted Gusta’s attention – otherwise just another beautiful tranquil morning walk in the woods

quest, question, questing – the seeking of answers

his company & point of view stimulate more laughter & less irritation than when we met 18 months ago; coffee with RH last night; he said something that is probably one of the nicest things I’ve heard in a long time – he says I make time for people

to CB (so many CB’s - I mean the gorgeous tall dark doc from Calgary with legs way up to here, currently toiling in Halifax), mentor, friend & tower of strength to envy – wishing you peacefulness in the chaos quadrant of your life, wishing you joy in others, wishing you were available to see more than bi-annually & that you would take as much for you as you give to others – happy birthday babe – lets squeeze in some time this summer when you are in town

story swapping mostly, some writing too; getting acquainted with muser SN – after several months as a fly on the wall she reads between lines & knows me better than most who have known me for years

400 yrs. ago Cervantes gave life through words to Don Quixote; the quintessential questing man - Google helped me with the lyrics - music running through my brain this morning - from Man of La Mancha:

ALDONZA - Why do you do these things? DON QUIXOTE - What things? ALDONZA - These ridiculous... the things you do! DON QUIXOTE - I hope to add some measure of grace to the world. ALDONZA - The world's a dung heap and we are maggots that crawl on it! DON QUIXOTE - My Lady knows better in her heart. ALDONZA - What's in my heart will get me halfway to hell. And you, Senor Don Quixote-you're going to take such a beating! DON QUIXOTE - Whether I win or lose does not matter. ALDONZA - What does? DON QUIXOTE - Only that I follow the quest. ALDONZA - (spits) That for your Quest! (turns, marches away; stops, turns back and asks, awkwardly) What does that mean... quest?

DON QUIXOTE -
It is the mission of each true knight... His duty... nay, his privilege! To dream the impossible dream, To fight the unbeatable foe, To bear with unbearable sorrow To run where the brave dare not go; To right the unrightable wrong. To love, pure and chaste, from afar, To try, when your arms are too weary, To reach the unreachable star! This is my Quest to follow that star, No matter how hopeless, no matter how far, To fight for the right Without question or pause, To be willing to march into hell For a heavenly cause! And I know, if I'll only be true To this glorious Quest, That my heart will lie peaceful and calm When I'm laid to my rest. And the world will be better for this, That one man, scorned and covered with scars, Still strove, with his last ounce of courage, To reach the unreachable stars!

RH (or should I call him Aldonza?) says I make time for people

what he misses – the best part - is that they make time for me

the world will be better for this

Mark

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Of course one of the paradox's of a seeking life...is that tomorrow you will have a new yard stick to measure against, with all of the new experiences, new thoughts, new chemistry, new impacts, new information, new energy, new challenges, new sorrow, new fear and new faith in humanity....the big parade that we all want to be part of. Not all the time, but the best things in life, only happen when we are with others, helping, assisting, sharing, caring, loving and listening with. My advice is to keep seeking ....but just remember to 'ride the pony'. Keeping things together, and never panicking, allows good energy and clear thinking, SM, Comox/Calgary

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Hey I didn’t notice that your sassy blind/braille sex comment was in the musings. I think that your responses to your musers may be even more interesting than your musings. Hope you are having a good day….. am wondering why at 1:00 I do not have my daily dose of thought provoking or at least provoking commentary. This morning I was asked if I was naughty or nice….. all I could answer is that I now make choices not responses and I am fully accountable for the outcomes. Odd, I got your musings around 4 today. I guess my computer is acting up. I look forward to reading your musings every day and when it feels like you read my mind I enjoy it even more. I have decided it’s the Leo connection and not some whacko parallel universe. Self responsibility is the life skill that I would choose to teach the world. Skip the world peace stuff. I also am now employed at Michener Center. I start on the 19th. Cheers, DB, Red Deer

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retrieve any children's balls this morning? trace any smiles...., SN, St. Paul

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It is obvious why you left out God. He doesn't even qualify for a capital G .Sounds like you are on you own. He knows you. You should get to know Him., MC, ?

