Musing

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

walk report: -8C/17F, overcast, fresh breeze hit our cheeks, Gusta found a rabbit she wants to date, I told her to hold out for the real thing with the right fella

pick any Thursday - some people will be rocketing to success in something, some will be failing, some focused on a feeling or someone, but most people will be too busy to notice, too tired to care, too weary to think

for many, love will have grown cold or left altogether; many more will be seeking it today whether anticipating a first meeting or wanting to rekindle old flame by rescuing it from a dying ember – down deep, they do not seek calmness or bliss, serenity or quiet companionship – they seek chaos of feelings quite unlike passion Hallmark ever described

I realize my failures – relationships in many forms, two marriages included, were a place where an emotional wasteland was left behind due to inattention to goals I’d bought into; looking back they may have been goals, but they were not really my goals, not ones I was truly committed to; it took a long time to realize my time spent was not failure but rather a long learning process that brought me to an understanding of what really matters

we get relationships we choose, and we get to choose what kind of relationships they are; the challenge, abetted by (all of us) struggles to communicated fully and effectively, to get on the same page with someone we want to be on the same page with – to find reciprocal joy there – not trouble free joy, tragedy immune joy or everlasting joy – just joy

my goal is to live a vibrant exciting life every day – to be vital, alive and filled with energetic thinking – I am today as I was yesterday and as I expect to be tomorrow; that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my understanding of myself

but . . . ‘a goal without a plan is just a wish.’ – Larry Elder; with Larry’s words to guide me, I see my goal more clearly, because most things going on in my life are not goals at all, they are just plans – some grandiose plans, some freak-people-out plans, but they are plans; I plan to spend my life with you, I plan to move to Maui, I plan to write more, I plan to lead a busy and fruitful life in work and play, at life and at love – many plans; ones that connect to my goal get the best quality of interest and effort

how do I love thee, let me count the ways; is it the intimacy, commitment, passion, a mammalian drive like hunger or thirst?

I don’t believe in fate; I don’t believe in ‘things are meant to happen’ thinking or divine intervention; I don’t believe in relationships being right or wrong or people being right or wrong; I believe randomness gives us all an infinite number of possibilities – opportunities and choices we can make that will determine whether or not we achieve our goal

a year ago I didn’t know you – but you existed; a year ago I chased after you though we had not met; a year ago I was looking for you – here, there – around the corner, under every rock I turned over, every path I took – I was on the lookout for you; a year ago, I thought I’d found you - but you were the right idea in the wrong person; as I often find in my work, some times the deal just won’t work, the fit isn’t right – so we keep on looking

I kept on looking – not for a pretty butterfly necessarily, but looking for the qualities that are you; I didn’t have a shopping list attached to my fridge but should have – instead I was looking for the combo, the full-meal-deal, the blue plate special, the whole enchilada, the big chunk of life, the smoothness of your skin, the brilliance of your eyes when you smile, the laugh in your thoughts, your smile that lights a room even when you step outside, your touch, your generosity of spirit, your sense of fair play, your ability to forgive my shortcomings, your willingness to take a chance on me – and that’s just the main course!

hippopotamus

Mark Kolke
339,292
196.6

... with your voice, teach in order to learn


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