Musing

Like yourself Mark, I prefer to believe Einstein was simply so immersed in his own contemplations and discoveries that he appeared eccentric or distant to others - I confess I am no Einstein, however in a past career of gold-smithing I can distinctly remember being so immersed in a project or design that I have worked through the night only to realize the sun was coming up before I finally succumbed to going to bed to sleep - It would not surprise me to find that many artists have done the very same thing as they write a piece of music or paint a canvas - Is it the love of a creation of an idea or the love of the challenge - I don't know, but it is truly all consuming as if nothing else in the world exists - perhaps that's a key to the whole concept of falling in love with someone - it consumes you -SS, Calgary

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Mark, Limit yourself to only one or two "Perry Como" workouts per week., BB, Vancouver PS a "Perry Como" is ....... steam/jacuzzi/steam/Jacuzzi

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I didn't know that being able to concentrate on one thing through to the finish was considered a disease. I would call it discipline! But it's called a disease? Go figure. I would also call it being able to 'focus' or even being 'gifted.' Just like doing many things at once is called 'multitasking.' Some people can go to a party and hold a conversation and listen to three or more different ones without losing concentration in all of them. Ok, that one could be considered 'nosey.' If I'm in a noisy environment, it takes great concentration to filter or block it out in order for me to tune my guitar. But it's called Asperger if it comes naturally? We got our rain. I guess I just had to send it out to the universe. It was light and steady, I even enjoyed a walk in it at 9:30 last night. The strong wind woke me up at five this morning. Thank you everyone for listening. Now, how about that snow????, ALP hd

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Mark, today is my 45th birthday, and a declared possible mid-point for me and mylife. Your words were gifts to me in the darkness of a certain diminishing of my experience of myself. Thank you for the gift of sharing life that you are, that your gift would inspire the flames to rekindle my own spirit. VJP

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I live in San Diego; Pt. Loma, actually, if you know where that is. I've lived in San Diego my entire life, and love it. I look like a TV version San Diego blonde, with an "I have to save the world" attitude -- kinda puts people off because I'm don't act like their idea of what I should be like. Who I am is a person committed to making a difference in the world. I train people around the world in being of service and being generous at the level of community. Where that doesn't work is I often forget that I am a community myself, and forget to ensure that I am being served and allowcontribution, and often find myself spent and resentful. I am my own source of frustration. Every time I find myself to be out of sorts, I realize I have blocked contribution and acknowledgment and thus rob the world of generosity and service. I know, though, to communicate my frustration and allow my various people to tell me to stop being a martyr. I forget to be human, you know? I have no idea how I got on your distribution list, but each morning I get your message and feel connected to another world. I don't always read what's going on for you, but I do scan and see what might be of interest. I find it fascinating that someone would freely share their musings. What's it like for you to get the feedback that you do? Thanks for inquiring into my life. , VJP, San Diego

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Hi Mark. Yes, extremely treacherous out there! And the new snow is covering the icy sidewalks. It's interesting - I've become more attuned lately to the connections I make - and I find it fascinating that the energy (positive/negative) between two people can often be felt. When the energy is positive, it is like a re-kindling of the spirit. It's hard to describe, but it's real. Imagine if we could be the source of a re-kindling in all those that we meet. Cheers, L.S., Calgary

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Hello Mark from JJ in the Lower Keys. You mention a big Dump of snow forecasted. The kids just said to us that the forecast was warming up and that their was to be no more snow. It would be good if Mother Nature got it out of her system while we arestill here. It is beautiful down here with a continuing awareness of how VERY LITTLEour American neighbors know about those people or the county North of them. Some are hard pressed to know - - -I will not go there. All the very best, JJ, Calgary via Florida

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why do we insist on calling things and people we don't understand DISEASED or DISORDERED??? That's just an excuse for our not being responsible for our own -( and for all the others around us's) fuller growth. it's a full stop on the adventurous path called Life, to label, then often to dismiss, some beautiful Gift, if we only seek it's truer meaning and value and purpose. I was 'cursed' with the label of '2nd percentile genious IQ, 'all really smart people write illegibly', yada yada ad nauseum. Thank God 'they' hadn't invented ADD/ADHD yet. oh...almost forgot... i'm 'dednah tfel' tooo meybe slightly bi55lexic, oops... Disslesic ...diselectsic...whatever.. love ur show...thx, bEs in Calagry...oops:)

-8C /19F, overcast with a big snow-dump predicted; Gusta has no difficulty navigating through the snow/ice mess out there, while owner treads cautiously

‘ In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit’ – Albert Schweitzer

my fire re-kindling seems ongoing . . I feel like singing Jose Feliciano songs

new connections, old connections & unexpected connections generate heat, cold . . or sometimes nothing at all, but more often lately, I am alert to those moments when the choice to engage in a chat, ask another question, drilling deeper to know someone

my 2nd trip to the gym yesterday as hordes of sweaty people are oblivious to my poor shape; I’m really enjoying the steam room

to SM, I’ve read conflicting reports on whether Einstein has Asperger Syndrome as the science in that area developed mostly after he was gone so suspicions that he & Newton had it are just suspicions – I prefer to believe he was just eccentric, brilliant eccentric enigma

it is Pancake Tuesday, Fat Tuesday, Mardi Gras Day & beginning of Lent for those who wish to give up things for 40 days – it seems the folks in New Orleans have not lost their spirit in face of the world letting them down in so many ways

my fax machine & workday beckon . .

Mark

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I want you to know that Albert may have had Asperger syndrome which is a form ofautism. What does that mean, you ask. The focus of fine principles whichlight up his brain and interest are so intense that all other things in lifethat occur around him can be ignored or blocked. His personal life andsocial interaction with people around him was non existent. This is alsoanother symptom of the disease. Everyone has great gifts to be utilized byboth himself and shared with others around but perfection in the human beingis always in question as what one sees as a gift can be seen as a curse toothers. Appreciate your good points within yourself and take each moment asthey come. , SM, Calgary

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Mark, I can tell you what Einstein thought on Monday mornings, I was married to a 'clone' of him.....just kidding. BTW, I like that the term I use for cuddling up...'spaghettying' touched a chord to see it appear in your musing........you see, we are each other's teachers for better or for worse. Sweet dreams., EvD

-12C/10F, surreal ice-fog flowing around so much I expected to see Hitchcock & a film crew at any moment, Gusta returned with snout & eyebrows fully frosted . . she looked like David Parker . . . only younger !

can we learn from the really wise guys ? . . . or were their lives messed up just enough that we cannot separate their genius from their ordinary-ness ?

‘If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. ‘ - - Albert Einstein

another work week begins . . . I wonder what Einstein thought about on Monday morning’s

did he play on weekends ? did his brain take a few days off to play, party, chase women & relax, or did he spend all his time chasing ideas ?

some Mondays I find myself wondering, what would Albert be doing ? I read that he said his greatest skill was to focus on a problem, excluding all else, until he was done

focusing on a problem until it is solved, excluding all else . .

which is his greatest work A= XYZ . . or E=mc² ?

Mark

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Hello, Mark, Longing for some place warm? Trees yearning for spring breezes? I'll share this with you. I survived my birthday on Saturday, eardrums none the worse for ware: my husbands drums (what fun!) were the entertainment for a small family gathering. Good food, drink and good conversation, too. Our plum tree has some beautiful white blossoms on it come this morning. I squealed at my husband about the blossoms and he said 'I know, they popped open on Saturday morning. I think that's something for the record books out here. A sight for eyes yearning for signs of 'green' plant-life: white plum blossoms will do just fine. I don't think we had much of a winter. Dry for sure. Rain is forcasted for Monday, maybe in L.A. Some parts of Palmdale got some snow last weekend, but not my part of the desert. *sigh* your daily stories and I guess a drive to the local mountains will have to do. I do hope you have shoes that have good ice grip. Gusta must be getting big. Take care. ALP hd

-16C/3F, ice fog/cloud keeping it gray & acting like a cone of silence – cars in the distance barely audible while my crunching Vasque soles squeak on the packed snow

dinner with AW last night, good visit & de-brief on her recent experiences & great food @ Il Pescatore

there is yearning in the air, trees ache for spring breezes, Gusta yearned for that jogger’s collie & I could use a sleepy warm spring Sunday morning tangled like spaghetti

I went to the gym yesterday; pretty good start I think . . actually getting there within 3 weeks of having joined . . ½ hour work out . . the visit to the scale was the only frightening part; no dessert for 31 weeks & lose a pound a week is my goal

sometimes I get strong criticism, not so much for my writing, but of my perspective; I encounter people who tell me harsh things – sometimes because they lack my perverse sense of humour, sometimes because they want to be nasty for some reason – these are easily dismissed, blown off & discarded . .

sometimes I get criticism, not of my writing or perspective, but of me personally – someone reading into a snippet of me here, a snippet of me there – woven together with something I wrote in a musing, something I said in conversation – sometimes too, connected to some joke I circulated. This has amused, confused & amazed me since I began these writings nearly three years ago – these are not so easily dismissed . .

sometimes I am pretty good at getting others to open widely allowing me/us a glimpse at their innermost feelings, sometimes I am pretty good at figuring things out – often that masks my ‘hiding out a little’ not revealing mine

sometimes . . someone says ‘stop giving it away’ as encouragement for me to do more with ‘this’ in some kind of writing/coaching capability though I am un-schooled, un-trained & getting better with practice

sometimes I wonder about life & love: marriage [first one 34 yrs. ago today] & divorce twice, I’ve had 4 ‘loves of my life’ . . yet all 6 of them are not with me

