Musing

Good stuff today. Thanks for putting it out there. Listening, really deep listening, is where the real "gold" is in a relationship. I find that "mining" it sometimes takes only a few brief seconds. Allowing for and being comfortable with long pauses in conversation--during which time one absorbs as thoroughly as possible the words and meaning of the other--is a downright magical process. (Well chosen clarifying questions don't usually hurt things, either.) Those few seconds can make all the difference in the world in love, in business, in unlocking the most difficult of riddles. Easier said than done, though! Why is that?, SB in Pennsylvania

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3C/38F (high 11C), sunny more than cloudy, one strange jogger encounter, many doors up as men clean their garages – no doubt a neighborhood of job jar deposits and hunney-do list gifts

I find myself long on thoughts, short on words this morning; figuring things out, negotiating, explaining, talking, talking, talking – I am good at it all, but I need to listen too, listen longer, listen better, to empathize is to realize what someone else’s thought means and carry on knowing it is a different thought or feeling than our own, to value it as much or more than our own – if only for the period of the discussion – is to give it air, give if validation, give it voice, give it

planning involves things with certainty and probabilities; as in, probably I will feel the same way ten years from now and certainly I have a bull-dog like personality; one is a probability, one a certainty

whether we are planning to restock a sock drawer, a holiday or a couple of decades it doesn’t matter whether it is about work or play, it matters that we are planning - laying in bed, staring at the ceiling we make plans – don’t we all?

what do we want in the bargain, what do we need in the deal, what is the thing that seals it, nails it, holds it firm, makes in unwavering – is it the windowsill geranium, the view of the yard, the image of perfection . . what do we look for when wanting to know if this is the real deal, if that plan will work or this promise will be kept?

we don’t all want deep love, considerate friendship and delicious bedroom workouts all the time every day no matter what; I do, most of us do, but some don’t .. and I wonder about that because everyone can have it if they want it, say it, live it, mean it . . all they have to do is ask – not our counterpart, but ourselves - how do I get what I want, need and desire?

most often we get what we want – not by wanting it – but giving it; giving it time, giving it voice, giving it consideration . . just giving into it

Mark Kolke
341,580
199.0


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...how beautiful, the word pictures - I feel it and know it. Thanks Mark - I wish I could say it like you do... SI, Saskatoo, SK

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RE: as felt by you; Oh My , SB, Calgary

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Re: wonder why, wonder how; Still trying to figure out how to push things along.... It comes in the proper time... no amount of "pushing" will make things happen before they are ready!! Patience really is a virtue... LOLOL Though very hard to practice!! , Hugs, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, in Boanavista, near Fish Creek Park

2C/35F (high 9C), quiet calm wet fresh chilled air coats leaves, as many on the ground now as on the trees, spectacular color hung on every tree lined street like garland on a Christmas tree, Gusta investigating every bush, every sidewalk, every ‘signature’ spot to ‘meet’ the dogs and cats of this area

is middle aged life autumn like, are we trees and leaves and critters of fall - a time where some hang on, some let go, some change dramatically, some hibernate, some dry up and blow away, some are just coming into their prime?

this season is to be enjoyed or endured – so much lighter is our load if we join in the flourish; during the growing season everything seems so certain, confident, green, healthy without a hint of withering, weakness or the ravages of autumn wind . . but now it is here to tantalize the eyes and set the stage for one of two things

the first, is one I’ve known too many falls; it is walking alone in the cold wind on a gloomy day which no hot bath or hot soup can put right – it is alone and lonely

the other is one I’m knowing now; of summer romance morphed into fall – the butterfly sits more steadily upon my shoulder, the autumn chilly days will be warmer now; walks in a warm sweater are only half as nice as walks with someone wearing a warm sweater

happy Saturday . .

Mark Kolke
341,604
199.0


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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

7C/44F (high 16C). pink/grey/majenta/blue haze wall of cloud in the east, full moon in the west; we walked the ridge path and came back through a neighborhood park where mom and twins (white-tail deer) were browsing someone’s fresh landscaping; I love deerskin gloves and slippers but I like it even better when it rides on split-hooves

can you guess the century, author, place or time . .or does it matter which was written by Baruch, Spinoza, Mario Andretti, Neil Gaiman, Kahlil Gibran, Napoleon Hill, Mark Kolke, Ayn Rand, Confucius, William Blake? it is so easy to look up a quote – to google that which captures a mood, sentiment or point set down by gifted wordsmiths, to find something from a simpler time, to rely on some thought or galvanizing idea that stood time’s test as I seek clarity amid the pace that confronts me daily

“Desire is the key to motivation, but it’s determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek.”

“Desire is half of life; indifference is half of death.”

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.”

“But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize. Their hearts desire, their dream . . . But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted.”

“Fearlessly, shamelessly, beautifully, desire exhibits deeply rooted drive, pushes aside deeply rooted fear, exposes secrets, puts vulnerability on display.”

“A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it, action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving.”

“Wealth and rank are what people desire, but unless they are obtained in the right way they are not possessed.”

“Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained.”

“Desire is the very essence of man.”

relevance of words, points of view - each written for some purpose at some time, these are not fundamental truths, or perhaps they are; there is no law of physics or mathematics to prove it; most of us would, I imagine, view these words through a lens; as felt by you - as felt by me, the quote as a singular sight to view rather than individual words to read gives us a picture of what someone said rather than a text of their thoughts - or both, to be picked apart or viewed whole . . whatever you desire, desire it - whatever you desire have it - whatever you desire reach out and grab it

Mark Kolke
341,628
199.4


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Hi Mark, Thanks for reminding me that I am one of the few who can say "I am very healthy" Something to be truly grateful for, CH, Chimacum, WA

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

3C/37F (high 17C), chinook-cloudy, breezy, path leaf littered, Gusta erratically sniffing a rabbit trail romance while her owner, heart thumping, tried to keep up

well being, an investment not quoted on any exchange, does not rise or fall on currency fluctuations or movement of innocuous ratios graphed against some regression curve – it floats in and out of our landscape like an ECG graph of fear we might be next, fear we might fail because of bad genes, or bad luck or bad karma; even very healthy people have heart attacks, so why worry?

today is MP’s birthday – she is one of the original 8 musers; happy birthday old friend(oops) – rephrase - happy birthday long-standing friend, may you be long standing, long sitting, long running, long ticking; as friends and colleagues we've probably had more downs than ups but I, like many who know and work with you, remain envious of your spirit, driven-ness, wit, charm and highspeedbigbrain ?

we do this don’t we - we wish friends, family and often total strangers good health – I note birthdays and surgery-anniversaries of friends in my calendar for that very purpose, to wish people good life, good spirits, good health, good recovery - we all do this, don’t we? we say - Good day, Good health, Best wishes, Be well, Be happy, To your health - we offer salutations in variations on this theme all the time, to take a moment to tell them they are special in our lives and that we don’t take them for granted; greetings and hi/bye’s that mean lots for people who mean lots – yes & yes

few of us can look in the mirror to say ‘I am very healthy’; I can’t and most people over 30 on this continent cannot; I can say ‘I know where I need to make changes and I am making some of them, working on it, seriously I am’ . . but how many times I remember saying just that and not acting on it which begs the question of whether I really meant it, really cared or really had a strong motivation for living, for living well, for living long

I would like to think I have all those motives – in action, by me, for me - but must admit they are aided by recent developments with PB that have lifted my wings, filled my sails and offered tangible proof we middle-aged divorced folks can find relationships that works, where love goes deeper than the high-bar goes high, where dreams and hopes and plans take on renewed energy; on that note, it was fun doing a speech last night at Toastmasters; I finished last - failed to get enough laughs (it was a humorous speech contest) but it didn’t matter because it seems, when our heart is pumping fast, we are oblivious to who laughs at what while willing to tell anyone who will listen

sometimes we need to write a long piece or make a short speech but most often we can capture all that is important . . . in a heartbeat

