Musing

Amen! Once again you seem to tell my story -- only better (not the story, the telling). Thanks for sharing the awareness that you are complete as you are. It's something I figured out a while ago, and now it's all so very easy . . , PM

Thanks for your ever-poignant musings. From today's musing: "... or the solution to their problem". I believe that the vast majority of relationship problems - be they romantic, professional, friendly, or what-have-you - derive from this single issue. To our collective surprise, it seems that relationships can never be a solution to a problem, but merely a mask on the symptoms. Not unlike Contac C for emotional issues. Perhaps to the chagrin of Hollywood writers, relationships are not about being completed, but about sharing completeness., JS

+7C, clear, not a cloud to indicate those predicted afternoon thundershowers
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just think time in the sunshine; long walk with frisky dog to pull me along . . no critters, no dogs, no dog walkers
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I’ve declined some interesting opportunities recently – some personal, some professional – each in its own right cause for thrills & spills . . . each would have probably caught my interest a year or two ago; but some things seems to have shifted for me
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sometimes shift just happens & sometimes shift needs shove !
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I used to pursue things/people to gain what I felt I lacked; a quest rooted in self image, self respect, validation & recognition issues . . . . a thirst for sharing, caring & laughter . . . amid needs for stimulation on physical & intellectual planes . . . a need for sustenance
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my efforts in personal relationships & business ventures reflected my neediness
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but then I figured it out; I have all those things in my life . . .
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I have love & friendship & joy & stimulation on many levels with lots of people in my world, in my family, in my circle . . . so finding it is not something I need to seek – I just need to be who I am, where I am & continue to explore . . . to deepen those connections
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what drove this home for me are recent connections based on someone else’s need for validation, love & friendship & joy & stimulation – people with high needs; an all out effort to reach a ‘needs met’ state through others rather than through self
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in the last couple of weeks I have met a number of ‘relationship prospects’ . . each different from the other in many ways – but with something poignant in common; a quest . . . a search . . . a strong desire to find ‘the one’, ‘the relationship’ or the solution to their problem
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maybe I’ve evolved past my ‘best before’ date, but I don’t think so; I am not seeking a solution
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while I enjoy solving problems, meeting challenges & growing both professionally & personally; it is clearly time for me to meet a summer sweetheart with verve, swerve & nerve . . . hopefully someone who brings a similar appetite & wish list . . . seeking depth
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dog is snoring, work awaits, gotta run
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Mark
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I'm doing quite well I'd say. The universe has been very good to me. Yes, I did get married and I'm living with my husband, sister in law, her cat, our cat, and our dog in a cute little Inglewood home not far from Carla's old home in Westmount. I did Katimavik, yes, in 1997-98. It played a huge part in my life aside from matching me with my partner Chris! I will have to check out the book recommendation. I like to read the musings when I have time. You know, there's no reason that we need to experience things in total isolation. Glad you're sharing some things many can relate to. Thanks again & take care, AJ

As I read about the impact that Gusta has upon your life, I am reminded of the dog lovers prayer - "Lord, grant that I may be the kind of person that my dog thinks I am." I'm not sure where I first read it, or even who wrote it. Maybe it was that ancient philosopher Anonymous. Happy walking, WK

Hi Mark. I have enjoyed musing and I hope that the teacher from the UK has found what makes her happy. In contrast to her, the good things in my life, and the fun things, all in some sense result from choosing stuff that made me happy while I was at the same time thinking ahead and acting cautiously. In my life when I agreed to act without regard to the future (she mentions "spend all my money"), I as a result missed opportunities. My experience is that moving on in life does not always obliterate negative consequences, the consequences grind on. Choices that respected the future left me with a sense of peace then and led to expanding good things over time. Interestingly, there were persons in my life who implied that acting without caution was essential to happiness and they were all teachers, maybe educating the young leads people to emphasize the benefits of spontaneous actions in their speaking. LH

Mark I will be retiring tomorrow but would still appreciate receiving your writings at XXX.com . I particularly enjoy your observations on Gusta as I have a young Border Terrier, KN

+11C, clear, stiff warm wind from the east
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we started late . . 5 deer grazing in the field behind my building; long relaxed walk - we spent lots of time at the Fish Creek bridge just watching water tumble along – a more subdued Gusta – nice
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I worked most of the night so I am moving slow & late this morning; Monday morning is usually slow moving for me . . today especially so
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I have been doing some brainstorming with some people far smarter than I about a new adventure – not sure where that is going to go, but the ideas, the creative juices are beginning to flow; I looked around for some inspiring techie quotes . . found none so good, none so appropriate as this one from long before the invention of the microprocessor or the nanosecond or any internet businesses:

“But words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling, like dew, upon a thought produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions think.” - Lord Byron
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I will be spilling some ink & sweat on the page today . . . . thank you Lord Byron
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dog report: Gusta got her baptism of socializing with other dogs yesterday morning; she played for 3 hours with a 1 yr old Siberian husky, a 1 yr old black lab & a 5 yr old Bernese mountain dog . . the husky being the smallest of the three . . a great workout on a long hike in the foothills resulting in mostly sleep since then; when not in her kennel she likes the coolness of the acrylic chair pad in my office – which makes it nice to have a furry foot warmer, but we learned last week that ears & tails don’t mix well with chair castors . .ouch !
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Mark
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More dog picture feedback:
She is beautiful!!!!!!! Hope all is well, CB

Adorable! Looks like she'll be processing quite a bit of food as she grOWS. Enjoy! I agree with LA better get her micro chipped, MRK

She is so beautiful..............looks so soft...........do you just love her to death already?How are you otherwise? I am so tired of the dating scene I could spit........lol. Actually I have taken a break from it for a bit and now I am doing eHarmony.........but that is making me want to run again.......lol. Hope you are good. Talk to you later, AS

Re: time to take some more musing May 28; Thought provoking as usual, thanks Mark. As you said our life experiences have taught us to consider, reflect and act with caution. There may be great rewards for an impulsive action, but there may also be, at the very least, failure. Does the child or puppy experience greater joy because they are experiencing something for the first time? We still experience many first times but have the maturity to keep it in perspective and truly enjoy it. Personally I have had some great experiences as a result of acting on impulse, but have also felt the sting of rejection and failure. At the same time, when I look back, I also missed opportunities altogether because I did nothing at all, DL

Hi Mark, I like the way you write "we" as if everyone over 40 starts to drop back a gear. I don't have that mechanism in my brain that wants to consider the consequences of all my actions and that in itself can be a nuisance. Imagine launching yourself off a medieval siege catapult every morning. You truly can get tired of exhilaration (not to mention the family and friends who mutter "I told you so"). I don't keep a diary, a wall chart, a Filofax. Every day just happens. Mad for a teacher but somehow I get through it. And anyway the biggest mistakes I ever made were listening to other people's advice and exercising caution so I'll just have to live with a faultydecision-making facility. I'm just destined to fall for the wrong kind of guy, open my big mouth, spend all my money and never grow up. Pathetic but true. So now the flopsy eared blonde has tied you down how will you ever get to visit? Have a nice remains of the weekend xxx from Shelagh, SK

+5C, clear, chilly breeze . . another great warm day ahead
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a morning’s walk abbreviated . . . saving dog power for our trip to Bragg Creek [see below]
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I’ve been asked many times whether I am a patient person – always saying YES or offering some quip about how I can be really patient for things that matter; truth be told I am not patient about those either . .
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"Serene, I fold my hands and wait, Nor care for wind, nor tide, nor sea; I rave no more 'gainst time or fate, For lo! my own shall come to me."
– John Burroughs
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many things bother me, but very little truly irritates – but there is nothing that tries my patience as much as when morning papers are really late, missing or stolen – especially on a weekend; this is the 4th morning in a row my Calgary Herald was very late & my Sunday New York Times even later . . . my routine & pleasure of spending my first 2-3 cups of coffee engrossed in newsprint disrupted - I hate that !
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I think John Burroughs was waiting for the seasons to change or for an orchid to bloom – but I wonder if we would wait so patiently for his overdue papers ?
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birthday greetings to DB & CK this morning . . . it seems these two friends of mine were born the same day [1 in Toronto, 1 in Lethbridge] 52 yrs ago at about the same time of day – each works in the same industry in Calgary - in any case happy birthday to both of you !
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a great day Saturday; meeting with WB & JS was fun . . a day of work + capped by dinner w/mm & dessert
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Gusta & I, camera in hand, are off to a morning walk in the woods & breakfast with Bill & Theresa et al @ Bragg Creek – the invite said “Come get initiated (you will understand what we mean soon)”
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so we are off !
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Mark
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I was in Kamloops last week. My Dad is terminally ill. Cancer - seems to be the topic of the times- has taken over more of his body. Had to place him in the hospital, then perhaps to palliative care, but he won't be returning home. After 66 years of marriage, as he was wheeled away from my Mom, that was truly the saddest parting I've ever experienced. Their love and strength is overwhelming. The amazing thing is that my Father and Mother now, more than ever feel the comfort of the love from family and friends. What goes around truly does come around. At the ripe old age of 92, my Dad is still fighting to enjoy this earthly existence, on good days cracking us up with his wonderful dry humor and other days just not present at all. But I celebrate him each day and am thankful for the love and knowledge he has shared. I am fully aware that to have my parents for this length of time is truly a gift many haven't had. There is always so much good in sorrow...... just not always clearly visible. Am off for a weeks vacation to Fairmont and area. Hope you have a glorious week carousing with Gusta in the sunshine. Cleo had her first dip into water at Fish Creek Park also. A great place for dog-paddling baptism. Enjoy., MW

Hi there. It's been an interesting year/years of tremendous ups and downs and I feel like maybe, just maybe, I'm getting to the point of it all. Me - of course -- what else is there to find? Don't remember when we last talked, but I've recently been to Oregon to visit my youngest son and Cincinnati to take care of my Mom. Fortunately my life is more than one family therapy visit after another! It's a glorious spring in Fort Collins, morning-coffee-in-my-jammies-on-the-front-porch kind of weather. Sunny, cloudless, but wonderfully green and cool, with lots of dog walks and house projects. I've been doing yard work and painting rooms, mostly in preparation for leaving - TOMORROW! -- for the summer at the cabin. There I will do more yard work and painting, dog walks and coffee in my jammies, in the woods in the mountains. And woods that have brush that needs clearing and trees downed, cut and stacked and so on. But hiking season officially opens for me this weekend, as does the silly social season of Steamboat. . . . we somehow combine hard work with massive quantities of fun. (Oh, and I also have a research project coming up that I have to fit in somewhere. Bother.) But, luckily, the biggest part of my life is getting to learn about who I am. It seems that my life is filled with the awareness of grace now. I'm sure it's always been there, but I didn't see it. These days, I can't help but find it around every corner, even in the muck. I've also been touched by several of your recent musings. Yes, we all do bump into the same stuff and yes, it is all about choice. I think so much of my life I didn't realize either. Now I see it all over the place. Every day is my time, my attitude, my choice - period. The whole issue of having our childhood events/traumas/experiences continue to make our decisions and choices is so important to get over. And, I suspect, so hard to achieve. I'm lucky that I have the support and grace to take that path, and two incredible young men to take it with me. Like you, I can look back on decisions made and think "What was I thinking?" Yet, I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't jumped in and tried. Even the not-so-healthy choices were me. In passion, in confusion, in knee-jerk reaction, but me. And I am a fully textured person who didn't pass much by. And I can understand with compassion those who make their own choices, for whatever reason. But I like life even better now. I can look around and see, but not have to take every piece of candy from some twisted childhood directive, and in not doing so, enjoy some of the subtler delicious bits of life, PM

+6C, clear, sunny, calm
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loooooooooooong walk this morning . . . did stairmaster hill & stared down the creek from the new bridge. . . Gusta met doe & fawn again on the way back . .
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I often post quotations here – finding great words written by or said by someone significant; I enjoy the wisdom that flows sometimes from the words of an Edison or an Einstein or Thoreau etc. etc . . . but sometimes I think I use the words of others as a crutch to some degree – looking to those quotes to guide me rather than examining exactly what ‘I am feeling’ rather than looking for guideposts in other people’s words
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just as children & dogs teach us more than we could ever teach them, I am wondering about this ‘risk/reward continuum’ I find myself in . . often meet others who are doing the same
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we risk because we want reward, we risk yet we fear failing, we risk but hold back – fearing failure of course, but also fearing unknown territory
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when circumstances take us to the unknown territory we go . . without hesitation; be that a friend or family member in difficulty of some kind, responding to an emergency, responding to ‘something that is happening to me’ . .
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but do we respond to the opportunity to risk as swiftly, without deliberation & consideration of risk factors ? whether my dog bites the head of a dandelion seed for the first time not knowing what will happen or stumbles while racing down a hill to steep to run down – there is a recklessness & adventuring mode I would love to copy
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maturity, experience, aging & a brain to consider consequences – all advisable things – get in the way of freely acting on instinct, impulse & whim
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ask yourself this – I did: ‘When is the last time you did something on instinct, impulse & whim to do something you have never done before without any information about the risk/reward consequences of your action ? ”
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I cannot recall any since I fell out of a tree while harvesting dead branches for a bonfire at a bush party – in Fish Creek Park no less – at the end of May 1969 . . . probably this weekend in fact 36 years ago; being somewhat 'under the influence' at the time no doubt saved me from serious injury
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this recollection did not come from high school grad memory jogging; simply the last time I can recall that I took an truly dangerous impulsive & un-calculated risk
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maybe its time to take some more
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I’ve been taking calculated ones only ever since; while my calculations have often been askew, there is no question I have acted on many impulses & responded instinctively to many circumstances pushed my way or thrust upon me . . but to truly with abandon wander into uncharted territory with the gusto of Gusta, with the curiosity of childhood . . it’s been a while
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I’m off to a breakfast meeting . . . have a great day
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Mark
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Mark, I have the quote from Maryanne Williamson on the wall of my office, but my quote attributes the author to Nelson Mandela!! Any light on this one? Sandra, From CDA, Idaho