I had an unrequited boyish first love + SC & VP & KT, each being evidence that lightning can be captured in a jar albeit briefly, but there is no longevity to it unless both parties want it to be

deeply, completely, fully, unconditionally, my everything laid bare, I know I’ll love again

depth & reciprocity have eluded me

I’ve had depth

I’ve had reciprocity

sometimes I had both for a short while – life is rich & worthwhile because of it

Mark

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Hi All, Our baby boom generation doesn't really do the coffee group sort of thing. In my opinion the long standing coffee group is incompatible with the baby boom mindset. We disdain any type of routine, so we will be way too proud to show up. We confer status on anything new, so we won't come to coffee more than once or twice, even if we really enjoy the group. Our generation likes to be part of several separate worlds, so many people don't like to get to know anyone too well, in case some of those worlds overlap. Since many in our generation have a very narrow idea of what constitutes a person worth knowing, but refuse to communicate their real expectations, most will discover that finding people worth knowing in the group is tough! As we age will our generation be able to grasp happiness even if happiness comes in a package with long term social relationships? Maybe as a generation we should reconsider. Will we mellow as we age? Like CCC I am attracted to the "Office" and coffee idea. I hope that sufficient numbers of people in our generation can mellow enough so that I can find one of those groups in 10 or 15 years. Until then I'll count on my current group of coffeeing friends and family, a pleasure that brightens several days a week at present! LHE

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Mark..your thoughts and writings are so truly awesome… LL, Lethbridge

-22C[wind chill –30]/-11F, it started out clear with snow & frost on everything – better than any picture postcard . . our romp past lagoon on un-cleared path was good exercise but coming back with that steady breeze in our face that chilled to the bone boosted our heart rate; now it is completely overcast …hard to tell if it is cloud that rolled in quickly or a blanket of ice fog as it warms up

isn’t it just about pleasure ? this question posed by DB the other day & discussion followed

this date / mate / meet / greet middle aged single scene complexity thing – this meeting, scrutinizing, figuring out compatibility & often mind-numbing challenge of meeting someone we’d like to spend more than a little time with, someone we might just want to become attached to & build twin rocking chairs with . .

the question . . once all the criteria analysis paralysis is aside, is one of ‘isn’t it just about pleasure?’

that would make ‘being without’ a question about the ‘absence of pleasure’

by that I don’t mean the seeking of pleasure as some leftover 60’s version of free love & open relationships – but I mean that the enjoyment of a person, a partner, a friend, a lover . . can just be about taking pleasure from each other, giving of time & effort for the sole purpose of pleasure – both in & out of the bedroom

some people I’ve talked to ponder . . then say ‘sure, you’ve got it’, some say no, it’s more complicated that that’ while others look at me strangely like the very notion of such a discussion makes me a pariah

when I wrote ‘absence of pleasure’ I immediately recalled a movie title; Field & Newman in ‘Absence of Malice’ . . a dramatic story of wishing to do no harm gone wrong

the act of simply pursuing pleasure with a prospective partner / mate / friend is that it is not absent, can never be absent, defies absence . .

it is a present, in the present, for the present & sometimes it is only about the present

whether it is a light touch scarcely leaving a fingerprint - or a deep footprint, we make impressions & affect each other, we have irrevocable experiences that alter our viewpoint, alter our trajectory & sometimes alter our lives in overwhelming ways with resistance vis-à-vis non-resistance playing no real role in that

if people affect you, they do

if they don’t affect you, you aren’t paying attention

this has nothing to do with whether or not you want them to affect you

they boost our heart rate

I’m glad they do . .have a great Saturday !

Mark

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Hi Mark, It was interesting to read about the daily coffee group because this is something I have seen many times over in other locations. When I worked atWoodward’s (market mall) , they would be waiting at the door before the store even opened. They all rushed up to the restaurant , not to enjoy the coffee (my girlfriend said it smelled like dirty socks ???) but to enjoy everyone's company and to share the news of the previous day. My Dad lives in Cochrane and he now says every morning 'I'm off to the office' which is the local A&W . There he meets with the local ranchers, retired oil business buddies and whoever else happens to be there that day. If you want to find out what's happening around Cochrane, check with the'Office'. This is the morning group and then in the afternoon you'll find them all at 'Timmy’s' for their coffee break. I think it's fantastic and I am certainly looking forward to doing this too in my retirement. (I have a few years to go .. ) Have a great day !, CCC, Calgary

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As one door closes, another opens. Now, that's LIFE! Smile, everyone. ALP hd

-13C/9F, calm & overcast in Evergreen this morning; lots more snow for Gusta to romp in – if she only had a team & sled she’d be the lead dog for sure . .

my daughter Krista is on top of the world; in part settling in being back in Edmonton but mostly because she got that great permanent job posting she was after … congrats

many of you recall LR’s fight with leukemia, her relationship struggle & then mixing it up with [and marrying] her long time friend Mark [I was just the coach!!] & that they were expecting; I got a call from Lauren last night & an e-mail with pictures - Irvine has a new citizen congrats !!

timing is everything . . . or was it the green tea ?

in my work it happens all the time – the triple rule of location, location, location often trumped by timing; someone does not make a decision quickly enough, bringing together disparate parties & their issues/values/needs doesn’t quite fit smoothly – sometimes it requires artful compromise, sometimes it requires a ‘just do it anyway attitude’ because time is running out & fresh alternatives are not available; as often a ‘stop, start over, keep looking’ approach brings new opportunities out of hiding & sometimes a fresh re-look at things after a course of action is abandoned offers new perspective

as I mull some things, this work metaphor seems to be fitting for personal relationships too; in the past when ‘timing was lousy’ my style was to try to fix it somehow, negotiate, compromise etc., - rarely did I say ‘timing is lousy, keep looking’

obviously relationships between people is far more complex than a real estate transaction, more than nuances of timing, chemistry or lifestyle fits; to catch lighting in a bottle is not always something which results from artful execution of a plan – spontaneity plays a big role

on a slightly different note – or is it?

as a guest speaker I presented Toastmasters ideas to a group yesterday, not so much that they might start a club, but so they might use some ideas to improve their group dynamics & liven up their meetings; it is a group who gather for coffee every day – the membership evolved certainly over time, but the group has been meeting every day of the week at the Brentwood Co-op for 40 years; yes, that is not a typo!; they currently have 60 members – their business meeting included reports on minutes of the last meeting, treasurer’s report, who’s sick, who died & who had a birthday

I met with them for 45 minutes at their monthly coffee & birthday cake event; I got each of them to talk & introduce themselves to the group & explain what the group meant to them – we all learned some interesting tidbits; the youngest was 68 & the oldest was 93 [he & his wife of 65 years have been having coffee with this group continuously for 25 years]

mostly, they just wanted to be entertained & we shared lots of laughs; time they have lots of . . their choices/priorities are driven by things which are very clear; I got the hook when a 90 yr old fellow said ‘hey, my doctor won’t wait’ because he had to go to an appointment

suddenly, timing was everything

Mark

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Surrender! That sounds like a most delicious plan. The scenario will keep mymind from growing bored with all that I have to do in the office I know as'hell with fluorescent lighting'., PEG, Calgary

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Mark - Thanks to all the Musers for their kind thoughts to me, my sister,SdV and our families. AW

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Talking to my daughter (via Skype) who a few months ago moved to Germany, she expressed her annoyance of having to return bottles, crates etc to redeem the deposits people have to make when buying beverages. This conversation triggered my memories and gratitude how this system provided me with the foundation of my succesfull career half a century ago.Growing up in the Netherlands after WWII , with a father who was a conductor/composer, life was filled with love and music but short on money.I was taking ballet classes which was considered an elite thing......... at times my mom didn't have the monthly tuition and suggested I returned the empty bottles to the stores to gather the tuition money needed. I would arrive at my ballet school with the coins in my sweaty hand and felt pretty embarrassed... At the time I had no idea that by going through this embarrassment, I was designing my future and built twice a school with 2000 students (once in Holland, the other one in California )that more than filled my personal and professional life into a most rewarding experience. Compare this with so many youngsters today who have signed on to the entitlement program and will never experience the great satisfaction and self-esteem that is created by trying, failing but triumphing in the end. Huge THANKS to my mother who taught me to persevere., EvD, Pasadena

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Hi Mark, I just want to send an thank you to all the "other" recipents of your musings for their caring. I sat back in amazement how people that I have never seen, never met care enough to send their thoughts and caring for two sisters AW & SdV. The memories of our Mom, her baking, her worrying about her family (something we both inheirted), but highly above everything else, her love for not just her children, but for her grandchildren. Words cannot express how fortunate I feel. I hear about other people's upbringing and it wasn't until I was around 30 that I realized that our Mom and Dad were different from alot of other parents. The most important thing in their lives was to ease the lives of their kids. Through my life it wasn't just Dad, it wasn't just Mom, it was always Mom and Dad. They were "in love", not just loved each other but "in love", and now still in love, are together in the home that Dad has built, getting things ready for the rest of us, to sit on the HUGE deck and sip tea together. Mom is now safe in the arms of the man that she loved beyond his death. As the pain of losing Mom begins to ease, the beautiful memories of 2 beautiful people begin to replace the pain. Thank you again to all of you that care enough to send a note on your losses. May the pains be replaced by beautiful memories. SdV