Mark Kolke
341,652
200.4

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Enjoyed hearing about your pretty butterfly last night. A different speech for you – very personal. There were a lot of people there that wouldn’t know your “history” regarding women. That doesn’t sound very good – so I will try and explain. You were very upfront about being in a relationship with someone special. It was nice to see you able to let everyone (even available women in the audience) see that side of you and that you anticipate 30+ year, AW, Calgary
Thanks for remembering! I’m thinking it will be as just as happy as the previous ones – all one needs, really, is the right attitude, n’est-ce pas? Hope all is well with you, MP, Calgary

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park


8C/47F (high 17C), Gusta seemed to sniff every yellow leaf around the lagoon as if they’d taken on magical harvest time qualities, flights of geese cruise out toward swathed fields to snatch seeds before farmers harvest them or they reach fertile soil

observations offer opportunities a chance to be explored – left alone they fall flat like deflated balloons, but opened up with some energy and life breathed into them they become full sails or dirigibles - opportunities to do interesting business, each where connections and work long past earned me the opportunity to be given an opportunity; I know I’ll have a great day – at worst I’ll have more of this dumb luck helping me, at best I’ll have attention, intention and harvest a crop from seeds planted a long time ago

planting seeds Johnny Appleseed style was never deliberate for me, but more and more it appears to have happened long ago when I wasn’t thinking of planting seeds, I suppose I planted lots along the way; my intention is to give attention to things, events and people who best fit with my aims in life - when much younger I would frenetically chase every opportunity, the big and the small, court the attention of those who might help me rather than those I might be able to help and look for opportunities to make the quickest dollar rather than to make the wisest connections; sometimes I won big, or lost big . . being young it was about the chase but I learned that some of the most interesting things seemed to come to me in no way I could explain, market toward, plan for or account for; was it just dumb luck?

25 yrs. ago a client, RJC, told me our relationship was like a marriage (I laughed because I told him he was not my type and didn’t have the legs for it); he explained how he saw it, how integral my work and my company’s service to his practice helped him to function in his service to his clients I felt understood and appreciated more than I was by any other client; no surprise his work got more and faster attention than others - also no surprise to me that yesterday when I called him asking for help with something new he readily responded; was it old loyalty, seeds long ago planted or some more dumb luck?

some ‘best experiences’ I’ve had, best people I’ve met, best relationships I’ve fostered came from such innocuous starts; I often wonder if it was my frame of mind at the time we met, something in style or manner of being or personality, or paying attention or getting to know people for who they truly are; did they know I would be able to see an opportunity better than someone else or was it is just dumb luck?

I had lunch with muser KDK yesterday, the beginning of an interesting friendship perhaps, maybe a business relationship . . maybe more, maybe less – but somehow I know our paths will cross again; we are far from similar but at the same time not that far distant – each a seeker of a better understanding of self and of others; I had dinner with a new client, ME, a guy I am getting to know; he too is like me in some ways, vastly different in others; I don’t know this for certain but my instincts tell me this is a good connection – more about business than a personal connection but the crooked path we all walk, reflecting choices made at many forks in the road tell me these two connections are ones I will value and I suspect that if I introduce the two of them an interesting connection might take each of them into some new area of exploration

Mark Kolke
341,676
201.4

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Yes, I know that some things make me 'wonder why, wonder how'. I am working hard to line up another source of income and it's been a two year project in the works (actually 4 years if you count the previous schooling/certification). My accreditation in this province has finally been attained, now I just need to be 'hired'. It's like a practice dance and I am waiting for the opening night. Waiting for that serendipitous moment when it all comes together and then I will wonder why, wonder how it took so long to happen! SL, Calgary

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

10C/49F (high 13C), warm breeze cushion as an arch pushes the western sky, sun sneaking through as we walked the ridge path in the park, witnessing why Indian Summer is not a portion of a season as much as it is a description of this panoply of leaves painted autumn saying ‘it’s showtime’

yesterday I had a wizzbangdandygoodone – a new piece of business from a new client directed to me by a client, friend and colleague I’ve known a long time; great, lovely, thank you, uh-huh . .love it, grateful, good work, good stuff . . yeah; then the trigger worked its way through my brain to make something else happen using some long dormant skills, contacts long established and using tools I never had available back then; the business idea is not my point .. but rather wondering about how these elements come together in a confluence in my brain; I should probably just trust it with some degree of faith because the process has been proven to me before, but I still have to wonder why, wonder how

maybe I should show time more respect – rather than being anxious I could just sit back, being more observant of triggers when they show up – but, I know I lack that patience

I’ve been pondering - not that understanding how forks in the road present themselves or how pursuing unexpected opportunities bring about dramatic change, but wondering how to better harness these spurts of energy that get triggered; more mental than physical, the launch of amazing adventures, twists, turns and opportunities - I wonder how I could foster more of that without waiting for their triggers to show up

‘Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

oops, there goes another one I missed; how often we’ve all wondered that when someone else invents the better mousetrap, starts a new business, does something innovative that we’d just been thinking about ourselves; I wonder if this is failure to recognize the value of the opportunity, timing or not being ready; Twain’s quote is taped to a picture frame that hangs over my desk, inside the frame is a photo captioned ‘Opportunity – you’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

triggers trigger things, unexpected - they show up; a call often changes my morning or can alter my take on a relationship, a meeting can change my focus when it turns out to be about something other than what was expected; an offhand comment, sight or sound can trigger long dormant memories, a question can trigger a combo of dormant experiences, specific knowledge with new opportunities – yesterday was one of those days for me – some interesting and, I hope, profitable experience will flow

Mark Kolke
341,700
201.2


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I’m not quite sure how I got on your list or who added me, but I wanted to say that I enjoy reading your daily Musings. A lot of times, this email helps to add perspective and help me take a more relaxed step back from the troubles that I’m dealing with right now. So, thank you!, EF, ?

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The first time I met my partner I thought ,'here is a hurting soul'. Hemade me realize how far I had come after suffering thru the same sort of cheating, lies, anger and bitterness in my own life. I also had to make a choice if I wanted to share those experiences again with him and seewhere it would bring us, or run the other way. I think it was Christmas, when he waited until I came back from my time with my family to open the gifts I had bought him and give me his...how special he madethat little consideration feel...how special he made me feel by histhoughtfulness. That was when I made the choice to hang in there. Then it was lots of little things that happened 'when I wasn't looking' that pulled silently on my heart strings until I couldn't imagine him not being a part of my life. I think you are feeling those pulls too. Lifesometimes gives us the unexpected and leads us to greater expectations than we hoped for...but no less than we deserve. SL, Calgary . . PS I didn't get the musings on your Dad, but I hope all is well with him. I did mention before that some come thru and not others, still not sure why?