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"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield" (Tennyson, Ulysses - one of my favourite poems) Yup. Choices, energy, connections, discovering, being, seeing, doing, learning... life itself is a reason to be inspired. Thanks for this! LS, Calgary

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I was worried..... I checked my e-mail first thing this morning and there was no musing!!! I was contemplating e-mailing other musing receivers because this is the first time I've not gotten it first thing in the morning. I was worried that maybe something happened. What a relief when it finally came just before noon. Whether you didn't send until then, or it was a computer glitch, anyway glad it came. I look forward to it each day. TB, Surrey, B.C.

7C/46F, light cloud, dewy grass, dewy path, dewy trees, dewy leaves

do we? do I? do you? do we know what drives us, inspires us, gives us reason for living, doing, striving ?

someone asked me over the weekend to describe what drives me, why I am who I am

I think about this from time to time, but not often; in other words, I don’t have a policy discussion with myself each time something confronts me – I react, act or postpone reacting to things 1 at a time based on my instincts, experience & recognition that EVERYTHING is choice, every choice is decision, every decision leaves me, alone, accountable

short tempered sometimes, gentle sometimes, not suffering fools gladly, inspired by bright folks & spirited discussion – banter, brains, beauty, truth - things I seek, things that inspire

so, easy enough I thought: I trotted out & recited my list (thank you Deepak Chopra for coaching me to make lists) of ‘Desires’ & ‘Unique Talents’ – each a hybrid list I’ve tweaked only a little in recent years, comfortable in their correctness for me

there is a little less emphasis on some elements than is my day to day practice, but I remain comfortable with those lists, I own those lists, those lists are firmly cast in solidified paper pulp

my lists leave out spirituality, god or any facsimile thereof; ‘Why?’, I was queried

I talked around it a bit, muttered something about ‘squashed bug theory’ generally avoiding talking about me feelings, replacing it as I often do with ‘what I think’

‘what I think’ vis-à-vis ‘what I feel’ are two streams that merge on occasion, go off on different tangents sometime

why is that ?

behaviour tells more about me than does talking about what I think

I think

what drives me is energy of minds colliding & collaborating, doing worthy work, having meaningful conversation, enjoying emotional connections when they arrive, being moved by caring deeply when I do, wishing fond farewell when those connections depart

I am thrilled when I can inform, teach, learn, figure out stuff; in search of the ‘ah-ha moment’

before I am a squashed bug on the windshield of life, I want to be sure I have spent my energy in pursuit of things that matter with all my energy before colliding with the end at high speed

I see that easily in others, less easily in myself

I think I feel

I think

I know I feel

I know

Mark

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13C/55 F, sprinkling rain, threatening sky - Gusta reviewing Saturday landscape misadventures & amateur sod laying around the neighbourhood, my heel misbehaving - a twinge left over from golf

time well spent sleeping in, walking late, morning papers, as e-mail banter & calls from friends delayed this writing; given Sunday evening ritual de rigeur a late start & good sleep were best - near perfection

breakfast - near perfection - papers, orange juice, coffee, toasted bagel smothered in cream cheese smothered further with slivers of smoked salmon – time well spent

change & growth – personal, professional & societal – things we talk about at cocktail parties, in cocktail lounges & especially when friends call after a night of being cocktailed – or worse, of having no one to share a cocktail with

early reggae rhythm ‘don’t worry, be happy’ is advice near perfection, rarely taken; a friend spent a Saturday night at home alone wishing she hadn’t, a friend spent the evening out only to go home to someone who needed to talk – she would rather have been alone or to have not gone home; it seems Sunday morning blues, a different shade than other blue days; or maybe it is because we have time to lounge around thinking about them

typical, it seems, for humans to be unhappy with their situation; typical too of many people is quiet complacency or resignation, a belief circumstances cannot change