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Thanks again Mark...your musings touched me today... KC, Calgary

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Hi Mark, Well, the newest addition to our family made her debut two weeks early, on February 21, 2006 at a very respectable 8:30am, after only two hours of labor...bless her little heart. Delaney Quinn weighed in at 5lbs 11ozs, 17 inches long. All of us are doing fine, even getting some sleep. The men in my life are completely captivated by her...and totally useless! Brady and Mark sit and watch her for hours on end then Mark comes to me and asks questions like, "Have you seen Delaney's fingernails? They're paperthin." Yes, dear, I've seen her fingernails...and first time big-brother Brady constantly checks to make sure she's still breathing. I've seen more of Kyle and Bryan in the last two days than in the past two months and every time they stop by they bring a new book or toy...even Riley the Wonder Dog never leaves the side of her cradle; I think she likes the scent of Johnson's Baby Lotion. All in all, we are settling in quite well and adjusting to the absolute wonder and delight of a having a newborn in the house! The attached pictures were taken at five minutes after her birth, and two hours later. Seems her lungs work just fine..will send more later, but not for muser distribution, please. Mark has this thing about pictures of his daughter not being spread around on the internet. Hope all is well with you and your family. Cheers, Lauren and Co. , LR, Irvine

-14C/7F, clear & snowy from yesterday’s big dump, Gusta playing with reckless abandon, un-shoveled snow made the walk harder, the exercise better

a quick chat with KK yesterday – he & Susan are proud grandparents – now I can call him gramps!

a great day yesterday, a greater one awaits today; whether or not I am prepared for what each day offers, I cannot change what it offers

exasperation, perspiration, speculation & elation & repartee were in abundance yesterday

reality creeps in, reminds me, to accept everything as ‘perfect’ – it is my life & each day’s experience whether full of trauma or tickle or both is ‘my day’, who would want it to be different ?

my acceptance of things the way they are does not mean I cannot struggle well to change the things I believe can & should be changed, but first I must surrender things the way they are . . when I do [without struggle is the part I must work on!!] then I can be effective

a door has opened, someone is peeking into my world; an impression has been made, but what does it mean, where will it lead, can I know, should I know ????

I establish criteria – things I set out as rules/guidelines for – but sometimes it doesn’t seem to be as important as focusing on the opportunity just ahead of me

I can change some things, sometimes things change me

resist ?

surrender ?

Mark

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Mark, as someone who writes all kinds of "stuff" for clients every day for a living, I marveled at your musing today. Thoughtful, playful and insightful. A beginning, a middle and an end. Done up nicely!, JD, Vancouver

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My thoughts are with you AW and SdV .... losing a mother is about the most heartbreaking thing I have ever gone through , however her memory is with me forever. You like me, will draw strength from remembering 'Life with Mom'. CCC, Calgary

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Thanks Mark. I enjoyed reading the Men Choose article. Today is a busy day, going to see a play and lots of other things to take care of. I'll get back to you asap. Hug., EvD, Pasadena

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Ah!! that was the problem used 60 grit rather than 120... , SN and it's St. Paul not Lac La Biche

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To AW and SdV. Condolences to you and yours. There is probably nothing I can say to help ease your pain for your loss. I've kept her in my thoughts and prayers as soon as I read about the love you all share, and about you all knowing her time was coming. No regrets. You all rallied to her side, to give the love in return for all the love she gave. What a warm, wanderful feeling. I felt weepy, but I don't know if it's because I feel your pains of the loss, or if it's because I felt the warmth of what it must feel like to be received into God's hands. Both, I think. Grieve, but do not be sad. I hope I'm not being presumptuous in thinking that she would not want you to be sad. My thoughts on life is some people think life is too short. I feel life is lived. Life is what you make it.We as individuals are here on earth for a short time, often making our marks in life, hoping it's for the betterment of mankind, feeling it's never enough because there is so much to do, and when we leave, life does go on. But, those before us leave a stamp on our hearts, our minds, and things around us, both seen and unseen... Hmm, like passing a baton in a relay race? My stepgrandmother left me a book, for me to illustrate. I don't think I'm qualified for the job but she seems to think so. So, I feel, she is still here. Not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. She gave me an education that schools would never be able to give me. She was a wise owl. She set examples, and I will list a few. I find I still use some of what I know, with my children and those around me. I wasn't finished learning from her... Some of the things she taught me I probably will never use again. Like panning for gold for instance. But the memory is there. She set examples as humanly possible, opened up all kinds of possibilities. She was an advocate for the elderly. She went to bat for them. Here are some of the finger- and footprints she left.....Many years ago, she came to me with an idea about a proprosal she was writing. She gave it to some official in Tucson. It was a proprosal for the government to pay her to make sure the elderly got what they deserved. She went to and found elderly men and women who were abandoned by whatever they were abandoned from: children or the 'system.' I even helped (Gosh, I forgot!) One woman was so independent she insisted on making her own living. But arthritis was too much for her to bear. She caned chairs. So I helped her weave. Now that, I don't remember how to do. Another thing my s-grandmother did is go undercover for insurance scams against the elderly. She gathered affidavits from victims, went to the media and offered her services. She risked her life.She had some kind of news media hook her up with a hidden camera and a microphone and had a fraudulant insurance company come and interview her in her home. She was in fear for her life the way they treated her. She got tired of the elderly being victims. It was aired on live television (20/20?) and I don't remember what became of the insurance company. They took money with promises of caregiving and they never came through with the promises. Of course I never got to see that segment.. (guh) She was in the middle of so many projects. When she moved to Idaho, she volunteered her time at senior centers. She died from pneumonia. I can almost hear her cussing as she slipped away when her mother and grandmother came for her. She is one who believed life was too short. We went to Idaho for a weeklong camping trip, in honor of her birthday, and on horseback (some drove with all the camping gear) from down the mountain, we all gathered around and my uncle spread her ashes in the wind on a hill looking towards the Lemhi mountains or the Bitterroot mountains. (Can't remember which one was on fire.) From what I've read about your Mother, she left a legacy of love and respect and embraced family. I don't know what else, only you know. And you all have wanderful memories of her life and the life you both shared. I'm not speaking for all, but some Native Americans believe that when you pass to leave this plane of exhistance, you never really leave. You become part of the earth again. The trees, the water, the soil, the air. Yes, even people. Their essence is all around. You know the song by Hall and Oats, everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you? When people leave to be with God, they leave of piece of them with you. I hope I'm making sense here. I don't know anyone who would dress up before hubby comes home. I don't, but I don't love my husband any less. Something for me to think about though. God Bless and stay safe. ALP hd
Mark, have enjoyed your musings... however, I'd like to request you remove me from the musings list. MH,Calgary

Mark, as someone who writes all kinds of "stuff" for clients every day for a living, I marveled at your musing today. Thoughtful, playful and insightful. A beginning, a middle and an end. Done up nicely!, JD, Vancouver

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My thoughts are with you AW and SdV .... losing a mother is about the most heartbreaking thing I have ever gone through , however her memory is with me forever. You like me, will draw strength from remembering 'Life with Mom'. CCC, Calgary

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Thanks Mark. I enjoyed reading the Men Choose article. Today is a busy day, going to see a play and lots of other things to take care of. I'll get back to you asap. Hug., EvD, Pasadena

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Ah!! that was the problem used 60 grit rather than 120... , SN and it's St. Paul not Lac La Biche

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To AW and SdV. Condolences to you and yours. There is probably nothing I can say to help ease your pain for your loss. I've kept her in my thoughts and prayers as soon as I read about the love you all share, and about you all knowing her time was coming. No regrets. You all rallied to her side, to give the love in return for all the love she gave. What a warm, wanderful feeling. I felt weepy, but I don't know if it's because I feel your pains of the loss, or if it's because I felt the warmth of what it must feel like to be received into God's hands. Both, I think. Grieve, but do not be sad. I hope I'm not being presumptuous in thinking that she would not want you to be sad. My thoughts on life is some people think life is too short. I feel life is lived. Life is what you make it.We as individuals are here on earth for a short time, often making our marks in life, hoping it's for the betterment of mankind, feeling it's never enough because there is so much to do, and when we leave, life does go on. But, those before us leave a stamp on our hearts, our minds, and things around us, both seen and unseen... Hmm, like passing a baton in a relay race? My stepgrandmother left me a book, for me to illustrate. I don't think I'm qualified for the job but she seems to think so. So, I feel, she is still here. Not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. She gave me an education that schools would never be able to give me. She was a wise owl. She set examples, and I will list a few. I find I still use some of what I know, with my children and those around me. I wasn't finished learning from her... Some of the things she taught me I probably will never use again. Like panning for gold for instance. But the memory is there. She set examples as humanly possible, opened up all kinds of possibilities. She was an advocate for the elderly. She went to bat for them. Here are some of the finger- and footprints she left.....Many years ago, she came to me with an idea about a proprosal she was writing. She gave it to some official in Tucson. It was a proprosal for the government to pay her to make sure the elderly got what they deserved. She went to and found elderly men and women who were abandoned by whatever they were abandoned from: children or the 'system.' I even helped (Gosh, I forgot!) One woman was so independent she insisted on making her own living. But arthritis was too much for her to bear. She caned chairs. So I helped her weave. Now that, I don't remember how to do. Another thing my s-grandmother did is go undercover for insurance scams against the elderly. She gathered affidavits from victims, went to the media and offered her services. She risked her life.She had some kind of news media hook her up with a hidden camera and a microphone and had a fraudulant insurance company come and interview her in her home. She was in fear for her life the way they treated her. She got tired of the elderly being victims. It was aired on live television (20/20?) and I don't remember what became of the insurance company. They took money with promises of caregiving and they never came through with the promises. Of course I never got to see that segment.. (guh) She was in the middle of so many projects. When she moved to Idaho, she volunteered her time at senior centers. She died from pneumonia. I can almost hear her cussing as she slipped away when her mother and grandmother came for her. She is one who believed life was too short. We went to Idaho for a weeklong camping trip, in honor of her birthday, and on horseback (some drove with all the camping gear) from down the mountain, we all gathered around and my uncle spread her ashes in the wind on a hill looking towards the Lemhi mountains or the Bitterroot mountains. (Can't remember which one was on fire.) From what I've read about your Mother, she left a legacy of love and respect and embraced family. I don't know what else, only you know. And you all have wanderful memories of her life and the life you both shared. I'm not speaking for all, but some Native Americans believe that when you pass to leave this plane of exhistance, you never really leave. You become part of the earth again. The trees, the water, the soil, the air. Yes, even people. Their essence is all around. You know the song by Hall and Oats, everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you? When people leave to be with God, they leave of piece of them with you. I hope I'm making sense here. I don't know anyone who would dress up before hubby comes home. I don't, but I don't love my husband any less. Something for me to think about though. God Bless and stay safe. ALP hd
Mark, have enjoyed your musings... however, I'd like to request you remove me from the musings list. MH,Calgary