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Hi, Mark... I am so sorry to read about your dad... by now I hope he is well on his way to a complete recovery. A lot of friends have written you their story and I'd like to share mine with you too, only mine is a funny one... well, not at the time, but later. In 2002, my husband and I had a very bad motorcycle wreck. He was life-flighted to St. Elizabeth Hospital in Beaumont, TX. He was there for about a week and a half and because we lived in La Porte, I just stayed at the hospital with him. They were very accommodating with a bed for me and a quick trip to Wally got me a new wardrobe... such as it was!! After a couple of days, I got the hang of the place and the lay of the land... they were very short of caregivers and instantly made me into one since I was there 24-7. I went along with this for a few days... changing bed linens, reminding them when it was time for his various medications, keeping track of what went in and out of his system, etc. I was rocking along pretty good, when one of the nurses-wanna be doctor (at 3:00AM) decided my husband needed a "stool softener." Now, this was a man who could hardly move, much less get up and go to the bathroom... tubes were everywhere and all had to be handled to help him get up... by me, of course... by this time, I was the "official" caregiver. Long about 3:00PM the next afternoon, the "stool softener" kicked in and by the time he decided he needed to go and I could actually get him to the bathroom, it was too late. This went on for about 3 or 4 times... each time I had to help him to the bathroom, then get him situated in a special chair then strip the bed, wipe it down and then put on fresh bed linens. I had a supply in the room, but pretty soon, I ran out. Down I go to the nurses station... I know they were thinking... oh, no... not HER again... I tell them I need more bed linens... they tell me they are OUT.... OUT, I literally scream... how can you be OUT??? What am I going to do??? After about 30 minutes, they finally found some. By this time, I'm reasonably settled down... did I say "reasonably"??? Ummmm... anyway, 'bout this time, here comes the nurse-wanna be doctor and says she is there to give him his final dose of "stool softener"... I looked at that cross-eyed freak in a nurses uniform and ordered her out of the room along with her stool-softening pills... I never did see her again after that. A couple of days later, we were finally released... you see, we found out that my husband had to start eating before they would release him ... he couldn't eat the food and ordered me to flush it down the toilet... they never questioned me... the food was gone and that was all they cared about!! So, finally... we're outta there ... he is in the wheelchair, everything is piled on top of him and hanging off the sides and I'm just a-pushing him down the hall... as we walked past the nurses station, there was not one smiling face, there were no "hope you get better soons," no endearments or well-wishes of any kind. In fact, I swear I could hear them say... thank goodness that bi!ch is gone... I know it... I know that's what they were saying!!! They were definitely happy to get rid of me, CT, Houston, TX

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So pleased to hear you talking about finding what you weren't looking for... you've come a long way Dear from the first start you made in writing your musings. Makes my heart sing that you were able to recognize your butterfly when she lit on your life. My phrasing isn't quite right but I think you know what I mean. There are such things as irreconcilable differences... alas. Sometimes two people not only aren't on the same page... they just don't live in the same universes. Which makes raising a family together much more than just difficult... truly impossible no matter how much will in the world would like it to be otherwise... even when both are determined to make it so. Sad.. but true. Hugs Dear and happy days to you!!, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today's Musing written and published from Evergreen near Fish Creek Park in south Calgary

-2C/14F (high 14C), autumn chill, brilliant blue sky, Gusta looks up at a honking lone goose in search of a larger family over-flying the lagoon, frost turns wet at the sun’s touch

I’ve looked in many directions, seen dark and bright sides of many lives that touched mine; some I’ve touched, some I’ve just waved ‘bye - often bored by that which taught me nothing, failed to increase my value or raise my heart rate

Inequity everywhere – big/small, strong/weak, fast/slow – wherever we look, reasons to not fit, not fit in; someone or some place out of reach, removed from where we are, the job too big, shoes too big to fill, task too large, expectations exceed capacity to deliver; these are constructs of the mind, not facts, fears more tied to confidence than reality

we find that which we did not seek, not by seeking but my seizing upon what comes our way, not taking things ‘as is’ every time, but by noticing before it passes by or slips away; my point is that we tend to look for what we want and pursue it till we find it, whereas examining what find by accident - seeing what is in front of us often leads to walking a delicious unexpected unsuspecting path - around the next corner or weekend or life altering event, events that impact me most are not what I expect or fear or anticipate – but what I am not looking for or expecting to find; I’ll trip, stumble, feel my way along as though blind and deaf if I have to but I will be sure to touch the things I cannot see, hear sounds I’ve never made and taste things I’ve never cooked before

some people are intimidated by standing up in a group, out in a crowd, or trying something new - expecting trouble they find it rather than expecting solutions, which would find them if they were watching but instead those solutions elude them because they were not looking for solutions – they were looking for trouble; people encounter and reconcile differences all the time; most differences don’t require reconciliation because differences complement one another whether it is mixing flavors in a pan, plants in a garden or assembling a cast; irreconcilable differences – a cute phrase - I think it was movie or book title; this phrase conjures a sense of impossibility, of failure, of frustration because needs, desires or station in life is different; I think it is a stupid phrase

briefly, peacefully, I rested - then it came to its end; weekends end weekly, sometimes just a breather, sometimes inconvenient speed-bump on momentum’s path, sometimes an oasis of quiet - this last weekend, I entered tired, weakly, left refreshed; experience was both new and old, fresh yet familiar – like floating on a cloud, coming home, wearing a familiar old sweater - rest and differences, change and stability, chicken dipped in plum sauce and honey mixture, asparagus and pears, mixing old things new ways, combining things that do not obviously fit, people on different routes crossing paths; forever changed

I have found something I was looking for when I wasn’t looking, it grew beautiful and grand when I wasn’t looking – now I want what I’ve found; my life is what it is - 56 years of experience, difference and indifference - different experiences than anyone else; not all unique to the world, but a unique collection in one person which, among other things, has made me a seeker; I seek delicious foods, drink in extraordinary experiences and taste life’s edges

Mark Kolke
341,724
202.0

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Hi Mark, Just read about your dad. Sorry to hear about the circumstances of his dismay and your distress. Hope all is well, LG, Calgary

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Lake Bonavista, Gusta and I are spending time in PB’s world (2 cats and a Shitzu cross named Sophie), so much room in a large split level that people phone each other rather than hollering or walking

4C/40F (high 8C), distant siren broke silence, raining, dogs walked independently; Gusta romped, Sophie’s little feet working treadmill-like, tree droppings litter streets; first the rain, then somewhere there will be a rainbow

raison d'etre, so easily recognized in people we admire – tougher to see in the mirror; to clearly see that which drives you, that which gives you peace, that which gives you energy, that which gives you strength and courage; not found in the land of Oz over the rainbow, but it must be here among these animals because the toilet says Toto

yesterday’s calm after the storm coupled with a great note from Carla about her South American adventure brought peace when it was needed, calm to a wrinkled brow and soft sleep where none had been; five months ago today I first crossed paths with the pretty butterfly; she’s helped me appreciate so many things I thought fit into the ‘never again’ or ‘not likely’ column now seem possible, probable and highly desirable – I’ve found no closer place than at her side, no lines or lanes to keep us apart aside from imaginary rules and phantom hurdles in my head - magic is here

where the jumble of my junk drawer gives way to symmetry of her cutlery holder where spoons know their place back to back with all the other spoons; at this point where life’s path – everyone’s uncharted territory littered with life’s droppings, floods of tears, dry spells and waves of turbulence brings us, amazingly, to periods of calm, peace and serenity – 2 words for the same thing, comfort of linked arms, linked lives, linked up – 3 terms for the same thing

season changed, landscape littered with feeling, rainy day, rest, quiet, butterfly and rainbow – somewhere; somewhere is here

Mark Kolke
341,748
199.5

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I notice I'm back on your 'musing blog' list. Have you had a good summer? Toronto has had the best summer ever this year Its been delight full. Thanks for remembering my birthday. Intentional or not - it was nice to hear from you on my special day - actually, everyday is my special day September 21 is most special. All the best, TP, Toronto

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Sorry to hear about your dad... I am late to respond since I do not read your muses every day.... feeling guilt for not being there to respond of offer emotional support... yet as I see you have the support you need and all is divine. Happy to hear your father is better and the whole family doing well. My joy is hearing of the happiness you are experiencing and the relief you feel, the blessing you feel... I have to say I am not one who likes to read daily blogs in this since it is like reading or watching someone's life sort of voyeur... I usually read Deepak Choprahs blogs where there is some insights and wisdoms to receive.... I had a friend who is a New Age Teacher who was also sending out daily blogs felt like I was reading his diary... again I stopped reading them. Interesting how we can get caught up in being curious about someone's life ...someone we don't know ... as much as I love to share my life with friends I do not see myself sharing my every day and thought... I save that for those very close to me ... I honor your openness and ability to share your life... and it is a lesson for those who read it... and a pleasure, MV, Kihei, HI

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My son is a rocket scientist, and he assures me that rocket surgery is not something with which you want to be associated, LF, Calgary

