Friday, April 11, 2008

 

obsessed or merely determined - Friday Apr. 11, 2008


today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

walk report: -7C/20F, overcast, Gusta loved that ‘break through the crunch’ feel romping through remnants of yesterday’s big dump/thaw (23 centimetres); popcorn snow and mini-rivers of ice artfully decorate every street; yesterday’s chaos to traffic was simply a case of ease, grace, beauty and determination to this water in so many forms

I believe we too often attribute obsession to out-of-kilter folk whose passion runs too far, too hot or too late into night dominating their entire life; yet, I am certain the likes of Einstein, Churchill or Magellan, the sorts like Newton, Galileo, Van Gogh and Mozart, the Babe, Kareem, Keno, Fisher or Brooks Robinson or Henry Ford or Thomas Edison – in minds of many they were simply and positively obsessed mad men, but perhaps in their own minds, not quite mad enough

obsession, joy, torment – burning pre-occupation, disease, addiction, fascination, absurdity, fate - at moment’s notice a thought fuels its flame or douses it to rubble; to get it right – obsessing, trying everything that might work in order to find what would not only work, or work best but, rather, to work like nothing has ever worked before is no doubt an unfamiliar driving force to many, but it was clearly standard operating procedure to their genius of discovery and achievement

“The creative habit is like a drug. The particular obsession changes, but the excitement, the thrill of your creation lasts.” – Henry Moore

in considering things/issues/people where I deposit passionate (and sometimes obsessive) effort, do I give too much to the unworthy, too little to the most deserving?

I expect many people go their whole life without strong or lasting obsessions; I am blessed/cursed with several examples of determination gone over the dotted line and they seem to be getting a little bit better and worse every day; clarity does not equal quality, nor strong equate to smart or worthy; sorting healthy vs. unhealthy pursuits is a time wasting debate my brain feels too full to address

I feel the way I feel about something – some things more strongly than I could imagine, others I don’t care at all, a chasm between them littered with things that got too little attention and, obviously, they got what they deserved; recent experiences (56 yrs worth) cause me to question whether things I say I want are desires, passions or obsessions; do I want them badly enough, do I desire/crave them beyond all other things or do I want them enough to sacrifice greatly?

too often I know I’ve done a project, written something or done a task where I said ‘I care about this a lot and have done my best’ only to reflect later that it was not my best effort, I didn’t give it the time it deserved – my frail excuse being that it was competing for attention with too many other items draining energy and attention

Henry Moore was right, reading his words (maybe he was a madman) give me comfort and a degree of validation; obsession and passion are surely kissin’ cousins; we praise passion as a feeling, admire people who passionately pursue a cause, a career, a talent or pursuit of a goal while obsession is something you ‘seek professional help’ for; I am not sure I understand the difference or agree with either premise

I’m not sure if I am obsessed or merely determined; perhaps too many dreams and desires for one person to have or reconcile - perhaps I should lower my expectations; I think the better course of action, for me, is to raise them higher - then higher still - until there can be no topping them, and then, try to top them anyway

Mark Kolke
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... with your voice, teach in order to learn


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