Mark, as someone who writes all kinds of "stuff" for clients every day for a living, I marveled at your musing today. Thoughtful, playful and insightful. A beginning, a middle and an end. Done up nicely!, JD, Vancouver

. . .

My thoughts are with you AW and SdV .... losing a mother is about the most heartbreaking thing I have ever gone through , however her memory is with me forever. You like me, will draw strength from remembering 'Life with Mom'. CCC, Calgary

. . .

Thanks Mark. I enjoyed reading the Men Choose article. Today is a busy day, going to see a play and lots of other things to take care of. I'll get back to you asap. Hug., EvD, Pasadena

. . .

Ah!! that was the problem used 60 grit rather than 120... , SN and it's St. Paul not Lac La Biche

. . .

To AW and SdV. Condolences to you and yours. There is probably nothing I can say to help ease your pain for your loss. I've kept her in my thoughts and prayers as soon as I read about the love you all share, and about you all knowing her time was coming. No regrets. You all rallied to her side, to give the love in return for all the love she gave. What a warm, wanderful feeling. I felt weepy, but I don't know if it's because I feel your pains of the loss, or if it's because I felt the warmth of what it must feel like to be received into God's hands. Both, I think. Grieve, but do not be sad. I hope I'm not being presumptuous in thinking that she would not want you to be sad. My thoughts on life is some people think life is too short. I feel life is lived. Life is what you make it.We as individuals are here on earth for a short time, often making our marks in life, hoping it's for the betterment of mankind, feeling it's never enough because there is so much to do, and when we leave, life does go on. But, those before us leave a stamp on our hearts, our minds, and things around us, both seen and unseen... Hmm, like passing a baton in a relay race? My stepgrandmother left me a book, for me to illustrate. I don't think I'm qualified for the job but she seems to think so. So, I feel, she is still here. Not in the physical sense, but in the spiritual sense. She gave me an education that schools would never be able to give me. She was a wise owl. She set examples, and I will list a few. I find I still use some of what I know, with my children and those around me. I wasn't finished learning from her... Some of the things she taught me I probably will never use again. Like panning for gold for instance. But the memory is there. She set examples as humanly possible, opened up all kinds of possibilities. She was an advocate for the elderly. She went to bat for them. Here are some of the finger- and footprints she left.....Many years ago, she came to me with an idea about a proprosal she was writing. She gave it to some official in Tucson. It was a proprosal for the government to pay her to make sure the elderly got what they deserved. She went to and found elderly men and women who were abandoned by whatever they were abandoned from: children or the 'system.' I even helped (Gosh, I forgot!) One woman was so independent she insisted on making her own living. But arthritis was too much for her to bear. She caned chairs. So I helped her weave. Now that, I don't remember how to do. Another thing my s-grandmother did is go undercover for insurance scams against the elderly. She gathered affidavits from victims, went to the media and offered her services. She risked her life.She had some kind of news media hook her up with a hidden camera and a microphone and had a fraudulant insurance company come and interview her in her home. She was in fear for her life the way they treated her. She got tired of the elderly being victims. It was aired on live television (20/20?) and I don't remember what became of the insurance company. They took money with promises of caregiving and they never came through with the promises. Of course I never got to see that segment.. (guh) She was in the middle of so many projects. When she moved to Idaho, she volunteered her time at senior centers. She died from pneumonia. I can almost hear her cussing as she slipped away when her mother and grandmother came for her. She is one who believed life was too short. We went to Idaho for a weeklong camping trip, in honor of her birthday, and on horseback (some drove with all the camping gear) from down the mountain, we all gathered around and my uncle spread her ashes in the wind on a hill looking towards the Lemhi mountains or the Bitterroot mountains. (Can't remember which one was on fire.) From what I've read about your Mother, she left a legacy of love and respect and embraced family. I don't know what else, only you know. And you all have wanderful memories of her life and the life you both shared. I'm not speaking for all, but some Native Americans believe that when you pass to leave this plane of exhistance, you never really leave. You become part of the earth again. The trees, the water, the soil, the air. Yes, even people. Their essence is all around. You know the song by Hall and Oats, everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you? When people leave to be with God, they leave of piece of them with you. I hope I'm making sense here. I don't know anyone who would dress up before hubby comes home. I don't, but I don't love my husband any less. Something for me to think about though. God Bless and stay safe. ALP hd
Mark, have enjoyed your musings... however, I'd like to request you remove me from the musings list. MH,Calgary

-4C/25F, fresh snow started falling about an hour ago . . big flakes, calm, unmarked path – we left a trail

I got a note overnight from AW advising her mother died about midnight; condolences to AW & SdV & your families . .

for those who asked, the article on how men choose women:
http://thetyee.ca/Life/2006/02/17/MenChoose/

I like the term ‘connective tissue’ . . thank you MP for that one in my vocabulary; it means so much individualized ‘getting it’ between people

it need not be a sizzle-factor, but nice if it is - it’s a virtual hi-five, it’s a ‘just knowing’ sense about someone that has me often saying or doing things I would have long thought too forward, too soon, too direct, too bold

to boldly go . . . .

a grain of sand, the grain in wood, grains of salt, going against the grain – phrases worthy of punctuating prose as we would season delectable tender morsels we eat

we meet people, speak to people, e-mail them, interact with them; each time we do - it changes the world a little tiny teeny weeny bit, like one grain tumbling to the bottom of an egg timer or one grain blowing in the dessert not knowing where it will land

we intrude on each other, less like land & sea forces invading, but more like a fingerprint left on the corner of a building where no one will notice . . obscure to all but those who know

if I’ve been touched, the one who touched me knows too

I’ve connected with some new friends, old friends & ‘never will be friends’ people lately – always a new impression, always a thirst by one party or the other to learn a little more, experience a little more . . to taste a new flavour

direct is good, small impressions are good

curiosity will not rest unsatisfied, we MUST know more, I must know more

a fingerprint impression might only be as big as a grain of sand . . . but what fine grains can be coaxed to the surface with mildly abrasive sand paper

be gritty, rub someone, be their sandpaper [rubbing very gently of course] – amazing how you bring out the grain in them

Mark

342,680

Mark, Speaking of omen, notice that Canadian women on the Olympic team have almost doubled the men's medal count? My advice, go with the winners!, FD, Sundre

. . .
You are a very good writer and I have enjoyed your musings. However I must request that I be omitted from your mailing list. Thank you., RP, Edmonton

. . .

[this came with a graphic of a rose attached] . .Dear Mark, A rose for you for all the times you make me smile, make me feel and make me think. Take care, PG, Calgary

. . .

Mark, I am still here, no longer looking, just biding my time , watching, waiting, thinking, enjoying, and being good !!!!! thanks for the birthday thoughts ..... ps I still read the musings..... pps do you really wanna letter from me ? you take care x , IO

-4C/25F, calm & sunny . . a great looking day shaping up; the neighbourhood abuzz frenetic humming; holiday weekend is over & kids rush to buses, trash is at the curb & everyone seems to be late for work driving like idiots – Gusta pays no heed, sniffing with her snout ¼ inch from the ground while she trots at high speed

a good omen I think that will keep me warm all morning - I made my first phone call this morning, I got the warmest of good mornings & ‘isn’t life wonderful greetings . .

is a ‘good omen’ really a misspelling ? . . maybe it was ‘good women’ but someone left out the the W ?

each time a good omen comes my way, there seems to be a woman involved . . hmmm

Irene [IO] in London is having a birthday today . . have not heard from her in a while – perhaps she’s playing on a Portuguese beach or a Portuguese guy . . whatever, may it be a happy one !

thanks JD for the great essay you forwarded ‘How Men Choose Women’ by J. Kearns . . absolutely a hoot [but clearly for men only . . we wouldn’t want omen to know all our secrets, not that we aren’t pretty obvious already

it’s a short week . . tons to do in 4 days, 3 speeches, 2 meetings a day . . . hopefully a good omen will bring me a rose . . .