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I made it safely after a long day of flying! I got to Lima about 1:00 a.m. local time and had to be on a bus at 3:30 to catch a flight to Cusco. We’re spending the day here acclimatizing to the altitude before we go on to higher heights :) I have been drinking coca tea all day to help deal with the altitude, but we all seem to be handling it pretty well. This city is pretty busy, and it’s definitely pedestrian beware. We explored some of the little shops and went into the very large, and overly ornate cathedral. With it’s gold and silver plated statues and displays, it’s definitely a contradiction to the poverty outside. Tomorrow, we’re off to the Sacred Valley and Ollantayambo, and then we start the trek. After three days in the Andes, we’ll be stopping off at Machu Picchu. I’m having a great time and the people I’ve met up with are very nice )three other Canadians, one American, two Australians, two Dutch and 5 from the UK), CK, Edmonton/Cusco, Peru

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Breathing with a heavy heart, yesterday I watched my younger brother commit his loving partner of fifteen years to the ground. When the breathing stops, is there another place to go and retain dignity, to be comforted, to beheld by loving arms, to feel the warm breath of another, tell me there will be smiles, laughter, gentle breezes and the sensation of sunlight on your body. "T" Here at Home, WT, Calgary

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I hope your Dad’s ok. I know how you feel. XXX had surgery on both of his kidneys two weeks ago and had to go back to the hospital this afternoon. Something’s not right, SB, Calgary

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Lake Bonavista, Gusta and I are spending time in PB’s world (2 cats and a Shitzu cross named Sophie), so much room in a large split level that people phone each other rather than hollering or walking

9C/48F (high 11C), overcast, calm; dog walk - 1 small, 1 not, two extendible leashes - not rocket surgery but interesting challenge nonetheless, strolling mature unfamiliar turf, Sophie led the way; adjusting to new surroundings, daily routines and the activities of others is always an interesting exercise for people – Gusta is like a kid, playing with other kids toys, sniffing a new word, developing social skills with two cats and a mini-dog

uncertainty, anxiety, fear and doubt cloud our perspective and make us a little crazy for a time, but when calm overcomes us the trees become distinguishable from the forest, reality separates from the surreal, and the oxygen stress vanishes in thin air; we all have needs, stresses and adventures awaiting us; some are life and death, some are death, but most are about life, about living and breathing . .

butterfly flaps wings in Calgary, calm comes over the world, not the whole world, just mine; freed from triage and thin air and math reconciling blood gases, blood thinners, blood tests and witnessing the underbelly of an active treatment hospital in high gear, calm has arrived; resting well at home, my dad hasn’t slept as well in ages - now tethered to an oxygen hose; thanks to those who wrote or called with warm wishes; daughter Carla starts her day in Lima, on a trek to where air is thin, where Andes meets Amazon with 15 fellow strangers who soon won’t be

exploring and then solving it is important – respite from that place, neither deep or damp but certainly dark, that place of fatigue, stress and anxiety – to rest in this place where solitude is my big band aid, quiet is my warm blanket, soft touch is salve for my any wound, quiet reflection brings the relaxation of a massage with no need for kneading

fast, fasting, slowing . . slower . . slow, meditative – today, solemn day for our Jewish friends – day of inactivity, day for thought, prayer and quiet ending in the evening when dinner and blowing the Shofar signal the end of the fast – I am having a day very much like that; a day of peace, gratitude, amusement in a calm place, a quiet place, a warm place, a safe place, this safe place; no sooner was I needing this day but it showed up

the breath of life – breathing thin air is on my mind this morning; asthmatic daughter Krista is well, adventuring daughter Carla is at high altitude and breathing well, my dad is resting at home breathing anew, and I am taking a deep breath in a calm place, deep calm in a warm place – is so good to find if you look very hard, but sometimes you don’t have to look because caring friends and a butterfly will find you

everyone who matters to me is breathing easy . . so am I

Mark Kolke
341,772
201.2

Mark, the amount of email I receive makes it impossible for me to be on your mailing list. You removed me previously when I asked but for some reason I have begun to get your musings again. I you don't mind, I would like to be removed., NS, Vancouver

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So many of your musings tempt me to reply, but this one even more so. You are quite right to fear ‘triage’. In early February of this year, we also took my ailing mother (86 year old) to the hospital. Our triage was 5 hours in the waiting room, followed by an additional 7 hours in the curtained spaces. She passed away 3 days later. She was in incredible pain but couldn’t be given anything until tests were done and diagnosis confirmed. No painkillers, not even water to drink. Final diagnosis was perforated bowel and sepsis…and a very painful death. We finally got attention when we asked a couple of the caregivers if they would treat their mother this way. My suggestion would be stay focused on what you feel to be right. Don’t take no for an answer. Be a pest until you get treatment for your Dad. The caregivers are human and they do make mistakes. Most of them are just tired and frustrated like the rest of us. Good luck on this journey. I pray that the outcome will be a quick diagnosis with a successful treatment, followed by good health, RR, Calgary

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Hi Mark – I know exactly what you mean. Six weeks ago, I took Roone to emergency with a tummy problem. Five hours later, many pools of diarrhea later, we were not even assessed for 4 hours, we were released late at night. As his clothes had been soiled, I asked for a gown (thinking a dressing gown) so we could walk out through Emergency, past others waiting, ambulances arriving and finally to our car. They gave me a backless nightie and a diaper. So my darling, exhausted handicapped son walked out without dignity and not much of a diagnosis. We cared for him at home for 4 days, until the tummy bug passed. Last weekend, his Dad took him back to emergency – the pain was much more this time. Emergency experience again for 5-6 hours into the night, then to a room and get ready for emergency surgery to remove his gall bladder. Watching a vulnerable adult crying for his Mom and Dad as he was being wheeled into the O. R. was too much for his parents to keep their tears away. Exhaustion, emotion and fear. 3 days later we came home – exhausted, emotional and to set up a mini hospital with gauze changes, many bed changes throughout the night, changing the Depends, “medication – with water, with food, without food”, etc. etc. Get it all straight. Book off work, find replacement for work, book off any obligations or routine. Husband, father, brother, neighbours all away this week – odd that I should be handling this all on my own – flashback to 20 years ago – always alone when the hard stuff happened. Sleep deprivation is cruel. New day – only up 3 times last night, one bed change and I am starting to feel like I can get out of the house today. I’ll be thinking of you – as you deal with this all on your own, with many flashbacks – it’s OK to let the tears roll. You are the best son your father could have- and he knows it. Keep learning from him, as he speaks his wisdom, Susan #3, SA, Edmonton

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You can’t begin to imagine, Mark, how many memories flooded back so tumultuously when reading today’s Musing. All four of our “elders” experienced ‘triage’ in some form or other. I was touched by your comments about the tables being turned … so very true. Hope things are better today for you and your Dad. B?, Calgary

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I have no idea how I ended up on your reader list, but today's Musing really struck a chord. I began to write you a long letter as to why, and then thought that by chance that the person I was writing about had been the one to put me on your list. So, I deleted the copy in case you might have posted my note. Suffice it to say, your e-mail gave me a moment's grace in knowing I am not alone in this lifestage of sadness... and helped me connect again briefly to life outside this individual life., HSJ, Connecticut

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Hi – sorry to hear about your dad. I hope all is well. I find that the pioneer stock is remarkably healthy and resilient. I am coming to grips with the inevitable for my Mom. Still freak when I don’t hear her snoring across the hall and if she sleeps in …. Yikes, DB, Red Deer, AB

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Hi darlin’ – Just thinkin’ of you and wondering how your dad fared today. I hope all went well, SM, Calgary

