Musing

Having recently lost my husband of 23 years to cancer, I find myself thinking about getting back in the singles market. As you know..finding a fit is not always easy. Some entertain your mind...some entertain your body. But no one knows who you are or why you have become the person you are. I had a fellow ask me a while back how I got a certain scar on my hand, it's a remarkable story (from an aircraft accident that I was blessed to survive)...I then realized no one knows my history. No one knows my accomplishments, my failures, my love of family and friends. My love of children and the deep despair of not being able to conceive a child. We look at "partners" differently at this age. When I was young I wanted someone who would be a good husband...a good provider...a good father. Being a good lover didn't really matter...we would learn together with time. Truth be told, I was looking for my father...someone who would take care of me. Now at 43 I am financially secure enough...children are not a possibility and I have learned I can "love myself" so what is it that I am lacking? What do I expect of a man? Do we enter in to relationships far too casually now? Not really expecting them too work...a "lover du jour?" Will casual relationships cause a lack of respect for myself and erode my sense of self-worth? Am I still loveable? With all this wisdom and insight I have earned...am I fooling myself on love? Am I looking for someone who doesn't exist? I am just a woman...alone...looking for someone who fits...who might rescue me from what my life has become...someone who will not smother me...who will not get sick and die on me...someone who remembers me singing and dancing on top of the piano or imagines I still could... "someone who will be a witness to my life." Some days are really good...some days "it only hurts when I breath" - Mellisa Ethridge. (I know...some grief counseling may be in order eh?), VD

Mark, please keep pondering on this subject as I will need some help to submit the proposal (deadline is July 1st) for the Educ. Session at the Nov. Conference of TM. It will be interesting having a businessman's perspective on "Relationship Building" although I don't think you are the 'archetypical' businessman and you certainly express a great deal of 'enconium' for relationships of all sorts and sizes! I will call you to set up a meeting for Tues, June 28th perhaps?, EC

Hi Mark: I just opened the most recent photos of Gusta and, wow, she's beautiful. It's the eyes - there's something about those eyes that intrigues. Tks for sharing, KJ