Musing

[written and published from Calgary]

-4C/24F, Gusta an off-leash fur blurr around the lagoon this morning while the sun rose through the fog created by those strong gusts that brought warm air over the Rockies, this afternoon will be sunny

sure I can, sure

no problem, nothing to it

a few key strokes after a walk . . hit send

nothing to it . . sure

that is how it started

but something happens; some days I have no time and a busy head – not as much time as I need, as I want . . to be reflective; sometimes that works well, sometimes not

most often, it has become more focused, more intentional

each day I have many reasons to do well, to do better; reasons to take a few extra moments, to raise my bar a little, to write better, more completely; to convey something that will be of value; today I am feeling nostalgic and have no words of advice to anyone other than to listen to the precious comments people give you; sometimes it will be a handful of words, sometimes it might only be two . . sometimes they can be very important instructions, or inspiration, or . .

they don't speak to a full blown idea - but they give a push in some direction; my experience tells me to listen, to pay attention and to go off in that direction . . just to trust it

musings teaches me this every day

the direction might be to go a different route, to say or do something different, to flaunt an outrageous idea or to simply not give up; degree of difficulty always comes into play . . but what’s the point of doing something easy?

a handful of well chosen words . . . for weaving, for folding . . . stretching me, making me stronger; a handful of words (OK, sometimes a couple of handfuls)

4 yrs. of walking every morning, 4 yrs. of writing every morning; at first I wondered if I could keep it up, then I felt an obligation to friends who were encouraging me, then strangers encouraging me; some days I do it for you . . but every day, I do it for me

4 years ago today I went for a walk with my daughter Carla . . starting from where I was living in Eau Claire, along the Bow River and over to the Heartland Café in Sunnyside and back again; we hung out, we talked about exercise routines and writing and veggie burgers; I was smug and said 'just starting' was what she needed to do to write the 'book in her'; she rolled her eyes and, without breaking stride, said 'sure dad' with a look that got me wondering about the advice, got me wondering about my smug arrogance . . . which gave rise to me writing the first musing the next day . . showing off

four years later I am so very grateful for that experience, grateful for the cause of that . . not so much inspiration as trying to justify my smugness; she was not the sole cause of this but Carla, your words were the cause, the catalyst of its beginning; I too felt I had a ‘book in me’ but had very different ideas about how that would come about . . . so the development of musings was something that had no plan, no objective, no purpose . . other than to rationalize my previous day’s smug pompousness of saying ‘just start, your abilities will show you the direction’

a mix of feedback and evolving ideas has given it direction, mentors and critics have helped me develop focus; you . . the spokes on this wheel have validated it and put a log or two on the fire in my belly

from 8 people the first day of spring in 2003 something astonishing has emerged; this morning the list stands at 9,132; for me the numbers are not the astonishing part nor is the 4 yr. milestone; it is the connection people feel with me, with each other and I with them - a connection across continents, a connection with someone else’s joy, connection with a stranger’s pain or laughing along with someone’s silliness ; 4 yrs. plus 1 leap day = 1461 times I've done this

I've always been a little defiant; each time someone tells me I cannot do something or challenges me in some way to do the difficult, to do the impossible - I had to try; in some sports like diving the point value of a performance is adjusted based on the degree of difficulty; when I started writing musings there were many days when I returned from my walk without a clue in my head what I would write, the blank page would stare at me while I struggled to write a paragraph or two - the degree of difficulty was enormous; FD reminds me the writer's brain is a muscle that needs exercise; KT, my compass, helps me stay on course . . . warns me when I am sailing into the rocks, helps me find where the water is deep and clear

a good paragraph or a couple of pages, which is better?

some days it flows like spilt milk, some days it flows like stiff honey, some days it flows like a glacier; some days it flows with power, some days it flows without momentum; some days it flows on a caffeine high or on a sleep deprivation low; some days it comes with a high degree of difficulty, some days it seems to write itself

this page was blank a little while ago – now it has definition, a flow of thoughts and a message, it will, for a few moments pull the attention of readers away from something else . . it will convey a thought or a chuckle or nothing – the message is here for the taking, or not; it is here to be important or not; interesting or not; a spark of inspiration or not

or not any of those

this page connects me to you, and you to you, and you to him, and you to her, and all of you to Gusta; this page connects ideas and points of view, this page connects shared experiences and validation more than literary credence; this page connects us

it connects all of us - each morning - to the thoughts of others; some are across the street, some are across the country, some are on the other side of the world, some are kindred spirits, some are annoyance personified; some were first, some are last; some are here and now, some will be NEXT!, some will move us in a new direction, some will validate where we are, some will never understand; some will tell everyone, some will tell no one; some will knock on my door, some will start their day with this, some will chew it at lunch some will end their day with it

thank you Carla, for giving me 1461 reasons to start my day thoughtfully . . tomorrow will be 1461+1, it will be the start of the 5th year; this day each year connects you and I; a vivid memory and I'm really glad you inspired me to 'just start'; your response challenged me to explore whether I could, the degree of difficulty was huge in the beginning - and each day I have no idea who hard it might be; I am not sorry for being a jerk that day . . . look at what it started; the next time you roll your eyes and say 'sure dad' I'll be paying attention

‘sure dad’ . . pushed me in a direction, on to a path that I never imagined

some days it flows like stiff honey; challenging to dig out of the jar . . but sweet, good to spread around

Mark Kolke
226,196
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