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0C/32F (high 14C), great sunrise, sound of windshield frost scraping pierces quiet, Gusta seemed to understand that we only had time for a quick p and p walk – more later

inevitably things happen – we don’t plan them or wish for them or understand them, but when they happen we say ‘this is inevitable or that was inevitable’; since his last fall 10 months ago, I’ve not dreaded much about my dad’s health other that fear of ‘his next fall’; a friend in health care cautioned me to anticipate the inevitable - each fall will bring increased risk to his ability to function, the next fall could bring an injury or further decline in function while recovering; since his last fall he’s been more cautious, new shoes have resulted in fewer stumbles - so far no more falls, at least none he’s told me about

I’ve spoken to friends about what I’ve been anticipating/fearing, the next fall; I meant an event, not a season

now, it’s triage I fear; triage, French word for ‘waiting 6.5 hours in the hallway in the care of spectacularly kind helpful paramedics (we were told to be happy because some people wait much longer) where one can witness so many people in far worse shape streaming by, getting attention first because they are in worse shape, older, more frail, in greater need of urgent care; they call that area in the hallway an ambulance with walls – the place where they park ambulance arrivals before actually getting into the emergency room; cold comfort is an understanding that ‘he is not very sick compared to all the others waiting’; so went the afternoon, so went the evening for my dad; he’s spent the night at the hospital getting an uncomfortable tummy problem checked out

when we are little babes we are held by our parents; I have pictures of him holding me – he was strong, grown up and all knowing while I was barely able to walk, I was small, weak and incapable of doing many very basic things without assistance, but time goes on and I grew to be capable of everything – anything – not needing anyone’s help or wanting it; as life moves along the strong man who held me got old, got weak; tables are turned now and it is me who has to look out for him, take care of him, advocate for him; form filling and transportation and asking questions are my roles now, ‘are you sure you took all your pills?’ and picking up things he dropped

I’m heading back there shortly to see how his night passed, to find out what I can find out; there will be a triage nurse behind a triage desk - a glass walled fort - someone to edit ‘how much information I am entitled to’ and when I should have it will direct me to some curtained space containing multitudes of technology and a band-aid or two

there I will find a rumpled wrinkled white haired man who looks a lot like me, only smaller, weaker – needing help to figure out what’s happened overnight, to learn what the day ahead will hold, what the new season will hold - what those nurses, lab techs and doctors learned while we were sleeping; hoping I’ll be told he rested comfortably and that he can go home or that he needs to be observed for a day, I want that to be the end of it, but I also fear his night in a place where the democracy of a backless gown, the indignities of getting short shrift from nurses sprinting at shift-change time, the cynical tone of a doctor who somehow couldn’t understand an old man who had been waiting nine hours to see a doctor being slightly confused about the sequence of events – that inevitably treated as just another chart with boxes to be ticked; sure they are caring but at the same time they look at ‘just another old man with a pain in his belly, just one more of far too many people to cope with as they treat the sickest with so much attention and technology, the least sick with only their left-over energy which seems like only a trickle

before I left last night he told me he thought I was getting better at dealing with people . . becoming more mellow – maybe he is right or maybe I’m more effective when exhausted; I have a new fear – not that falls will be any less on my mind, but my new fear is triage

Mark Kolke
341,796
200.2

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Hi Mark, I liked your analogy "doing nothing does not prevent change, it makes us an observer rather participant". It is so much easier to sit back and not take risks, to not be 'out there'. Life does go on around us, without us. But it is so much better to participate, to activate, and instigate. I want to help make things happen in my life, to be part of the plan, the excitement, the fun. I don't want to just exist and watch the world go by. SL, Calgary

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Compromise strikes home deep today. Wow 44F, that’s freezing to us in Florida yet we do have our own seasons and however subtle they are delightful in many ways.. Marcus, my 23 y/o son who lives with us as he goes to college and works in my business text-messaged me yesterday that it was a beautiful cool (85F) day and wanted to golf rather than work all day. In compromise I left work early to golf with him. As we played we were surrounded by swirling clouds of many colors and hues blown about by an unusual combination of two regional low systems, enjoyed a wonderful balmy breeze, and virtually no one on the course but us. It is extremely rewarding to spend time with the “man” after all those tricky and difficult teenage years. Like water eventually erodes the rock and the rock embraces the water we have compromised and our petty squabbles and differences have dissipated. It was not Cindy (my wife) or my will which prevailed, but instead “agape” love (love which requires no acknowledgment or return). The rapport we share now would be the envy of any life long friends as we played in perfect synchrony. Hole after hole we scattered large flocks of noisy Ibis, crows, buzzards, and sand hill cranes from the newly aerated fairways. I had a view of us as if from above, playing the game like wealthy competing kings with our many subjects on the fairways watching, commenting and complaining. Marcus made the right call and despite losing by one stroke I counted my self blessed in many ways on this early Florida fall day, ML, Stuart, FL

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Count me among the many “musings” readers who aren’t quite sure how they landed on your distribution list, but are glad we did. I work in the heart of downtown Chicago, and my virtual visit to Calgary each morning is welcomed diversion. My quick question is this: what is the significance of the two numbers at the bottom of each of your posts? Today’s, for instance, are 341,820 and 198.6. Thank you for inspiring me to “muse” more often, DH, Chicago

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Back To DH: the numbers - the first, if I meet my goal of living to 95, is the number of hours left in my life. A daily reminder of how many grains of sand are left in the hourglass. The second one represents my self-intimidation method of watching my weight. I'm down 13 pounds over the last year and often wonder if my daily reminder really has any impact on it - but, since I'm going down . . .albeit slowly . . it is the right direction but 165 still seems out of reach!

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Thanks very much for the quick reply – from what I’ve read in musings, you seem to know the secret of making every hour count, and now I know why! I appreciate you sharing that with me very much. I’ve had a few guesses in my mind since I first started reading your emails a few months ago, but wasn’t even close! As for me, I work for the YMCA in our USA headquarters here in Chicago, doing PR and communications work as it relates to our national partnerships with corporations. I’m new to Chicago, but not new to the Y. I worked for nearly 20 years as the PR Director for the YMCA of Greater Indianapolis (IN) before moving up here last summer for this new – and very exciting – opportunity. My husband and I are empty-nesters enjoying (almost) every minute of this new adventure. I certainly could do without the traffic… In the meantime, I look forward to tomorrow’s words of wisdom from you and Gusta! Warm wishes, DH, Chicago

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park


7C/44F (high 11C), overcast, lagoon a wet jello mirror, reflected autumn picture jiggling, just enough breeze to make water wriggle

summer ending, flown by, another ¼ year of life, so much stays the same; today, a non-occasion day, but tomorrow, wow - last day of summer, Carla leaves on a South American eco-adventure, sundown turns the season clock – a time for contemplation, examination of everything, of the magic of the earth, of mathematics, of plants, animals, crops and straw men and masks and pagan ritual; equinox on the 22nd, Yom Kippur begins at sundown tomorrow, ending at sundown on the 22nd

our nature is to collide with many influences, interdependency in every step; hard choices do not insure success nor do easy ones, dramatic choices do not insure success any more than passive acceptance of how things are produces joy or success or progress

someone taught me about forest management and land use policy issues; I learned about ‘competing values’ in a policy making context; each with merit, need and status – each interdependent; no growth without a healthy watershed, no industry without a sustainable resource, no balance unless values - the resource, weather, fire, pests, land, critters, water, air and more – were considered, balanced; no singular decision solved anything or produce a desired result – a complex but useful metaphor for everything

I learned compromise alters balance, good planning depends on good data, bad data often produced bizarre (though not always bad) results, hastily changed policy has long lasting consequences while weather, nature and fire were constant wild cards that could skew everything at any moment; choice makes change, doing nothing does not prevent change, it makes us an observer rather participant

I’ve been trying to influence two people to ‘see it my way’ of late; one a personal connection, another a business one; it is not important that I be right, but I think I am – so I compete for and ear, for attention, for acknowledgment of what I believe is obvious – our ideas compete, change vs. stubborn illogical rigidity

in our personal and business lives – competing values, relative importance of issues, hopes and dreams compete for attention, often conflict with those we meet, know, love and compete with; we establish priorities to support what we want most, we resist new ideas and change, however inevitable, because we struggle

struggling is always an option but, in itself, it is not a value; values are both independent and interdependent – they compete in our minds without need to give them a voice, these conflicts loom large in silence, they come down to size in dialogue - always

Mark Kolke
341,820
198.6

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grasshopper: here is my favorite butterfly poem which comes from the butterfly store in Kelowna and listed as author unknown:

Happiness is like a butterfly...
The more you chase it the more it eludes you....
But when you turn your mind to other things....
It comes and sits softly on your shoulder..

