Musing

[written and published from south Calgary, near Fish Creek Park]

11C/51F, nice breeze, mostly clear; late walk along the lagoon (level dropped overnight), Gusta ready to go duck hunting but none in sight; I must admit my walking the last few days has me day-dreaming more about walking MY beach in Maui than anything else

in my dining room, a framed Jack Kerouac quote sums up my appetite for people and adventure; not scientific, my research suggests this is how adrenalin is made: ‘The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars . . .’

on my ride home I caught the end of a CBC show on the radio - academics were arguing merits/difficulties of defining science, the scientific method and whether the scientific method really exists outside textbooks and academia today …. which got me thinking about what we all do in trying things, testing limitations, exploring new (new to us at any rate) territory; in this post-Britannica era of Google-ing we can research just about anything – and we trust it to be true because someone authoritative said it was true; if academics ventured outside their labs they might find it warmer than they think or they might encounter some Kerouac fans

actual data we collect is far from first hand, experiments we conduct - usually none, yet we live in this time so driven by technology derived from science; I am not bothered by that because I trust a weather report that says -20C without having to outside to determine if it is cold . . . so, why then, do I not trust someone saying they are warm, fun and friendly or smart or thoughtful or kind or trustworthy without first finding out for myself - by conducting my own research and experiments? I am more inclined to think this is the Kerouac method than any scientific one

pigs sniff out truffles deep in soil; I have no sense of smell but I think I am getting good at sniffing out great gems – multifaceted guys and dolls of extraordinary quality, clarity and colour – often unpolished rough stones, but gems every time; more often than not, people I like, people I warm to have quirky qualities – not that I don’t like normal (whatever that means) average people, but I think I find the quirky ones of greater interest, more giving/getting people . . open, they offer so much without realizing it because they are wrapped/rapt in their own curiosity; case in point, talking with CC last night après Toastmasters; we were talking about collaboration on a project but before I realized it we had branched off to another path – deeper discussion about what drives us, how we operate, how we create – gaining, I think, a better understanding of each other on a number of levels; deep in soil underground, mining for gems . . . risking encounters with dangerous forces but at the same time unfettered by odours and shedding as many preconceptions as I can, I find shafts of light, veins of real stuff, mother-lodes of fun . . people who thirst for the unusual, people who go where others don’t dare, unexplored places and states of mind that are so worthy of being dug - this is not a leftover 60's beat poet notion, but the essence of living vitally . . can you dig it?

curiosity drives me - I think I travel the other side of the dotted line - ventures, adventures and lines of inquiry with people; I try to be mindful of their boundaries as well as my own but I do enjoy the tension when boundaries of behaviour, intellect, feelings and energy collide ; I really enjoy the taste, the flavour, the juicy friction when the essence of who we think we are is tested - the verbal equivalent of a gentle elbow to the ribs sometimes, other times a dull thud blow to somewhere vital

I wrote yesterday about the sum of my fears – mostly absence of fears which is partly about my level of confidence – in large part from positive outcomes of risk taking; my recipe for confidence is a mix of three things – independence, having been made stronger by the adversity I’ve encountered and the thrill I get from regularly stepping into new territory to experiment . . . my own lab rat perhaps, or maybe a canary?


Mark Kolke
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