Mark
342,704

-5C/23F, overcast & calm . . . refreshing long walk as Gusta visited with a Poodle, a Black Lab & the biggest Great Dane I’ve ever seen – she must have thought it was a big gray horse

could life have value if it had no meaning, no raison d'être ?

what does our life mean ? we have had lots of discussion lately about the meaning of death

I think a better discussion might be ‘life, what does it mean’ or ‘should it mean anything’ ?

"I stick my finger into existence and it smells of nothing. Where am I? What is this thing called the world? Who is it that has lured me into the thing, and now leaves me here? Who am I? How did I come into the world? Why was I not consulted?" - Søren Kierkegaard

we arrive, not so much against our will as without knowledge of will, yet in mid-life it seems so important to have the will to choose, the will to do, the will to live – maybe in part to explain how it is & what it is like to relinquish that will, to lose that will, to surrender

while it is a holiday today, early morning work has crept in with ringing phones & a busy fax machine . . my mind is somewhere warm; I love the milder weather but brittle hair, brittle nails & itchy dry skin are drying me crazy . . I yearn for humidity, spring showers .. or maybe just an itch to go somewhere warm & south for no other purpose than to feel the humidity & hot sun

I yearn to feel the warm wet wind in my face

Mark

341,728

SdV - I can feel it. I can feel it. In my experience, though your heart aches, it will be comforted by knowing that your family shared these last moments in LOVE, especially that your mother knows that she is loved. These memories and the feelings of love in your heart will stay with you and give you strength. Be well. L.S., Calgary

. . .

I look forward to your musings – makes me think and I appreciate that. Choice and consequences – we fear the consequences – we fear the unknown. So we sit and make no choice which in itself is the choice of being in our rut or a victim. I also think we spend way too much time fussing about others choices which are really not our business but then we don’t have to look at our choices. It’s all very convoluted and tangled in my mind. You should see me teach problem solving to ex cons. With the subject of choice and consequence some of them do not even realize that they can look at their actions in that way. Its all about what feels good right now or how can I stop it from feeling so bad, now that’s where it gets scary. I got the lasagna made and in the oven, now I am heading out to walk the dog. I am dreadfully lazy today ….feel like a hot stone massage and a nap. Yes you can come to the cabin but I warn you its rustic. Heating is by a wood stove and the water supply is not very consistent which makes for some wild showers. I plan to get that all sorted out before I move there full time but for now I really like it that way. It’s a very good place to write. , DB, Red Deer

. . .

Wow, this is so weird. I didn't read your musing today until just now, 7pm, and all day I was thinking about the choices I had made in my life and why and where do I go from here? What jolted me into reality this time was the realization of all the massive choices I have made in the last few months and the results of those choices now. A good friend dropped over yesterday and started rattling me with those stupid thought provoking, look at yourself type questions. She got in my face. I didn't appreciate it. It took me a while after she left to see the light. I didn't realize how depressed I was for the last few months. Sure I've been depressed before, but it was always something that lasted an hour or so until I 'snapped out of it' and 'got on with it'. I guess I just THOUGHT I was 'getting on with it'. I didn't realize I was shutting down, just a little bit at a time. Dropping out of one thing or another, declining invitations, procrastinating, avoiding, running away. But once I realized what was happening, it wasn't difficult figuring out what got me there. Now the hard part is to fix it. Shucks, I didn't think I needed fixing; I thought I was perfect, SM, Calgary

. . .

SdV: May God bless you & may you find comfort in the memories of your mother. It made me smile to know you put lipstick on her & curled her hair because it was important to her & to most women. You sound like a wonderful person. Her legacy will also live on through the love you shared. No matter how much we may or may not know what is coming, the pain, emptiness, & lonliness remain. Time does not heal the wound but rather teaches us to cope in a different manner. We learn a 'new' normal. You will remain in my thoughts & prayers. Smile because you have been loved & have loved. LH in Oklahoma City

. . .

Wow, this is so weird. I didn't read your musing today until just now, 7pm, and all day I was thinking about the choices I had made in my life and why and where do I go from here? What jolted me into reality this time was the realization of all the massive choices I have made in the last few months and the results of those choices now. A good friend dropped over yesterday and started rattling me with those stupid thought provoking, look at yourself type questions. She got in my face. I didn't appreciate it. It took me a while after she left to see the light. I didn't realize how depressed I was for the last few months. Sure I've been depressed before, but it was always something that lasted an hour or so until I 'snapped out of it' and 'got on with it'. I guess I just THOUGHT I was 'getting on with it'. I didn't realize I was shutting down, just a little bit at a time. Dropping out of one thing or another, declining invitations, procrastinating, avoiding, running away. But once I realized what was happening, it wasn't difficult figuring out what got me there. Now the hard part is to fix it. Shucks, I didn't think I needed fixing; I thought I was perfect, SM, Calgary

. . .

Mark: My heart goes out to SdV, Edmonton, as I can truly empathize. And, I believe that this is the one time in a person's life when it is okay and I think a good choice to consciously lower one's expectations - not only of one's self, but also of friends, family, care workers and ESPECIALLY of the dying. This is not easily accomplished, as it is also a time when everyone's best is so very important and so very much desired. But, I believe it will be to your friend’s benefit. It has been my experience that the loss of a parent is a life test of major proportions and in going through it every aspect of our being is tested. 'Wishing SdV endurance, and support of family, friends and co-workers that is filled with every kindness, KJ, Calgary

-13C/9F, calm & sunny; coming back we ran as far & fast while Gusta scarcely broke into a trot

as we do every day, today we each get to choose what we do, where we go & how we react

I don’t know if it matters, really, which choice we make

every time choice presents itself, we who choose something have a much richer life than those who let the choice opportunity pass by

whether you believe everything that happens to you or around you is fated or happening for some special reason relative to your life, I will debate against you till the wee wee hours

but, I will support the notion that every choice opportunity passed is also a choice – these choices or avoidance of choices take us down our path in life

derived from so many choice points, I think the term ‘our chosen path’ fits

I find friends from many walks of life experiencing stress & angst as they struggle against the world/people who are just being as they are

whether in decline or death . . .

whether in the prime of life or the youth of life . . .

we all encounter, in the moment, immovable objects or immovable people

are they impossible challenges or just too confusing to figure out ?

at the heart of each of these is emotion – sometimes misdirected, often not - but strong emotion looking for somewhere to spend itself

this explains huge long walks, sails to nowhere particular, career & business choices that seem tangential at best, more likely evidence of wandering aimlessly – with strong emotions rolling around inside us looking for somewhere to spend itself

we are looking for someone to love – someone who will love us back just as well, just as much & in the same way without change - but they never do

we are looking for someone to love – someone who will love us back just as well, just as much & in the same way without change - but they never do

we are looking for someone to love – someone who will love us back just as well, just as much & in the same way without change - but they never do

to those who wrestle with ‘a big decision & its consequences’, my thoughts:

I’ve often found alternatives of ‘do this or that’, ‘choose right or wrong’ etc . . do not serve me well; what has helped me more than anything is something I learned in a course on decision making many years ago that ‘to do nothing’ was a very viable option but more striking was the realization for me that there were not just 3 options instead of the 2 I had always considered

Instead, there are but a million +one instead of a million

to KT & DB ..thank you both for your inspiration this morning

to KT & DB . . make many choices – proactively is better than reactively I think

to SdV & AW . . may memories & togetherness keep you strong & allow you to move on

to LH . . I believe time helps, but not a lot – moving on is your soul task


Mark

341,752

Hi Mark. My deep sympathy to your friend. No amount of time prepares us for loss. The time now is precious - wonderful, needed, and excruciating, too. E-hugs all around. L.S., Calgary

. . .

Death can come quite suddenly & tragically. It numbs, devastates, & alienates. I have unfortunately experienced the untimely & tragic death of one of my sons. The wave of emotions in uncontrollable. It is like being a tiny snowball at the top of a very tall mountain that starts rolling downhill & just continues to get bigger & bigger & you can't stop it. Every thing about it feels uncontrollable. There are so many decisions to be made right then that are forever permanent. I am forever grateful for all the pictures & memories I have. He may be gone from my touch but never my heart. My heart truly goes out to anyone experiencing the loss of a loved one. Blessings. LH in Oklahoma City

. . .

