Saturday, September 22, 2007

 

needing this day - Saturday, Sept. 22, 2007


today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Lake Bonavista, Gusta and I are spending time in PB’s world (2 cats and a Shitzu cross named Sophie), so much room in a large split level that people phone each other rather than hollering or walking

9C/48F (high 11C), overcast, calm; dog walk - 1 small, 1 not, two extendible leashes - not rocket surgery but interesting challenge nonetheless, strolling mature unfamiliar turf, Sophie led the way; adjusting to new surroundings, daily routines and the activities of others is always an interesting exercise for people – Gusta is like a kid, playing with other kids toys, sniffing a new word, developing social skills with two cats and a mini-dog

uncertainty, anxiety, fear and doubt cloud our perspective and make us a little crazy for a time, but when calm overcomes us the trees become distinguishable from the forest, reality separates from the surreal, and the oxygen stress vanishes in thin air; we all have needs, stresses and adventures awaiting us; some are life and death, some are death, but most are about life, about living and breathing . .

butterfly flaps wings in Calgary, calm comes over the world, not the whole world, just mine; freed from triage and thin air and math reconciling blood gases, blood thinners, blood tests and witnessing the underbelly of an active treatment hospital in high gear, calm has arrived; resting well at home, my dad hasn’t slept as well in ages - now tethered to an oxygen hose; thanks to those who wrote or called with warm wishes; daughter Carla starts her day in Lima, on a trek to where air is thin, where Andes meets Amazon with 15 fellow strangers who soon won’t be

exploring and then solving it is important – respite from that place, neither deep or damp but certainly dark, that place of fatigue, stress and anxiety – to rest in this place where solitude is my big band aid, quiet is my warm blanket, soft touch is salve for my any wound, quiet reflection brings the relaxation of a massage with no need for kneading

fast, fasting, slowing . . slower . . slow, meditative – today, solemn day for our Jewish friends – day of inactivity, day for thought, prayer and quiet ending in the evening when dinner and blowing the Shofar signal the end of the fast – I am having a day very much like that; a day of peace, gratitude, amusement in a calm place, a quiet place, a warm place, a safe place, this safe place; no sooner was I needing this day but it showed up

the breath of life – breathing thin air is on my mind this morning; asthmatic daughter Krista is well, adventuring daughter Carla is at high altitude and breathing well, my dad is resting at home breathing anew, and I am taking a deep breath in a calm place, deep calm in a warm place – is so good to find if you look very hard, but sometimes you don’t have to look because caring friends and a butterfly will find you

everyone who matters to me is breathing easy . . so am I

Mark Kolke
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