Musing

Re: nothing - August 29 musing - Ah.. platitudes... they get to be that way because somewhere, somehow, along the way, there is a grain or a bucket of grains of truth in them!! It takes a long time to grow a great something … maybe try not to be in a hurry for that "love of your life".. love often appears in the most unusual of places, over the back fence, sometimes it just creeps up on you from behind where you least expect it - you just turn around and it smacks you between the eyes. Suddenly something you have "seen" for years becomes quite new!, hope your vacation helps, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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Sounds like Houston is lifting your spirits...have a good visit. SL, Calgary, AB

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today’s Musing written and published from The Woodlands, Texas

24C/77F (high 32C), grass heavily laden with dew, at lease 5’9” deep . . . I feel like I am walking underwater in a pool, morning sun ball cleared trees, burned off morning fog; my walk (nobody walks here . . all grass, no sidewalks!) through the pines, left an impression, each street heavily treed shrouding housing, office parks, industrial and institutional facilities side-by-side but you would never know it from the road . .

the worse an event is, the longer it seems to last or be perpetually re-remembered; good news, unfortunately, does not sell soap or newspapers – so 5.9 billion people are not media worthy, which has nothing to do with worth or value or people living lives of quiet perspiration; what will today’s disaster, tragedy or debacle du jour be, what impression will it leave us ?

for most people in most places this is a just another Friday; end of the week, end of the month, end of summer – either anxious to get home, or to get away, looking forward to this weekend when we celebrate labour by closing cottages and raking leaves – an impression on memory, not just any weekend but a memorable labour day weekend after which it will be back-to-work, back-to-school, back-to-basics . . meanwhile camping trips and media regurgitations of everything Diana and Katrina will fill us way beyond our tolerance level . . to that point of saying ‘I’ll scream if I read or hear one more thing about that!’; then we turn on a TV or turn a page – again, there they are - one an enigma, one a hurricane – each left repercussions, each leaves an impression

time spent in new places always leaves an impression; I’ve seen pretentiousness, arrogance, kindness, citizenship, courtesy and work ethic since I’ve been here – it feels comfortable because it feels pretty much like being anywhere else or being at ‘home’; I’ve not been here yet long enough to function in a car without two maps on the go, not gathered a sense of being much less belonging . . but it feels like home

I looked around the hotel lobby this morning, watching actions, listening to the banter – it could have easily been anywhere I’ve been; wasted conversation on things way too petty to be called petty, one-up-manship (women do it too, only better) of one man trying to appear slightly superior to his colleague on the other side of the table; as if value is measured by the cut of one’s clothes, road warrior toys, or the rocks worn on the trophy-wife’s finger while their conversation with children is surreal (I wonder, do they really talk that way at home?)

most of us believe we leave no impression at all – that we live our life and then we are gone, having no impact on the world, on future generations; true, most of us are not named Edison or Einstein or Ghandi, but as I look around I see that most of us live to be called grandma or grandpa . . it seems they leave an impression

I looked around the hotel lobby this morning, I saw little ones turning away shyly to hold an outstretched thumb from mom or granddad, sitting up smartly to eat their French toast without getting syrup all over everything . . they are not at home, they are in Houston

places to go, people to see, gotta run, Houston waits; good news, good places and good people always leave an impression

Mark Kolke
341,300
201.8


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Sometimes distance gives us the perspective we need to assess situations close to us more clearly. It would be nice to leave the past in the past, but lots of things trigger memories that remind us of past hurt. They are what helped shape who we are today, and hopefully we are better for going through them. Enjoy Houston! SL, Calgary

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I remember the Woodlands, different sights, sounds, food. Inhale the differences. Fall is threatening here. - yuck!!, JD, Red Deer

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today’s Musing written and published from The Woodlands, Texas

26C/79F (humidity 86%), I walked the beach in Galveston this morning . . . very early, from 2:30 till 5:00 working of an IHOP breakfast of steak, eggs and pancakes, and a pot of coffee; spectacular experience at ‘east beach’ which is as far south as you can go here without getting wet - colours of the sand, views under that full moon would defy any photographer or painter to capture that feeling – of heat, humidity, textures, shades of the sand – seaweed – debris collage, night sounds, critters and shore birds getting active at 3:30 at the same time fishing boats start chugging out of the harbour and early clammers parking on the beach (could they be parked there in the middle of the night for some other reason?)

body and mind are in the same container but somewhat disconnected . . must go do some work and sleeping now . . or is that the other way ‘round? . . it has been a long night’s journey into day - as I wheeled my rental car through the airport exit about 1AM, needed to get my bearings – unfamiliar freeways much easier to drive at that hour and, given my days here being spent in the north and downtown, that was my one chance to go put my foot in the Gulf of Mexico which I did – IHOP were great plus, as the only place open, their bathroom came in handy too

driving around the Houston area in fog this morning reminds me of the lower mainland of BC - only flatter than Saskatchewan, lush, pretty – as best describes The Woodlands, an upscale suburb near the airport where I have established an office presence for our business efforts in Texas

my disposition improved - over recent days – communication problem, if not solved, then at least substantially repaired; a night flight to Houston through a couple of thunderstorms – I’d not seen lightning from that angle before, it was quite the show

we all have hot-buttons; I have as many as anyone I suppose, often someone’s words or actions trigger a reaction – in part to the words or action of the moment, but amplified because of some past deed of someone who long ago left the landscape, but that angst remains . . waiting for its trigger

shedding light on things is important, but sharp edges, contrasts, contradictions and conflicts can appear – sometimes without warning, sometimes without rhyme, or reason; shedding moonlight on things produces a softer light, a gentler touch on the angst button

Mark Kolke
341,324
200.2

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Hi – there is a fine line between genius and insanity. Some of us teeter and tooter along that line in life. It’s all good and never boring. Have a wonderful trip, DB, Red Deer, AB

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I believe I met you when you were involved with commercial real estate during one of my many iterations in the patch here in Calgary. Somehow I was added to your distribution list and I was a bit skeptical at first but I have come to look forward to your daily musings and I am happy to continue receiving them. I find that it seems you have struggles that mirror many of my own and it is comforting to understand that we are not alone in our daily life challenges. One thing I have noticed is that you seem to ruminate a bit on your issues as I once did. I was advised by a very wise counselor that rumination seldom brings the answers we seek but rather living life purposefully toward the answers will. Perhaps I am not really clear on this, but it is, in my mind, somewhat like the law of attraction where you arrive at a destination that you seek with your heart and soul. Keep on musing!, KDK, Calgary, AB

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Enjoy your short time in Houston!, GB, Calgary, AB

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Nice surprise to hear from you, it's been a while. No, I never did get to see a real live Canadian bear ........... another item on my wish list to be fulfilled yet. Good to hear you are in a happy state as far as the rumpy pumpy stakes are concerned!!! I have had a few relationships but none I have wanted to keep so far. I moved house a year ago and am currently refurbishing this one [in the hope of making lots of money!] I will then sell it, give up work and travel.....well, that's the plan anyway. I am going over to Australia for a few months in the New Year, can't stand the thought of another long wet and cold British winter. Keep smiling!!!, CJ, Wales

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

6C/42F (high 25C), a day of higher highs and higher lows, light breeze, sunny; Gusta tripped around the lagoon leash-tangling herself more than usual, ducks gone, water level higher, subtlety of season change showing itself – leaves turning, yellow grass getting longer, falling flat, shrub foliage hanging low with the weight or maybe just getting weary

nothing happens that I don’t allow it – nothing; so if being distressed about something happens, it is because I allow it, just as being calm, clear headed, relaxed and deliberate is something I can allow; for now I am far too close to the former to be able to do the latter

nothing rivets me like a singular focus on an issue, on someone, on a problem – excluding virtually everything else from my front-burner agenda - doesn’t usually start out that way, but when something is strong, of high quality, tugs at the right strings, then it is really overwhelming - that can be a love interest – or the project-du-jour, or a new business adventure, or a big problem to solve; when that happens other things don’t fall through the cracks – in fact, I find the thousand other things get faster paced attention than usual because I don’t want them falling through the cracks, which is not to say they all get sufficient attention, but they do get expedient attention

nothing is wrong – everything is wrong; extremes far removed from reality, but in my mind there is a place called stark, called clear, called fear, called sense of loss – when I’m there I am not depressed or angry or confused or uninspired – but, for a while, I feel empty, nothing seems to solve anything

