Musing

today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park

walk report: -32C/-25F, -44F wind chill factor, steady breeze but less than yesterday, we could see the moon through the fuzzy, early risers rolled down streets on squared tires, Gusta went all the way to the soccer fields and back, her business not done - I found it too cold to hold a key barehanded for thirty seconds while threading my key in the lock, so I can’t blame her

best dreams, ardent desires and best skills were not aligned most of my life – seem sorted now - I often revisit questions of path, direction, velocity; when I was seventeen, I knew everything, by twenty-one I knew even more, by twenty-six I knew so much I was insufferable and then, far too slowly, I began to acquire come understanding

I cannot be content with a ‘without change’ approach; while there may be ease or comfort in walking the middle of the road (but look out for traffic), not in the ditch or near it, not in the fast lane or the slow one – just standing out in the middle; some people stand out a lot that way, but do they know who they are?

the only discomfort in that mid-road strategy might be taking a look in the mirror to say ‘who am I, where have I come from, where am I going, am I on a path that will get me there?’ and then taking action steps to make it happen; I’d like to think I have something passionate worth saying every day – something burning inside that struggles to get out, as it struggles to stay inside – the ‘is this constructive vs. destructive’ question always lurking; some days more than others, but most days

I have no ambition to inspire anyone or wake them up, I’m too busy trying to wake me; I have something I look forward to; I don’t heed the call of the wild (hate camping), I don’t heed the call of a faith or religion, I don’t heed the call of anyone telling me what to do - but something keeps calling me to the keyboard each morn

I am headed, I hope, to a place where ‘cold’ is absent - geographically and mentally, where I can revel in my lack of knowing and spend all my time in pursuit of learning something; I am driven by a society that measures one’s success by how much we earn, how big a house we have or the prestigious place we call our calling - standing here, at mid-life I feel like I am still somewhere around the starting post, not waiting for the starter’s gun but running as fast as I can - there is so very far to go, so much to see of life right where I am

I am my own cause, I am my own effect

Mark Kolke
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... with your voice, teach in order to learn


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