I love this response from Couer d'Alene, Idaho: Our problem, as C.S. Lewis said, is not that we desire too much, but that we desire too little. Our appetites are not too big; they're too small. Desire was given to us as a good and holy gift. The most important mission is to bring our heart along in our life's journey....it all turns on what we do with desire. It takes courage to push off the beach and launch out into the deep, where our truest desires and deepest passions are restored.Also reminds me that two weeks ago today I was having lunch with my son in Couer d'Alene. That evening I was called back to Tennessee because my father was dying. We buried him 5 days ago. Now I am back in Maine, touching and catching up. CS

To LH in OK. Dear one, I am learning how to lose my father, in his right time, and a peaceful way. I do not believe I could every learn to lose as you are. My heart goes out to you with prayers of help and strength and courage as you and your family walk this dreadful pain. May you allow joy to return in its time. CS

Thanks Mark...Enjoyed our phone visit...look forward to you musings...and keeping in touch... My best, PC

Got your picture -- pretty cute. Reminds me of when our (now deceased) Doberman shepherd was a puppy -- all feet with very little coordination! Sorry to hear you are not a cat person --I guess we can't all be perrrfect., CC

My name is XXXX. I've been reading your musings this week as I've been covering the desk of someone who subscribes to your list. Please add me! I'm enjoying your insights..... Thanks, and enjoy the lovely day!, LS

Mark I think I got you through my biker connections and at first I didn’t open these musings since I thought they were just spam but they kept showing up. After reading these I found out not only do you live near me (Fish Creek Park but you "muse" how I would like to! I think my wife would like to read your musings as well. Since I get these at work she doesn’t get them but as I am writing this I have decided that I will forward them to her at home so she can sign up. Keep them coming., MM

Mark, I enjoyed reading your musings at my last job XXXXXXX.com, which you can now delete from the distribution list. Can you add my new email address to your distribution XXXXXXX.com ? I think your musings are like reading my own journal, except you have the courage to share it with others. Where you write with few capitals and lots of .... , I write mostly without vowels, so I don't think anyone would understand it even if I did share it. Makes for a quick personal shorthand though. Many thanks., MdN

+5C . . . clear & going to +21C again today
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amazing how quickly Fish Creek Park went from spring greening to lush robust growth; I walk the path while Gusta travels the tall wet grass, 1 frightened rabbit careens around as kids scamper to school buses
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dirty dog now bathed, fed & sleeping - I sip coffee & relax a little before plunging into the day’s tasks
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two very interesting exchanges yesterday – plenty to ponder; always great to meet a new muser [MP] for coffee as I did yesterday + a 1st time response from AJ who I’ve not seen in many years [see below]; interesting connections both which demonstrate resonance many of you feel about musings which transcend gender, age or life experiences just as I learned in the 1st year as it has geography
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we all bump into the same stuff
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life is much simpler than we choose to make it; operative words ‘choose to make it’
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in the mid-life adult world I can choose to see things clearly, yet imprinted messages from when we were a 5 yr old or a 10 yr old child . . or, for that matter, an 11 week old puppy are likely never interpreted ‘at the time’ with any level of understanding equal to the issue at hand – so most of us carry some of that angst around with us for a long time
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while Frankl’s message is a simple & effective key against which to measure most things, we get mired in things we have no control over but were affected by as children or in relationships when we were too inexperienced to know ourselves fully
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that may be an explanation – but why should I or you use it as an excuse to avoid making clear choices, doing what we need & want to do with the playfulness & wide eyed enthusiasm we had as children ?
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our unique differences are really not very different at all; where we live, the clothes we wear & what we are cooking for dinner will vary . . but what are we besides men & women, parents & children, lovers & those who fight it ?
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if we plunge into marriage at 20 as I did . . build a life & career & family . . only to reflect many years later that some of those decisions might not have been the best choices vis-à-vis the person who studied life from the sidelines . . . missing all those opportunities & experiences . . . which is the better course, to have chosen the path not taken . . or stand forever at a fork in the road ?
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if we all experience the same things, encounter the same issues, weigh the same decisions – just at different time cycles one would expect that making BIG decisions, BIG changes in direction should be made easier – maybe a simple ‘how to book’ from Home Depot would help us renovate & improve our lives & decorate our emotional landscape
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I am reminded of a movie I saw a few years ago – Chinese with subtitles called ‘Eat Drink Man Woman’ set in Taipei – remembering that through subtitles, lifestyle, language & culture differences – it seems we all tackle the same issues
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dog report: distribution of picture of Gusta @ 11 weeks got rave reviews – anyone wanting to be on ‘picture circulation list’ just let me know & I will add you
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TGIF
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Mark
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A first response to your musings for me. Your eldest daughter is a dear friend of mine. The topic of today's musing really hits home with me of late. I seem to be suspended between opportunities unable to decide if the situation of less or more comfort is the true opportunity for me. On a more micro-level I have been more awake to subtle opportunities & pleasures (smelling my newly blooming lily of the valleys, offering thoughtful thank yous to those who are kind to me or doing great things). It's nice to read musings that encourage me to reflect & look for the learning in each moment. thx, AJ

[note from Mark] I circulated an email with PDF attachment today . . 11 week picture of Gusta to a list of those I know wanted to see her . . . if you wish to receive those from time to time let me know and I will add you to the list !

The message:
Subject: notice to my friends - shameless dog owner likes to brag> Gusta this week . . 11 weeks old> > see attached picture of my food processor !

The responses:

Mark Gusta is a beautiful dog, have you had a micro chip put under Gusta's skin ? its worth doing , tattoo's fade with age....its a terrible experience to loose your dog. take care Mark .... , LA

Hi Mark, I would say that the shameless dog owner has a lot to brag about. Gorgeous! , NS

Yes, Mark, you are shameless! But what a cutey; no wonder she's your "chick magnet"! Good to hear from you. Take care of yourself., SD

I'm in love...., :-), JR

My kids would like to visit Gusta!, LHYep, she's adorable! Glad you have a pup frined in your life - I don't know what I'd be without my two corgies, Kip and Charlotte. They keep me sane, centered and hiking , PM

She is beautiful! Easy to see how she was able to capture your heart soquickly. , AR

Looks like a chick magnet to me., AS

awwwww - tks for sharing, Mark, KR

Hi Mark, Happy looking food processor! Want to take him for a walk and get Gusta socialized with our furry clan this weekend. Your choice of Saturday or Sunday Am with breakfast attached, dogs included. , BE

BEAUTIFUL, AH&SH

What a dear...and most certainly a babe magnet!! , NC

Mark - she is gorgeous!! Have a great weekend. Love, PI

Oh, what a darling, oh I am in love with that dog. So sweet and adorable, I want to hug her. I have attached a photo of my two rugrats, Ginger the red one and Cubie. Have fun, LW

Mark, My wife is taking a coaching course and this quote is in her notes. I like the first few sentences because it speaks to me of how I limit my experience of life. I admire (envy?) those people who seem to effortlessly achieve their goals. I know they work hard but it is their attitude of confidence or trust in themselves that I perceive as their secret to success. Cheers, JL

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually who are you not to be? YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory that is within us. And as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

Hi Mark, I am amazed as always of the dedication it takes to be so consistent in your daily musings, then I read the newsletter and I think all this and a flirt too? And now the proud new friend of Gusta (one that takes true dedication of a friend indeed) would you mind bottling up a portion or two of your motivation and send it to me? I'm sending you a site [http://www.beliefnet.com ] that I stumbled across a while ago and am inspired most days by the quote of the day, although not one of my friends would call me religious, I find something in it most days to be inspiring as musings now are for me too! Some day we will have some most inspirational chats when we meet face to face, will it be in Puerto Vallarta? Yours truly , TA

+3C, clear, crisp
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early walk, spectacular sunrise, 1 large jackrabbit sighting . . . chilly air/wearing shorts inspired speed !
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‘seizing opportunities’ comments inspired several coffee invitations . . . thanks !
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"The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral." -Aristippus
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those ancient Greeks knew a lot about pleasure & beauty & truth . . .hmmm
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what of the un-seized opportunity ?
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when someone calls me to cancel a ‘not all that important’ meeting or appointment as happened first thing this morning . . freeing up time on my calendar - such a rush, knowing I suddenly have a double whammy - I am saved trip & time to that meeting + I now have time to do some work that would have otherwise waited . . or . . . to take a nap or . . .to walk the dog . . . or to go for coffee !
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what insights await me/you/us today or, for that matter, every day ?
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what did we glean yesterday ?
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is it important to be reflective / introspective / analytical every day ? if not every day, then how often ? ; it only takes a few minutes every day to look in the rearview mirror of the last couple of days . . only takes a minute to ask myself ‘where am I going & is it what I want?’
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considering the time we waste in traffic, standing in line, listening on hold . . or whatever time killers we have in every day . . how much time does it take to take 5 minutes ? . . aw c’mon, you can probably do it in 3 !
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yesterday . . a great start & a great finish + a toastmasters twist; instead of our regular meeting, we had a little celebration dinner last night; lots of laughs among friends is hard to beat
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take some pleasures as they pass; while some will be there to enjoy again & again . . but some of the ones we might most take for granted & treasure the most could be fleeting
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Mark
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I read your musings in my boss’s email and would like you to please subscribe me too. Thanks, KB

Oui, Je voudrais en café avec toi. , DL

coffee? Hmm, I simply could not control my hand and my mouse shot over to the reply button - there was nothing i could do! you sound like an interesting coffeepal and i would enjoy meeting up with you some day soon - a littleduo-musing on things sounds like a great idea don't you think? SW

+6C, sunny & fresh
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it was very quiet out this morning, dog getting an extra workout due to being shortchanged yesterday & exploring ALL the wet & muddy spots she could – so I got the extra workout too; no critters or dog walkers in sight; amazing how much more I enjoy my morning walk when it is after a great big sleep
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carpe diem/seize the day seems like it is an old T-shirt cliché
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ask yourself - when opportunity knocks, do I answer ?
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I am thinking more & more that opportunities are not coming at me any faster than before but rather I am seeing more as opportunities & sticking my hand up saying ‘hey, would you like to have a coffee?’
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or ‘lets talk about that’ . . or ‘lets get acquainted’ . . or ‘how about . .. ?’ . . whatever, those moments go by so fast we most often miss them . . . maybe because I hear of one more cancer story after another, one more ‘he just dropped dead of a heart attack’ anecdotes that I get thinking more & more what we have . . what we all have . . is ONLY moments – little decision opportunity moments – if taken, these are the opportunities that can alter lives
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why ?
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why not !
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why not now ?
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if not grabbed going by, these are the moments that got away
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I really liked SW’s take the other day on my irrational desire piece – a reminder “not that we desire too much but that we desire too little”
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when opportunity arrives, seize that moment, express that desire & take it to the Max !
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just take a moment – really take it !
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take that moment, make it yours, act on impulses, manifest your destiny – seize every day !
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seize today
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coffee anyone ?
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Mark
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To LH in OK, All mothers everywhere feel your pain, and give you all the supportpossible. This is not to exclude whatever others can offer, but the mother/child bond is different. My heart goes out to you., AR

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+9C, partly cloudy, light breeze . . . my morning walk each day rarely changes; leaves rustle in breeze freshened by overnight rain, Gusta’s goofing around distracts from the serenity as we walk this familiar path
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another windy game yesterday – great fun though; 90% of golfers are men . . so what do those jocks think when they see me stroll around the course with 3 women in my foursome? . . lots of laughs with AW, CC & JR yesterday . . but, a weekend of golf required some catching up on the work pile; a near-all nighter makes for a slow start today
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if you could travel forward or backward to live in a different time, a different era, what would you choose ?
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while some periods like the Renaissance, the wild west, or riding on the Nina, the Pinta or the Santa Maria would be interesting for a short visit, if I had to take up residence at a different point in history . . which way would I go ?
. . .
I would travel well forward in time; so I could look back with great interest on the early 21st century to see how we did - watching with interest to learn when we solved cancer & other diseases, when we dissolved militarism, when we developed the ‘already trained golden retriever puppy’, when the US border opened again to Canadian beef & when the Brits did away with the monarchy
. . .
Queen Elizabeth & Philip visit Calgary today & then fly home . . ho hum
. . .
hum ho
. . .
Mark
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Re: blue sky musing May 17 - No matter how grey and dismal the day is there's always blue sky and sunshine just a little overhead. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. Have a good one Mark !!, RC