I know an remember - nothing ventured . . nothing gained, sometimes the best of intentions, the best of what I believe I have captured is really nothing at all . . a wisp of a hope of a dream of a fantasy of a delusion of an overactive imagination – leaves me with nothing

nothing is better than sufficient information – but when information cannot be found, when someone declines to communicate, avoids communication . . what is left? . . perhaps something yet to be revealed, or, perhaps . . nothing

I am afraid I’ve lost something valuable, not sure but wondering; insufficient information, knee-jerking, fear, time, distance, the quiet inexplicable acts of others – so many ingredients at work, my brain gets a little fried thinking it through . . but time walking a beach will help, time will help; nothing that happens to me happens unless I decide it, nothing anyone else does can harm me unless I allow it; platitudes, I know, but sometimes these crutches of someone else’s words help, as does wise counsel of friends – but sometimes tripping (like in hockey) requires a time-out

nothing clears my head like a trip somewhere, nothing

nothing but a plane ticket, a book, shoes to walk, eyes open to see new places and a new suitcase, I’m ready (OK, so I haven’t packed anything yet . . but I will); I’m heading off to Houston later today for four days - Gusta will be heading off shortly this morning to her ‘country club’ place of pampering – I think she often has a better holiday than I do

I googled in search of a definition of nothing; Nothing is the lack or absence of anything. "Nothing" and "zero" are closely related but not identical concepts. The term "nothing" is rarely used mathematically, though it could be said that a set contains nothing if and only if it is the empty set, in which case its cardinality (or size) is zero. Nothing differs from zero in the way that zero is something, a finite amount which is defined; The special value that indicates that an object variable is no longer associated with any actual object; a nonexistent thing; a quantity of no importance; "it looked like nothing I had ever seen before"; "reduced to nil all the work we had done"; "we racked up a pathetic goose egg"; "it was all for naught"; "I didn't hear zilch about it"

frenetic taking care of little things is heightened when a trip is imminent; it seems I spend as much energy getting ready for a 4 day trip as I do a 14 day one; maybe I should trip more often, a great way to clean up all the little things that get pushed from day to day, week to week . .

nothing in search of something will lead me somewhere, I know it will; nothing is not an answer to anything, especially when I am in search of something; some people have commented that I write better when I am away somewhere walking a beach – there is some truth to that, but also that involves having more time to reduce some thoughts to writing

someone told me once the being brilliant and being nuts were very close neighbours in the mind - no fence to separate them . . nothing

a day of higher highs and higher lows

Mark Kolke
341,348
199.8

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Hi Mark. I agree that "truth" is the only answer. You need to be true to others and more importantly true to yourself. You need to ask yourself the hard questions if you are going to bring positive changes about in your life, to live the life you really want. I think we all know what we need to do for a better, more fulfilling life - it's just a matter of doing it. As they say, life is simple, but it ain't easy. Keep walking and musing, JMEJCA, Calgary, AB

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Do you really believe communications can bring out the truth? At least, you have a pit, a falls and a drain to catch your messages, even though they are going nowhere. But what if your surrounding is a big vacuum, like the 'black hole' in outer space. When you emit a feeling, a look, or a message, it just dissipates into the oblivion. Do you dare to have Venus' son standing by and ready to shoot off his arrows? JT, Calgary, AB

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For some reason or other, your Musing e-mails have been going directly to my SPAM !!! Is there a way of directing them differently? I've noticed this since the weekend. Heaven forbid I miss any of them. Today's "all ways" was particularly compelling to me and it is something I'd like to refer to for handling some of my life's lessons. Regards, HV, Toronto, ON …P.S. In addition to my work address, would you please send it to XXXXX. In the meantime, I will find out how to "white list" the address.

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M... I read the angst in your musings...affairs of the heart can be quirky...to say the least; you know I always...in all ways...wish you well...MH, Calgary

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

1C/34F (high 18C), frost on windshields melting in blazing sunshine, Gusta loves the morning wet grass brushing her undercarriage, no critters, no people, just a breeze and the hum of traffic to keep us company

I’ve resolved most mysteries in my life, but some are unresolved - nagging recurring ones – this recurrence - not simplicity of writing or calling to connect with someone I’ve lost touch with – I do that easily and often, but what about those other times; the near misses, the ships that never collide in the night, the arrows that never find their target – sent with a mouse or sent with a bow by the son of Venus

I’ve recently found some of that turmoil I’m often accused of thriving on or, rather, it has found me; staring it in the face for a few days I can say without question I don’t want it - I’ve not gone out in search of turmoil, but it finds me sometimes – it feeds on itself, assumptions are its fuel, the quiet air of silence allows it to combust

I have those moments when my belly says ‘hey, you’ve felt like this before’; when I was much younger I was not observant enough to know or care whether something was repeating itself, déjà vu simply a cute phrase; for laughs I would tell the jack-handle story and realize it was me drawing conclusions about something – facts not required – because when someone I dearly need and want to talk to is out of touch I find myself making up the facts - well, not really, but imagining possibilities – imagining what the facts might be, have been that would lead to someone behaving this way or that, drifting away, running away, fleeing from a simple conversation; invariably lessons are learned, sometimes those missed conversations actually occur – just as often they don’t

we deserve truth, we all do; in absence of any communication we ought not to draw conclusions based on assumptions (because they are so often wrong-headed) but I wrestle with this one now as I have so many times before; in absence of truth we get guesswork, in absence of communication we get assumptions about the guesswork about what truth might be; without a driving need to communicate, then there can be no communication and, after a while, the curiosity about what the truth might have been wanes – less painful to not dredge up angst – just to chalk up the experience to one of life’s unknowns; I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again I suppose

a conversation – one I am having only with myself has occupied some time, used some brain cells; the other party, you see, is out of touch, not calling, not writing, drifting away unnecessarily (my view) through non-communication; I can handle poor communication, I can handle good communication poorly handled, but I cannot deal with sending words into a pit, messages over the falls, emotions flowing toward a drain, no one there to catch them – non-responsiveness means what? . . out of touch means what? . . why? . . what wrong deed did I do? . . what barrier is in the way? . . what will repair it? . . can it be repaired?

it is not turmoil or pain, not wishing or hoping; the people who do not matter in our lives never cause this to happen – this is about that soft quiet place between sadness and rage, it is the soft quiet place of loving someone and finding only silence in reply, it is feeling so full while driving on empty . .
to say ‘truth is the answer’ seems trite, old, tired, lame, un-original; but it is the answer to all questions, all ways, always

Mark Kolke
341,372
201.0

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I was just introduced to your musings and very interested in more. Can I join in? Thanks, PG, Edmonton

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Hey Mark--Didn't you recently reveal, one of your finer lady friends complain of your anal attitude on most things? First off You should be around the 185-190 mark.(Mark) And 14,500 + days is far to exact. You need to generalize more, or even I won't call you for a coffee--and you know how desperate I am. "T" Here at Home, WT, Calgary

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Trying to be the best you can be, do the best you can, and giving themost you can of yourself are all admirable pursuits and the most anyonecan expect of us; the most we can expect of ourselves. SL, Calgary

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

7C/42F (high 11C), overnight rain stopped a while, everything wet, hanging low – Gusta sat respectfully as we were within spitting distance of a one year old buck, his stature and precise movement standing proud, his antlers wet, mossy looking

