Musing

3C/38F (high 11C), sunny more than cloudy, one strange jogger encounter, many doors up as men clean their garages – no doubt a neighborhood of job jar deposits and hunney-do list gifts

I find myself long on thoughts, short on words this morning; figuring things out, negotiating, explaining, talking, talking, talking – I am good at it all, but I need to listen too, listen longer, listen better, to empathize is to realize what someone else’s thought means and carry on knowing it is a different thought or feeling than our own, to value it as much or more than our own – if only for the period of the discussion – is to give it air, give if validation, give it voice, give it

planning involves things with certainty and probabilities; as in, probably I will feel the same way ten years from now and certainly I have a bull-dog like personality; one is a probability, one a certainty

whether we are planning to restock a sock drawer, a holiday or a couple of decades it doesn’t matter whether it is about work or play, it matters that we are planning - laying in bed, staring at the ceiling we make plans – don’t we all?

what do we want in the bargain, what do we need in the deal, what is the thing that seals it, nails it, holds it firm, makes in unwavering – is it the windowsill geranium, the view of the yard, the image of perfection . . what do we look for when wanting to know if this is the real deal, if that plan will work or this promise will be kept?

we don’t all want deep love, considerate friendship and delicious bedroom workouts all the time every day no matter what; I do, most of us do, but some don’t .. and I wonder about that because everyone can have it if they want it, say it, live it, mean it . . all they have to do is ask – not our counterpart, but ourselves - how do I get what I want, need and desire?

most often we get what we want – not by wanting it – but giving it; giving it time, giving it voice, giving it consideration . . just giving into it

Mark Kolke
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