Hi Mark could you add a friend of mine who lives in Malta, MRK

Mark, Hi from from Coeur d'Alene, Idaho! I've never responded to any of your musings, but I thought I'd fire off a brief observation, which has changed my life in countless ways as I've gotten older, (is 50's old)? Our problem, as C.S. Lewis said, is not that we desire too much, but that we desire too little. Our appetites are not too big; they're too small. Desire was given to us as a good and holy gift. The most important mission is to bring our heart along in our life's journey....it all turns on what we do with desire. It takes courage to push off the beach and launch out into the deep, where our truest desires and deepest passions are restored. Post my divorce four years ago, after 30 years of marriage, I quit my private counseling practice, and took off on an adventure which hasn't ended. It seemed irrational desire, but has turned out to have restored my youthful free spirit, zest for life, exuberance, curiosity, and most of all a fearless passion. Travel around the world, living in hostels in Europe, staying in Oaxaca southern Mexico for a month, meeting new people, exciting men and women who have taught me so much, juicy, vibrant, original thinkers, risk takers, these are the sort of folks I love to be around now! Young people invite me to hang out with them to share my stories, wisdom, wit and most of all FUN! So, Mark....all this to say you touched a chord. Fondly, SW

Golf yesterday left me with a few things - a wind/sun burn on my face and arms and a HILARIOUS memory of Mark's golf cart picking up speed down a hill heading for a pond! Perhaps it is funnier for me as I didn't have to clean the clubs, head covers, golf bag and golf shoes. I sympathize, but still giggle when I think of it!, AW

+4C this morning, clear, stiff breeze, going to +16C
. . .
Gusta had a good romp through the neighborhood this morning, everyone sleeping in I suppose, enjoying the holiday; too late for deer watching . . when we walked last night we got very close to doe & fawn . . amazingly Gusta sat silently still - mesmerized
. . .
I’ve been pondering ‘how important is desire?’
. . .
these quotes got my attention:
‘It belongs to the imperfection of everything human that man can only attain his desire by passing through its opposite.’ – Soren Kierkegaard
- - - -
‘We never desire strongly, what we desire rationally.’ – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
. . .
is that true, I wonder, that we need to experience the opposite of our desires in order to achieve them ? . . if so I have some impecunious memories . . . some strife-in-marriage memories . . . some business failures in my past . . so, if Kierkegaard is correct maybe I am well prepared for their opposite ??
. . .
I’ve done so many rational things in my life, the irrational is having increasing appeal . . . or were those rationalizations ?
. . .
great golf yesterday with AW & her friends @ Rivers Edge - very windy but worth every one of 97 strokes – my cart rolled into the drink . . it came out intact & wet . . those golf shoes are now mudders!
. . .
calmer today – an afternoon round at Elbow Springs awaits me, my cart & my other shoes
. . .
have a great Victoria day
. . .
Mark
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+12C, clear, just a few clouds on the horizon, mild breeze
. . .
last night we got within 10 feet of a young buck who bounded away magnificently as Gusta watched in silence; this morning it was a solitary walk, no buck or other critters in sight – just folks stopping garden work to pet a puppy – this dog is shameless & loves attention, perhaps not unlike its owner ?
. . .
lovely peaceful calm morning; golf will fill the afternoon – work can wait
. . .
how lucky most of us are, with much joy & minimal grief in day to day lives, going from work to play and back without pain or worry; on the other hand, I think my REAL good fortune is in knowing extraordinary people who deal with life’s painful & horribly difficult issues with magnificent strength & grace – they teach me through their strength; I am in awe & indebted
. . .
yesterday’s stunning writing from Lh & responses give evidence that no words can relieve pain that deep or ease a sorrow that profound
. . .
sometimes I like to steal other people’s words & make them my own; not just because out of envy for a clever turn of a phrase; when a few short words convey so much it is worthy larceny:

'life is a breeze with a heartbeat'
. . .
kthumpf, kthumpf
. . .
this got me wondering, what causes the heart to beat? I found this explanation, of many on the internet, in language I could understand: because of chemical reactions that occur in the body, you produce very small amounts of electrical energy. This electrical energy sends a message to your heart and makes it beat. There is a patch of cells in the upper right chamber of your heart called the "pacemaker" that first gets the electrical signal and then sends the signal on to the rest of the parts of the heart. There are parts in your brain that can control how FAST or SLOW your heart beats, but for normal, everyday beating, the pacemaker keeps your heart going. Some people have a bad pacemaker and need to get an artificial one.
. . .
life is a breeze
. . .
Mark
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Hi Lh: On a daily basis Mark touches us one way or the other. He has the ability to voice our thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams. He has also created this village which collectively has strength. Please let our collective strength, collective prayers, collective love, be a support to you. I'm sure many of us would prefer to have the ability to take away your grief, but that is not possible, so what we can do, is be there if you need. Reach out, feel our arms around you. DL

Dear Lh: There will be nothing anyone can do to take this away. My brother committed suicide at 19 and it NEVER goes away. It does get smaller in time. The legacy you hold, that your sons will carry with them is how you will all get through the moments from this minute on. Some days just breathing in and out is enough effort to fold you double. Some days mastering the vacuum cleaner will hold off the crushing pain for a few minutes....or not. You will find yourself stringing moments together for yourself and sons. I was sometimes jealous of the people without children to be responsible for, as I thought they can abandon themselves to grieving in whatever fashion they desired. Later I learned that my children and my duty to them kept me more surely on the planet than anything else could have. Two books helped me most: "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron and "Who Dies" by Stephen Levine...both available in paperback. My heart grieves for you all, MD

+11C, breezy sunny day in south Calgary
. . .
we walked in the park & returned on a path through a neighbourhood abuzz with planting & yard readiness that must leave plant merchants salivating; kids & dogs in abundance for Gusta to greet, explore & wag for
. . .
some Saturday mornings I write later than usual simply because I sleep in; this morning I was up early – but my writing mode has been slowed & deeply affected by 3 messages
. . .
morning mulling revolves around 3-emails; two of them shown below from Lh & TA plus a 3rd one from a hurting dear friend who exhibits the personification of exquisite sorrow
. . .
for the young & perhaps a fortunate few who reach middle age experiencing joyousness without ever experiencing grief – for you lucky few – you have seen the door swinging only one way
. . .
when it swings back – after the thud – one can start to appreciate that grieving too can be part of the exquisite joy of life
. . .
if we have not grieved, can we appreciate as much pure joy in a fresh apple, a fresh smile, a fresh tailwag or exhilaration climbing a mountain of challenges, a mountain of dreams or an actual mountain ?
. . .
if we have not experienced such exquisite joy . . how can we expect to find exquisite sorrow ?
. . .
coping with the shock of loss - at first stunned disbelief followed by tumult, followed by more & more waves of emotion happens when we have experienced exquisite joy with someone; as I read headlines this morning of tragic deaths from many causes it is just ink on paper – when the people involved are not real to me, not known to me . . . like most people, I turn the page looking for good news, for surely there is good news every day
. . .
at the end of the 1st year of these musings [we were 220 or so then] I remarked this musing group was a village of 220 people; as the hub I felt then like a mix of postmaster, mayor & town crier
. . .
now in excess of 3500 people read this every day . . . our village has grown . . . most of you I’ve never met or exchanged a hello with in any way; lately this town crier feels more like news editor, cheerleader, counselor & dog columnist in a growing town where few of us know our neighbours
. . .
TA is, I think, exemplifying the joi de vivre we all need some of every day; the issues, events & challenges that come our way are often too enormous to bear – whether it is the sudden tragic loss of a child . . . or the unstoppable disease of someone close – thoughts about all the opportunities missed are set aside in favour of appreciating the exquisitness of the experiences we have shared
. . .
just as so many of you who write & also to those like Lh [who I know not at all beyond what she wrote this morning] who reach out to us when we least expect it . . . touch us . . . remind us of what great strength we have amid our human frailties
. . .
we are all connected – we are all one people, we are all in this thing called life’s joys & struggles together
. . .
life is not fair, ever
. . .
do we want an easy ride; if we could guarantee it, would we really like to live that way ? yes for a while, but not for long
. . .
dog report: Gusta has whined, whimpered & made puppy sounds – today she is 11 weeks old; last night she did her first genuine bark; scared herself & raced to hide out in her kennel
. . .
some of you may remember MdP from our first year of musings; Margarita has not written in a VERY long time which is sadly missed by me - today a very happy birthday wish to her !
. . .
Mark
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Hey Mark, Got tired of thinking that I should make some decent memories to reiterate in the old folks home (if and when we get there) and have found myself in Puerto Vallarta. Stared to help a friend at the first of Feb with some decorating and one thing led to another and here I am and loving it. I have said that I have life figured out now and that is to accept change and spontaneity doesn't hurt. So here I am in P.V. and feels like home, great challenge of selling a new concept in resort homes mere feet from the beach and overlooking a golf course (that there won't be much time to put to good use unfortunately). Still am enjoying your musings cuz somehow they make me feel closer to home or just in the real world of people that are truly down to earth and are real people with sentiments and issues that are validated by simply living. Funny what we miss when we are away from home familiar sites, like driving down my street to the trees and the creek in the yard, but replaced with palms trees and tropical plants, little breeze from the ocean, what's not to like? I don't speak Spanish and this is such a learning experience and everyone here on this job site is so friendly and are falling all over to try make me comfortable, I never expected those reactions, feel like a princess and so many smiles with great sincerity, they are lovely people and we may not speak the same language but have already had some great laughs; maybe I'll do a little more homework on my next challenge and learn the language first! Now off to learn more about Mexican real estate law and will write up an offer manana. So that's why I haven't called or written, been a little busy. Funny what motivates people to buy real estate too eh? Keep up the good work in the musings. Can't offer you a place to stay but we could golf (with a great discount) if you came to visit.(part of the contract),,oh I forgot about your new girl.......anyhow it's 11:48 off to bed for another day. Sincerely, TA

Mark, I read your musing often but haven't been on in a while. I'm always amazed at how whatever "little message" you seem to be sending, it somehow seems to be appropriate to my life in some fashion. I've never responded but have to today. I'm crying my eyes out because my heart has been ripped out right now & I am empty. He was found murdered & dumped on a dirt road. I have so so so much heartache & emptiness you can't imagine the tears that have flowed and the heartache I have. He was only 17 & I just feel like an empty shell right now. I have 2 other sons to worry about and when I began to read about the courage, I knew I have to continue on with this "process". You are right, do not wait for tomorrow to love completely. Tomorrow may never come. Thank you for the courage prayer & please keep me & my family in your thoughts and prayers. I need some inspiration from somewhere. I haven't been on here in days, but somehow just did this morning and you were so fitting about how I feel right now. Thank you for the message today, LH in OK

Coincidentally, or not, I began reading Melody Beattie's book entitled, "Choices", on the bus ride in this morning. (MB also authored "Codependent No More".) What's it about - very first sentence: "When you figure out the secret to absolute control in every situation while maintaining mental wholeness, I would love to know," a woman said to me one day. That's what this book is about: how to take control of our lives without going subtly or profoundly insane." So, Mark, when I read your sentiments about "the whiner" and "the victim" and then the Serenity Prayer, it immediately brought to mind what Melody Beattie said on the subject. Quote: "It's easy to suggest 'Get a grip', 'Don't be a victim', 'There's a reason things happen' when the problem happens to someone else. Harder when we're the one feeling afraid, guilty, angry, hurt, bewildered, staring our loss and emotions in the face." Unquote. And, following are more quotes from and practically the entire first chapter of this book, in case you (or your readers?) have an interest in reading more of it or her work. Personally, I'm hooked. 'Am all for reading the rest of "Choices" and for remembering that I don't have to act the way I feel! I wanted to give you something back. I so very much enjoy reading and pondering what you write, KJ

Re: drained but not empty; As a child I remember those words being on the wall in the living room. I often pondered them, whenever I was stuck with an issue. Such simple words, yet they put everything into perspective, KH

Mark, going pretty deep today. Small spelling correction: It's Reinhold Niebuhr. See www.recoveryresources.org/serenity.html for the full text., RH