I live in a world of winners and those who commit unforced errors; the smart winner can repeat thing that win again and again, while we unforced error guys keep finding ways that won’t work – experience perhaps a good teacher, a hard teacher and often a lonely teacher; rainy dull days, Mondays – these are things sent to get us down and they will if we let them – if we do let them get us down, I need to remember that it is not because anyone has done anything to me, but simply because I’ve made an error no one was forcing me to commit

I try to live error free – I try to say the right thing, do the right thing, have great ideas that work out, create great things that work the first time . . or at least work eventually; making mistakes – little ones, really big ones, and the ones in between – is not exceptional; it is normal, it is healthy, it is part of growing; in tennis there is a term called the unforced error – a polite commentator’s way of saying ‘he blew that chance’ which is different from commenting on your opponent blowing one by you which is called hitting a ‘winner’

trying to do something good or well intentioned or helpful or caring for someone - I too often ‘step in it’; my enthusiasm, ‘being insufficiently informed’ or ignoring signs of warning are roadblocks I encounter - most frequently the cause of my unforced errors

it is just 9AM, but I think there is time to hit a winner today; maybe if I step carefully, elegantly, proudly, like that young buck, good things will come to me

Mark Kolke
1617 (consecutive days of walking & musing)
341,396 (hours till my best-before date)
201.8 (on the scale this morning)


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Congratulations on all your good news, Mark! I hope the 'future' is happy for you both and that all your expectations work out. Warmest wishes, LH, Naples, FL

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Does this mean Maui is on hold?, SE, Kihei, HI

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

9C/490F (high 9C), drizzling, more of the same to come, hard to tell where rain ends and après-rain drizzle begins, they just blend; calm walk around lagoon, shore birds pacing, sneezing (me), then we looped through the neighbourhood - Gusta confused as we were walking just a few hours before - in the dark of night – air seemed charged but not talking a late night/early morning alternative to bad television or laying awake listening to sprinklers play tag with the rain, a day for humming cheesy rainy day Carpenters tunes

shore bird and shore, each would be lost without the other – not connected, but close they have a symbiotic relationship – of closeness – bird travels but not far, not long, returning to walk the shore, like playing a game of tag

things and people don’t automatically become close, become part of our life – distinct things, people, events – things change, the most unlikely of combos become part of the woven fabric of our life – often obscured, like sprinklers in the rain, spilling dirt in a garden or tossing sand into waves – blended, not so easy to define, but no longer something separate

they begin distinctly; a kitchen utensil, a client’s employee, a new acquaintance, a new comfortable sweater – time passes, now that utensil is an indispensable favorite, my contact a treasured friend, that new friend is joy-laughter-heart personified, the sweater never wears out and each of these treasures keeps me comfortable this cold rainy day

ensuing phone call and email exchange to ‘meet for coffee’ dragged on two months – then dinner, a walk, we dated a short while - I went another direction, she ditched me, I returned, she allowed me another chance, momentum gathered; this spring I met this incredible someone as innocuously as one could imagine - after reading a name tag ‘hi, are you related to _____?’

four summers ago, I had a sweet summer romance that ended abruptly in the fall; the following two years I yearned for summer charm on my arm, but no one won my heart - fun, friendship, folly – I found each, but no lightning bug in a jar, no magic in my palm, no skipped heart-beats

my name-tag butterfly, thousands of miles away, is right here, right now, she keeps me warm like this old sweater; as if she was walking with me in the middle of the night in the rainy noisy silence; there is no one here to blend with me, walk with me, talk with me – she’ll be here soon, but not soon enough; as I walked it was as if she was there, moving in the shadows - I miss her touch, her voice, her calming influence, our conversation

as summer romances go, this one is going to take a while longer - a two-season minimum - hope for more seasons, seasoning, spice, life, walks in the rain

scarcely begun, barely begun, summer’s nearly done, we’ve only just begun

Mark Kolke
341,420
201.2


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We are just getting started 39 years is the beginning. Thanks for the kind wishes. They are very much appreciated old friend. Yes it is amazing that she puts up with me and my many peccadilloes. Take care, BB, Vancouver, BC

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Guess ""success" is all those things too... but my definition is... I got to wake up this morning.. had the whole day to enjoy... anything really... but mostly just getting to see what happens today!!, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

11C/52F (high 23C), so far it is cloudy, a little overcast, but the sun is peeking through; scurrying shore-birds and paddling ducks were the only activity we saw, a quick walk – a longer one this afternoon was promised, Gusta seems content with that

moving slowly, coffee sipped slowly, thoughts mulled, a week’s experience in review – some things to do, a day to plan, some teaching club officer training for Toastmasters this morning, then errands, then weekend-projects lined up will need me, then that long walk with Gusta; I sit here reviewing my presentation – key among those elements are the questions of ‘looking out at the next year, what does success look like for you and for your club? . . and what are you planning to do to make that a reality?

what does success look like? I ask this question of coaching clients, of students, of real estate services clients – whether it is a one week project, a five year relocation or a lifetime, what are our expectations - our definitions really – of what success looks like?

this is not original – I’ve borrowed it from a very good teacher who impressed this upon me; applied to me, right now looking forward to the next few years in work, play and personal life objectives, how would I define success?

in business, we write budgets, pro-forma our plans, use measurement tools to measure ROI, cost containment and growth; we use cap rates to measure value, we use appraisals, assessments and studies to identify strengths, weaknesses – we use our wits to identify opportunities, we look over our shoulder to keep an eye open for threats - success for the business, is to survive, thrive and prosper; an easy answer but pretty superficial . . . I have a long list of goals, initiatives and ideas which I will build on, try for the first time and review periodically – but, review against what?

in our personal lives – relationships with spouses, children, ‘squeeze-du-jour’ – do we do that? do I do that? the obvious ‘that requires dialogue between two people’ is just that, obvious, but how many of us (me included a lot of the time) hope to somehow sort out these things in a monologue in our heads? we know the courage to make bold statements, paint fulsome dreams, articulate ambitions is a scary proposition when our closest confidantes are watching, listening; so often I think, we tend to fear the unknown, the uncertainty, the doubt of whether these people who matter to us will see us favourably, will see us lovingly, will want to continue on a life path with us once they see our foibles on display, see our ideas and dreams going off in a direction different from theirs, or at least one that appears different to how we see our own – without dialogue we will continue under a cloud of fear, uncertainty, and doubt . .

my direction, my hopes, my plans, my dreams are vivid, clear, focused and drive me daily; I’ve painted them out loud for my squeeze-du-jour – I’ve known from the outset that there are plans on my plate that take my life where I want it to go; paths different than she had on her agenda when we met; so far the future is cloudy, a little overcast, but the sun is peeking through

capturing a pretty butterfly with a net is folly, so I won’t try but having one flitting around in my life makes me smile a lot; if she stayed around to play with me, travel with me, be witness to me and I to her, giving and getting to each other . . that would easily define success for me, and I hope so for her – not to define success for anyone but myself, but seeing success alone pales so horribly to seeing it with someone – not two visions, not one vision, but two visions shared – that looks like success

there are examples around . . people who’ve built lives with their share of curves in the road and ditches next to every road, ups, downs, good times, tough times and beautiful times too; a friend, a partner and someone I admire, BB, today celebrates 39 yrs. married to his butterfly . . one of the gentlest strong women I’ve ever met; congrats my friend, you clearly know what success looks like

Mark Kolke
341,444
200.2

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Good Morning Mark, Some how I ended up on your Musing’s email list. Your thoughts on communication spurred me to send you the Bible Study Fellowship attachments, Blessings, AW, Calgary

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Mark, I enjoy the musings as you have hit the similar state of being a lot of over 50's are feeling about wanting to really 'be' while they 'do', PD, Vancouver, BC

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Please add me to your emailing list. I would like to reflect on your thoughts. I am borrowing, no time for originality yet, JT, ?