Now you have something from a butterfly in your life, pb, Calgary

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

1C/34F (high 10C), overcast, cool breeze across the lagoon, three geese hanging back after their flock departed, working their songs as if trying to coax leaves back to their branches

we all fall like those leaves, fail to last, lose our pigment, lose strength to keep hanging on; with people close to us on a family tree – one branch up or straight across, the volume of time we spend near them has little to do with how well, or how little, we know them

“To be able to look back upon life in satisfaction, is to live twice.” – Kahlil Gibran

“We live but a fraction of our lives.” – Henry David Thoreau

at 91 what does she look back on, how big a fraction would she feel she lived?; marriage, two daughters, four grandchildren and five (I think) great-grandchildren so far, loss of a husband, loss of a daughter and soon, loss of her own life; I met the parents of Susan, who I would marry, in 1971, later the maternal grandparents of my children – Vern died seven years ago; last night a call from daughter Krista advised Florence is clinging to life; my children have never been especially close to her, warmth not her strength, strong was; cuddling children not her style, sharp tongue and strong opinion her crusty veneer that kept the world from knowing who she really was; I last saw her at Vern’s funeral service; in recent years failing health has taken its toll, but she still clings to the tree – nothing to be done but to reflect and give some thought to life’s meaning

they say, ‘you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your relatives’; this old cliché gives a chuckle but fails to explains or offer understanding; when we team up to spend life with someone, we acquire another branch to our family tree – the grafting rarely smooth or simple; in-laws sometimes act more like out-laws (we all have some, don’t we?), we’ve all heard the jokes, or lived them; the tapestry is embellished with children, grand-children, cousins, marriages, more children, divorces, remarriages, reconciliations, smoothness, hostility, births, deaths, rifts, aging - and falling leaves

I wonder why I learned so little, remember so little; I remember the weirdest sounding shriek/giggle that would emerge if she won the board game or a trick in a card game, I remember aprons and white hair, I remember sausage rolls and Yorkshire pudding to die for, I remember more details of their home than of its residents – and I wonder if I was really ever paying much attention then; I think I would have enjoyed meeting Gibran and Thoreau – thoughtful men whose legacy of writing and reputation leave us with some sense that we ‘knew them’ when we really know nothing other than some clever words they wrote once – I wonder if their relatives felt they knew them?

time ticks along, strength evaporates, leaves fade, fall and blow away with the dust

Mark Kolke
341,844
202.2


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Wonderful thoughts today….. Forgiveness and letting go are concepts that I have certainly struggled with and I think many others have as well. I like the metaphor of the leaves letting go despite their lifelong trials and slight damage. Well said! Would you be interested in meeting for lunch or coffee one day? Cheers, KDK, Calgary

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If you are searching for ideas that encompass "give yourself a break, cut someone some slack - let them give you some too" - using the word grace as a search tool might be useful. Forgiveness is a word with many definitions, some definitions make sense to me and others I just can't agree with, LHE, Calgary

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There was no reply to your musings on September 17, I felt, was because it was very tedious and confusing. I had a hard time following your thoughts and structure of your sentences. Today's musings, on the other hand, was excellent, both in its syntax and contents. Please try to use this style more frequently for the readers who don't know you well enough. Sometimes, I wanted to respond, but couldn't because I didn't even know what exactly you were talking about. As for today's musings, I am an expert in forgiving my wrongs, even when the other parties don't. Ha, I AM MY WRONGS, what a nice expression and self description. JT, Calgary

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Hey thanks Mark for the bday wish. Spent it in Florida (Orlando) with my sweetie. Retiring is looking pretty good right now but then I wake up and say 'Nope ...not yet !' I'm looking for Freedom '62' now. Have a great day!!, CC, Calgary

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Your "Musing" had a different slant to it today - it feels to me like you need a warm and gentle hug... Regarding forgiveness - it's always been relatively easy for me to forgive others, but it was when I forgave myself that I gained total freedom - and you're right, it was all about 'letting go'. I'm so delighted that the butterfly caught you - you make sure you hang on tight as well. I wish you nothing but the best Mark, my friend , SI, Saskatoon, SK

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Don’t look at me, I already forgave you. Haha, SB, Calgary

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I think forgiveness..... should be spelled... forgetfulness... what is forgotten is most certainly gone, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

4C/39F (high 10C), overcast, gentle breeze ripples leaves – their season in the sun pockmarked by hail stones, insects and a litany of weather, worn a bit but barely damaged; they fall to become dirt carpet, peaceful and forgiving of all their short life dealt them

unable to let it slip from view, fade from memory, some things stick with people - holding a grudge, not letting go - as if the wrong done must be held for repeated scrutiny; the more examined it becomes entrenched in thinking, constant irritant like sand grain to an oyster

someone I know is picking up a ‘the relationship is over so I am shipping you all your stuff’ package today; my bet is it contains a long letter of apology – but, because it is a bet, someone sees it the other way ‘round; some people write letters of apology, some never say they are sorry - some never stop; sappy movie Love Story claimed ‘love means never having to say you are sorry’, patently stupid, but we bought tickets anyway; the movie’s point was to generate revenue rather than deep thought, but this issue of wrongs/forgiveness is a never ending saga

atonement for wrongs, slights and errors of judgment - forgiveness of who wronged us is noble but questionable; I was reading up on atonement – much of the literature is biblical and mostly involves sacrificing something live to atone for a sin; giving up something valuable as self punishment makes no sense to me – better to apologize for the wrong and demonstrate to the wronged it was a one time occurrence by not doing it again, by moving on; the nature of killing something alive to make up for a mistake is bizarre to me but it seems to be an abundant legacy in history and literature

we all do wrong; hurts do not have to break flesh or spill blood to cut deeply, we all do wrong some time to someone, we wrong them, we slight them, we hurt their feelings, we make a miss-step or commit a faux pas on a grand scale; these errors in judgment, timing, thought or motive are not blemishes on the landscape – they are the landscape

we all do right too; we all do good things for someone somewhere some day; while it may not be on a grand scale or enough to erase a past wrong, it can only be what it is - not enough to satisfy some people, but maybe those folks are never satisfied

forgiveness is no gift at all if it perpetuates an issue, forgiveness is no gift if it keeps past pain alive, forgiveness is no gift when it comes from someone else – forgiveness cannot solve anything unless it comes from within ourselves

no relationship of any value between two people can exist without mistakes and wounds; ‘oops’ moments just as important as ‘I am deeply sorry for having wronged you’ moments; each in time should have its expiry date because dwelling endlessly does no good at all

there is a thought at the middle of forgiving – give - yes, give yourself a break, give someone else a break, cut someone some slack – let them give you some too, we all deserve to forgive others and to forgive ourselves - forgiving is about letting go – of someone, of something – go on now, let something go, it is gone anyway so there is no point dwelling on the leaves that fell to the ground because they are gone and you are still hanging on, worn a bit but barely damaged