Q - T or F: situations cannot be changed much without substantial effort

A - False, sometimes, most times, tiny things change the course of lives, thinking, circumstance - sometimes VERY tiny things

most circumstances do not change; change comes from the actions we take, not from the circumstances

spontaneous hello, spontaneous politically incorrect response, walking a different route, listing to someone new – or to someone old from a different vantage point – these opportunities seized without money, influence, power or social position – just a little word, a look, a step or even a mis-step can be near perfection

golf & funny bones colliding; little leaves KK lost for words, but talking about close encounters of a muser, female musers to be precise including married ones wanting than just ‘coffee’ produced more wide-eyed questions than rebuttal, more laughter than anything

back nine conversation returned to important issues: could we manage a decent score in the best-ball tournament with 1 beginner [1st round lifetime] & 2 rusty [1st round of the year] players on our team? after 5 hrs. sustained catch up chat interrupted only by some good shots, some bad shots, some good laughs & a bratwurst at the turn – two guys ‘of a certain age’ probably no different than any other 2 guys getting together; we talk about common interests, business, work, politics & women – we finished well out of the ‘prize money’ at 6-over

thanks KK, it was time well spent

I think most married men have no idea what the world of single men & single women is like (kudos to KK for being a thoughtful listener - or maybe just a thoughtful friend who listens with empathy + he is one of those rare male types who talks about his feelings); unlike married women who talk about it & read about it voraciously in search of perfection, of the tricks to awake their mates to something so simple, yet so elusive

based on my extensive research on this subject, no woman wants to say to her husband: ‘honey, I just want you to touch me warmly out of the blue for no reason at all’ because if she does then she always wonders if he really meant it or if it was just a means to an end, her end

gentlemen: there is more to a relationship than this simple truth, but not much more brilliance is required if you get this one right; so touch her warmly out of the blue for no reason at all

no need to thank me or Dr. Phil or any guru – just enjoy the many fruits of very little labour

seems I scored a direct hit yesterday: that spot where a nerve, a funny bone, a tush & a heart converge – I had no idea they were located in the same spot

thanks to all who wrote - near perfection

I don’t live in near perfection or Maui, but I can see it from here

Mark

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Good stuff, Mark. You're in rare good form this morning. Not that you aren't in good form other mornings...I better quit before I get further behind...., RH, Calgary

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Hi – still dragging around with this cold. I thought it was interesting and it never fails to surprise me that you often write in your musings about something I am reading or thinking or feeling. Today at Coles I was reading On Walden Pond, wondering where my beloved book actually is with my life scattered about as it is. I read it first while living in Banff in 1970 and I believe shaped my life in many ways. One day Keats will be my Walden Pond. So to read your musings when I got home was surprising to say the least. I did purchase The Tao Te Ching, one for myself and one for a friend in prison. He has been allowed a package from me but it must arrive by June 20th. He requested books and art supplies. No matter what is going on in my life at least I can get books. Do you ever wonder what you would do if you went blind and couldn’t read? It would be a very difficult thing for me. Much easier to give up sex. DB, Red Deer

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I'm convinced company is the greatest motivation to clean. I've attached something you mentioned in musing last week. They are extra large sticky notes hanging in my bedroom. Merci, DL, Calgary

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‘Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are. ‘ - Don Miguel Ruiz

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I don't "seem" to like your voice I just plain like it. It's "that" kind of voice, something other female musers will understand and the male ones will go huh???? Like tush's too - but most of all look for the spirit in a person - yours sir is doing okay so far - hope the golf was good., NS, St. Paul

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Hi Mark, For a minute I though I was reading something that Andy Rooney might have written. It was amazing how I put your words to Andy Rooney's face., LM, White Rock