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Yes... one person can be both... not sure about two because haven't had the pleasure of the experience with a significant other... but do have a best friend (for some 45 or so years) and we share that sort of friendship.. I suspect the level of trust built up over the years have allowed us that, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

Good Morning Mark, Some how I ended up on your Musing’s email list. Your thoughts on communication spurred me to send you the Bible Study Fellowship attachments, Blessings, AW, Calgary

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Mark, I enjoy the musings as you have hit the similar state of being a lot of over 50's are feeling about wanting to really 'be' while they 'do', PD, Vancouver, BC

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Please add me to your emailing list. I would like to reflect on your thoughts. I am borrowing, no time for originality yet, JT, ?

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Yes... one person can be both... not sure about two because haven't had the pleasure of the experience with a significant other... but do have a best friend (for some 45 or so years) and we share that sort of friendship.. I suspect the level of trust built up over the years have allowed us that, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

5C/41F (high 20C), light breeze pleasant in the sunshine, autumn chill will be here soon; one group of ducks are back on the lagoon, coming out from the tall reeds as we walked along the shore, eight young ones – nearly full size - still in tow behind mom, Gusta wagged, they acknowledged somehow - waved back in whatever way ducks communicate

when someone I want to communicate with is unavailable, be it silence across a room or lack of communication across time or distance, thoughts bounce around - a sent email here, a phone message left there; here a thought, there a thought, everywhere a thought-thought - I find myself humming Ole’ Macdonald, feeling down on his farm, E-I-E-I-O; maybe some barnyard critter trick explains how Gusta and those ducks communicate we human critters could learn; communication is one of my passions and one day I hope to able to do it – unspoken, like the ducks and Gusta

assumptions, expectations – analysis – trying to figure out what someone else is doing, thinking, saying, trying to figure out their motives, strategy – these are things we do (I do) every day; I do it with prospective and current clients, I do it with friends, family, colleagues and most people who arouse my curiosity; I don’t think it unusual – I think most of us do it in one way or another – we try to figure other people out when their actions or inactions make us wonder, ‘what makes them tick?’

I struggle with this; in part with people who want to have some degree of closeness with me – in work or play – in friendship, in passion; when I find them not forthcoming, I look in the mirror and ask how open am I? . . do I share openly, do I reveal freely, to whom, to what extent?

the practice of being straight, open, truthful (investment biz friends say ‘full, true and plain disclosure’) seems to have escaped many people who talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk - an ‘under-understood’ phenomenon; the very notion of being open, fully open, seems the opposite of being private, having privacy, having boundaries

I want both, I want it all – but to have it all, I need to give it all; I believe the two can co-exist in one person, in one mind - just as I think they can co-exist between two people – each being open, each being clear, each maintaining boundaries, each respecting those boundaries and resisting the temptation to peek over the walls to see what is so very private and sheltered – wishing, of course, that those walls would come tumbling down so nothing is hidden from those we are closest to – but then, in that incredible intimacy, is the privacy of our thoughts, of our feelings – is that lost a little?

when we are dealing with people who are not open with us, people who seem separated from truth telling at worst, or maybe just sins of omission, information/feelings withheld - what is really going on? does that mean someone is dishonest – wishes to deceive – or does it mean we’ve misinterpreted the boundaries of ‘information to which we are entitled’ ?

coaching a client or having coffee with a friend, some of each yesterday; I often find myself giving advice, offering an idea of something that bears examination – making my point while a tiny voice in my mind says, ‘so, Mark, are you taking that advice yourself?’

Mark Kolke
341,468
199.8

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You write, we read; we feel you bleed. Your life seems to constantly hangs by a fragile emotion- Am I reading too much into these messages? Often our minds play against our hopes and dreams,-is she mine, does she share with others? Heart break heart burn. The acid of reality. "T" Here at home, WT, Calgary

...

I spend a lot of time developing expectations that inevitably lead to disappointments. I am learning to practice viewing things from different angles to come to the realization that we each see things in different ways; not always the wrong way; not always meant to be hurtful. It has helped my relationships with those closest to me and helps give me a more peaceful existence. SL, Calgary

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

11C/51F (high 15C), we walked the park ridge path, full stride, Gusta trailed, one yappy mongrel encounter, air still charged from last night’s thunderstorm, damp everywhere

DB and SS both celebrate today – dazzling delicious blondes from past chapters in my life, delightful friends; I wonder if they met if they might be alike, given same birthdays?

I got up when the phone rang - reality of dark, dank day had yet to confront me; this call was one I’d been waiting for – hoping for, traveling pretty butterfly set down near a phone long enough to call – pleasantries ensued, I did not hear what I had expected to hear about something I expected - someone I care for, perhaps more than I realized, handling something in a way I’d wish different, demonstrated an approach I find troubling, confusing, and disappointing; not about her letting me down in some way, involving a situation I know just enough about to be dangerous; denying my disappointment would not be wise or healthy, suppressed unmet expectations leak all over the place - they are very messy; this quote, profoundly accurate: ‘Disappointments are to the soul what the thunder-storm is to the air.’ – Friedrich von Schiller

I allowed my lack of understanding of dynamics of others to be internalized as a statement of ‘how someone was treating me’; I was, in an instant, disappointed; the replay in slo-mo indicates I had a knee-jerk reaction; the trick, I am learning, is not to avoid dealing with or accepting disappointment – it doesn’t need to be logical or valid in anyone else’s view to be real for me; my reaction is one (‘I get to choose how I react to what happens to me’ – Viktor Frankl) I can choose; to be sad, disappointed; I had expectations - not in anticipation of words of sentiment but of some actions which, it turns out, were not taken; was this really about my disappointment in what someone else has done/not done or was it disappointment in how I feel about something that impacts me?

I cannot do anything to alter anything I have no influence over; I can however, view it from a few different angles - the world has not ended, no one broke a bone or fell to the ground, no one dropped a hail-Mary pass; I fumbled the ball in a conversation I’d like to do-over; whether I did damage to a relationship is undetermined; I would like for it to be a blip of ‘increasing understanding’ but I cannot control anyone but me and, of course, my knee

now watch the next play here - on the slo-mo camera; here he goes, man in e-motion, going to have a good day - not going to let a fumble behind the line of scrimmage get him down - 2nd down, 18 to go; do you ever watch football telecasts? that is when where
some long retired athlete with a pencil 'breaks down the play'; this intrigues me; I know enough about the game to know a linebacker from a tight-end, a blitz from a reverse, but sometimes nuances of cause and effect are hard to follow - having diagram and slo-mo is helpful, but, in life or on the football field, nothing happens in slo-mo

Mark Kolke
341,492
198.8

After reading your "musing" today, it inspired me to call a long term business associate, who was also a long term friend. A deal we were working on, from two different sides failed. We have not called each other to "get together" for lunch etc. Our friendship was damaged. I left a message this morning for him to call me; I am hoping he will call back so we can rekindle our friendship, DHM, Winnipeg, MAN

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

10C/50F (high 19C), light breeze, early walk - band of cloud on the east horizon stopped the sun, like a goal-keeper, but as we returned the sun had climbed over that dark fence to illuminate everything, to light the sky, to show us the way all the way

when it comes, when it arrives, when someone important to us says or does something that addresses our needs, all the angst seems to evaporate in a second – in one sweet second – but until it does there is a longing for something; it goes well beyond the simple sight, touch, love and conversation – it means someone, without our prompting, showed us something we are looking for, delivered the goods as it were; we are always surprised and delighted when it arrives, down-a-quart when it doesn’t

someone wrote yesterday, replying to a condolence note; we are not close, he and I know each other in passing through business – his mother died, I wrote a note, he wrote back – a nice note, his mom would have been proud of his expression put down in keystrokes; my impression of him changed – it was all him, but it never would have shown up had I taken the easy way of sending a card or of the easiest, having not written at all