Mark Kolke
341,868
202.0

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

7C/44F (high 13C), rain overnight slowed to a drizzle, then a drip - then just wet air, a lone duck circles the centre of a swollen lagoon, steady breeze blows like an air-conditioner left too long on high

each day, each of us, picks a direction; human compasses following a needle – some with purpose, some wandering aimlessly – but deep down most people are seeking one of two things; their true north or purpose in life often masked but revealed in actions, in heated words – the other, an inward journey to find true center

sometime it is someone we know or someone known to someone we know – a story with lines, headlines, poem lines, phone lines - lines drawn across canvas or a forehead landscape; lines of hurry, lines of worry; fear lines up next to grief, stands ready next to resignation – jostling in line are hope, optimism and potential; coyote cries died out, light arrived, off in the distance ambulance siren wailed signaling someone’s day is headed for a hospital domain where life is supported, where passing-on and passing-through are often separated by the width of a nose-hair; where sad stories often end, different stories are often writ in their place where hope renews, life re-starts for someone, hearts of families resume beating after an exhausting pause, the worst news passed, bad news may yet come but the worst seems over, passing by them to land at some other doorstep

passing thoughts help – yes, passing thoughts to someone helps them, passing thoughts to someone helps me help someone and that helps me, so help me it does every time; how we pass our thoughts to someone else has such a huge impact on their effectiveness; if we have something to offer, can they be of any value to someone who is not listening, to someone who does not trust, to someone who has no voice, to someone who has no freedom? . . the obvious answer is no, yet so often I see people telling it like it is to someone who has a tenuous grip at best on anything – the result is ignore, rebel or miss the point altogether - but, when we care much - friend, family member, object of desire - urge to delve, lecture, help, do-for, these things are so overwhelmingly strong, but the tendency is to seek easy solutions rather than right solutions, solutions that work for the solver rather than ones that fit for the person with the problem, solutions imposed rather than ones that are owned

I stir from my doze – sleep is passing, morning waits - safe, warm - rain days, Mondays, cold, feeling down – these are the words of song lyrics about sadness, about the blues, about not knowing where to go or how to get there, about lamenting where you’ve been, how hard the journey wore on, and on; the converse – cheery outlook, bright, bouncy, singin’ in the rain moods just as viable any Monday, every Monday but how do we get to that place when the ice recedes to let ships sail the passage . .

a plan, an idea to make a plan, a plan to develop an idea into a plan, a notion of an idea can become a plan just as a sentence can become longer by adding words – by putting wind in its sails, giving it life, giving it direction . . this morning is the beginning of something – not just for you or me but for anyone who wants it to be; not just something tossed aside in passing – pointed in two directions, not ‘to the hole’ and ‘to Maui’ as many might expect of me, but pointed toward passing on something useful to my children and leaving something worthy behind . . there is little else worth doing nearly as much as that during our short time here when each of us might live a century or till the end of the day; for that reason each day’s effort needs to be worthy of our best – you don’t have to agree, I’m just passing these thoughts along . .

Mark Kolke
341,892
202.8

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Perhaps it was the company that made you relax and truly enjoy your game... and that allowed the spectacular shot!! Amazing how that can work. Enjoy the "playing" of the game.. perhaps not so much emphasis on the "skill" part. Glad to hear you are so happy, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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A birdie / and every day occurrence on the greens- But a Butterfly-your reader needs more; The butterfly can change the conditions of the heart-open the soul to mysterious possibilities-Sooth aching muscles-provide an infinite smile and create a condition of its combination to last a life time. "T" Here at Home, WT, Calgary

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And, rightfully so, you should, too!! I can only hope that such a marvelous thing should happen to me... rather, my first shot off the tee almost always is the same as yours was, and every shot thereafter also!! Have a good one, Mark... as always I truly enjoy each of your musings... CT. Houston, TX

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

7C/45F (high 22C), steady breeze, brilliant blue sky, path vacant as we walked the ridge path, most leaves turning shades of yellow but few leaves have hit the dirt - the next couple of weeks are going to offer spectacular exhilaration

c’mon over, après this or that – light words that float; Sunday morn - aftermath of afterglow of après golf, après walk, après breakfast; this wonderful word après always means after something, but the way it sounds, the way the accent sits like a tipped beret signals something else . . daring dare, a calling call, an inviting invite . .

in 20 years of reasonably studious golfing I’ve not made a shot that could compare, in 56 yrs. there are few days that brought as much fun, play, stress-relief and laughs as yesterday brought for me

p. butterfly took me golfing yesterday, we had a great round in glorious sunshine, ending as a fireball of red-brown painted clouds above a jagged rocky horizon

it was on the 9th hole from 124 yds. out on my second shot after a disastrous flubbed drive off a tree trunk that barely made it past the ladies tee box; my ball was in the rough on the left edge of the fairway, I was hitting up to an elevated green; as the ball took flight my line was looking good, but falling short of the flag at the back of the green - when we got up there my ball was nowhere in sight – I found my ball mark . .. a skid . . right on line for the hole; it wasn’t on the fringe or in the traps, I looked in the hole and there it was; while this was no hole-in-one, that birdie made me just a tad annoying après the 9th hole since I may have mentioned it a few too many times

what a day . . a butterfly and a birdie . . spectacular exhilaration

Mark Kolke
341,916
201.8

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Truly you made me Smile as I read of the Passion of the Sheets .... and the learning of what we desire, it does take practice.... and the Knowing it is there... and finally it truly is there in the NOW that what you sought... YES!!!! I read between the lines and I am happy for you... , MV, Kihei, HI

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By the way, congratulations! Everyone keeps referring to you meeting someone..."the one" My original comment about like minded people...well I spoke with someone today who is one of those people for me. It was like a breath of fresh air, a coming home and a sense of relief. I hope you have found "that someone", TT, Calgary

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

5C/41F (high 23F), sunny, stiff breeze – Gusta roamed at high speed up around the lagoon and back again, her nose virtually glued to the ground in search of something enticing – no critters in sight

adjusting priorities in mid-life, mid-morning or the middle of a sentence is sometimes an option, sometimes it is required, sometimes it is desired

spectacular Saturday mornings follow spectacular Friday nights like fresh air follows rain, like a nap follows a satisfying meal . . time for talk, time for laughs, time for more talk and to read papers - things we do best we do with the ease of not having to think what is expected because nothing particular is expected – just being is enough, just being there is enough, just a touch is enough

everything is possible, anything I want – anything at all, if I want it badly enough; while some would scoff, I really believe it; of course, becoming a rocket surgeon at this stage of my life is not realistic, but no worries – I don’t want to be a rocket surgeon

“You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working; in just the same way, you learn to love by loving.” – Anatole France

I can attest to that . . and would add, ‘to learn to write, write’

I wonder, as time goes along, if I might be able to write a play; I have several notions in my head, and now a new one has floated in; a drama/comedy – a play or a sit-com, about a man and a woman born in the 50’s who met in their 50’s, who tore up the sheets – tearing their new life away from their old, but now they are old . . in their 90’s in the 2040’s, still tearing up the sheets but with personal care attendants helping out, they are almost in traction but not quite yet – some themes about burning candles, burnt toast and burning desire made with the key ingredient that keeps them going – deep love, daily laughs, lotsa hanky-panky and this rule – ‘don’t die on me’ . . and just being there is enough, just a touch is enough

yes, for those who are too sleepy or too thick to read between the lines there is plenty going on between the lines . . you should all be so lucky; some things need lessons, some things we learn as we go

the key is to practice a lot, and often, and that daily laughter thing is important too

gotta run . . need to practice what I preach

Mark Kolke
341,940
202.0

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Re: I will meet you in a field - Good Morning Mark, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." - I love this quote...I think it is inciting one to go beyond the acceptable social norm and do what feels right. We all need someone to be there waiting for us 'in the field'. SL, Calgary

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Love it Mark - I am moving back to BC on October, maybe a coffee is in order and then" I would know you", JM, Red Deer

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Yes I agree all the seeking has been actually a learning and finally when you do find the one you seek ... YES you know ... YOU KNOW... For me it is like Heinrich Schliemann who heard the story of Troy as a child, he knew it was a myth based on a truth, he never gave up and was rewarded... this is as it is for those who seek thier beloved... seeking the myth ... until finally they are rewarded ... the joy cannot be measured for before the find many false alarms and turns .... yet once you find it... YOU KNOW. Enjoy the journey and take not subs... YOU KNOW , MV. ?

