Musing

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

walk report: -8C/17F Chinook arch looming, early light wraps light clouds in a layer of dusty soft orange/pink; Gusta pulling less hard it seems – it must be the new heavy-duty leash that lessens the pull on my infrastructure

how do you find the people you spend time with?

I want clarity, I want thought, I want something stimulating to think about or I want lots of laughter to balance it out, I want to find equilibrium - otherwise I probably appear disinterested (because I am) which can alienate people or make them hard to get to know – sometimes precluding getting to know them at all well, ever

“Although our intellect always longs for clarity and certainty, our nature often finds uncertainty fascinating.” – Karl von Clausewitz

day of preparation, 4-5 hours of grazing/visiting, 20something was the headcount; my dad got to meet many of PB’s extended family for the first time – fun to witness - lots of smiles, laughs, great food contributions added to the mix; roasted pork loin was good, ham was better (my ham glaze rocked), cream corn (recipe from Lawry’s in Las Vegas) sold well, the braided bread and baked apples garnered smiles + 4 birthday cakes were set ablaze; then, just as swiftly as yesterday’s family Easter-feaster/birthday dinner came together, it went

getting to know people I see little of in rather artificial situations (ie: the family gathering) is difficult; lots to observe - no history, no idea, no warning labels, no way to know who I’ll like in time, or who I won’t, no idea who will grow close, no idea who will be unreachable or impossible – for now I’ll stay with ‘herding cats’ as most apropos label; there is no depth, no discussion that intrigues, superficial pleasantries, laughter, food, a sense of occasion – but little deep learning - though observing interactions is often educational, enlightening or downright bizarre

yesterday capped a year that began (this day a year ago) when I met PB for the first time; a year ago I thought I saw a butterfly, a pretty butterfly - then I wasn’t so sure for a long while; I attended a morning presentation and luncheon where we chatted and I got her card – I called the following day but it would be three months of stalling before she would actually have a date with me; intermittent communication over time, we each had other business to finish I suppose, but in time we got it together . . so much to reflect upon

a year is both a long time or short time – it depends on perspective; a year to live sounds tragic, but ‘a year of finding clarity amid fascinating uncertainty’ is a year of living gloriously

To: PB, clarity is something I still seek – after a year I’m getting to know you – the path will surely be crooked and long, too hard to see the length and breadth of it yet but I know we have a shared desire to find equilibrium, to have clarity, to laugh, to be stimulated – I find the uncertainty both fascinating and stimulating

Mark Kolke
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... with your voice, teach in order to learn


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