I’d written him about my rear-view mirror view of my mother; I couldn’t fake a profound sense of loss because I never had that feeling – but the view I have today is far less harsh, perhaps slightly wiser, as I look at life, motives and many elements that contribute to a better understanding of how our lives unfolded, of how we took the easy way; we chose conflict rather than harmony because it was easier than dealing with our issues, I see that now

I’ve also been pondering something else and, oddly, the same words to describe it fit so well with that e-mail exchange about mothers; or anyone else we have not connected with as well as we might have liked – when I have moments of wishing things were different, wishing things could be different, wishing someone would behave differently

wishing someone else would do something is such futility, waiting around for someone else to make a move when the person who should do something, say something . . is me

not because that action, that call, that expression of feeling never comes – of course it will come, it will come when it comes, it will come in the flavour and with the intensity that is ‘right for it’, but until it does there is no amount of ‘wishing it so’ that can produce anything of value from anyone else, unless of course I take the easy way

the easiest way to see someone is to go see them

the easiest way to love someone is by loving them

the easiest way to touch someone is to go touch them

the easiest way to get someone to talk is to call them

in many elements of my life, the easy way is always there – but not always the way I choose; I often choose other convolutions for reasons that always seem to make sense at the time, in the moment – but when I reflect, when I let the sun break through, then I get some illumination

the easy way is always there, sometimes it seems I need to pull myself through a knot-hole backwards first, but easy will always be there waiting for me when we’ve seen the light

Mark Kolke
341,516
201.4


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powerful message, GP, Calgary

...

Mark...I always...in all ways...enjoy your musings...they reflect life...mine ... yours ... everyone’s ...do you have a love interest in your life..or am I reading between the lines..., MH, Calgary

...

Just catching up on the Musings I missed while taking a few days on the Island to commune with old friends. I have known many cancer survivors...a few who are/were busy bemoaning their fate and trials and many more who have grown from it; savoured life more, their lives more. It is amazing to see how some people bloom in adversity and others wilt. They make the choice to see the best in each day, the best in each person, the best in their lives and one cannot help but be influenced by the positive light emitted by these individuals. They aren't questioning the 'why me', just living life to the fullest no matter what. We can all learn from that. I remind myself how lucky I am when things seem to be spiraling out of control...things like good health and good friends are worth a fortune. SL, Calgary

...

This weekend I heard of the death by cancer of someone I knew slightly, but in our short neighborly acquaintance she shined a very bright light on me. I am stunned, by the sense of loss, the sweep of grief. Another friend is newly diagnosed. I commented on her courage, she dismissed. What I was talking about was emotional courage. To feel it all, to fully embrace the experience and allow it to tranform her. Your friend reminds me of both these women. Please give her my regards. Tell her that I, your reader, appreciates the energy and life she radiates into the world. CS, Maine

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park


11C/51F (high 18C), oblivious to hurricanes, we walk in crisp sunshine, groggy from missing a lot of sleep (there was a 4-police car party in the building last night that broke up about 4AM), Gusta undeterred, romps

‘Cancer is a word, not a sentence.:” - John Diamond

she has not lost her spirit - demonstrates courage, beauty, strength, kindness and willfulness every day; these incredible spirits are very rare, very precious; if you are lucky enough to know such a person and have the opportunity to bask in their glow a little you will be forever altered

many people are not courageous, they are not beautiful, they are not strong, they are not kind, they do not live willfully; I don’t mean ‘not at all’ or ‘never’ but I mean that it is not a constant – a continuous way of living their lives that does not waver

one such person crossed my path or I, hers – she amazed me and continues to amaze me; BS, crossed my path for the first time about twenty years ago though I had heard many things about her before – since then we’ve done lots of collaborating, freelance sh-- disturbing and some modest efforts to change the world a little, we became good friends; we have, we did, we are

all of this has been worthy – valuable - mostly I value the opportunity to have watched her glow; now, brave words like ‘the chemo is working’ punctuate conversation but do not slow the flow of a grin that floods two hundred miles through a telephone line

I called her yesterday, to wish happy birthday - no surprise that great conversation ensued - her wish that her family (sister, husband, sons) each shave their heads to match hers, and a picnic trip to Elk Island Park (rolling down hills on the agenda) was granted – lots of laughter there enjoying the simplest things life has to offer with those who matter most; most people, I expect, would be raging at the third visitation of horrid disease – she simply says ‘the chemo is working’

I remember once, about fifteen years ago, we were driving from Edmonton to Calgary for some long-forgot meeting about something; I got to spend an entire day on that round trip listening to her talk so self-effacingly about her family and most of all about her husband; I know him – smart, accomplished, pleasant – but nowhere near the pedestal status she had him on; she radiated in her description of the smartest man she’d ever met and chucked about how it all started when he had been dating her sister …

courageous, beautiful, strong, and living willfully - on rare moments with rare luck, someone enters our life who is all those things all the time; being in the their presence, watching them in action, dealing with them - makes you glow because they do; it rubs off - once it does, you are forever affected by it

there is nothing quite like it

Mark Kolke
341,540
200.0

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Love the painting metaphor... too true!! Hugs Dear!!, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

...

Hi Mark - another good quote I am requesting to use sometime "painting a picture or painting oneself into a corner is not about painting, but more about managing where the brush touches down". I think it's brilliant and very thought-provoking - the kind I like to put at the end of my emails..., SI, Saskatoon, SK

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You are so positive, I wish that there was a drug that I could buy to become as happy and interested in as many things as you are. You are refreshing. DM, Red Deer, AB

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

12C/54F (high 18C), sunny, cool breeze; no sign of ducks on the lagoon for three days now so I presume 16 young ones found flight uplifting - taking off, flying away, going on a trip . . everyone needs to do that now and again, so it seems OK for the ducks though Gusta will miss them

an ‘ends in zero’ birthday for BS today . . wishing you all your best

a plan, a life, a lifestyle – seems like an easy exercise, decide what we want, pick a goal – then draw it out; but this does not work for most people, did not work for me and likely won’t work for anyone who doesn’t first scratch around in the earth to get down to who we are, deep down; when I spend time with someone who has their world by the tail, I sense a great depth of connectedness . . basic values at the center of their being that drive everything else, often in spite of everything else because they know themselves

I find people fixated on wealth and what it will provide, I meet people with wealth who seem on a similar quest for something they cannot buy plus they feel saddled with the duties of managing their wealth; I meet people who are poor or of modest means who think money will solve their problems if they could just get some; I see this all around and wonder if I’m the crazy one – that everyone else is sane; or is it the other way around?

where are the questions? where are the answers? solutions, everywhere, yet at the same time they are nowhere to be found when we need them; everywhere we look, someone has published a self-help or hunny-do list to explain how our relationships ought to fit into our life – or how we ought to fit our lives into those relationships, but so often it feels like forcing a jigsaw puzzle piece into a space that it nearly – but not quite – fits

I find, the closer I get to my basic values, to my simple truths – the easier things flow to me; when I stray from center I get lost along the way which sounds like something simple I would tell a five year old – or maybe I am just in touch with my five year old self; returning to play creatively, use imagination and logic, passion and meeting needs that need to be met, that needed to be met back then; I’ve not the training to advise anyone on how to get in touch with their child within – there has been so much written on the subject it triggers a gag reflex, but I know it’s real

we can all live our dream to find our way in life, but first we need to define our way-of-life; I know it sounds work-shoppy but it works – there is no better way to get down to the basics of what drives us than getting down to the basics of what TRULY drives us, what we get lost in, where our hidden talents lurk - then, only then, do I believe we can get it out on the table

more often lately, I’ve re-established something I used to do – mostly about work but just as often about things personal; a more linear approach than my ‘stickies on the glass framed poster about me desk’ method; I lay out every scrap of paper that is piled up, every file, every note, every ‘must read that one day’ item; I lay them out in sequence creating a serpentine trail around floors, counters, tables and the couch – like taking a survey, reviewing for relevance, reviewing for urgency, reviewing for ‘level of attachment’; this process reduces the clutter but also begets at least ten new projects as by-products of the review; it is messy, it is like a colossal constipation of the mind – but the log jam breaks, ideas flow, inspiration fills the air . . its magic, or maybe its just process, but it always feels like magic

painting a picture or painting oneself into a corner is not about painting, but more about managing where the brush touches down