Hi Mark, As I am not at work, and your musings come to my work, AW sent me your musings today to my home email address. Thank you for caring enough, thank you for writing down how we both are feeling. I just came from the nursing home, our Mom is slowly drifting off to her next journey. I ended up taking a long drive home, past the old house, through the old neighbourhood, and yes, tears flowed down my cheeks, she wasn't suppose to be robbed of her memories, she wasn't suppose to be on her bed tonight a mere shadow of the beautiful woman she use to be. We put lipstick on her, because no matter what she taught us never to go out without our lipstick, we curled her hair, because looking good was always important to her. Tonight? Tomorrow? she will see our Dad again and the two people that left such a beautiful legacy, a legacy and legend of Love will be reunited. The lipstick and the pretty hair, well, she always got all dressed up before Dad got home from work. This is the Family Day long weekend, on this weekend, her family is being drawn together, THE most important thing to her...her family. It won't be long now...it won't be long. Thank you for caring, SdV, Edmonton

-15C[wind chill –22C]/5F, calm & warmer today – quiet walk in woods absent any encounters with dogs or their walk-behind folk as Gusta enjoyed a longer work-out than she’s had all week

when we have a worn out sweater, a chipped glass or a gadget that no longer works, we discard them - usually I buy a new one or go to extremes & costs to fix them [see car note below] but when someone close to us is ready for the next step in life called death, well beyond their ‘best before date’, we [meaning most of us] experience that event & moment of loss as a cathartic event, even though the loss has been obvious for some time, that person having lost their ability to function, the issues focused less on recovery from something where recovery is not possible, time spent on good-bye & remembering & wailing too . . like any event of emotion & drama the anticipation can be so easy if we set reality aside, or so difficult if we face it straight on

it won’t be long now

preparation, planning & expectations prepare one – so we think – for that moment when it will come, but nothing really does; when it comes it comes; when it comes it can be a freight train or a lightning bolt or a soft pillow or a warm breeze or a flood of memories or tears; it can stun, it can hurt but mostly it is ALL of these things & a wave of emotions & family politics colliding all at once, careening at high speed around a new unknown corner – yet for those who stand outside that circle, it is just another day, another obit. in the paper, another statistic in the drama of life & death

it won’t be long now

I am struck at times like this by how little one can do; we can all do a big hug or an e-hug or a set of words intended to bring comfort knowing that whatever we say or do might have a 50/50 chance of being the right thing to do so we step back & do less, do little or do nothing

a good friend’s mother is near death - it’s not my story to tell – so I won’t

whether we remind someone of something, touch a chord or nothing at all, the thing that matters most is a connection of some sort - a call, a visit, a touch, a demonstration of support & understanding mixed with an ample amount of listening

it won’t be long now

car problem solved with a simple recipe; add $ 5K for a new engine & things should be fine by Tuesday

it won’t be long now

breakfast with JJ yesterday was a great catch up before he took off - he & Irene will be holidaying in the Florida Keys starting today

it won’t be long now

much work awaits, but without the weekday pressure – it seems like so much but then 3 days & 3 evenings let me spread it out & fit in rest, exercise & reading . .

it won’t be long now

LR is due to deliver that baby any day now . . waiting for news . .

it won’t be long now

Mark

341,776

Hi Mark, A wonderful and happy birthday wishes for Krista. Wow, that is cold. I suppose that the temp here would almost seem like sweater-weather for you: +24F here in the high desert. Cold for me, but toasty for you? I love the quotes, keep 'em coming. And so, what's the prognosis on the ride? Buko bucks, or a new one in the offing? C'yas. ALP, High Desert

. . .

Mark, I have enjoyed reading your musings in the past but I would like you to take me off your distribution list for now. I can always enjoy them when I get a chance by simply signing on to your blog. Thanks, MK, Calgary

. . .

Good Morning – I had forgotten how cold Alberta can get. I let the postman in yesterday to warm up. We went to school with him also. Another guy I don’t remember who lived in Morrisroe. My poor Dobie has been struggling with the cold and getting out. He refuses to wear the boots I got him so this am I carried him for most of the walk. It does suck the energy out of you, that and the fact my mind has had to kick into gear. Will write later. Hope you have an awesome breakfast. I am jealous especially after months of porridge. Cheers, DB

-28C [-37c windchill]/-17F . . BBBBBBBbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrr; a beautiful black morning under cloudless sky, the moon’s light brings no warmth as that wind bites my face, Gusta steps lively on cold sidewalks . . she seems content with a short walk

my car woes, errands & meetings yesterday drained what little energy had not been already sapped by the cold – I’m looking forward to the long [and warming] weekend to catch up on sleep & a mountain of paperwork

it’s Krista’s birthday today – my baby girl is 26 & doing great after a year of tumult; she is well established back in Edmonton & having a ton of fun

RH & I got together for coffee yesterday ostensibly to talk about a piece he is writing, but 2 hours later we’d scarcely touched on it

a great catch up call with BB yesterday – he’s celebrating the 8th anniversary of a new lease on life . . .

speaking of self-evolved open guys, I’m off to a long overdue breakfast with JJ

it is always fascinating to me when men who are not prone [that genetic thing] to talk about ‘how they feel’ really do that; though it is less common in written form I am impressed when men take that step

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
- Euripides (408 B.C.)

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose."
- Tehyi Hsieh

. . gotta run, eggs benny topped with tomatoes @ the 1886 Café awaits

Mark

341,800

Gusta’s not experienced this kind of cold before – she seemed very happy to come inside, -23C[windchill –33C]/-8F . . .brrrrrr . . . snow & a strong north wind have brought us a couple of days of winter bite!

my Toastmasters club had a Valentines/Table Topics pot-luck dinner party @ SW’s house – lots of poignant points . . interesting to hear the range to talk – from revealing points/learning from past experiences, to high ideals of what might be around the corner; much laughter, common bonds & great food . .

common too were thoughts & comments about close calls & near misses – not like fishermen lamenting the great one that got away, but more so some sweet thoughts about special times at a special time in the past – maybe that was more me than the group

car drama continues, major surgery today & prognosis tomorrow . .

Mark

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Mark, I didn't write yesterday because V-Day is always different every year. It's just like any other day to me, I suppose. When I was leaving my first marriage, I prayed to God for someone who didn't beat me, psychologically torment me and treated my family with some kind of respect and had some kind of understanding of what love is mostly about. I think love in a long-term relationship requires hard work. And work it is. We met in 1986, started "dating" in '87 and we married in late 1990. Anyway, I made my calls, nobody called me and I didn't care. Everyone was well and I couldn't ask for more. I then had the urge to wash and wax my car, by hand, in my front yard out on the street. I'm dressed in a magenta sweatshirt with three multi-colored parrots on the front, dark blue sweatpants and gray and red bulky sneakers. I still drew attention! I did NOT look like Nicolette Sheridan of "Desperate Housewives," I looked completely opposite. A couple of guys in a white pickup stopped and asked if I'd seen three brown Chihuahuas. They continued to drive by slowly every now and then. I would smile and wave if the timing was right. A family who just bought the newly built home next door were there to fix (put up) a gate for the new tenants (who weren't home.) One guy stood at my three-foot fence and watched me work. They were all speaking spanish, the kids playing tag (which I enjoyed watching from over the top of buffing the roof of my car) and breaking my concentration so I turned up my cd player. I listened to Keith Urban, U2, Janis Joplin and REO Speedwagon. What a mix, eh? I was really having a good time. *LOL* I had the whole day to myself until my son came home from school at about 2p. Anyways, I have an eye doctor appointment this morning so I gotta jet. I looked out the door this morning seeing my son off to school, and looked at my shiny, British Racing Green-colored, 1980 Volvo. On V-Day, I did something for me. Albeit, a little sore this morning, but worth it... Call me boring, I got what I asked for in this relationship, and we are happy, at least my husband remembers our anniversary, and he usually buys me a guitar. I now have 8 or 9 eight-stringed instruments and most of them are from him. But I hope everybody's expectations (without commercialization) of V-Day was O.K. And Mark, I'm sorry to hear about your car. AS in OC, be patient, good things come to those who wait. Let Go, and let God. It worked for me. ttfn ALP high desert

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Mark: Just wanted to say a special "thank you" to all the musers who replied and you shared with us. Being a single woman, all of the comments provided made me think, wonder and appreciate. Their openness to share warmed my heart. Thank you to all of you. , CB, Calgary . . PS - sorry to hear about the car troubles!!!

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What insights - Hi – I am not finished reading your readers responses. I got part way through and decided it was going to take more time than I had this am. You bring out some very heartfelt insights in your readers. From what I know of you (long but nor really) I think it’s the safety you create for them to really express themselves. What a wonderful service to a community. That is love. Hope you have a good day. It sounds like we have some nasty weather ahead. Cheers, DB, Red Deer

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Dear Mark.... hat great responses from musers yesterday....Sorry to hear about you car woes... You should be driving a Honda !!! I have had a Honda for years..C.R.V. first "great for Gusta" and now a pilot...its safe reliable and very good looking, low cost of maintenance, and good on gas (same ingredients as a good man ) anyway ..I didn't intend to sound like a sales pitch....but just my opinion on a great vehicle...I will also send an e.mail on a charity event for the Humane society hat you might be interested in...It sounds like fun...Take Care, LA, Calgary

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Having been widowed for two years, Valentines Day was not anticipated with huge glee. I did however decorate the house for Valentines and took a positive attitude. Happily, I got invited out for dinner and received chocolates. No - not a secret admirer but my daughter-bless her. Even if I can't share Valentines Day with my life's companion, it is a day to celebrate love in all its forms and so - celebrate!!! SM

-13C/9F, calm gorgeous serene scene; we were the first tracks everywhere we went – new snow & more falling makes Gusta very happy

many thanks to those who responded yesterday – you were prolific & poignant; I had a very good & largely solitary day . . with a frenetic late afternoon of car trouble . . followed by a very peaceful evening + a great sleep

my ‘sweetheart day’ was not without it challenges to my psyche; engine trouble upon returning to the city from my trip to Canmore; based on a lurching & now dead engine & smoke coming out the exhaust I suspect my engine elected a new pope – serious repairs & or a ‘new vehicle quest’ will be on my agenda for the next few days

there are days when I can work from home all day without need for a car . . but today is not one of them – leaving me two options; I can cancel everything & go back to bed [ah . .wouldn’t that be nice] or ‘get truckin’ . .

my stress level will be lower by noon . . but for now I must go

gotta catch a bus to the car dealer & car rental place . . tic toc

Mark

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Hi Mark - What it means for me - When in a relationship where love is deep and strong, it's a time for extra sweetness, refreshment, deepening of love. When not in a relationship, it's a time to think of those in love and those I love and love me - all those people that matter most and brighten my days in small ways, even though we're not 'in love'. Today though, I reflect on relationship that is committed, but the love seems to be neither deep nor strong - I reflect on what was and what could be, all the while wishing that this day could be by-passed so to skip the disappointment of empty words and empty actions. So I revert back to thinking of those that love me, and that I love, although we're not 'in love'. Wishing you and your musers lasting love, L.S., ?

