Musing

today’s Musing written and published from my home near Fish Creek Park in Calgary

8C/47F (high 10); wind, rain, cloud; dry dog out, wet dog home, our walk uninterrupted by encounters as wind in the tall grass kept us company on our ridge path walk in the park

relaxing day - picked up new glasses, shopping and afternoon at the movies, dinner with my dad, hangin’ out with my daughter Carla yesterday

men, you’re a father or you’re not by choice, but whether you want to be or not, we are each always sons of fathers - whether we liked him or not; I am my father’s son and you are yours; a job for life whether or not he performed it, whether or not he had aptitude or desire, showed interest or even lived in the same time zone; it runs in families I suppose - traits and genes and DNA passed from generation to generation; but are the skills and traits of fatherhood really passed along that way?

my grandfather died when I was 5; I remember that bristly white mustache, holding me on his knee, I remember him smiling; I’ve seen that smile many times in his son; I saw it again last night as my dad gave one of those smiles to my daughter – I remember when she was 5 and sitting on his knee, he was smiling the same smile then

being a father is the greatest job in the world; easy to get this job, very simple to do this job yet it comes with expectations of predictable results (we are silly sometimes) and I cannot imagine any man who can think of a better job worth doing, a better role to play

being a father (small DNA donation gets you started) - no formal job description, no time-clock to punch, no hours to keep

motherhood, mothering, things maternal - begins at conception, instinctive, imprinted; fatherhood is different, chosen, learned

a job for life whether we show up or not, it has little to do with what you say or think or plan to do about anything, it has to do with who you are, whether or not you matter, whether or not you are relevant, what kind of knee you have to sit on and what kind of smile you have; this job has little formality except for this annual (today) performance appraisal; some men who do it well graduate; they get promoted to be a grand-father or a great-grandfather or, as is the case with my dad, to be recognized as a really ‘great’ grandfather

I am my father’s son, as he was his father’s son and as my grandfather was his father’s son; I've not deliberately tried to follow his example but I think I have in some ways; I'm proud of that, I'm happy about that

this father’s day I think of fathering as a day of pride, a day of smiles, a day of feeling blessed in some way because of how I was treated by the man who gave me life, who gave me a start, who gave me a nudge a wink or a push, who gave me a ride on his shoulders, a man with a thumb to grip when my fingers were tiny, a hand to shake when I grew, a man with smiles to give, a man who showed me his way by his example far more than by his words, a man to hug and to hold

I can’t recall ever not wanting to be my father’s son; I could have done worse, I could not have done better

Mark Kolke
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203.2

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