Mark Kolke
341,564
200.2

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

Re: left over/August 8 - Perfect... ? Even if possible, why would one want "it" (anything) Perfect? Life is an adventure... every day is a new one... to be savored... enjoyed for what it brings... "Imperfect" is so much more fun... not to mention interesting!, Hugs Dear, JB, Klamath Falls, OR

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park


12C/53F (high 23C), overcast, leaves on trees hang motionless, waiting for the lift and tickle of a light breeze, traffic Sunday morning quiet

yesterday: hanging out, Heartland Café, the farmer’s market, the fish market (my kind of fishing is snagging the catch of the day with a credit card) - spicy sole (flounder) and Taber corn for dinner - daughter #2, Krista and her fella joined us for some laughs before they went out to paint the town; Gusta, over-loaded with attention, ice-cubes and ice cream, will have to be resume being content with me as her sole playing partner for a while

twists on phrasing, lyrics - songs and poems and gut-wrenching novels have been writ about tomorrow; they revolve around romantic notions, about hope, about sadness, about regret and mistakes of yesterday, about change and beginnings that all start tomorrow – of tomorrow’s promise, about tomorrows that come and the ones that don’t; tomorrow is about hope and joy, about longing and waiting

the future is tomorrow, but visiting tomorrow cannot happen until yesterday is gone, yesterday is gone but we always have tomorrow - time passes, seasons change, even butterflies need to go, to go away – to change summer wings for autumn ones, traveling about to meet people, places and experiences that deserve revisiting, even if it is for the first time – everyone needs time for reflection, to be clear, to flounder or look for the sole

tomorrow begins – perhaps the day after today or in three weeks or in thirty years, tomorrow belongs to today but not to yesterday because what has gone cannot hold out a hope for the promise of tomorrow; tomorrow, never really comes, because when that next day arrives, tomorrow is yet again one day away

as I write this, memories flow – a word, a tune, a time gone by – youthful exuberance given way to middle aged something else, wisdom meets reality; floating along feeling really great, feeling happy, feeling challenged and fulfilled - then it hits me – not that one expects to be knocked over by a butterfly, but it can happen

I’ve been given rare delicious glimpses of preciousness – but weekend time-out draws to a close, work resumes; playtime ends, routine takes over; for some it is time for vacations and play, for others it is a trip down memory lane far away

hope can yearn for tomorrow, but for tomorrow - off there in the distance - it will be a while, a while from now, a while from here, a while from yesterday . . in a while

Mark Kolke
341,588
198.0


What do you think? Join the discussion - your comments are welcomed - please write.

To subscribe to Mark's Musings daily email distribution, write to musing@maxcomm.ca

©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

8C/47F (high 22C), haze gone - strong clear and blue – sum warms our backs, gulls still guard the lagoon at the middle, ducks relegated to the reeds

timing, a curious word

it can mean measuring how long something takes

it can mean the decision of when to do something

it can mean the randomness of when circumstances collide

it can mean so little, it can mean so much

time waits for no one, time flies by or time stands still

timing makes things work

it upsets the order of things

or maybe, it sets a new order

timing is not about who we are, what we are made of, it is not about backbone or wishbone, it is about revelation - opportunities to see events, people and ourselves – not as we plan or design a vision – but as it truly and deeply can be, is, and should be because our own agenda collides with the timing of others, not of our choosing, timing of circumstances, timing of someone else’s agenda reveals nuances we would otherwise not see

it is like, I think, accidentally cutting oneself while preparing a meal – an unexpected occurrence that could, for a simple accident of timing, be a slight nick or a deep wound requiring an emergency room visit; if might produce an ouch, a curse, a pain . . or a ‘wow, look at that marvelous shade of red’

it is not about blood or a metaphor of life being red or read, it is not about time, it is about timing

yesterday, frenetic, a busy week’s end – not sure I could have handled another work day without a break – afternoon wound down shopping for veggies and fresh rack of lamb; PB and I had a relaxing quiet evening - just a do nothing, sun go down, enjoyment of slow late dinner, soft music, cricket and traffic noise moved toward night; and time flew

I said ‘why did you say goodnight? - ‘because you are going to start snoring any second’ – last sound I heard was a snicker

a hanging around day planned; some fish shopping on the agenda, not much more, lots of time, no worry about timing, a hang about, lay about, lazy day of summer

timing is not always of our own choosing - sometimes the world, a group or a single person following their agenda interrupts our momentum - we need to allow time for that, time is not our possession it is the magic carpet on which we ride for a time; time is for taking, time to take a time-out, time to take a break, time to see, time to think - we all need time, time elapses while we do nothing, time flies by faster when our heart rate increases

Mark Kolke
341,612
196.4


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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

Hiya! I had some email “issues” this week, but I did receive the newsletter and am enjoying your musings whenever I have a few minutes J Thanks for your help!, DM, Calgary, PS…I love your new photo…very distinguished!

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Hi – I just finished this book by Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist) and loved it. I am not sure if you have read it or any of his novels but this was wonderful. Follow your dreams and listen to your heart. I am back to work. I think I am way too old to work 7 days in a row; it’s for the young I believe. Have a good weekend., Cheers, DB, Red Deer, AB

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Can caterpillars audition? Mark, you are such a tease, SM, Calgary

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Mark .... you exhaust me . Now you are thinking about doing a movie ? Sheesh .. when do you find the time to do everything ? I thought I was a multi-tasker but dang it ... you are putting me to shame. Have a great weekend .. CCC, Calgary

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

9C/48F (high 24C), hazy everywhere, cloudless sky, molten multi-gold and red shades pierce it like a magnifying glass trained on paper, Gusta found all ducks were gone or hiding in the reeds this morning – the lagoon looking like limp puddle in need of a shower; machines sculpting the next phase of subdivision disturb the quiet as they disturb memories of where prairie sod and history rested

when a story is good, some people read the book, some people see the movie, some do both, some do neither; I’ve read a lot about goals, goal setting – brilliant and funny quotes addressing the issue are many, but how can we reduce something so large to a cute phrase or sentence – a sound byte if you will – to describe our essence; I don’t know if having constantly adjusting goals is a part of that, I believe it worthy, but in the end there is the end – inevitable – so the choice is mine whether I live life lustfully thirsting for experience or mild-manneredly in an easy chair; between now and the end, do I want to go to he washroom only to miss the movie, sit still to watch the movie, or be the movie?