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Mark, A new connection here...I just picked up your daily musing and wanted to share some of own, before I go out kayaking to Tree Island. ‘CONSULTING....If your not a Part of the Solution, There's Good Money to be Made in Prolonging the Problem.’ - Author Unknown; ‘All the information I have about myself is from forged documents.’ - Vladimir Nabokov; ‘The truth is that everything is One, and this of course is not a numerical one.’ - Philip Kapleau; ‘One may understand the cosmos, but never the ego; the self is more distant than any star.’ - G.K. Chesterton; ‘It's in the darkness of men's eyes that they get lost.’ - Black Elk; ‘If your going to care about the fall of the sparrow, you can't pick and choose who's going to be the sparrow. It's everybody.’ - Madelaine L'Erigle; ‘To know oneself, one should assert oneself. Psychology in action, not thinking about oneself. We continue to shape our personality all our life. If we knew ourselves perfectly, we should die.’ - Albert Camus; ‘Sins become more subtle as you grow older: you commit sins of despair rather than of lust.’ - Piers Paul Read; ‘Real events don't have endings, only the stories about them do.’ - James Galvin; ‘One cannot weep for the entire world. It is beyond human strength. One must choose.’ - Jean Anouilh; ‘Nothing in life is trivial. Life is whole wherever and whenever we touch it, and one moment or event is not less sacred that another.’ - Vimala Thaker; all of these gems have traveled with me for a number of years, as quick reminders....that we must all keep right on till the end! Have a super day, SM, Comox

9C/48F, cloudy, rain likely; Gusta & I took a reverse route behind the ridge lots so she was sniffing her own deposits behind every tree thinking it was someone new; we encountered several dogs – stopping to sniff behinds (dogs, not the walkers)

‘I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called information. She said ‘Hello, information.” I said ‘I can’t find my socks.’ She said, ‘They’re behind the couch.’ And they were.’ - Stephen Wright

‘To lead the people, walk behind them.’ – Lao Tzu

‘The test of an enjoyment is the remembrance which it leaves behind.’ – Jean Paul Richter

weary week behind me, dragging my behind a little this morning

behind on writing, behind getting things done, behind getting ready for the day

I was behind on laundry, all caught up; DL stopping by for a visit last night actually inspired folding & putting away laundry that had been in a pile – I dealt with it all except for the pile I pushed back into a hamper - seems I am still behind

behind on my reading I am catching up 3 days of papers

I was really behind; I’ve been trying to get a grip on news coverage of terrorists arrested this week, trying to get a sense of who is behind it

I got a reminder notice on a bill yesterday telling me I was behind

I checked the pile of ‘bills to pay’; there it was – hiding right behind two others I am behind on; I’ll have to write cheques & mail them if I can find the stamps

they always seem to be hiding behind something else in the drawer where I keep them right behind the scotch tape, pens & paper clips

I spoke for the first time with muser SN yesterday; she seems to really like the voice – I told her thanks but she might like to see my little behind before she considers voice my best feature

behind on accounting, behind of invoicing, behind on returning calls & emails

I have many things in need of sorting out (to be organized one behind the other) for action over the next couple of weeks; behind on that too

I wonder, if I am behind on procrastinating, is that behind to the 2nd or 3rd power?

since I am on the subject this morning, what about what we leave behind

memories we leave behind; people crossed our path - some significantly - some left us, others we left behind

left behind like smoke trail behind a jet plane, fading from view but not from our memory

I am sure I won't have a problem if I am a little behind getting to the golf course to play with KK and his colleagues, he usually arrives late - often calling me from his car to tell me he is running a little behind

I am going to try harder next week

I need to start early to get ahead on being less behind; maybe I need to go on a retreat to Maui to advance this idea!

perhaps the best opposite of behind would be ahead or up front, the best opposite of retreat, advance

'I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavours to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favour in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty, nor weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.' - Henry David Thoreau

more ahead, less behind; more advances, less behind

I have built my castles; now working hard on foundations, but I am a little behind

Mark

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