Sunday, February 26, 2006
Sunday Feb. 26, 2006 - Year 3, Day 342 - sometimes I had both
-16C/3F, ice fog/cloud keeping it gray & acting like a cone of silence – cars in the distance barely audible while my crunching Vasque soles squeak on the packed snow
dinner with AW last night, good visit & de-brief on her recent experiences & great food @ Il Pescatore
there is yearning in the air, trees ache for spring breezes, Gusta yearned for that jogger’s collie & I could use a sleepy warm spring Sunday morning tangled like spaghetti
I went to the gym yesterday; pretty good start I think . . actually getting there within 3 weeks of having joined . . ½ hour work out . . the visit to the scale was the only frightening part; no dessert for 31 weeks & lose a pound a week is my goal
sometimes I get strong criticism, not so much for my writing, but of my perspective; I encounter people who tell me harsh things – sometimes because they lack my perverse sense of humour, sometimes because they want to be nasty for some reason – these are easily dismissed, blown off & discarded . .
sometimes I get criticism, not of my writing or perspective, but of me personally – someone reading into a snippet of me here, a snippet of me there – woven together with something I wrote in a musing, something I said in conversation – sometimes too, connected to some joke I circulated. This has amused, confused & amazed me since I began these writings nearly three years ago – these are not so easily dismissed . .
sometimes I am pretty good at getting others to open widely allowing me/us a glimpse at their innermost feelings, sometimes I am pretty good at figuring things out – often that masks my ‘hiding out a little’ not revealing mine
sometimes . . someone says ‘stop giving it away’ as encouragement for me to do more with ‘this’ in some kind of writing/coaching capability though I am un-schooled, un-trained & getting better with practice
sometimes I wonder about life & love: marriage [first one 34 yrs. ago today] & divorce twice, I’ve had 4 ‘loves of my life’ . . yet all 6 of them are not with me
I had an unrequited boyish first love + SC & VP & KT, each being evidence that lightning can be captured in a jar albeit briefly, but there is no longevity to it unless both parties want it to be
deeply, completely, fully, unconditionally, my everything laid bare, I know I’ll love again
depth & reciprocity have eluded me
I’ve had depth
I’ve had reciprocity
sometimes I had both for a short while – life is rich & worthwhile because of it
Mark
dinner with AW last night, good visit & de-brief on her recent experiences & great food @ Il Pescatore
there is yearning in the air, trees ache for spring breezes, Gusta yearned for that jogger’s collie & I could use a sleepy warm spring Sunday morning tangled like spaghetti
I went to the gym yesterday; pretty good start I think . . actually getting there within 3 weeks of having joined . . ½ hour work out . . the visit to the scale was the only frightening part; no dessert for 31 weeks & lose a pound a week is my goal
sometimes I get strong criticism, not so much for my writing, but of my perspective; I encounter people who tell me harsh things – sometimes because they lack my perverse sense of humour, sometimes because they want to be nasty for some reason – these are easily dismissed, blown off & discarded . .
sometimes I get criticism, not of my writing or perspective, but of me personally – someone reading into a snippet of me here, a snippet of me there – woven together with something I wrote in a musing, something I said in conversation – sometimes too, connected to some joke I circulated. This has amused, confused & amazed me since I began these writings nearly three years ago – these are not so easily dismissed . .
sometimes I am pretty good at getting others to open widely allowing me/us a glimpse at their innermost feelings, sometimes I am pretty good at figuring things out – often that masks my ‘hiding out a little’ not revealing mine
sometimes . . someone says ‘stop giving it away’ as encouragement for me to do more with ‘this’ in some kind of writing/coaching capability though I am un-schooled, un-trained & getting better with practice
sometimes I wonder about life & love: marriage [first one 34 yrs. ago today] & divorce twice, I’ve had 4 ‘loves of my life’ . . yet all 6 of them are not with me
I had an unrequited boyish first love + SC & VP & KT, each being evidence that lightning can be captured in a jar albeit briefly, but there is no longevity to it unless both parties want it to be
deeply, completely, fully, unconditionally, my everything laid bare, I know I’ll love again
depth & reciprocity have eluded me
I’ve had depth
I’ve had reciprocity
sometimes I had both for a short while – life is rich & worthwhile because of it
Mark
342,584