+7C . . going to 17 today, clear, light breeze
. . .
looking for [but not finding] the deer we got so close to last night . . . watching a very young doe munch new leaves surely left Gusta thinking ‘this is a very tall dog with skinny legs’; crisp & damp this morning, feeling ‘weekend’ already though this morning’s walk was delayed by some early morning work – relaxed & refreshed now
. . .
when I see a picture in a magazine of a Picasso or Van Gogh . . I smile; when I have stood in front of an original work I am stunned by that talent, by that passion, by that integrity – whatever was going in their life at the time, they poured it out on the canvas
. . .
in life as in art we do that sometimes; I don’t mean the whiner who is wearing heart on sleeve all the time . . or those who play victim while avoiding available help; I mean those who withstand the ‘rip your heart out while you are still alive’ stuff some of us . . .many of us face; and some people face it too often
. . .
clichés about ‘withstanding extra heat makes steel stronger’ don’t fit here; it is not about being strong, capable or able – it is about great sorrow being visited on people who richly deserve relief from it
. . .
sometimes people we meet are like that . . . through knowing them, talking with them, and having them share insights to their lives we get to see an art of living, a style of creation, an acceptance of reality that so genuine, deep, pure and painful sometimes that we are awed
. . .
yesterday I was awed - someone pouring it all out on the canvas; drained by it but not empty
. . .
courage is in all of us – it may hide sometimes – but it is within us all; no matter how much we pour out on the canvas, drained but not empty
. . .
the first 4 lines of Reinhold Nibuhr’s Serenity Prayer is used a lot in the AA world . .but it has application in so many elements of all of our lives:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
. . .
I had a great lunch yesterday with Jeff & his colleague . . we calculated it was actually 32 years since we’ve seen each other; lots of catching up to do next time . . . maybe some business collaboration possibility too . . pondering that; next time we need 5-6 hours on a golf course to truly catch up
. . .
TGIF . . enjoy your long weekend . . .
. . .
Mark

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As well, I've been looking into the idea of internet business. I'd like to hear more about what the products are and with what company or if you are doing something different of your own.Thanks, KH

We totally enjoy your musings, they always seem to represent what we are all thinking, but need constant reminding of. Work normally gets in the way of responding, but today I felt compelled to comment. We, like KL, knew the photographer who recently died of a massive heart attack at age 58. The tragedy of a good life cut short, a grieving wife and children left behind. Another wake-up call to live our best life, to not wait for tomorrow, to love completely. It also struck me that it truly is a small world, we're all connected, we all need the same things, life is really pretty simple, but all too short. With that in mind I hope we all take time to honor & hug our partners, children, colleagues & pets today!, MAP & MP
PS Hi to Gusta!

Jump in, Mark! Failure is just another learning and character building exercise if you take it the right way. You can't lose by trying and the upside is sweet., BC

Mark, I want to thank all those unknown muser friends who responded to my Bonnie question. Very nice of them to assist me with valuable information, I will try to implement all their good advice. I think I will start by stopping the treats unless warranted. Put her on a non-retractable leash because she is now used to going ahead of me and wandering about and perhaps go back to the Halti which, as one muser correctly guessed, was not given the necessary trial time needed. She loves fetching and catching but forget about retrieving, she just takes off with the item and if I try to take it from her, it's a tug-of-war which she always wins. I have lots of work ahead of me but well worth the effort if I can gain her loyalty in the end. xoxox MRK

Always enjoy your writings, but will find it easier to peruse the Blog site - have added it to my favorites, JA

. . .
+8C, calm, cloudy
. . .
watching a big doe upwind of us . . studying us . . bounding a little on 4 springs . . observing . . bounding some more, then gone as quickly as she came; incredible design, remarkable beauty – 1 winded dog & I return for breakfast – the morning walk exhilarates
. . .
am I a witness to events, am I a participant in events . . . or am I the event ?
. . .
are you a witness to events, a participant in them . . or are you the event ?
. . .
sitting on the sidelines is safe, an easy vantage point – or so it seems
. . .
but that’s not necessarily safe or smart either
. . .
ships are usually safe in a harbour, but that’s not what ships are for [I can’t recall who made that great metaphor] . . . but it seems so true to me now
. . .
these past few weeks the creative urge to do something in the area of internet-business keeps surfacing; not to the point of abandoning my primary livelihood – but more than just wondering out loud if such an adventure makes sense
. . .
my inclination is that it is riskier not to do something than to sit on the sidelines watching 15-25 yr olds having all the fun simply because they understand the technology
. . .
35 yrs of experience + some understanding of technology + some good ideas + some clever collaborators = risk/reward/thrills/spills/opportunity/choices/
. . .
I think I’ll put my toes in the water; correction, I think they are already in the water – maybe, better said I am toying with ‘both feet, deep end of the pool’ which mixes excitement, adrenaline & fun with fear of drowning
. . .
did I mention I am not a swimmer ?
. . .
thanks for those who responded with dog training ideas for MRK; they have been passed along
. . .
I am having lunch today with JD who I first met in 1969; first time we will have seen each other in 31 years; some catching up to do !
. . .
Mark
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Bonjour Mark: Good for you for going for it. That's what I thought I was doing when I decided to come here, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'm in the darkest hour before the dawn, and dawn doesn't seem to be nearby. I anticipated I would frustrated, lost, scared, frustrated.....but the reality is harder. I'm hoping there is a light bulb in my head. I find myself doing a little anthropology. It is interesting to watch the kids, to see who is dominant and why, to observe the shy ones, the geeks and the ones that just don't fit anywhere. I wonder about their lives, why they decided to come here, other than to speak French. Some seem so sad, as if it were not their decision. Salute, DL

I love the musings thanks for including me, AH

Hello Mark! I get a tickle out of your descriptions of you and Gusta! Today's musings have struck a chord. Life is so fragile and so precious. I work in an industry that deals with death and illness, but somehow when it touches you it seems so very real. I had the honour and the pleasure to know two very good men who have both lost their battles with illness over the past week, one on Friday the 13th and one on Saturday the 14th. One to lung cancer, an illness that made him and his family stronger in their love for one another, the other to a heart problem that totally stumped the Doctors two years ago, and one where they constantly said, "you are a primecandidate for an 'event'", nice ...he knew basically he was a walking time bomb, just no idea of when or where. What he feared most happened in his photography studio on Saturday, a massive heart attack. Both men were loving husbands with amazing women as their wives and children who appreciated them, a rarity into today’s world at times. Great community representatives and good business people...fair and honest. They will be greatly missed by all who knew them. The hardest part for me is I am 3, 500 kms away and cannot be their to lend my support to those who they've left behind. My thoughts filled with sadness and yet with happiness that I had the opportunity to know them as my life is richer for it. We forget, just how fragile we really are, and perhaps that is a good thing as we don't dwell on death, however it knocks on all our doors, and 62 and 58 are just to darn young to die. They are both in a better place, free of pain, they have slipped the surly bonds of earth, god bless them both...KL

Congratulations Mark!, It's nice to see you on the web. I'm looking forward to visiting your Blog and seeing what worthy and wonderful witticisms you wish to share with us!, JS

Congrats on the BLOG. I enjoyed browsing past Musings. I especially enjoyed reading "About You". Not sure if I am "hot" enough for you to tolerate my cat....guess it will have to be your place, not mine., VL

I had to chuckle when I read DL's question for JT because I was thinking the same thing, but didn't say it!, LW

Good Morning Mark! I too was struck by that line from "Shall we Dance" and it resonates still - it struck me that part of our grief from loosing a loved one whether through illness, accident or divorce was we lost our best friend and the witness to our life - the history of ourselves to be shared and reminisced over at a later date - I enjoyed the stained glass window thoughts by Ms. Kubler-Ross - my own tend to equate life to a kaleidoscope - ever changing - never duplicated and irreversible - I've enjoyed your musings lately and not made comment due to workload but did want to add my congrats to the long list on your new companion "Gusta". SS

Congrats on your Blog! Looks great, GL

. . .
+10C in Calgary this morning, partly cloudy, big arch in the west,
. . .
for now the rain has stopped, making a walk with clean dog a challenge – keeping Gusta on any path requires a leash management course – air is fresh, trees & everything that grows looks very happy with last night’s good soak – breathe deeply
. . .
it is time to blog - I’ve been poked & prodded & cajoled to establish a BLOG; while not a new concept, certainly new to me – no doubt a stepping stone toward publishing my book; a weblog or BLOG is a really simple way of making these musings available & archived on the web
. . .
I have become convinced in recent days – I marvel at a friend’s strength in the face of grief & struggles ahead for someone they hold dearly close
. . .
I marvel at that which we all seek & need & cherish when we have it - that which we pursue endlessly when we do not; ironically we all have it in spades with many people in our lives but many miss it because they hold to a romantic notion that this ‘can be / must be’ found only in a romantic relationship – which would be sweetest of course, but not the only way to have it
. . .
it is not just love or loyalty; not caring & commitment; not passion & memories – while it can be all of those things it is something intangibly more important . . . glue . . connective tissue . . of spirits now or once entwined that they never ever disconnect; we ALL have these elements in our relationships, though sometimes those connections may appear to be tenuous
. . .
they are always there like extremely stretched piece of fibre-glass fabric that twists like toffee while leaving strands severely stretched that grow long & thin but do not break
. . .
a line in the movie Shall We Dance really struck me:
‘we need someone to be a witness to our life’
. . .
being a witness means being there, however stretched that connecting fibre might be; I know that matters most, matters best, matters always – while we may disguise it in the words we use to describe in the relationships, loves, trysts, partnering etc. we seek to find or seek to maintain, it is just that simple; ‘be witness to my life’ should become a pick-up line
. . .
‘People are like stained glass windows -- the true beauty can be seen only when there is light from within. The darker the night, the brighter the windows. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
. . .
Mark343,360

Hi Mark, I agree with CD - you write about things everyone feels but lacks the nerve / opportunity to express. So often I read your musing and I can identify with the way you are feeling/thinking, but do not have the nerve to say it "out loud". Nobody is ever right/nobody isever wrong. You are willing to reveal yourself in relationship with others and I believe that others can agree/or disagree, LW

TO: AK - Any idea how I can stop Bonnie (my Brittany) from dragging me down the street when she takes me for a walk, it's killing my arms, back and knees every time I try to pull her back. She's harnessed because she still pulls if I put a choker on her and chokes herself, onceactually to unconsciousness. I've tried the loopy, the gentle leader, the halti, you name it, except the choker with the prongs going into the neck, cause she'd probably still pull and get those prongs literally into her neck. Still pulling after two years and 4 months, is there a light by the end of the street? MRK

Wow, Mark. I'm amazed at the replies to yesterday's musings. I had started writing up a reply yesterday, wasn't able to finish it and never did send it. But what I had intended to say got said by someone else. I think I am a believer in the psychic. A lot of people out there thinking the same ideas, pondering similar thoughts, some keeping it to themselves, some sharing. I'm realizing how important it is to share, how it assures us that we it's ok to be different yet we are not alone in our differences. I found the rain refreshing this morning. Have a great day! Sm

Your life can be a Rembrandt, a Robert Bateman, or a paint-by-number piece...I think Robert Bateman is a good artist, but I would rather enjoy his work on someone else's wall. I cannot imagine the embarassment of being caught doing a paint-by-number piece. A Rembrandt, a Picasso, a Leonardo da Vinci, a Van gogh...that's what I am like...but that's not what I am exactly...to be more precise, I am me . . . different shades of blue, with a touch of red and yellow; a mark of excitement in a field of calm., GH

Question for JT, were you flying AC?, DL

Year 3, Day 58 blue sky musing Tuesday May 17, 2005
. . .
+9C, overcast, still raining, stiff breeze
. . .
the world is many shades of gray this morning – hard to see blue sky; still dark with clouds that dumped overnight; a short walk - early morning quiet disturbed only by the sound of rain in downspouts, occasional cars tires humming on wet pavement - it was light but you would hardly know it
. . .
facets
. . .
different sides of an object, a situation
. . .
each side appearing different, each viewer seeing something different; but does it matter ?. . . does it matter how someone else sees something ? does it matter that everyone sees the sky as blue as I do ?
. . .
or feels blue about something said because I do ? the world is many shades of gray this morning
. . .
CD told me I write about things everyone feels but lacks the nerve / opportunity to express
. . .
the world is many shades of gray this morning – hard to see blue sky
. . .
dog report: amazing to watch Gusta stretch out when she gets up . . the amount she has grown in just 2 weeks is amazing . . shedding, or should I say molting, has begun as has the discovery that most furniture doubles as a chew toy
. . .
must run now & head out for an early meeting downtown
. . .
Mark
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May 16 Responses
The less one needs others to find their sense of self worth, the greater their real worth becomes, always look inward. Our reflection will tell us what we need to know, good and bad, about ourselves. To judge others is always wrong because we never know what caused them to be the way they are., DR

I hope you took my recent comment as intended. I saw you Musing for the first time and thought, oh no - not another thing to read, but I surprised myself by reading it and ENJOYING it so now read whenever possible. Keep up the good work!, CL

Mark... as I sit and wait to board yet another plane to paradise (Calgary), a simple smile could have gone a long way from a cranky, mature flight attendant. I smiled, listened and then hoped the overhead bin dropped something heavy right on top of her noodle. Geez, a smile does go a long way. See you soon, JT

