Musing

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

9C/48F (high 24C), hazy everywhere, cloudless sky, molten multi-gold and red shades pierce it like a magnifying glass trained on paper, Gusta found all ducks were gone or hiding in the reeds this morning – the lagoon looking like limp puddle in need of a shower; machines sculpting the next phase of subdivision disturb the quiet as they disturb memories of where prairie sod and history rested

when a story is good, some people read the book, some people see the movie, some do both, some do neither; I’ve read a lot about goals, goal setting – brilliant and funny quotes addressing the issue are many, but how can we reduce something so large to a cute phrase or sentence – a sound byte if you will – to describe our essence; I don’t know if having constantly adjusting goals is a part of that, I believe it worthy, but in the end there is the end – inevitable – so the choice is mine whether I live life lustfully thirsting for experience or mild-manneredly in an easy chair; between now and the end, do I want to go to he washroom only to miss the movie, sit still to watch the movie, or be the movie?

I’ve pretty much been in the middle; though I have done some rewarding and momentarily exceptional things, for the most part I’ve avoided heights of mountaintops and despairingly deep depths of the valley; I want the easy chair, but I do not want it to be easy – easy can be fun, but I don’t want my easy to be like playing tug-o-war when kids on the other end give up; fun is not in who wins but in the laughter while everyone is pulling so hard, trying so hard to move apparently immovable objects in our team’s direction without giving ground but still laughing our faces off when we fall flat because we can get up and do it all again tomorrow

if I could turn back the clock to alter one thing it would be this: I would have set bigger goals, dreamed bigger dreams, challenged myself with more diverse adventures earlier on in life BUT, the most important part of doing that more thoughtfully would be this – I would have tied myself more to my goals than to people, focused myself on a course that would not have been driven by trying to please anyone else’s (or my perception of it) expectations but to focus more on my own and the goal

would I do things differently? I was wondering, if I had it all to do over again, would I do it differently? I don’t mean yesterday’s call or last week’s project, not this tryst or that flirtation, not a hobby or a business or a relationship – but, if I could do it over again – meaning from age 11 when I think I first became a thinking/reasoning person until now, would I do it over?

trite answer, NO, because that would have me off on some distant path having had different experiences making me a different person; I suppose, if I was not relishing, flourishing and reveling in this moment – being incredibly happy to be so lucky to be in this place at this time doing what I am doing, living how I am living – then maybe my answer would be a different one; in short, I would have been more focused on goal than self – I think that would have helped me to be more available for others than ego-centric; but, since I cannot turn back the clock, since that clock is still ticking I’ll do what I can to be smarter about it all; dream bigger, dream better, strive for new goals, achieve some new levels of consciousness and be of some better level of service to others, to the world and preciously hold that butterfly in the palm of my hand . . guarding it; every day, and I do mean EVERY day, I have delicious learning experiences – none of which would be the same if I had lived my life differently

at the end of a movie, it says:

the end

the end is neither near or far, the end is not a goal to be chased or a destination to be feared; life begins and life ends – in between we write the script, we enable what happens and we have no cause to blame anyone, including ourselves, for what happens – some scripts are blockbusters and some are flops – in the movie biz they move on to write the next script and make the next movie long before the last one opens, long before any audience has a chance to critique the value of the performance; life, like movies, ought to be a creative process that never quits, exploring character and characters

accountability is reasonable as are laughter and tears, the fundamental issue is whether we served ourselves and others by having a full and worthy script; we can read a book or we can be the movie

I’m not sure goals are essential for that though I think most people I’ve met who seemed to be really enjoying the journey would admit to having some clear goals, not necessarily many goals but probably a clear one and, perhaps, a dream or two

I’ve got this script idea; the movie (or maybe just a short film) involves a romance of ideas, opposites, adventures, friendship and trust, courtship and lust, about a blue grasshopper and a pink butterfly, perhaps R rated – maybe I’ll get Tom Hanks to do the voice of the grasshopper, Meg Ryan to do the butterfly … better yet, I’ll do grasshopper, I have someone in mind who would be perfect as the pretty butterfly

Mark Kolke
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