Musing

[written and published from Calgary]

-3C/27F, nothing jumped out of the dark on our walk other than soft colours on the horizon, muted through heavy cloud . . some light snow started falling as we came back . . interesting weather day shaping up, moisture to nurture every garden

PG, I remain in awe of your ability to put words together as if each sentence is wearing a pink sweater . . . or was that you in the pink sweater? . . oh well . . Happy birthday to you; to you and everyone else, to your good health; may your day be everything you want it to be

every day, most of us, suffer from a diagnosis of wellness; there is NOTHING wrong, no obstacles, no dread disease, no broken this or failing that; quite simply we are ordinary, we are healthy, we are sane, we are so advantaged compared to so many that it is disgusting; not disgusting because we are well, but disgusting because we are so far removed from the grit, determination and desperation of those who struggle, than those who fight, than those for whom ‘a great diagnosis’ is not a foregone conclusion – but disgusting because we waste so much of our energy, of our capability . . we let it just slip away a little bit every day

I try, every day, to cultivate my garden of joyful people, extracting the occasional weed, but by turning over fertile ground, keeping it fresh, keeping it raw and alive . . . I have the best chance of generating the best friendships you can imagine growing; that’s not airy-fairy stuff; I spend time every day interacting with people who matter, people who don’t matter and people who might matter; I choose how I am affected by them all – some I want nowhere near my garden, others are welcome to snuggle up and be nourished; I am thinking of developing a rule . . to enter you have to say: ‘GOOD for me!! ... and glad to meet you!’

be clear - I am not mocking sick people - but why can I not empower myself with that gritty determination of those 'never give up' folks who fight ill health, who overcome monstrous obstacles and who fight dread disease? . . they choose how

just being aware of the drive and desire to ‘make the most out of my life’ shown by so many people, many of whom are scarcely surviving, to witness their often silent suffering and anonymous bravery is awe inspiring - they choose how; we watch, but we don’t do anything with it; we don’t learn from it, use it, harness that kind of energy in our daily lives; it makes me wonder if we are all just keeping those abilities in reserve should some grim fate visit our door

last night I was smugly quoting Viktor Frank, saying ‘I get to choose how I react to what is happening to me’ . . but realize I was just tossing it out as a platitude; it is not so important that I use that guide when things are going poorly – but for me to use that lesson when things are going well; I want to tend my garden better (the metaphor silly, I live in an apartment); if I have good health, why not scrap and fight for everything I can get out of life with the unwavering determination of those who don’t have good health?

I believe we have just as good, if not better, a chance of staying in the community of the well vs dwelling in the world of the unwell, just as good a chance to thrive by saying ‘GOOD for me!! ... and glad to meet you!’ when we greet someone . . or when we greet each day, each morning; we can, I can, you can; we CAN choose how

rarely a day goes by that a news story about someone’s recurring cancer or diagnosis of some problem sends does not tell the story of an emotional tail-spin, of gutsy moves, bravery, persistence and just plain grit; most of us don’t have to look very far to find a relative or a friend or a friend of a relative where fighting adversity is not the stuff people ought to win medals for; we who are well don’t need to fight death or dread disease at our door daily, but knowing we have that kind of determination within us, should we not take on challenges worthy of that kind of energy, couldn’t we, shouldn’t we?

Mark Kolke
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