I’ve pretty much been in the middle; though I have done some rewarding and momentarily exceptional things, for the most part I’ve avoided heights of mountaintops and despairingly deep depths of the valley; I want the easy chair, but I do not want it to be easy – easy can be fun, but I don’t want my easy to be like playing tug-o-war when kids on the other end give up; fun is not in who wins but in the laughter while everyone is pulling so hard, trying so hard to move apparently immovable objects in our team’s direction without giving ground but still laughing our faces off when we fall flat because we can get up and do it all again tomorrow

if I could turn back the clock to alter one thing it would be this: I would have set bigger goals, dreamed bigger dreams, challenged myself with more diverse adventures earlier on in life BUT, the most important part of doing that more thoughtfully would be this – I would have tied myself more to my goals than to people, focused myself on a course that would not have been driven by trying to please anyone else’s (or my perception of it) expectations but to focus more on my own and the goal

would I do things differently? I was wondering, if I had it all to do over again, would I do it differently? I don’t mean yesterday’s call or last week’s project, not this tryst or that flirtation, not a hobby or a business or a relationship – but, if I could do it over again – meaning from age 11 when I think I first became a thinking/reasoning person until now, would I do it over?

trite answer, NO, because that would have me off on some distant path having had different experiences making me a different person; I suppose, if I was not relishing, flourishing and reveling in this moment – being incredibly happy to be so lucky to be in this place at this time doing what I am doing, living how I am living – then maybe my answer would be a different one; in short, I would have been more focused on goal than self – I think that would have helped me to be more available for others than ego-centric; but, since I cannot turn back the clock, since that clock is still ticking I’ll do what I can to be smarter about it all; dream bigger, dream better, strive for new goals, achieve some new levels of consciousness and be of some better level of service to others, to the world and preciously hold that butterfly in the palm of my hand . . guarding it; every day, and I do mean EVERY day, I have delicious learning experiences – none of which would be the same if I had lived my life differently

at the end of a movie, it says:

the end

the end is neither near or far, the end is not a goal to be chased or a destination to be feared; life begins and life ends – in between we write the script, we enable what happens and we have no cause to blame anyone, including ourselves, for what happens – some scripts are blockbusters and some are flops – in the movie biz they move on to write the next script and make the next movie long before the last one opens, long before any audience has a chance to critique the value of the performance; life, like movies, ought to be a creative process that never quits, exploring character and characters

accountability is reasonable as are laughter and tears, the fundamental issue is whether we served ourselves and others by having a full and worthy script; we can read a book or we can be the movie

I’m not sure goals are essential for that though I think most people I’ve met who seemed to be really enjoying the journey would admit to having some clear goals, not necessarily many goals but probably a clear one and, perhaps, a dream or two

I’ve got this script idea; the movie (or maybe just a short film) involves a romance of ideas, opposites, adventures, friendship and trust, courtship and lust, about a blue grasshopper and a pink butterfly, perhaps R rated – maybe I’ll get Tom Hanks to do the voice of the grasshopper, Meg Ryan to do the butterfly … better yet, I’ll do grasshopper, I have someone in mind who would be perfect as the pretty butterfly

Mark Kolke
341,636
196.4

What do you think? Join the discussion - your comments are welcomed - please write.

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©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

Enjoying the "musings" and their content. I am on my way back to the Shuswap for a few days and then back here. Cheers to you, JM, Red Deer

...

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

10C/50F (high 24C), brilliant sunshine bathes everything, the lagoon like glass albeit down more than a quart – water crews reduced the level to a point ducks must be feeling like their mud-hen cousins, Gusta denied her desire to play in the muck seemed just happy I finally got up to take her out; a late start an inconvenience following delicious sleep, my body decided a silly thing like an alarm was for ignoring

new website initial traffic volume delights me, though that alone will not drive hordes of eager customers to my door - I’ll need to knock on theirs and wear out some shoe leather; to those eagle-eyed musers who caught typos, word tangles and errant punctuation that 18 of us missed – many thanks

I wonder sometimes, how important it is to be relevant; whether I am writing a piece, helping a client find the ‘just right’ business premises, writing a proposal, giving a speech, or having a conversation – I want to be relevant; the feedback comes in many ways when least expected and when it does, it is on occasion inconvenient – but it is always delicious; case(s) in point – feedback comments from JH received yesterday and my speech evaluator last night; he does not see the world in any way like I see it, I know it now, his vision of things and people not necessarily radical departure from mine – I likely never would have known if not for those comments last night

an acquaintance and I each took an interesting step last night – perhaps an enriched friendship, perhaps not – too soon to tell what impact it might have, but I know I grew – this morning I’m feeling a little grown; I love feedback, I hate it too – actually I don’t hate it, but thinking it produces sometimes makes me feel discomforted (good, I think), it is at the very least, inconvenient - it opens up new avenues of seeing my experiences and seeing others, a delicious inconvenience

ability to hear, to see, to listen, to absorb, to analyze - is not about quality of our skill or nuances of our ways of enunciating feelings and ideas, but the lens through which we view others, view ourselves, view the world

mulling it over last night and coffee stirring me this morning – I feel the value and meaning is becoming clear; someone thinking conflict, perhaps very significant conflict, would have been an expected experience made me wonder about several thing; my evaluator’s experiences being, quite likely, very different from mine; while I think his points made were excellent in terms of how I might tweak that speech to achieve more dramatic impact for an audience, I think it taught me a lot about something I know is always there – always – in any group dynamic, in every one on one encounter

I’m not worried that I missed some critical development of my relationship with my daughters because of ‘absence of conflict’ but I am appreciating something warm and different about my relationship with them in a different light than before

at Toastmasters, we give and get lots of feedback; last night, when I gave a speech I have been working on for potential use in future competition I was keenly interested in verbal and written feedback – I was not disappointed; helpful, supportive, constructive – yet one comment has me pondering something I know will lead somewhere important, not sure where it will lead, but I know it has value to be unlocked

well meaning thoughtful person, I know that - he felt my speech (the story involved expectations and experiences between a father, me, and children, mine, demonstrating examples of how I got so much more than I expected, far in excess of my lofty expectations, unexpected spectacular value in terms of who they became and how they changed my view of them and, perhaps, my view of myself) was weak and lacked punch, lacked drama, because of absence of conflict; having not slept for 36 hours might have reduced my energy level to be sure, but his point was about substance, not about energy lacking in my presentation

as for my evaluator – I think we have lots to talk about, opportunity to learn about each other from a new vantage point; as important, I think my ability to deal with conflict with others as participant and as observer changed yesterday

Mark Kolke
341,660
199.8

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Hi Mark, Glad your paradise was spared by the hurricane! I was there in1980 following one that hit the Keahai (sp?) area and the beaches wereall rocks and debris. It takes so long to clean up and refurbish thesand. I am one who needs my sleep too. I find that if I am edgy (some wouldsay cranky), I am either tired or need to eat...the basics that keep usgoing I suppose. I often suffer from a mind that won't rest...it goesninety miles an hour reviewing my day or upcoming events and lets thesleep bug evade me. I like to walk or work out and hit the sack withtotal exhaustion and then slide into restful oblivion until the clockrings the next morning. SL, Calgary

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Hi Mark, I am a new reader, and, as a fellow writer and philosopher, enjoy yourmusings very much. In fact, when I can't read them, I save them until Ican. I just read your April 21 "Earth Day" note and resonate so much withit that I had to let you know. This past year (for me) has been filledwith lessons about expectations -- specifically, how letting others' wordsor actions set them often leads to disappointment or frustration. Likestepping up as a citizen of this planet and being responsible for it, weare truly responsible for our own expectations and outcomes. However, Ilove what you said about maintaining our beliefs about high expectations ingeneral. I'm having trouble putting the feeling into words, but I'mreminded of the quote "Without vision, the people perish." Without thebelief in the fact that who we are and the good we contribute to the worldresonates with others and returns to enrich our hearts and lives, we maynot be mentally, emotionally or physically aligned to receive what comesback when our expectations are actually met. Today's Musing was a reminder ofmy responsibility to myself and a lovely lesson in balance. Thank you, JH, Los Angeles

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today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park


7C/44F (high 22C), fresh fall air in my nostrils made me stand up straight as a surreal early sky unfolded - as dark became twilight, cloud outlines appeared, became hazy gray, blue and white; our walk through the park was noisy, for a while Gusta sniffed for hobbits in the grasses, birds chirped more than usual; I’m pleased to learn that Hurricane Flossie has been downgraded to a category 1 storm and will mostly miss Hawaii, predictions for Maui today are just another (albeit windy) day in paradise

one of the SMs took me for dinner last night, introducing me to the Mercato in Mission – wow, what a great place, great halibut, great strong coffee, great company, great dinner – then we talked for a while – thanks heaps; feedback yesterday from readers on my new website was very much appreciated; thanks to those who called or wrote; the second step was publishing COMMUNIQUE this morning which required some all-night coffee; I followed that with a trip to deliver someone to the hospital by 6AM for day surgery

to totally give in to relaxing sleep, totally . . my goal, just minutes away; sleep, that ‘re-filing’ and re-ordering time for my brain; many competing priorities jockey each day for my attention but when I wake from a good rest all seems well with the universe

work is so easy to schedule morning through night, sleep easy to schedule if we want it badly enouh - but work, lots or a little, still seems to fill me with my asperations - or ex-aspirations

now I’ve had my morning pot of coffee, but I’ve not been to bed yet; sleep comes naturally in infancy and old age; in between it comes when we have time for it and often, when we have time for it, we are too busy, too wired, too .. something to relax

a busy day and evening ahead - on the other hand, I could just rest my eyes for a while

zzzz I surrender

Mark Kolke
341,684
201.4

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Hey! The site looks great! Have a great day!, CK, Edmonton, AB

