Musing

Mark, the amount of email I receive makes it impossible for me to be on your mailing list. You removed me previously when I asked but for some reason I have begun to get your musings again. I you don't mind, I would like to be removed., NS, Vancouver

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So many of your musings tempt me to reply, but this one even more so. You are quite right to fear ‘triage’. In early February of this year, we also took my ailing mother (86 year old) to the hospital. Our triage was 5 hours in the waiting room, followed by an additional 7 hours in the curtained spaces. She passed away 3 days later. She was in incredible pain but couldn’t be given anything until tests were done and diagnosis confirmed. No painkillers, not even water to drink. Final diagnosis was perforated bowel and sepsis…and a very painful death. We finally got attention when we asked a couple of the caregivers if they would treat their mother this way. My suggestion would be stay focused on what you feel to be right. Don’t take no for an answer. Be a pest until you get treatment for your Dad. The caregivers are human and they do make mistakes. Most of them are just tired and frustrated like the rest of us. Good luck on this journey. I pray that the outcome will be a quick diagnosis with a successful treatment, followed by good health, RR, Calgary

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Hi Mark – I know exactly what you mean. Six weeks ago, I took Roone to emergency with a tummy problem. Five hours later, many pools of diarrhea later, we were not even assessed for 4 hours, we were released late at night. As his clothes had been soiled, I asked for a gown (thinking a dressing gown) so we could walk out through Emergency, past others waiting, ambulances arriving and finally to our car. They gave me a backless nightie and a diaper. So my darling, exhausted handicapped son walked out without dignity and not much of a diagnosis. We cared for him at home for 4 days, until the tummy bug passed. Last weekend, his Dad took him back to emergency – the pain was much more this time. Emergency experience again for 5-6 hours into the night, then to a room and get ready for emergency surgery to remove his gall bladder. Watching a vulnerable adult crying for his Mom and Dad as he was being wheeled into the O. R. was too much for his parents to keep their tears away. Exhaustion, emotion and fear. 3 days later we came home – exhausted, emotional and to set up a mini hospital with gauze changes, many bed changes throughout the night, changing the Depends, “medication – with water, with food, without food”, etc. etc. Get it all straight. Book off work, find replacement for work, book off any obligations or routine. Husband, father, brother, neighbours all away this week – odd that I should be handling this all on my own – flashback to 20 years ago – always alone when the hard stuff happened. Sleep deprivation is cruel. New day – only up 3 times last night, one bed change and I am starting to feel like I can get out of the house today. I’ll be thinking of you – as you deal with this all on your own, with many flashbacks – it’s OK to let the tears roll. You are the best son your father could have- and he knows it. Keep learning from him, as he speaks his wisdom, Susan #3, SA, Edmonton

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You can’t begin to imagine, Mark, how many memories flooded back so tumultuously when reading today’s Musing. All four of our “elders” experienced ‘triage’ in some form or other. I was touched by your comments about the tables being turned … so very true. Hope things are better today for you and your Dad. B?, Calgary

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I have no idea how I ended up on your reader list, but today's Musing really struck a chord. I began to write you a long letter as to why, and then thought that by chance that the person I was writing about had been the one to put me on your list. So, I deleted the copy in case you might have posted my note. Suffice it to say, your e-mail gave me a moment's grace in knowing I am not alone in this lifestage of sadness... and helped me connect again briefly to life outside this individual life., HSJ, Connecticut

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Hi – sorry to hear about your dad. I hope all is well. I find that the pioneer stock is remarkably healthy and resilient. I am coming to grips with the inevitable for my Mom. Still freak when I don’t hear her snoring across the hall and if she sleeps in …. Yikes, DB, Red Deer, AB

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Hi darlin’ – Just thinkin’ of you and wondering how your dad fared today. I hope all went well, SM, Calgary

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