Musing

15C/59F, clear & sunny; fresh mosquito hatch around lagoon overnight made for brisk walking – Gusta seems to think moving insects are food but I wanted to move along so my legs weren’t their feast

with accomplishments – huge or modest – pride rises inside either way; I am a quick study on many things, but on some I am a really slow learner

I was raised not to brag about successes, some bizarre thinking in the 50’s had parents drilling that into everyone – I know because I have so often encountered contemporaries with similar stories to tell

these were parents who would brag about us to neighbours, but not tell us how important we were in their eyes; was my parents generation in isolation?

I think not; I think they were a culmination of previous learning so they probably had it the same or worse though surviving a world war on top of a depression, everyone who merely survived was an unheralded hero – so winning a prize at school, a trophy, a tournament or recognition for something I was supposed to work hard at anyway did not deserve tooting my horn

so I was taught – so I learned

in raising my children I remember strong urges (could not know where they came from at the time - they felt instinctive - though I would later understand they were compensations for things missing in my own childhood) to praise them, coach them, encourage them, hug them, tell them daily how much they are loved; repeat, repeat, repeat

something happened yesterday – I won some acknowledgment - not a monster thing, but an important one in one element of my life

I had number of calls & emails congratulating me; while I liked that a lot, am grateful & proud – there is something from my childhood telling me not to talk about it, not to write about it, not to bring attention to myself for that accomplishment

I am a slow learner, so I won’t brag or gloat or swell with pride or get a swelled head (I never met a kid with a swollen head but remember well my mother telling me not to get one)

I have learned far more from the hard battles I lost than anything I have ever won; the victories feel good, validate & reward – don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the wins

but far more real learning has come from the hard losses than from any victory easy or tough

whether coming first in the spelling bee, 2nd in the 3-legged race, being the best at something that matters a lot to me or finishing last in a long race – but finishing, the most pride & value comes not in finishing first, but in finishing

I am not sure if these character permutations are A-type personality, life experience in sales or being a LEO, but

I learned early on not to brag

so I won’t

Mark

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