Musing

SdV - I can feel it. I can feel it. In my experience, though your heart aches, it will be comforted by knowing that your family shared these last moments in LOVE, especially that your mother knows that she is loved. These memories and the feelings of love in your heart will stay with you and give you strength. Be well. L.S., Calgary

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I look forward to your musings – makes me think and I appreciate that. Choice and consequences – we fear the consequences – we fear the unknown. So we sit and make no choice which in itself is the choice of being in our rut or a victim. I also think we spend way too much time fussing about others choices which are really not our business but then we don’t have to look at our choices. It’s all very convoluted and tangled in my mind. You should see me teach problem solving to ex cons. With the subject of choice and consequence some of them do not even realize that they can look at their actions in that way. Its all about what feels good right now or how can I stop it from feeling so bad, now that’s where it gets scary. I got the lasagna made and in the oven, now I am heading out to walk the dog. I am dreadfully lazy today ….feel like a hot stone massage and a nap. Yes you can come to the cabin but I warn you its rustic. Heating is by a wood stove and the water supply is not very consistent which makes for some wild showers. I plan to get that all sorted out before I move there full time but for now I really like it that way. It’s a very good place to write. , DB, Red Deer

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Wow, this is so weird. I didn't read your musing today until just now, 7pm, and all day I was thinking about the choices I had made in my life and why and where do I go from here? What jolted me into reality this time was the realization of all the massive choices I have made in the last few months and the results of those choices now. A good friend dropped over yesterday and started rattling me with those stupid thought provoking, look at yourself type questions. She got in my face. I didn't appreciate it. It took me a while after she left to see the light. I didn't realize how depressed I was for the last few months. Sure I've been depressed before, but it was always something that lasted an hour or so until I 'snapped out of it' and 'got on with it'. I guess I just THOUGHT I was 'getting on with it'. I didn't realize I was shutting down, just a little bit at a time. Dropping out of one thing or another, declining invitations, procrastinating, avoiding, running away. But once I realized what was happening, it wasn't difficult figuring out what got me there. Now the hard part is to fix it. Shucks, I didn't think I needed fixing; I thought I was perfect, SM, Calgary

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SdV: May God bless you & may you find comfort in the memories of your mother. It made me smile to know you put lipstick on her & curled her hair because it was important to her & to most women. You sound like a wonderful person. Her legacy will also live on through the love you shared. No matter how much we may or may not know what is coming, the pain, emptiness, & lonliness remain. Time does not heal the wound but rather teaches us to cope in a different manner. We learn a 'new' normal. You will remain in my thoughts & prayers. Smile because you have been loved & have loved. LH in Oklahoma City

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Wow, this is so weird. I didn't read your musing today until just now, 7pm, and all day I was thinking about the choices I had made in my life and why and where do I go from here? What jolted me into reality this time was the realization of all the massive choices I have made in the last few months and the results of those choices now. A good friend dropped over yesterday and started rattling me with those stupid thought provoking, look at yourself type questions. She got in my face. I didn't appreciate it. It took me a while after she left to see the light. I didn't realize how depressed I was for the last few months. Sure I've been depressed before, but it was always something that lasted an hour or so until I 'snapped out of it' and 'got on with it'. I guess I just THOUGHT I was 'getting on with it'. I didn't realize I was shutting down, just a little bit at a time. Dropping out of one thing or another, declining invitations, procrastinating, avoiding, running away. But once I realized what was happening, it wasn't difficult figuring out what got me there. Now the hard part is to fix it. Shucks, I didn't think I needed fixing; I thought I was perfect, SM, Calgary

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Mark: My heart goes out to SdV, Edmonton, as I can truly empathize. And, I believe that this is the one time in a person's life when it is okay and I think a good choice to consciously lower one's expectations - not only of one's self, but also of friends, family, care workers and ESPECIALLY of the dying. This is not easily accomplished, as it is also a time when everyone's best is so very important and so very much desired. But, I believe it will be to your friend’s benefit. It has been my experience that the loss of a parent is a life test of major proportions and in going through it every aspect of our being is tested. 'Wishing SdV endurance, and support of family, friends and co-workers that is filled with every kindness, KJ, Calgary