And just to balance out the challenging feedback with some positive feedback...I REALLY enjoy your musings. It's pretty obvious to me where your heart is. I like hearing your point of view on things. (Oh, and Lethbridge is my home town...lots of great memories there, and lots of family still.) I find your musings warm, funny, thoughtful, thought provoking, and a joy to read. There. :-) Hope you have an awesome day, Mark. Warmly, VG

Mark, This one is really good - hit home for me! , SB

My advise in response to the dog/owner training report: Do not try to "tire" her out by giving her a hard workout. We tried that with our Brittany Spaniel, and it only made him more excited to go out for more, and the rotation moved to two hours from three., AK

Excellent ..........these past five years of my life........I've swallowed a gallon of pride.........released 1/2 gallon of guilt given up on vanity......(I don't even keep this product in house any more) A smile..........says a lots......and "eyes" "I" willing to see/listen to the character within the person with a rough edge....... understanding and listening with the heart not the ears. Truly meaning it when you say, "I know you will make the best choice for yourself" I'm thinking of my children here............. Five years ago I didn't know how to do this, KH

......a kernel, a sliver or a glimpse...all thought provoking if one is open...one way or the other. Merci., DL

Hi Mark, don't give up your writing...it seems to bring you clarity and peace. It is like a diary that helps others too. The Gusta reports are such fun, a big bundle of love and joy. "Life is too important, to be taken seriously!" – Wilde , SM

Year 3, Day 42; athletically built blonde musing Sunday May 1, 2005 . . . -6C, cloudy, steady breeze . . warming up. . .my walk accompanied by my pup; mix of wind sprints intermingled with long stops to smell EVERYTHING; my exercise program moves up a notch – when I got back it was not just the dog who needed a nap. . . my work awaits – yesterday’s mini-vacation must end; amidst puppy distractions the weight of paper on my desk needs attention while the weight of the world on my shoulders has been lightened by much more than a 10 pound puppy. . . the PetCetera store has a bunch of my money, a farmer finished marketing this year’s littler, just like owners of my pup’s siblings I get to enjoy a new set of experiences; not as dramatic as bringing a baby home for the first time, but probably with as many changes to daily routine; behaviour clues so far are limited ‘nap, run, sniff, pee, eat, nap, run, sniff’ - naming remains a challenge – to pick one that feels right now & for the fully grown version. . .this new young woman in my life is athletically built, blonde with gorgeous brown eyes; this 8 week old puppy filled my day yesterday; we bonded, shopped, went for car rides, has several short walks – this dog is a reluctant walker & VERY avid runner. . . to retrieve:- to get back; regain- to rescue or save- to bring back again; revive or restore- to rectify the unfavorable consequences of; remedy- to recall to mind; remember- to find and carry back; fetch. . . nap’s over . . gotta run !. . . Mark343,792

May 1 Responses
Have you picked a name for the new blond in your life? Congrats on taking the plunge! When can I come to see your new lady? AW
Congratulations on the newest addition to your family, Mark. She's a cutie! And I know, because we have one too, that she'll cause you to pause (paws?), every day, to appreciate her soft golden fur, knowing brown eyes and slobbery adoration. Have fun, you two., LR
The perfect puppy - I am sure she resembles a little polar bear at the moment. I too was once the proud owner of a golden retriever. He was beautiful, but retrievers do not enjoy the heat that we have in Bermuda. I did not replace him. How hard it is to find the right name for an animal. I have a cat called Soula. It has a nice ring and is easy to call! Enjoy, Sba
If your dog is a girl she should be named Calliope, of the Greek mythology for "Muse"... you could call her Calli for short. Or you could call her Sappho. "Echo" was also a muse. If it's a boy dog, how about Linus... he was always a muser and I'm a fan of the Peanuts strip of course. My two cents, C5
Obviously I have not been reading my e-mail lately, I had no idea you were getting a dog. He is just adorable and I can't wait to meet him, it is a him right? Anyway, probably coming to Calgary Wednesday morning, are you and rover free for breakfast, or free to make me breakfast?, kk
Call the dog 'darling' and that way you'll meet lots of gals on your walk and have an excuse when they look around at you and wonder if they should call the police! NF
I loved your tribute to dogs. Being a cat person at heart I have learned that the unconditional love a dog gives is like no other love in the world. Cats give love conditionally and yet I prefer them over dogs. Does this say something about me as a person? Going for runs with my spaniel is one of the most freeing and pure experiences of my life. There is no time, no deadlines and we are free. Free to feel the sun on our faces and the wind in our hair. Gotta dash, AC
Year 3, Day 43; hard decision musing Monday May 2, 2005 . . . -2C, getting warm ! . . . sunny, clear. . . a long walk this morning – I am trying to imagine what it all looks like from a vantage point 8-10 inches off the ground; no critters in sight . . . the only way to avoid the stopping/sniffing/exploring is to run . . which is easy for dog but not so sustainable for owner; note to self . . this IS cardio . . . a weekend of dog diversion brings me to begin a new week; work piles are moderate to high, weather is warm . . golf might be possible, but first I must play a little catch-up. . . hard decisions . . . the ones we make that alter our path; hard choices . . . the ones we can only do alone; hard choices . . . the ones that really matter – whether they come in a heat beat or after heart ache – they may seem like clear choices, healthy choices, rational choices, irrational choices . . each will have their labels & collection of feelings; some will cheer, some may question, some will support, some will undermine – such is the behaviour of friends & family – but mostly the hard decisions are making a loving choice for ourselves, for no one else; putting ourselves at the front of the line to choose . . . much harder sometimes than it seems – once done it is often a feeling of release & comfort in knowing that: ‘I get to choose how I react to what is happening to me.’ – Viktor Frankl. . . dog naming dilemma continues; to choose a name right for a golden retriever female, to pick up on a behaviour, a characteristic, or something to do with history of the breed or how she looks – to get it right for a pup who snores, stops to sniff absolutely everything, LOVES to run, gnaws everything but the chew toys . . , sleeps through the night & whines when scolded, does not bark – not yet at least, has a slight reddish tinge on a gopher’s colouring; is beautiful, gentle & loves to roll in the dirt . . & sleeps more than anything else – it seems so many words/names might be appropriate . . . Snoozin ? Sniffer ? Mango ? Frankl ? Beach ? . . also thinking on Sandtrap, Bunker, Par, Bogey, Cinnamon, Workout, Dijon . . . . . stay tuned !. . . Mark343,768
May 2 Responses
Hi Mark, She's beautiful -- perhaps she's a Birdie! I've had Amelia (black Lab) with me for the past eight years and she is my flying, walking and hiking buddy. Enjoy the unconditional love provided by a dog., PF

Hey! Glad things are going so well with your new friend. I didn't get the picture yet - could you send it again? Thanks!, CK

Good Morning Mark, I continue to enjoy your morning musings. Congrat's on your new pup. I would like to suggest the name Midas for your puppy I have fond memories of a dog called Midas. Enjoy your day....., LA

Hi Mark, Liz and I acquired an athletically built female of our own some months back......ours of the boxer variety.....let me tell you that it has been some adventure.........lol. Hope you are prepared! I will send you a pic of then and now.........have a good day and enjoy your new girl., AS

There is no way I can resist throwing my $ .02 in for the "name that dog" contest. I'll suggest Snuffles, Lady B(lond) or from the sounds of her ceaseless energy Tornado., TM

Mark, life must be good if the hardest decision for you at the moment is "What to name your dog?" Bear in mind that when you get your City Licence, it will be like a Marriage Licence, and she will have your surname so whatever you choose should go well with "Kolke"...you want to avoid sounding like you have a speech impediment when you call her! Congratulations on your latest acquisition, EC

This is the first time I have responded to your musings. I have enjoyed them lots. As this comes to my work address I am often short of time to read and respond to them . But I sure do enjoy them, when I take the time to read them. In the uncertainty of naming your new dog I feel compelled to offer a couple of suggestions. We had two Black Lab dogs who were spectacular. Sadly they have both died. One last year and the other just last month. Their names were "Bella" and the other was named "Cassie" (short for Cassandra). Maybe one of these suggestions might fit., PW

I don't like any of these names, a guy a work said she looks like a Chelsea, I think Hillary would be better, kk

on the subject of names.... Clio.. muse of History always depicted with a parchment (Could that be substituted for a bone ?) have fun Mark..... she will be the LOVE of your life ! xx, IO

What about Portia - sleek, fast, with a loud engine (my kitten has this name!) Ciao, PI

How about "Nugget"......she's as precious as gold. Sure do miss Cleo, my retriever. Saw her at Easter and was astounded at how emotional I was saying goodbye..... again. You'll not regret your choice Mark., MW

Congratulations Mark on your new addition. Dogs are wonderful animals and bring into your life such joy. I have had the 'dog' experience for 8 years now and its been just amazing. Ebony was a Valentine gift (I did get to pick her out though)and I fought it all the way until I picked up this little 2 lb black furball with the biggest brown eyes, and at that minute I just knew.... and have never regretted it for a minute. And then like you it was off to the pet store and left with everything I 'thought' she needed, including a snuggle carrier. She even had a car seat for dogs that I found in the US (and she never liked). I have almost lost her twice but each time she pulled through. One time racing down the Deerfoot at 3 am to get to the 24 hr vet hospital. I have parted with thousands of $$ and have not regretted a cent spent. I couldn't even begin to pay back what she has given me. You become attached to these wonderful creatures and they becomepart of your family. As I type this Ebony is on my lap and I am stretching around to reach the keyboard (her morning snuggle). And now you have another element to add to your daily musing. I am sure everyone will enjoy the updates. Good luck with the naming process. I will add one to your list.... Belle Have a great day!! EK


Year 3, Day 44; me gusta musing Tuesday May 3, 2005 . . . -2C, clear, light breeze, sunny . . going to +17C in Calgary . . . this morning walk a semblance of normal as puppy learns route & occasionally realizes ‘objects de sniff’ were inspected yesterday; a slightly more subdued walk, little gusts of puppy speed breaking out when least expected. . . both dog & owner a little stiff from a VERY long walk / sprint workout late yesterday that involved dog diving into Fish Creek. . .interrupted by dog running, dog walking, dog bathing & dog feeding & depositing more of my money at PetCetera, occasionally some work & domestic chores, my dog naming process is over. . .what does one call a new blonde love, a rolling running furball that embodies youth, energy, love of running, insatiable curiosity yet has a soft sound, a feminine sound ? something that does not stifle adventure, curiosity or joy . . . a short name, a meaningful one; could it be about golf ? . . . or about women ? my life, my family, me ? . . yet it MUST say something important about this delightful dog’s character . . a name to last it for life. . . a gust is a brief swift wind - a burst of speed; gusta is Icelandic for speed; me gusta is Spanish for ‘ I like’; my mother’s first name was Augusta as was her mother’s – both blondes; Augusta is a golf mecca; I was born in August; googling indicates Gusta is a woman’s given name of Dutch & German origin – female version of Gustaf. . .my grandmother came to Canada from Sweden, an 18 yr. old domestic servant to a small town doctor’s family – she lived a full life & died just a month before I was born to her youngest of 5 daughters; I’ve known her only from pictures & stories of a determined hard working feisty little woman – it seems fitting to call this little [but not for long] dog in her honour. . . this dog seems to like everyone, every dog, every fencepost & every smell it meets; everybody she has met likes her too . . . . . Gusta will no doubt get shortened to Gusta-babe, Gus & Ggirl or G . . for now it will be Gusta. . .me gusta Gusta !. . . Mark343,744

May 3 Responses
Do you have a picture of Gusta? Sounds like you are enjoying your new lady. AW

From the suggestions made I thought Echo sounds cute and Calli isn't bad, and although it wasn't a suggestion but for something different, the word "Dash" has a nice ring to it, anyhow, before you name her, make sure it's the right name. I am so happy I named mine Bonnie, I can't picture her with any other name and that just popped into my head shortly after I saw her., MRK

Our "little bundle of joy" came into our lives with all the energy of a hurricane. A gift for my son's 11th birthday, long promised and much anticipated, the perfect fit for our little family- 2 energetic boys and a mom needing more exercise. We just came back from a nice long walk at the Anderson Road/ 37St. leash free area where Tommy had a delightful time playing with about 65 other great dogs. We found him through the ARF website and although we originally went to his foster home to meet his quiet little sister, Tommy fell in love with my son and picked us before we knew he was the one for us. He was supposed to be a Husky/Terrier X but has obviously skipped the Terrier part and is instead presenting as a Husky/St. Bernard X. At 3 months when we got him he was 24 lbs., is now much closer to 30 and will soon be his full weight of around 75lbs.or so. He is the light of our lives and his delight in everything seems exactly like Gusta’s. Our lives are so much fuller because of this gentle, sweet, cuddly little "lap dog". Enjoy the devotion and delight of you new puppy. , ERK

Can you bring her over one day? I like Gusta! Good name and it sounds appropriate. My kids would go crazy - I used to have a standard poodle (a big one) and he died about a year ago - he was 11 so he had a good life. My sister in the my backyard also has one (much younger) so we encourage him over with cheese. It p_ss_s my sister off because Toby likes our house better! Better food!, LH