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Hey, Mark... just read today's "Musing" and, once I found out about it, I made a bee-line for your new website. I looked at most of your pages and your team's writing is very impressive. I continue to enjoy your daily "musing" and hope the business your new website generates (and I know it will) doesn't cut into your musing writing time... you will leave a lot of us in a real lurch if it does. As always, take care and keep on keepin' on, CT, Houston, TX

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dear mark, please tell me how to get help from your exciting new corporation! i am in need of an image/career direction/way to reach clients...hope to hear from you soon, PV, Kingston, NY

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Re: Frame Your Message..... WOW! , KN, Camrose, AB

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the web site looks great. you have a very interesting team. appreciate all the work you put into it. once again, great stuff and thanks, KK, Calgary/Singapore

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To subscribe to Mark's Musings daily email distribution, write to musing@maxcomm.ca
©2007 MaxComm Communications, all rights reserved.

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

10C/50F (high 21C), glorious sunshine, fresh breeze – visions of walking a beach in Wailea float through my brain, I can feel the water and sand at my feet – the Evergreen lagoon walk will do for now, Gusta inspected where ditch diggers had covered their work, pronounced it satisfactory and moved on, ducks hiding this morning as gulls have invaded their turf

yesterday’s email laughter behind me, lessons learned all around – and further validation for my book’s working title ‘It Ain’t About You Sweetheart’

I found yesterday in a couple of conversations I smugly thought I had the answer to someone’s problem, dealing with their challenge best met with my attitude, my method, the way I had addressed it in my life, my family

it doesn’t work that way; not just because my solutions are only right for me because someone else has not had the life, the characters, the shared family experiences that would make my solution ‘right’ for their situation; mostly, I hope, I listened empathetically though I know I said too much - not my business, not my circumstances, not something I should try to influence – my rationalization that it involves someone I care about was just that, rationalization

a few months ago, pursuing a lead to pitch my writing services to a fantastic client – a request - ‘send me some copies of things you’ve written, send me your material, send me the address of your website’, seemed innocent enough; I had made the decision to begin the focused process of morphing from transactional real estate work being my principal activity and revenue generator to building my writing business; I had made the decision to spend more time in Hawaii and other warmer places, I had made so many decisions I was acting upon, but then – that day – in just a minute it crystallized; I didn’t have a website that framed that message, painted that picture, told my story . . that made my point; I needed to create one, I needed to establish a presence in my target US markets instead of just talking about it – I needed to do all that, I didn’t have a stellar team of colleagues on board sufficient to credibly market myself in multiple markets as I envisioned – I needed to build one, I didn’t have my ‘material’ in a form ready for presentation or pitching that explained my vision, my plan, my process - I needed to create something – quickly learning how much time it would take; I have, I did, I have expanded horizons and my connections with some wonderful colleagues – I have broadened and deepened the vision of what can be done, ought to be done . . wow

today is the day to begin telling the world – to promulgate my message, a well framed one I believe - launch time, tell the world time; http://www.frameyourmessage.com/ is now ‘ready for viewing’ (please take a peek), culmination of several months work, extraordinary wise counsel and editing by Carla who helped me enormously on this project and is a member of my TEAM; as well, tonight I will publish the first issue of COMMUNIQUE , a monthly communications newsletter

there you have it, reasons I have not been playing much golf this summer, being a bit of a social hermit and, must run now . . the cleaning lady will arrive momentarily and I have to clean up – seems odd, doesn’t it, cleaning up for the arrival of the cleaning crew

Mark Kolke
341,708
202.2

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I continue to enjoy Musings but not keen on the current font you are using; I quite liked your previous font as it distinguished itself from work emails! Enjoy the rest of summer, AK, Calgary
Impulse control's a funny thing. It can be lacking in the one who's watching for its appearance. That ole' saying, point the finger at someone else and three are point back at you is quite apropos to this situation. My apologies. Through the veil of my misconception I have read many things incorrectly. My apologies again. Humble pie never tasted so enticing. Great lesson for me to learn and grow. Thank you, LG, Calgary

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E-mail does pose a medium for misunderstanding. You cannot see the person speaking their words, hearing the tone, reading the body language. So much of what is said is unsaid...how it is parlayed, how it is received. I have sat in meetings and been asked at the intermission how I felt the speaker was being received by the crowd, what was my impression of their acceptance, empathy, or discord. So much of communication relies on body language, tone and eye contact that e-mail leaves one wide open for misinterpretation at times, like how different each person feels when they read the same poetry. SL, Calgary

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That happens to me too - just wait and someone clarifies, realizing after "send" how their words might sound, or that they deleted part of their comments. Most of us are too busy with concerns about ourselves to dedicate time to hurting others. There have been a few times when I assumed that the comments were unintended, but the person did intend to interfere and hurt. In those few cases it was fortunate that the usual politeness was dropped and I could identify that the person had chosen to add me to their list of enemies, or was just one of those very few people who go out of their way to hurt others. Mostly though, people like things to go smoothly, to the point where blandness is a distinct hazard! Some of the most interesting people I know seemed bland at first because they are concerned that any open discussion of anything would wound someone who might not agree with some point of discussion. That might be one reason why people like musings, blogs, etc, because in the computer context they feel more free to discuss. LHE, Calgary

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Thanks for your reply. I think it may be size of the font – your previous Musings used a larger size and it was easier (and more fun) to read. Now when I see your Musings in the small font, my thoughts and eyes groan as I receive so many emails at work that use small font size and it just becomes a challenge to read them all .....so, the larger font that you previously used was more eye-catching and my interest to read them piqued! Then again, if no one else seems bothered, don't change anything......I will still read and enjoy your writings! Have a good week!, AK, Calgary

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I hear ya…. The few times I’ve dropped everything to respond to an urgent request or a ‘attack’ on something I’ve done, spent time agonizing over my response and all for naught. It would turn out ‘not so urgent’ after all, in fact, not even needed anymore or the intent not being as ‘ill’ as seemed. All that anger, frustration & wasted time for nothing. I read your words every day and just appreciate learning something about people and human nature then I leave the rest, SM, Calgary

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Always reply truthfully from the heart, giving as wanting to receive. I myself always remembering to send that which uplifts, enlightens, and releases. If I receive emails that touch me in a way that brings out my anger, I look at it and ask why does this touch me so, rather than let the person who has touched my button receive the energy that I feel, I look at it embrace it, then in a balanced state send a message that brings harmony rather than the personal stuff that was present. My choice always .... be the voice of love... no matter what. This is not easy all the time, but with practice each one of us can be one to bring balance, first to and from our self, then out to the others that touch our lives. Then because of the effort of self reflection and love, it becomes easier to respond in a balanced way... creating harmony ...rather than being one that becomes the punching bag that bounces back only to be punched again... what you give you receive... it is a truth... it is real... So how are we replying this is the question? What is it we are sending out? It will come back. And so we grow, MV, Kihei, HI

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Did I say thank you for remembering my special day. I need the proper device to hold all that my brain won’t and the paper I lose can’t. Is life good? I could use your insight and advise, can we get together?, KK, Calgary

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