Musing

+7C, clear, not a cloud to indicate those predicted afternoon thundershowers
. . .
just think time in the sunshine; long walk with frisky dog to pull me along . . no critters, no dogs, no dog walkers
. . .
I’ve declined some interesting opportunities recently – some personal, some professional – each in its own right cause for thrills & spills . . . each would have probably caught my interest a year or two ago; but some things seems to have shifted for me
. . .
sometimes shift just happens & sometimes shift needs shove !
. . .
I used to pursue things/people to gain what I felt I lacked; a quest rooted in self image, self respect, validation & recognition issues . . . . a thirst for sharing, caring & laughter . . . amid needs for stimulation on physical & intellectual planes . . . a need for sustenance
. . .
my efforts in personal relationships & business ventures reflected my neediness
. . .
but then I figured it out; I have all those things in my life . . .
. . .
I have love & friendship & joy & stimulation on many levels with lots of people in my world, in my family, in my circle . . . so finding it is not something I need to seek – I just need to be who I am, where I am & continue to explore . . . to deepen those connections
. . .
what drove this home for me are recent connections based on someone else’s need for validation, love & friendship & joy & stimulation – people with high needs; an all out effort to reach a ‘needs met’ state through others rather than through self
. . .
in the last couple of weeks I have met a number of ‘relationship prospects’ . . each different from the other in many ways – but with something poignant in common; a quest . . . a search . . . a strong desire to find ‘the one’, ‘the relationship’ or the solution to their problem
. . .
maybe I’ve evolved past my ‘best before’ date, but I don’t think so; I am not seeking a solution
. . .
while I enjoy solving problems, meeting challenges & growing both professionally & personally; it is clearly time for me to meet a summer sweetheart with verve, swerve & nerve . . . hopefully someone who brings a similar appetite & wish list . . . seeking depth
. . .
dog is snoring, work awaits, gotta run
. . .
Mark
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