Saturday, May 21, 2005
May 21 response
Dear Lh: There will be nothing anyone can do to take this away. My brother committed suicide at 19 and it NEVER goes away. It does get smaller in time. The legacy you hold, that your sons will carry with them is how you will all get through the moments from this minute on. Some days just breathing in and out is enough effort to fold you double. Some days mastering the vacuum cleaner will hold off the crushing pain for a few minutes....or not. You will find yourself stringing moments together for yourself and sons. I was sometimes jealous of the people without children to be responsible for, as I thought they can abandon themselves to grieving in whatever fashion they desired. Later I learned that my children and my duty to them kept me more surely on the planet than anything else could have. Two books helped me most: "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron and "Who Dies" by Stephen Levine...both available in paperback. My heart grieves for you all, MD