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Dear Valentines - Should you seriously desire to learn to love, forgive someone who has seriously hurt you. CCH, Chimacum Washington

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Love your Bertrand Russell references. Not long ago I was myself 'three parts dead' but I managed to pull myself away from the brink with an amazing (if I do say so myself) bit of daring do. Success is only a possibility if failure is too, and I do not yet know which is in store for me. But even that makes me feel alive-er than I have for ages. , FD, ?

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Hi Mark, I will give you my feedback for the day. Sitting here feeling quite lonely after waking up to THREE calls from gentlemen wishing me a Happy Valentine's day, but none of which are the man that I love. Why does he not call, you ask? Perhaps we should ask Bertrand! Fear.....what is that? Why are men scared off?? Do I love them too much? Perhaps it is as the Eagles song 'Wasted Time' says........"you didn't love the boy too much, no no....you just loved the boy too well".........I really don't know what I do to scare them off so badly. At any rate, today is the day I have always set aside for lovers! not love. Oh yes, I get my grandkids a little something, but I really reserve this day for fond thoughts and exchanges between lovers. It has been a really long time since I got anything other than a call for Valentine's day. (Except from my mom! Thanks Mom!) I could care less about getting flowers or gifts, although they are nice. For me....just knowing that a man loves me as I love him and a wish for that love to remain longer would suffice. I guess for me, I will hang it up along with dating and the hope of finding the man of my dreams. After all, when I found him, he was SCARED!! lol. I am sure I am sounding pretty negative, but it is hard to think that someone can make you feel like you are the only one for them and then next day they won't even talk to you. It has been months now......I wish my heart could be rid of him! I guess I am a hopeless romantic, but I want that 'whispering to my heart and kissing my soul' kind of love. (phone) oh........another call.........wow, that must be a record for me........lol. But still not the one I want (although that one is very cute! lol).....I know I will never get that one! Perhaps it is for the best. I am sure he was not all that anyway! Maybe next Valentine's Day will be the best one of my life. I hope for you and all your readers a wonderful Valentine's day., AS, Oklahoma City

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What is this day for me? To remind me that all my relationships are very important and that being loved and loving others is the best part of life. Like you Mark, I am surrounded by people that love me, and for that I am blessed. Tonight we are having dinner (hubby and I) with our son and his beautiful and charming girlfriend. I am really glad that we celebrate a "love day". I think we need more of them - reminders to hug, kiss and tell all the important people in our life we love and appreciate them. HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! :), RB, Calgary

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"...what does this day mean to you & why is it so important ?" Good question. I am fortunate -- I have a husband and he's getting more romantic with age. He came home last night with a huge bouquet of roses but he does that half a dozen times a year now. If I were to venture an analysis, I think why it's important is more about what is missing the rest of the year. Women, even the strong ones, still love gifts and attention from their honey because it makes them feel loved, appreciated and special and that's why some have big expectations of this one day. Men are stimulated by what they see but women are stimulated by how they feel. What's sad is that it really doesn't take much to make her feel special all year round -- small gestures like leaving love notes on her bathroom mirror; a single rose or a small box of Belgium chocolates on her pillow; flowers on October 5th (no special date but just because); an invitation out to dinner on Tuesday night, just the two of you; coming home with a bottle of good champagne, a couple of scented candles and a good CD for a romantic evening; whatever, use your imagination. However, the general consensus from women I've talked with is "don't buy me lingerie" -- men buy what "they" like not what "she" likes and therein lies the problem. On the other hand, a great gift for him, I have found, IS lingerie (wearing it that is) -- it is a definite winner in my house!!!!, CC, Calgary

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this is probably one of the greatest lessons i have learned re Love, Life and the pursuit of Happiness. To give, serve, share, care and yes Love, for the joy of knowing others need that, whether appreciation etc is ever returned. It's our unrequited expectations that we allow to spoil our days, nites and all points in between. 1st time responding, but i do read every one...thx, brianS (but i usually put a little 'E' btw the b & the s, just for show), bs Calgary, hmmmm...i think not, bes Calgary, (do our parents not see these 'bs' things coming??) muse on...

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Happy Valentine's Day to you Mark! - To the person that has continued to bring us words of encouragement, warm thoughts and sweet messages every glorious morning. Hugs and Kisses to you! VBL Englewood, CO

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I'm have observed that the older people get, the harder it seems to be for them to tell their special someone how they feel about them. The "L" word seems to make a choking 'ahem' noise instead of giving the gushy warm feeling it used to. Fellas I know, have had some bad experiences so now they protect their pride and are hesitant. Too bad. This deprives them of that wonderful experience of making someone feel special and then getting reciprocated affection. You'd think as we get older, we'd be more willing to love, life being as short as it is. , SM, Calgary

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unfortunately, when you are in a blah relationship, this is a day of guilt, but when you are in a great relationship, everyday becomes rewarding, especially as you age and are more comfortable with not only who you are, but what you will accept from yourself and others. Communication becomes more open, less assuaged with the guilt of feeling selfish and more attuned with the beloved of your life. Everyday is Valentine's if that is your perception and you remember to be grateful for the abundance in your life on a daily basis., SB, ?

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For my wife and I, this is our 31st Valentine's together and we make every effort to avoid the Hallmark moment (too commercialized) and just thank the Lord for placing us together. It is these reminders that highlight how truly blessed I am. That is why a day like V-day is important. She has been and continues to be a partner, lover and most importantly a friend who has provided me with countless moments of joy (including our two daughters), numerous "firsts" (hint, hint) and shared memories that feed my soul. Surprisingly, this day is important because I hear a call. The call is coming from three other women each suffering from heavy hearts. One seeks family, the other a partner and the third reconciliation with her departed father. Not sure how I will help to lift their burden but I know that I can be a channel of peace, where there is sadness...joy, where their is darkness ...light. May I be strong enough to live the words., SZ, Calgary

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My husband has always said that if he needs a special day to show me that he loves me then something is wrong. This is just another day of feeling his love, his kindness and his passion., WH, Calgary

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Happy Valentines Day, Mark. For me it is a day of no consequence. If I had a significant other - perhaps I would feel differently - anticipating a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. Loved the quote by Judy Garland. Hugs AW, Calgary

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Ah yes the roses. How prophetic. As time has passed I have come to believe it is about tending the roses .... That said it might not have been different as perhaps that was not the reason for the undoing. Thank you for the chat today and the message when I arrived home!, SC, Fort Smith

-8C/18F; a chill returns to remind us what season we are in . . lest we be thinking spring too soon; a short romp this morning left Gusta confused but she’ll walk more later when we drive to Banff & Canmore later this morning

to BE in Portland, happy birthday !

this HM . . ‘Hallmark Moment’ hype day of joy for florists, hectic scheduling for restaurateurs & some frustration for the love lorn; what does this day mean to you & why is it so important ?

I would be interested in LOTS of feedback

for many, in relationship or not, is a day of no consequence – for others it is everything; for some it is a day of guilt & reward reaping, for many more it is a sweet sweet day

I have no significant other at the moment; but as has been the case for many years I can easily say I have much love in my life, many VERY significant people in my life – current, past & future – each of whom enriches me in a loving way . . I hope they feel it too

I found hundreds upon hundreds of quotes & couplets & wise words that are easy to identify with, aspire to & pine over . . . but I chose these for today:

“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.”
- Bertrand Russell

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
- Judy Garland

Bertrand & Judy are not best known for being great lovers, but if measured by one’s words of wisdom, they surely should have been

for me it is a day filled with many memories & little regret – perhaps if I tended the roses better things would be different, but I doubt it

give someone you love a smile today, give someone you hate a warm thought today, give someone you lust for a lusty thought – no guarantee the gesture will be returned . . but that is not why you do it

Mark

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Please forward me the Article from JD, re: Love and the Taquito Moment. Thanks:), SA, Calgary

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Hmmmmmmmm - I was wondering why you didn't answer my fax yet!? Ouch! Ah,what a game player I am......ry, Onoway

7C/45F in south Calgary this morning - strong Chinook winds push big clouds around like beach balls; Gusta seems to be making a point, daily taking her poop break in front of the same house, making a statement about poor taste/design as a full moon lit the way

