Musing

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

11C/52F (high 23C), so far it is cloudy, a little overcast, but the sun is peeking through; scurrying shore-birds and paddling ducks were the only activity we saw, a quick walk – a longer one this afternoon was promised, Gusta seems content with that

moving slowly, coffee sipped slowly, thoughts mulled, a week’s experience in review – some things to do, a day to plan, some teaching club officer training for Toastmasters this morning, then errands, then weekend-projects lined up will need me, then that long walk with Gusta; I sit here reviewing my presentation – key among those elements are the questions of ‘looking out at the next year, what does success look like for you and for your club? . . and what are you planning to do to make that a reality?

what does success look like? I ask this question of coaching clients, of students, of real estate services clients – whether it is a one week project, a five year relocation or a lifetime, what are our expectations - our definitions really – of what success looks like?

this is not original – I’ve borrowed it from a very good teacher who impressed this upon me; applied to me, right now looking forward to the next few years in work, play and personal life objectives, how would I define success?

in business, we write budgets, pro-forma our plans, use measurement tools to measure ROI, cost containment and growth; we use cap rates to measure value, we use appraisals, assessments and studies to identify strengths, weaknesses – we use our wits to identify opportunities, we look over our shoulder to keep an eye open for threats - success for the business, is to survive, thrive and prosper; an easy answer but pretty superficial . . . I have a long list of goals, initiatives and ideas which I will build on, try for the first time and review periodically – but, review against what?

in our personal lives – relationships with spouses, children, ‘squeeze-du-jour’ – do we do that? do I do that? the obvious ‘that requires dialogue between two people’ is just that, obvious, but how many of us (me included a lot of the time) hope to somehow sort out these things in a monologue in our heads? we know the courage to make bold statements, paint fulsome dreams, articulate ambitions is a scary proposition when our closest confidantes are watching, listening; so often I think, we tend to fear the unknown, the uncertainty, the doubt of whether these people who matter to us will see us favourably, will see us lovingly, will want to continue on a life path with us once they see our foibles on display, see our ideas and dreams going off in a direction different from theirs, or at least one that appears different to how we see our own – without dialogue we will continue under a cloud of fear, uncertainty, and doubt . .

my direction, my hopes, my plans, my dreams are vivid, clear, focused and drive me daily; I’ve painted them out loud for my squeeze-du-jour – I’ve known from the outset that there are plans on my plate that take my life where I want it to go; paths different than she had on her agenda when we met; so far the future is cloudy, a little overcast, but the sun is peeking through

capturing a pretty butterfly with a net is folly, so I won’t try but having one flitting around in my life makes me smile a lot; if she stayed around to play with me, travel with me, be witness to me and I to her, giving and getting to each other . . that would easily define success for me, and I hope so for her – not to define success for anyone but myself, but seeing success alone pales so horribly to seeing it with someone – not two visions, not one vision, but two visions shared – that looks like success

there are examples around . . people who’ve built lives with their share of curves in the road and ditches next to every road, ups, downs, good times, tough times and beautiful times too; a friend, a partner and someone I admire, BB, today celebrates 39 yrs. married to his butterfly . . one of the gentlest strong women I’ve ever met; congrats my friend, you clearly know what success looks like

Mark Kolke
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