Thursday, November 15, 2007
my DRAFT anger - Thursday, Nov. 15, 2007
today’s Musing written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park
-3C/27F, overcast, light breeze, Gusta tentatively explored the edge of lagoon ice, landscapers have sculpted a stubble field into a ball diamond, perhaps someone will come
some fly off their handle, little provocation required – some simmer, perhaps boil, then react reasonably and proactively; others absorb, deflect or ignore the provocation and move on; I’m between the 1st and the 3rd most of the time - but not yesterday
I could have replied nicely, called to forgive his nastiness recognizing his day might not be going well, or imagine that mind abuse of his fatherless carcass by some rude English prof. at law school was the reason, but his nasty attitude needed – really needed to be - put in place, rebuked, skewered, whacked, pilloried, publicly humiliated; that’s how I felt
my acceptance, I suppose, if I’ve found some, is acceptance of allowing myself to vent in DRAFT; yesterday, I was in a place between rage and calm – a choice between reaction and no action; down deep there must be a reason for this, something I don’t yet understand
in a debate or a negotiation I’d have trashed his sorry derriere - or taken his small mind behind the woodshed; a few keystrokes from one guy’s bad day, spreading bile around; a nasty note from a small minded jerk set me off yesterday; why did it set me off? normally I’d ignore, but yesterday I took the bait; why did my nasty come out?
rather than ignore it, delete it, laugh at it, set it aside or some other form of deflection - my reaction was to write back an even nastier one; my 1st draft was incendiary and hit back hard, by my 3rd draft, it was perfect but, by then, there seemed no need to send it
Mark Kolke
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