I woke up in a strange foggy half-awake state thinking there was an urgent fax or email I needed to get up to send out for a client [there was nothing diarized for that] but it kept me wrestling for about 20 minutes; it haunts me a little now as I am wondering what I forgot . . but I think it is just the dream lingering

the more this weather hangs around to inspire spring thoughts & the more I see snow storms in the east I am getting a golf-somewhere-warm itch . . or maybe it’s just dry skin from the low humidity; interesting challenge to use George’s Skin Cream or call my travel agent – oh bother, what to do ?

we caught up on ‘form filling’ & gossip from his condo project when I had lunch with by dad yesterday – always entertaining, often revealing interesting insights including a big one yesterday - it has been seven years since my mother died . . finally, finally, finally . . he is moving on emotionally & it seems so very healthy

so far the phone is ringing regularly but no word yet on an absent fax or e-mail . . probably just a dream . . tic toc . . a week of work awaits

What a weekend to enjoy a walk with Gusta in the Fish Creek Park Area. Nice to know that you enjoyed yourself by watching the young 16 to 18 year olds enjoy their enjoyment of life. I surely believe that they take the message, enjoy the moment as they come and the rest of their life will take care of themselves. As we get older, it is my opinion that we lose the spontaneous aspect of living and fall into ruts which we think we should follow or do because we are of a certain age or afraid what our peers may think about ourselves. Look at the moments when you probably wanted to hoop and holler at the game but felt you couldn't or shouldn't do as it may cause people around you feelings of uncomforted in your eyes. I think we should just throw our feelings and opinions to the wind and react to our emotions and allow people around us to see them. I truly think that some people will think you foolish but the majority of the people will look at you with admiration and respect as you know who you truly are and believe in yourself. Good acquaintance passed away two years ago and her mate has now found a new mate. I am very happy for him and his lovely new mate but it made me question what grief is all about and how long is an adequate amount of time before you are looking for company. I recommend everyone see the movie, "Must Love Dogs" as there is a particular line that Christopher Plumber reflects on new companions that we should all reflect on. We have a long journey of life and we better enjoy each day as they come with people around us who have common interests. Instead of looking for one specificperson, one should look at things you enjoy doing and enjoy the company that is best supports this. As I get older, I dig within myself looking for things that I wish I had done but was a scared to do because of timing or embarrassment. I know have the attitude that if I want to do, I will do it for me and no other because ultimately it is me that must be happy within. So my friend hop on the freight train and stop at all the stations that you have always wanted to and learn from the acquaintances you will meet as your life will continue to grow strong and bigger with each station you stop at. Have a great day Mark and give Gusta a little scratch behind her ears., SM, Calgary

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Mark, though this is too long to post, I knew you'd get a chuckle from it... Keep on musing..., JD, Vancouver . .

Editor’s note re: Love and the 'taquito moment': When did the pickiness gene become so dominant? [if you want a copy, write me & I will forward]

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Mark, Kindly remove me from your listing. While its great reading, I have just too many e-mails. Regards MS, Calgary

5C/41F, fresh & calm, many dogs walking their humans this morning - Gusta’s urge to romp seems subdued, me hobbling a little & listing to the left with a sore neck & lower back, my urge to romp in check

AW & I stood in for KK at last night’s Hitmen hockey game @ the Saddledome playing host to the ‘Nova Scotia under-19 Girls Floor Hockey Team’ loads of fun observing all that energy 16-18 yr olds must contain while under watchful eyes of coaches & parents

evening ended in a quieter place @ Bonterra for a bite & some people watching

catching a ride on a fast moving vehicle that won’t slow down for us seems somewhere between minor lunacy & suicidal death wish, though I fondly recall jumping onto a spinning merry-go-round at the park when I was a kid – result: ‘uninjured but severely dizzy’

why then, when I meet someone whose life is hurtling in some direction other than mine, do I think it would be simple, wise or in any way possible to hitch a ride in that direction without risk of injury or severe dizziness ?

some people hop freight trains still I am told; the ride often cold, bumpy & leaving one covered in grime & debris – but what an adventure !

it has been alleged I exhibit typical Leo tendencies to be ‘a bit over the top in interest for a day or so until the next interesting idea, thing, woman, project comes along ’

each time an opportunity comes along I expect I will again risk a skinned knee or minor scrapes – a tiny price really for a great ride that will leave me uninjured but severely dizzy, the next opportunity will be coming by at any moment, it will offer a thrilling ride & I cannot wait to jump on – if I miss this one, there will surely be others if I am watching for them

thrills & spills may be unwise, risky & without security of knowing an outcome – my experience has been the ride is always about the RIDE, not the ultimate stop & off-loading

don’t stop the merry-go-round, I want to get on – not because I know where it is going, but I really want to be with those kids who are riding, heads tossed back while that big kid pulling hard makes it go faster & faster - they seem to be having so much fun - don’t stop the merry-go-round, I want to get on

does that make life disciplined, focused & orderly ? . . no, but why would I want it to be ?

Mark

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Mark, got your musings and they made me smile (again). Over the years our friendship has strengthened (even though I can't provide the sizzle that the fairer sex may). You are a good communicator - rarely a misread. I find it amazing that you can share your intimate thoughts with the ether-net, and thousands of musers (like myself) can identify with them. Could it be that we all share a common (or, rather, extra-ordinary) emotional (or perhaps spiritual) heritage? Whatever the reason, it feels right, so keep on doing what you are doing. I have to say that your musings are just as pertinent here in Australia (just visiting) as they are when I am home in Canada. Cheers KK, Calgary

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According to Jim Maynard's Celestial guide, the full moon is at 8:44 p.m. Pacific, 11:44 p.m. Eastern, tonight. In Leo. The moon moves into Virgo 8:13a Pacific on Monday, 13. I don't know why, but I feel it would be important for you and DB to become friends first: a "get re-acquainted" time. Even though nothing happened, at least it wasn't negative, right? And that is a good thing. Oh sure, please let us know when you and DB see the fire-works! If it isn't a movie, book, please! I really like that quote. Thank you for sharing it, it opened my eyes to a gal pal of mine, whom I've known since 1987. We know each other's faults, and embrace them along with our finer points. When I moved far away from the city, she uprooted herself and her hubby a few months later, I don't know if it's because she wanted to be near us, or because of the price of the property. Both, I think. But I'm glad they did. I think I will do something special for them as a token of how much I appreciate them. But no matter what I do, it won't be enough. This friendship is far from perfect, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you, Mark, for this. Never lose sight, whatever it is you are seeking. Keep searching for whatever it is you are looking for, enjoy the scenery along the way. I've learned so much from you and your readers ever since I got caught in your "net." ,ALP high desert

lots of sniffing [the dog] in strange territory, Gusta & I walked very early in Red Deer before driving back to Calgary - eerie & beautiful as a full moon headed toward the west horizon on my right just as a light show unfolded on my left/east side – then, just as the sun rose, the moon vanished - like a changing of the guard; now breakfasted, napped & ready to greet this gorgeous day; 9C/48F sunny & calm

“Friends are generally of the same sex, for when men and women agree, it is only in the conclusions; their reasons are always different. “ – George Santayana

I’ve never analyzed it that way, so George may be right but I find cultivation of friendships of the opposite sex most intriguing - with stars in my eyes I hopefully watch for sizzle factor & sschazzamm indicators

rarely getting my wish but forever hopeful

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." - Elbert Hubbard

I treasure honest communication & cultivate interesting eclectic relationships with smart people – so many of the near misses, close calls, ‘bad timing’ & poor choices have often made some of the most extraordinary friends, just right for keeping

I had a great evening with DB however the clouds did not collide, lighting did not strike & the full moon served no purpose

will this be a new romance ?
- apparently the stars are not correctly aligned

will she be a great new friend ?
- I think so, hope so

Mark

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Ooohhhh...I just knew there was a movie in the making!, LR, Irvine

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Hi Mark, I hope dinner goes well. I miss Red Deer and when I read you are going, it makes me a little sad. Both my sons are living there, the youngest moved back mid January to work and pay off some student loans. I look forward to your insights on the 'reconnection' and development of this old 'new' relationship for you. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!, KL, Kitchener

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Hope you come back from Red deer with a big smile on your face....this e.mail should at least summon a grin.... LA, Calgary

-11C/12F, steady breeze stings cheeks - Gusta loves it cold & windy

this week draws to a close, another candle burned well at both ends; the shape of next week coming together . .

my comments yesterday produced a call from someone thinking it was him I was writing about; not so . . while the person I was writing about remains oblivious I am sure

for those who’ve asked or been wondering about my ‘reconnect with DB after 38 years’ story, I’m off to Red Deer this evening for a little dinner & a chat with DB . . . interesting connection developing there – getting acquainted for the first time, chats & emails reveal interesting person worthy of further investigation

stay tuned . . . what will happen next ?

anticipation

every day my phone rings, often with a new opportunity/challenge/problem from a client or someone who might become one – each time an ‘out of the blue’ opportunity shows up I react – little time to think, responding based on experience, instinct & quickly processing an evaluation of ‘is it real/’, ‘is it worth it?’ & ‘can I win?’

as I spend some time in the morning communing with nature, re-reading some things I’ve put down as a list of the things I desire, the things I am good at – many reminders to not stray from who I am, I am well poised I suppose to react to things that happen, to people . . . from a deep understanding of who I am - or not

sometimes I react impulsively, illogically or too enthusiastically - but rarely with regret in any form

anticipation

Mark

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