Hi-Ho Luv: GUSTA is a terrific name...being Icelandic for speed (have you EVER seen a speedy Icelander??? Haha. I think that name would be well chosen for the blonde darlin'....take good care, MG

Gusta looks "gust-usa" which, by the way, means "cute" in Maltese. I must admit, I wasn't crazy about the name (no offence to grandma) but looking at her picture, I think it suits her, there is a sensibility in her eyes, like a saviour of lost causes, ha! ha! ha! I think you'll be in good hands, she'll take very good care of you Mark! Enjoy!, MRK

Hi Mark, I was also going to suggest Portia for your new "love" she was a highly intelligent character of Willy Shakespeare’s !!!!Enjoy, bb

Great name Mark. Soula - Gusta - a vowel at the end of an animals name seems very appropriate. Enjoy, SB

Year 3, Day 45; master planning musing Wednesday May 4, 2005 . . . +6C, mixed cloud, calm, going to +18C today !. . . glorious walk in sunshine; Gusta playing ambassador – white tail wagging for deer being a fright/flight, Gusta saw that as a welcome sign getting closer to two deer than I’ve ever done before they slipped away into the trees. . . do events shape lives . . . or lives shape events ? . . . "One man, scorned and covered with scars, still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this." - Don Quixote. . . someone out there has criss-crossed the life of my dear friend as have several people in my life; for that matter, many of you too will have had people who have come & gone through your lives. . . they keep coming back to us . . . sometimes distant physically or emotionally . . . but never far from our hearts; the comings & goings & time between contact is of no consequence – that is the thing about unconditional love – with it come the risks but also the opportunity to experience raw emotion in its purest form, to ache, to know, to be anxious for good reasons . . . to reach out not as a decision but as a loving reflex. . . ‘and the world was better for this’. . .cliché to say ‘when a door closes, a window opens’, but what about that ? . . when we are focused on a career path, a big honkin’ adventure or a big project start – and then, just when we least expect it there is a collision of events, mostly beyond our control, that align to send our thoughts, actions & ambitions in a different direction; a ying/yang thing . . . of chaos vs. being open to possibilities. . . when a series of events conspire to put is in just the right place at just the right time, what is that ? . . is it fate, karma, coincidence or a product of master planning ?. . . Krista [kk] in town; she was over for dinner last night; we had a great dinner, long talk & a hilarious time walking Gusta – confirmed without doubt this dog is pure chick magnet !. . . today’s dog report: exploration of my home & more aggressive gnawing – 4 days was all it took to bring out the playfulness . . . like my kids at 2; we need to find some pure chicks. . . Mark343,720

May 4 Responses
By the way - did you know that it is Star Wars day - May the 4th be with you!, AW

It was nice to see another muser reader mention the names I suggested as good ones, but, I think "Gusta" is perfect-- a good mix of both YOU and the dog. Absolutely perfect. You do have a "gusta!" about you, too. Myself, been dating D., and she's lovely. Not perfect, which I like. Oops, why do I mention this? Because she has two dogs, and although I'm a cat person, I love her pets, C5

OH, MY GOD. She is simply adorable. Oh, you lucky guy. You will never, ever regret getting her. Wait 'til you find out how clever she really is. We had one exactly the same when I was a teenager. Her name was Friend. We did not have to fence the yard to keep her on it. She would never go off unless one of us asked hereto. Thanks so much for the photo, and enjoy your new darling , LW

Great to hear about you getting the dog. I'm in flight [Wed. flying to Moncton] and am just catching up on a ton of as yet unopened e-mails. This really brings back some WONDERFUL MEMORIES about the Amazing Dog Loves I have been fortunate to enjoy. If you experience even 1/2 the enjoyment I had from my dogs you will be a most lucky guy. I will be back in Calgary on the 14th and will call you. Sincerest Regards, JJ

You're getting LOTS of doggy-related advice so I'll keep it short, though there are many things I could add to these three: 1) golden retriever=shedding. NEVER put away the vacuum! And be sure you acclimate Gusta to it early. You're gonna' need it. 2) get pet health insurance. Today. Not tomorrow. TODAY! 3) If your vet/groomer provides this service, ANY amount of money is worth the cost of having someone else express her glands. Have fun!, LR

With all this much ado about Gusta I thought you would appreciate some advice from Ann Landers: "Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful, RH

Year 3, Day 46; time flies musing Thursday May 5, 2005 . . . +3C, sunny, going to +21C. . . excessive volume of concrete workers, machinery & related noise interrupts otherwise quiet walk through neighborhood & woods; fresh morning air, sun on face . . difficult to best this part of any day. . . most decisions in my life have been relatively safe ones taken by average guy living comfortable life in very safe places; . . . at mid-life, rather than wondering about my own ‘what have I done with my life? . .what will the next few decades bring ?’ . . . I am regularly reminded by heart wrenching glorious stories I hear . . . reminding that life each day is what I make it, that life’s value is not measured by length – but by other dimensions. . . but, given a diagnosis: one person may get an opportunity to live longer & better due to corrective action . . . while another might live less long yet with a better sense of the road ahead – inspired to drink to the last drop the juiciest experiences & richness of life. . . inspiration comes when we see/hear of incredible vitality in people notwithstanding their grim news; we can see people exhibiting courage & joi de vivre that inspires. . . but inspires what ?. . . often these stories make me smile, reflect & say kind things; rarely does the look in the mirror that day probe deeply to say ‘what are you going to do to change your life as a result of what you have learned ?’ . . .‘to critically analyze the nature of something; diagnosis – is a scary word . . . I don’t want a diagnosis !. . . each time I feel a twitch, have a pain, get a check up . . . I don’t want a diagnosis !. . . every day there is a page of people in the paper; surely most of them had a diagnosis. . . does diagnosis mean something different than ‘every day is a presentt & we have no idea how long or well we will live’ ?. . . does the person with a diagnosis have advantage over the rest of us; their confronting the future & each day is not theoretical, not for imagining ‘if that happened to me, what would I do? . . kinda stuff’. . . if we could know our fate . . . live long in neutral, or live extraordinarily in high gear with no idea how things might turn out . . no idea of our ‘best before’ date. . . if we had the choice . . . what would it be ?. . . if we had a diagnosis . . . surely we could !. . .if we don’t have a diagnosis . . . why cannot we make choices that are as dynamic, as pure, as rooted in who we are & what matters to us most; why do we need a diagnosis to give us the freedom to be so vital, so alive, so . . . so clear ?. . .which do I choose ? . . not by words, but by actions ?. . . I choose – a little more today than yesterday – to move closer to the edge, to risk more, to taste more, to expand my horizons . . .today’s dog report: yesterday Gusta discovered the shoe lace & the passing car – both fascinate. . . tempus fugit. . . Mark343,696

May 4 Responses

Oh what a cute puppy !! The first name that popped into my brain when I saw her picture was 'Cuddles' I would love to get a dog too but I travel too much and it would not be fair to her/him. Maybe a replacement for my cat that passed away a couple of years ago would be a good idea , they are more independent and easier to leave on their own for a day or two with a cat sitter. Have fun with her ! Watch out for missing slippers !. CC

What is it about dogs? I notice your fellow musers connect with the "pet thing" pretty strongly. I never had a dog growing up, but spent the last 15 years of my life with two black labs. One died last year, the other passed recently. They both changed my life in the most subtle yet loving way. Seven years ago (in my mid 30's) I went through a divorce, a relocation, new job and other major life changes. A lot of big stress, all at once.The emotional impact of all this took its toll. The impact was hard to understand at the time. A sense of complete overwhelm; despair; grieving was sure part of it. Everything I had held close seemed to have evaporated. But what was the same were my two black labs. They seemed to understand what was going on with me better than I did. Especially "Bella". When I sat alone in my moments of sadness and despair, grieving my losses, she was there. She would come to sit beside me in my chair and then gently push her shoulder against my knee. She did this often. She was assuring me that everything would indeed be alright. With the passage of time the pain would lessen and healing could begin. You know she was right. Bella helped me realize that as painful as the experience was at the time, it was also a time of great discovery, new awakenings and new experiences I could not have imagined. It seems that through a dog's loving nature we are reminded often of what really matters. A completely priceless gift, is what they give us. With "Bella's" passing away two months ago I am left wondering how can I ever repay her for her immense love and kindness. Maybe it is supposed to be a "pay it forward" kind of thing. Where we are to share these same qualities with those around us.....??? Hmmmm.... Makes you think eh!. It seems a dog's ability to love so unconditionally is what we often need to be reminded about., PW

Hallelujah! Thank you LR - Just when I was thinking "Hold on here, there are two sides to owning a dog", you pointed out a few on the flip side. Before I say anything else, I wouldn't part with Bonnie for all the tea in China but Single Female and Puppy (Brittany) I now realize is arestrictive combo (don't know if guys would have the same problem). Guys I meet enter the "potential" category depending on whether they are dog lovers, more particularly, "Bonnie" lovers. Every-so-often, I have a "hairy" day where the pretence that the incessant hair balls underfoot are not irksome comes to an abrupt halt! Bonnie, I realized last week, still has the occasional "chewy" day, I thought they were behind us; after all she turned 2 in Jan, till I saw the missing front part of my running shoe that is. Having said that, I'll leave you with this:
She is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog,You are her life, her love, her leader.
She will be yours, faithful and true.To the last beat of her heart.
You owe it to her to be worthy of such devotion.
Anonymous.
, MRK

Year 3, Day 47; outstretched hand musing Friday May 6, 2005 . . . +10C, overcast, calm. . . lots of people & dogs about provided ample dog sniffing opportunities . . my legs sluggish this morning. . . I am distracted this morning, my head full of yesterday stuff, weekend stuff & late night conversation residue stuff. . . "Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are and what they ought to be."-William Hazlitt. . . the outstretched hand; we all have one . . . we use it to reach out to someone. . . the outstretched hand of someone reaching out to us. . . we do this both to offer or to get help, to offer or to receive a connection; from handshake to handup to handout; from firmly gripping someone . . . to a gentle finger tip to fingertip flirtation. . . the outstretched hand . . the connection with someone who matters lots already . .or who might in time; however firm or tenuous it may be a phone call, a chance meeting resulting in conversation, sometimes connecting as if it might be the last time . . the end of something . . or a beginning as yet unexplored. . . are we all strategists ?. . . I write about & talk about chance – but when push comes to shove, do I really embrace chance, am I really open to opportunities or do I strategize my way; using pre-determined criteria to determine which path I will pursue, what ideas I will embrace . . who I will let into my life vis-à-vis who I will not ? . . which opportunity or idea I will make space for in my mind vs. those I discard or ignore. . . my mind filled with personal adventure planning, some work details, a business plan percolating; jumbled competing thoughts . . . I see myself walking beach in - blustery breeze - looking out to dark swirling clouds – my face wet, my skin vital & alive – my pace quickens. . . poof ! . . reality returns . . the needs of my clients await; have a great weekend. . . today’s dog report: Gusta seems to be training her owner well [maybe 3 long walks/day will help him get back into clothes the cleaners shrunk] while expansion of her ‘smelling & chewing’ everything she sees for the first time continuesMark343,672

May 6 Responses
Congratulations on the new addition. I didn't receive the photo of Gusta but I'm sure, considering her breed, that she is adorable. My husband and I were "dog people" for years -- had 3 at one point -- until a very lonely and cold, but bold and confident, cat showed up on our doorstep one cold October day 20 years ago as a stray. I started to feed her almost immediately and eventually, while my husband and the dog were away on a trip to the farm, she worked her way into the house. She ruled our doberman/shephard like she was 100 times her size but she was heartbroken when he died. 18 years later -- 2 years ago -- I had to put her down. I never regretted a single day of having her. I finally felt ready to visit the SPCA just before Christmas -- our home very much needed a pet. "Abby" a 5 year old stray has already taken over our house as master and we love it. Now that I work from home, it is wonderful to have a pet who distracts me now again and I'm sure it's good for her as well., cc

Retreivers - darling dogs.. will eat everything from light bulbs to underwear. You will be well trained indeed. "Life is too important, to be taken seriously!" -Wilde , SM

Mark, it started as a reply to musings, but had a life of its own...I thought I would share it with you anyway. My dog story:
Dixie arrived in a cardboard box with six brothers and sisters. My lover noticed the owner with the mother and box of pups and said, "Go see the lady in the coffee shop - those are good looking dogs." The seven siblings spilled out of the box onto the pavement, roly poly, pell mell. Thanks to The Pokey Little Puppy, I can think of really no other way to describe a tumble of puppies, a poke of tails and flash of damp pink bellies and bright button eyes. We honed in on each other immediately, steady blips of love on each other's radar screen right from the start.