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

6C/44F (high 23C), Gusta and I silently borrowed some time from the park – we borrowed some time on a path, we looked at the sun streaming through the trees more easily as leaves have been falling . . so peaceful, so instructive

have you been to Oxford? . . Nova Scotia’s blueberry capital of Canada, is home to awesome things to spread on toast; tell someone headed that way to get you some; have you been to Oxford (the other one) or any other U? . . U - that letter means learning, a place of study, hallowed halls of scholarship, a place of knowing, a knowing place; so many people who have that experience rarely know their place or their pace or very much at all about anything but that subject they studied; knowing other things, knowing more, takes three things; life experiences of our own, learning from the life experiences of others and reaching some state of mind called KNOWING that we trust – it spreads like blueberries on toast and permanently colours anything it gets spilled on

I’ve only been to Oxford, NS so I know blueberry preserves – I know that living and tasting are data gathering – not conclusions; I know that feelings and ideas and moods do not equal a tangible relationship, but who would want one that didn’t have them as key ingredients?

these questions are just as prevalent in business, world affairs, government scandal as they are in the clinches, in the trenches, in every element of every relationship we have; is it more important to know how we feel, or why we feel it - what is thing about knowing, what did he know, and when did he know it, who knew what, when, how, who knew?

there is a knowing that happens – difficult to describe – but clear as this sunny morning, a knowing about self, a knowing about a situation, a knowing about a relationship – this grail we seek; well, not all of us seek it – there are two other groups, those who have it and those who don’t believe it can be their’s to have; is it better to have openness, trust, magic, excitement, companionship, friendship and passion – or to spend time trying to figure out why it happened or if it is genuine? these elements are at the root of so many questions I’ve been asked – or that I’ve asked myself at one time or another . . but having

this has always been the case, I suppose, but I seem to notice it more now – my life has grabbed me around the middle, there is more behind me than ahead of me, there is more to live for and more lessons on how to live than ever before in my life; I see people who are so skeptical about finding joy in their life – and I often wonder if they’ve had the golden egg in the palm of their hand only to toss it aside as ‘just another egg’

of course I'm not talking about eggs - I mean people, I mean reciprocity, I mean joy, I mean sorrow, I mean work, I mean play - the whole package; I've never lost hope, never given up on finding the person who I want to sit in the next seat to me, never given much thought
or value to the notion that I'll not find it because I always knew; yes, I knew; I've had my share of disasters along the way where I thought I knew only to find out how little I knew, but in those experience came so much knowing; somehow, I always knew I would know you and I am so glad I never got discouraged to the point of giving up, because if I had given up I would have never been awake to notice, alive and alert to act, and then I would have never known you



Mark Kolke
341,964
200.2

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Mark: have been out of touch ...family & work stuff. That field had better be enormous as many of us will need to meet there. Will you be there to meet me? I am truly delighted for you and Madame Butterfly. I wish you only the best always. Timing is everything & ours it would seem was off. I have developed feelings for my dance partner & we love to dance...not sure if he's "the one" but enjoying our time together. Always treasure our talks/time shared...Take care My Dear, Hugs to you, JH, Kelowna, BC

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Good for you, finding PB. Wish me the same kind of luck..., MH, Calgary

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Sounds as though you have a potential T/M there. A man of such inspirational values, yet you remain waiting in a field; waiting for??? How high is that bar?? "T" Here at Home, WT, Calgary
Mark...I'm happy for you... "Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." - George Eliott...(Mary Ann Evans-1819-1880)..., MH, Calgary

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Gotta love firewalls!! The problem is that I really can't put a ticket in so that I can receive non-work related emails. Not sure why I am now opted-out perhaps I inadvertently did that but I really don't recall. Oh, well hopefully my email address is not going to be the same for much longer as I have finally gotten around to activating the process to look for another job. 15 years at XXXl is long enough and is in fact probably a few years too long. My resume is now updated and next week I will start shopping it around. With any luck I will be on to better things (and primarily off to better paying things) within a month or two. Most people regard January as the perfect time to start things, it being a new year and everything, but I have always had a stronger feeling in this direction about September. Probably a hang over from being in school so long but I really do feel like September is a great time to get things started, reorganized, picked up or ditched. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how one looks at things my September calendar reflects this heightened activity level. Lots of stuff to do, places to go, people to see. Fall is also my favourite season. The weather can be ugly and we have gotten snow early in some years but these do not for me detract from the beautiful aspects of fall. The crispness in the air, the colours (I know they aren't as good here as they are in eastern Canada but I still like the golds mixed with the greens set against our incredible blue skies) the quality of the light. In mid-August I finally recommitted to working on weight loss seriously. I have not been very good in this department for the last 2 years - too much other stuff to deal with and like many people increased stress sends me to the nearest junk food. Luckily I have not had a life long weight problem and find it easy to get a handle on it when it gets out of hand. I have ditched 13 pounds already and hope to get the rest off by the end of November. From my skimming of your musings it looked like you have entered into another relationship???? If so, I wish you all the best as you see where it is going. BB, Calgary

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When you finally, really truly find HER, will you stop writing? CS in Maine

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I had a car accident today...and the little things do not matter anymore, TT, Calgary

...

©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

0C/33F (high 17C), Gusta investigating where every goose had been; clear, calm and nippy - yellow leaves paint their dazzling reflection as steam rises off the lagoon

“To approach the stranger is to invite the unexpected, release a new force, let the genie out of the bottle. It is to start a new train of events that is beyond your control” – T. S. Eliot

like a turtle, who never gets anywhere without sticking his neck out a little, like so many people who always are missing the shots they don’t take – there is a time to take a shot; I take lots of shots, many miss, some hit their mark; the more shots I take the better shot I become, the better choices I make, the better my judgment becomes; I will never stop, I will never give up, I will never ever give up; in one area of pursuit, something friends and readers have come to watch as a spectator sport, has been my adventures and misadventures with women - my pursuit of ‘the whole package’ – has produced a very rare find, a true gem; some know PB means more than ‘pretty butterfly’, some know of her but very few people in my world know her yet, but there is plenty of time; for now most of our time is quiet, private and worth every precious minute; as always, there is a story:

the next day I connected - I will meet you, I asked – for coffee, I asked; I asked again . . and again – eventually, several months later, a meeting took place, for dinner rather than coffee, took place; at first she was just a stranger, a pretty face in the crowd, someone to meet - not knowing anything, not assuming anything . . no past, an unfolding present (presents should unfold, shouldn’t they?), a hopeful future ahead . .a field of possibilities

accepting the past, others and circumstances for what they are is mature - reality facing, it is wise, it is humbling, it is useful; accepting the ‘way we are’ is difficult sometimes for many people; to accept ‘the way we were’ is not just a statement about a sappy old movie, though for many of us a look back is probably sappy in some ways – but when we look back, humbly, it is easy to recognize our gaffes, flaws, shortcomings and our strengths, successes ….etc. - so, if we know how to look in the mirror to accept our past, to ‘try to accept our present’, what is so daunting about looking at the future?

what we imagine we can do, whatever path we choose, we can handle; whatever obstacles litter our path, we can overcome them or climb over or go around them – first in our minds, then in reality; our future will be made of these things: things we cannot imagine or hope to control + the things we decide + accidental occurrences caused by lack of planning or foresight + what we can dream

there is only ingredients in that future recipe I can control, ‘things I decide to make happen’ and what I dream’; the future does not have be a repetition of old ways or like the present, it need not look like anyone else’s expectations – only our own

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” – Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273), translated from ancient Persian

Mark Kolke
341,988
200.0

What do you think? Join the discussion - your comments are welcomed - please write.

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