She is a shorthaired brindled lab mutt, with a whopper of a tail that thumps on the floor with a Morse 'I love you' when she is too tired to get up, but she knows you need to hear the dots and dashes; a tail that is a rudder when she swims, holding her straight and true as she paddles sleek as an otter through the big waves; a tail that her German shorthair friend Phoebe can grab onto when they play the circle game; a coffee table wine glass smashing tail that shows up even when uninvited for cocktails - she knows there's nothing quite like a canapé or two with a few of our friends.

We are a pair. When I was hurt in an accident she hardly left the side of the bed. Visitors would have to step over her to see me. She rides shotgun. We used to be the Dixie Chicks when we lived near the forested mountains. But now we live in a condo in a forest of pavement and buildings, and we are the Uptown Girls.

I have been accused by my family of living in an imaginary dog world, bestowing the character traits and thoughts and emotional capacity of a human being upon a 75 lb. mutt who is basically a stomach with a tail. I didn't have too much company in this fantasy landscape until I read Pam Houston’s Sight Hound. It is a story told through 12 voices, of which two are dogs, Dante and Rose.

Here is a little of what Dante has to say: "There are three principles to remember if you are to teach a human being anything, and they are consistency, consistency, consistency. They are such fragile creatures to begin with, with poor eyes, poorer hearing, and no sense of smell left to speak of, it's no wonder they are made of fear. Some centuries ago they moved inside and with that move went nine-tenths of their intuition. It is almost unmerciful to make them live so long when they spend so much of their lives in pain."

For Houston, there is no random pairing of dog and human; each dog is sent to teach us what we need to learn at the time. In the book, Dante was sent to teach Rae that it's okay to be loved; Rose, the younger, "next" dog, was sent to teach Rae how to play.

I have been wondering since I read Sight Hound what Dixie was sent to teach me. I think I am getting it. We are about to fight a fearful, painful human battle along with someone we both wag our tail for.

She was sent to make me brave., KT

I feel left out. As yet you haven't leered out from behind the bushes and murmured "Hello little girl. Wanna see my puppy?" to me. It's about time I was collared into the online petting session., SK

Mark, 'love the daily read of your musings (not sure how I ended up on the subscriber list but I'm glad I did) and your weekly Facility Calgary newsletter. I find both to be amazingly informative as well as easy and fun to read. I also subscribe to the Calgary Outdoor Club e-mails announcing upcoming events. 'Am forwarding the one below, as it might be of interest to you now that you have a puppy. I, too, would love to see a photo of Gusta, if that's possible. Tks! Best regards, KJR

Year 3, Day 48; ‘in or out’ musing Saturday May 7, 2005 . . . +7C, overcast, predicted ‘chance of showers’ have arrived. . . accompanied by very dirty pup fresh, wet, muddy & marvelous – this path, this source of my solitude takes on new vistas to inspect every fallen tree, sprig of this or that & droppings of any critter or an 8yr old Labrador named Holly towing owner Kate – tranquility interrupted by playful wet pup shamelessly going flat out . . never in neutral. . . dust does not fly; time crawls as rain slows rush about day pace. . . new connections lately – both near & far – intrigue a little . . .. . . I must have left a door open at some point, because people keep coming into my life in numbers to great to ignore; while some are shown the door swiftly, invited not to return, those are few . . . “in or out; be in my life or get out of my life & get on with yours” words I’ve not said to anyone directly yet surely that message comes through in some not so subtle ways; it seems I attract few people where feelings are neutral; or maybe I just ignore those & they go away . . . . . KT entered, stayed, took up residence in my heart as incredible friend, close friend, confidante, mentor & scribe coach – someone who might never have crossed my path – but did & does. . . KT rarely responds to musings preferring instead to comment in our daily chats; when she writes [see below], she writes so profoundly, powerfully . . .dog report: JS & I walked Gusta through Kensington last evening including a stop @ the Heartland Café; in space of an hour Gusta proved a 100 times over she likes being petted by any stranger - chick magnet indeed Mark343,648
May 7 Responses

What an interesting format! Thank you for the window at large. My brother would indeed enjoy these to show him an avenue with literary platform already installed. Would you please include him on your list of teeming masses? I was struck by the endnote KT sent as Pam Houston has been one of my favorite authors of all time. Hers (Waltzing the Cat) was the only book I had finished and closed the cover on that compelled me to open it back up to page one and begin again. An Idaho river guide, kayaker, photographer and general adventure-blunderer that spoke right to my heart and life and love. I dropped everything to hear her read when last she was in Spokane. Don't miss her yourself, if ever the chance brushes by. Clenched clouds today, stubbornly refusing me rain. But the lilacs' wild abandon sensually rewards all dog walkers braving the threatening skies. The drifts of pink petals downtown turned into foolish play for Jack and I as we were waiting for a light., MD

I have to tell you that I wasn't very happy about being included in your distribution of Musing but...now I look forward to receiving it each day. I got a new puppy in February and can relate to much of what you say. She is now almost 5 months old and over 50 lbs. She is going to be a big girl. Mom is Great Pyrenees and Dad is white Lab. Enjoy your new blonde!, CL


Year 3, Day 49; double cheese musing Sunday May 8, 2005 . . . +6C, fog burned off to reveal overcast sky. . . brisk exercise, long dog walk without encounters –neighborhood quiet, shhh . . . mothers sleeping in . . . Mothers Day & 60th anniversary of Victory in Europe - double icon day. . . regardless of our own experiences, regardless of whether we have direct connection to great mothers or great soldiers this is the day we MUST all salute these icons, pay homage to their incredible sacrifices made to keep us safe & free. . .George Bush audaciously reflects on carving up Europe 60 yrs. ago as worst blunder in modern history; forgetting Vietnam & Iraq I guess he meant worst blunder before he was born. . .society reveres war veterans & moms – appointing 1 day each year to remember moms & several to remember soldiers though things like VE day are celebrated wildly only every decade – this will be the last I suppose as 10 years from now the youngest surviving veterans will be 88, most will be long gone. . . why do we revere people by class ?. . .why not just offer praise & distinction for those who excelled, who gave their lives, their youth, their promise . . so that we could live in freedom, live dynamic lives. . . mothers & soldiers have much in common; some gave their lives to it & for it – others just showed up; some made incredible sacrifices . . . others just showed up. . .whether they were over-the-top fantastic . . or just showed up, they deserve our remembrance & respect – many deserve much more . . . to those mothers revered by their children – best wishes to you all; to those mothers who make this the toughest day of the year for your children – recognize that & ask your kids how to best fix it – you will all be winners if you do. . . my mother was one who showed up & for that she deserves remembrance. . . I remember growing up seeing other kids interact with their mothers; which fuelled my early childhood belief I was adopted – not true of course, but it helped me rationalize at the time; it seems unkind to speak unkindly of someone who gave me life; but the truth is I do – I never enjoyed mothers day time spent & the obligatory gift; the past 6 yrs without my mother has lifted that discomfort . . . while others are brunching with or phoning mom . . I reflect on my role as a parent & as a son. . . I have a very different relationship with my dad – the other party who gave me life; he served on this side of the Atlantic where he specialized in fixing airplanes, playing bridge & coming home safely; yesterday I took him for lunch; double cheese burgers @ Peters – still the best burgers in Canada – still the best dad. . .dog report: Gusta likes her NEW old shoe chew toy [pre-emptive move on my part] & hangin’ out with me on a Saturday night – maybe I’ll find a warm babe with a hot pooch so we can double ?. . .Mark343,624

May 8 Responses

Catching up on old musings. I got a chuckle out of your identification with "a one-eyed dog in a meet market" - the pun was subtle but clear!, KK

Mark, KT has my vote for muser guest spot anytime. Her short story will be a long memory for me., RH

Year 3, Day 50 ; past is past musing Monday May 8, 2005 . . . +8C, overcast, calm. . . morning walk with dog in tow [or is that dog walking with me in tow?] was a mix of strolling & wind sprints – invigorating – we were out & back before the neighborhood got busy; all things worth smelling were investigated. . . I will spend the rest of my life, 343,600 hours, in the future. . . the future needs to be & remain my focus. . . not sure where my journey will take me . . but I want to know what is around the next corner. . . only thoughts, decisions & actions about the future have value to me – there is nothing in the past I can change – only my view of it; the future is full of change & I am not going to let younger people have all the fun !. . . mistakes, errors, things mislaid, things that did not work the first time . . . these are the raw material we work with . . .. . . I was reflecting over the weekend about the times that have been the most fun, the most rewarding, the most effective . . . they have been when I have been scrambling, inventing, changing, creating . . new ideas, new enterprises, new relationships, new ventures – many of which did not seem risky at the time but now, in the rear view mirror, they could look too risky; I need to return to that daring-do attitude . . I know I’ve not lost it, it must be around here somewhere . . . I must have mislaid it somewhere. . .psst . . past is past . . . pass it on. . . Mark343,600

May 9 Responses
I really enjoyed your comments this morning, Mark. Reminds me of the worn-out but still poignant saying "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"., BM

A book you may enjoy (or not). The Little Soul and the Sun by Neale Donald Walsh (author of Conversations with God). I bought it for my son, but it was for me. Gave me peace as I remember my Dad. I believe that we choose our parents, and it's quite often for the lessons we receive. Even the tough lessons are gifts too. At least that's the experience I choose , VG

ahh the past yes, sometimes I believe we focus too much on the past and forget to look ahead. I believe that what is done is done and if you learnt something great. Look forward and take the leap! Although it is into the unknown, it will eventually happen anyway right!, DB

I think many people project their past on their future and therefore are living into the known, safe and comfortable expectation they have cultivated. Fears, planned dramas, realized catastrophes ... all are less frightening than living wholly true to the dreams and inspirations that come in those waking moments of truly creating your own destiny. Oh sure, we can learn from our mistakes, but lets not keep them souring on our tongue, playing and worrying them smooth and predictable, like a chip on a tooth. The inspired life begins with the dream and is trained there. All steps (mired and winged) are towards that goal. The soul-soaring-elation from knowing YOU choose your way to the gut-liquefying terror of making our way without a familiar path to go by .. cut free and flapping your heart out. Sometimes only the memory of surety remains of my resolve. Occasionally I stop and reassess-is this still for me? If not, then what is? Until I hear a clarion call to direct me another way, I'll forge on and know my confidence is not far behind, just stopped for sustenance. I use doubt as my signal to reconnect with source and reaffirm faith in myself. What's the worst that can happen? We fail??? Days I didn't fall on the slopes were days I knew I wasn't pushing my limits and learning more. , MD
Year 3, Day 51 ; everyone teaches musing Tuesday May 10, 2005 . . . +6C, hard rain now turned to wet snow, light breeze. . . Gusta & I walked – actually, more of a sprint through muddy water in the neighborhood & brief entry in the park & out again in chilly rain . . . showering with puppy @ 7:30 AM - not how I want to start every day, but it did warm us up !. . . everyone I touch . . everyone who touches me; each is a teacher; people come into my life to show me something – many an important lesson; at the time I have no clue what it might be or even that there is a lesson; then one day in some new experience I see that lesson, benefit from that subtle instruction & appreciate my teacher . . . they teach me more indirectly than directly – they show me examples of things I might do differently, show me examples of things I do not want to do . . . but these are the little things; living with dignity, grace & integrity are the big ones . . they cross all boundaries; being kind & caring is universal. . . my gripe du jour: someone with tons of brains & professional capability to help others acts like donkey in own life . . . somewhat like a tune I’ve seen/heard played before; psychologist & counseling types are often gifted therapists when it comes to helping others, but when their personal lives get involved [or when I consider getting involved with one of that type] I find they are bereft of understanding how people feel about them & vice/versa . . . though verbose & articulate they may be, often totally out of touch & self absorbed – not to generalize unfairly here; I don’t think this is an appropriate indictment for 100% of these folks . . surely it is a small number like 99.5% . . NEXT !. . . we like & need all the same things – to be praised, bathed & wrapped in warm towels, fed, praise, to be played with, praise, to be walked, praise, bowels that work & a quiet place to pee, praise, a good rub down, praise, treats, praise . . . until our handlers are fully trained - aren’t we all like puppies?. . . "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." - Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.. . . rainy days are great !. . . Mark343,576

May 10 Responses
A quote of Cary Mullen, Olympic Ski Champion who set a downhill speed record of 147km/hour in a two mile race against time, on rough ice: "Am I on track, or off track...?" This question posed frequently can help me to assess direction and stay on track.... LK

I haven't seen a picture of Gusta but have no doubt she's drop-dead gorgeous(you have such good taste). I see that many musers picked up on the multiplemeanings of her name - did you know that in Spanish it refers to somethingyou like or enjoy (i.e. she pleases you), KK

Nice job with your stereotyping on those in the helping professions. I wonder how you would like the same generalized statements in relation to your field [realtors]?? I associate people who stereotype as people who possess unrefined and unenlightened thought processes. Haven't you ever heard of individual differences?? You could use some enlightening in your thinking and generalizations, MM

que bonita - me gusta mucho!, KK

Weather's warm and sunny here in Vancouver and the rainy days are far and few since I've been back, plus sounds like you had a nice trip to Cpt. Cook's old Sandwich Islands. Enjoy your musings, you should put out a weekly tab page something like that pathetic one page morning thing you can find around Calgary but at least yours would be worth reading. Just sell a few ads to pay for thr printing and you're in business. Back in Vancouver and loving every minute, DB

There is song, and a saying. Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a gift that why they call it the present. Concentrate on today, it is truly a gift. MP


Year 3, Day 52 Wednesday que bonita musing May 11, 2005. . . +4C . . .going to +17, brilliant blue, calm. . . amazing what good hard rain [+ yesterday’s bit of snow] + a little sunshine does to advance greening up everything on my path; the walk a perfect start to the day on heels of a toasted bagel w/smoked salmon cream cheese & fresh coffee . . . . . . some days writing musings is easy as keys almost move on their own; this is not one of those days – it comes more slowly, precious lessons being offered. . .an ordinary day yesterday with 1 key meeting; the day brought unexpected calls, new business, a solution to a problem, some great brainstorming a new venture with one of my oldest friends GL [not that he is so old, just that I’ve known him a very long time] – so great to see burgeoning success in something he loves for someone who has come so far in the last 16 yrs from & through challenges most of us could not think to bear. . . it brought news of yet another muser dealing with breast cancer. . . other news has me in awe of calm, clear, courageous strength of a friend – not my story to tell – but an inspirational lesson in loving . . . the more I think of mid life . . if that is the right description of approaching 54 with a driver in my hand . . . with so much opportunity ahead, the more I realize that not everyone will realize that . . . the more I want to golf & play with my dog & drink in all the goodness around me & share time with my dad & my kids. . . may this day carry on as it started; 2 unexpected delightful emails . . 1 of which was from an ebullient daughter; 2 calls while walking - a call from a client/friend/muser + 1 from someone referring a new client . . . what a great start. . . dog report: she is loving ‘her’ shoe & everything else chewable – becoming more playful every day . . . owner is becoming more disciplined every day. . .to KW in Calgary . . happy birthday; to LM in Corona . . get well soon. . . . . . Mark343,576

May 11 Responses
Hey "musing" - can you kindly add XXXXXXXX to your daily musings? XXXX@XXX.ca He needs to hear/read some of your stuff. Thanks!, MC

Something I learned years ago to think about in the morning. Today is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I please. I can use it for good or I can waste it but what I do today must be important, for I am exchanging a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever; leaving in it's place, that which I have traded for it. And I want that to be good, not evil; gain, not loss; success, not failure, so that I will not regret the price I paid for it. a little musing from the 'chuck!. . ., WM

Ouch! MM's lash was quick and to the point. Don't you just hate it when someone is there for you to hold up the mirror on grand generalizations? I do, but don't...I've asked for timely and direct guidance from the divine to help me when I indulge so, and have welcomed their sometimes uncomfortable visits. We like to call those moments "AFGO's"...or Another Frigging Growth Opportunity., MD

Thanks for the good wishes. One thing this experience has taught me is that I have many people who care about me....I'm a lucky woman, LM

Have you ever written a book or articles? Are the musings strictly for yourself or do you plan to get them published? I write all the time and yet I lack the discipline on writing essays, short stories or novels. I was just wondering how you find your focus. Again it's back to the focus musing. I start writing about a topic and then veer off into nonsensical ramblings. I have many ideas on what to write I just have to be disciplined. Any suggestions would be appreciated. AC


Year 3, Day 53 - 18 module musing Thursday May 12, 2005 . . . +6C, clear, going to +20C, a perfect golf day. . . glorious sunrise - very long walk produced filthy dog & invigorated owner – a beautiful day. . . returning home, Gusta & owner showered & fed; musing began, only to be interrupted by 3very long calls in succession which starts a frenetic morning. . . as I prepare for a course given in 18 modules this afternoon . . . on days when I do not have a meeting or golf game to tear me away, the pile on my desk each day looms large; but . . . put a meeting that excites or a golf game on my calendar, the speed with which I can spin through that pile to isolate the ‘must do before I go’ things from the ‘that can wait till tomorrow’ . . or ‘just put that in tomorrow’s pile’, knowing full well it will be in tomorrow’s pile for months . . . . . . if I get better at listing to my belly about what is truly important I suspect I will work on fewer files per day, be more effective AND play more golf . . . just as my knowledge of people & things improves as I become a better listener, some of this listening needs to begin at home – listening better to what my own instincts – to better study the things I do zealously vs. the things I procrastinate to better understand my own drivers . . . .but . . . . what happens if analysis proves I really am better suited to & have passion for things other than what I have been thinking all along ?. . . too often I think, I find myself saying the same words . . giving the same spin to what I do & why without stopping to examine whether I still feel that way about a particular issue, thing, person, group or activity – I’ve deep sixed a few things recently which lifted a load . . . maybe I should ditch some more. . . I am out of the office this afternoon on an 18 module course in outdoor survival !. . . life IS good. . .Mark343,504

May 12 Responses

"as I prepare for a course given in 18 modules this afternoon" -- Mark, you crack me up. MD? I like AFGO - Another FABULOUS Growing Opportunity. :-) AC? Get a blog and ramble all you want. (http://www.blogger.com) Then get a ghost writer or virtual assistant with writing skills to come in and edit it into the beauful creation it is. (Kinda like bringing a mop of hair into a hairdresser.) It's all about having fun creating. There really ARE no rules. ;-) Dream BIG!, VG

Question: Today was great but exhausting. Did I touch another life today? Yes. For every one life you touch you touch 100. Wow. Did I make this world a better place today because I was here? Yes. In so many small ways but the goodness of people sometimes overwhelms me. Evaluation day. Yes Yes Yes, been a long time since I could say that., MF

Lucky!!! My "Emergency Preparedness" Class tomorrow sounds like it will mostly concern avoiding lawsuits involving patient information and charting entries. Survival of sorts. The body's "fight or flight" system works as good now as before when it was genetically designed to avoid being prey, but these days the saber toothed tigers seem to come in the form of checkbooks unbalanced, schedules too full, traffic too loud....very passive tigers and our adrenaline system is all revved up with no place to go. Attended a wedding tonight with bagpipe fanfare. We have two gigs Saturday and my chemistry final is Tuesday. I guess I'm whining a bit. Time to walk the pooch., MD

Year 3, Day 54 - 2 ½ putt musing Friday May 13, 2005 . . . +6C, sunny, light breeze . . . trying vainly to keep her out of tall wet grass & mud I find controlling Gusta’s enthusiasm & curiosity an exercise in futility – leisurely morning walks now a series of sprints interrupted by short recovery periods – no doubt good for my heart & waste-line – exhilarating. . . thanks Brad for a great 5 hour afternoon outdoor golf meeting; he shot an 83, I shot 92 – which if you do the math is just a ½ stroke a hole difference . . . now, if I can just find a way to 2 ½ putt each green . . . brainstorming with a few co-conspirators on new business model ideas for an internet business venture - clearing cobwebs to freely think about things – not ‘outside the box’ but as if there was no box – challenging & liberating . . . to attempt thinking child-like about things without regard to whether they are possible, practical, profitable, feasible – maybe the freedom of play I see in this retriever inspire golden ideas ?. . . "The greatest masterpieces were once only pigments on a palette." – Henry Hoskins. . . dog/owner training report: wakes, stretches, goes to bathroom, rests, walks/runs for an hour, eats, drinks, sleeps – repeat every 4 hours . .. now if I can just get Gusta onto my schedule I have a chance . . . she seems to want to stay with a 3 hour rotation . . . Mark343,480

May 13 Responses
I really enjoyed the afternoon yesterday.....thanks again. Any of the golf jokes new to you?, BR

Thanks for the email Mark I'm not sure how I would have gotten on your musing list,
but it's an interesting concept. I think I'd like to do some musings of my own sometime.
What kind of work do you do- I'm assuming self employment based on your musings? Is this correct?, KH

Don't try too hard to get Gusta onto a 4-hour schedule just yet. She is still quite young and probably hasn't the muscles to hold it for 4 hours. A puppy's digestive system is pretty darn direct -- in one end and out the other., LJPS

Re your putting, Sam Snead improved my putting by saying he 'its & 'arks meaning he hit the ball & listened for it to go into the cup before looking !!!! it really does work, try it I will be interested to see if it works for you ,keep me posted. Regards bb

Year 3, Day 55 - kk musing Saturday May 14, 2005 . . . +5C, dead calm, clear . . . going to 22 today. . . incredibly quiet; the world is relaxed & so am I as we took a short early walk this morning; Gusta & I are departing shortly for Lethbridge to help Krista [kk] with her move. . . my mood relaxed, peaceful, reflective. . . reflecting on a 25 years relationship with my daughter Krista; a unique character in my life & memories of yellow boots, strawberries & a strong independent/stubborn streak that has been there from the beginning as has been an incredible sense of humour; we’ve been through a lot of precious moments, some dramatic ones & some agonizing ones. . . nothing is scarier than being at a hospital with a 2 yr old than to have doctors say they have no idea what is wrong with your child who is obviously sick & convulsing sporadically – fear, tests, fear, days, tests, nights, fear . . . then the diagnosis of asthma, medication & return of my little girl’s smile & mischief made it all worth the hellish ride; the 2 or 3 AM hospital trips soon abated and asthma became a condition to be managed – and in time an aggressive tireless athlete emerged. . . some might say that some of these traits were environmental or inherited; but this child was as unique & different from her parents as her sister was & is . . . I have the privilege of helping her move this weekend – as she embarks on some significant changes in her life . . . with an interesting array of options in front of her . . . gotta run, gotta fetch & carry, gotta go, c’mon Gusta . . lets go play with Krista !. . . Mark343,456

May 14 Responses



Year 3, Day 56 - adventure or nothing at all musing Sunday May 15, 2005 . . . +17C, sunny, light breeze. . . to make up for yesterday & to consume some pent up puppy energy, Gusta & I did a VERY long walk - peaceful, a few bikers & dog walkers about - serenity disturbed only by snifferpooch . . .‘Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all. ‘ - Helen Keller. . . to take risks, to pursue adventures, to go boldly [or timidly] in new directions is easy to understand in hindsight as we look at things we’ve done – looking back sometimes the really risky things were ones I thought nothing of at the time, while ones I agonized over were often ‘prudent person thinks it through & reaches obvious conclusion’ . . . . . . taking new steps, changing directions, venturing over the edge . . callenges us all, whatever our age. . . my Lethbridge trip to help Krista move was tons of fun; schlepping ½ a duplex of personal belongings & furniture to fit into a 4 plex unit shared with 2 others is a challenge that will no doubt force some discarding of a few things – a great visit . . . a great lunch . . a great outing for the dog & a beautiful day for a drive in the country; great to see my baby welcomes help but has the ‘heavy lifting’ charting the course of her life well in hand . . .what advice to give ? . . . what can I do/offer which is better than biting my tongue ?; she’s doing great without my help, without my intervention, without any pushing this delightful young woman is doing it ‘her way’ . . . her way !. . . Mark343,432

May 15 Responses

My stomach and head were in knots, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I’m glad I didn't chicken out. This is my daring adventure for now, but whatever the venture, they should be pursued, reached for. The personal fulfillment ones receives will ultimately invigorate others to action., DL

Year 3, Day 57- write for me musing Monday May 16, 2005 . . . +10C, light cloud, breezy, BIG arch in the west. . . 2 deer in silhouette explore topsoil mountain to the south; these morning walk & dog run entertainment cheer me, get me going - no matter how tired I am it has hard not to belly laugh seeing a dog dive headlong skidding through the clover, falling on her side & sprinting off again without losing momentum. . . not sure if I should take to heart or discard some recent comments; but certainly food for thoughts; I am re-thinking the concept of musings a little . . . . . .OK, that’s over . . back to work. . .not that creative juices cease to flow - the value for me is less in reaching many as it is in reaching few – a few who may value a kernel of what I say, an experience they can relate to, a sliver of someone’s comment, a glimpse of how things might be if they could only be a little different. . . the more I age the less I feel I know – a world of knowledge & capabilities increases at a rate impossible to catch much less appreciate the enormity of it – yet we agonize most over people issues that seem to be as old as times . . like a difficult relationship with a close family member . . . what does it take to make things a little different ? not much, but then why do so many people resist the little things that might make a difference; how hard is it to swallow a tablespoon of pride, ½ pint of guilt or a pinch of vanity? . . . it only takes a moment to smile, a moment to say ‘please, let me LISTEN to you this time’, or ‘though we don’t share the same view on this subject, I love you and support your decision’ ? . . . I spent time this weekend with my younger daughter, chatted with her sister & their mother; interesting how members of a family can have very different perspectives on exactly the same thing – different views on what constitutes communication & a good relationship reminds me why I am no longer married to their mother !. . . I know the path I am on is right; not right for anyone else & certainly not righteous . . but right for me . . write for me . .. . . dog report: after morning walks Gusta loves curling up to sleep at my feet while I work at my desk – she is learning chair wheels do not roll well over paws & ears . . . Mark343,408