Musing

-5C/23F, clear and calm; sunshine will continue to warm those buds (scroll down to picture) that ache for spring’s arrival; I am sure Gusta visited every piece of yellow snow she could find this morning, looking for friends who are not there but she knows where they have been

a handful of words, quite the phrase

words cannot be held in our hands any more than they 'hang in the air'; once spoken they do not retract and cannot be contained or held

a handful of words can bring us joy or drive us a little bit crazy; a handful of words can inspire us to do our life’s work or, they can stop us dead in our tracks; a handful of words can build us up, bring us down, cheer us on or denigrate us; a handful of words can do so much more, they can leap us forward to judgments; a handful of words cannot define anyone, but a few slipping out can often reveal far more than weeks or months or years of close examination

where I sit bears little relevance to how I function, act or react; sitting on my sofa, looking out into the blackness, as if I was on a lanai somewhere palm trees blow - I would be faced with the same choices; sitting here, on my sofa, nearly every morning I take a few minutes to read some things I have saved – my daily guidebook if you will; each morning I am reminded of the significance of my EVERY choice about EVERYTHING . . . the consequences each time could be enormous; choosing to act or react

"Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviours demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to life?" - Eric Allenbaugh

it was a lightning bolt out of the blue sky, it hit me; thud, thank you

how many times have we all felt that, as someone we know (or thought we knew) makes a statement that alters how we view them?

try as I might I cannot get this one thing out of my mind, that statement, that handful of words; cannot shake it

once that handful of words enters my consciousness it can take root; like anything else foreign that enters my body; not like a glass or plateful of nourishment; more like a sliver that can fester, irritate and get worse but it rarely gets better without some form of intervention

prevention, of course, seems the best; if only that handful of words had not been said

forgivable, maybe; forgettable, not a chance

yes, that’s it - turn back the clock, stuff those words back where they came from, stick those words where sun never shines

that is what I wish that I could wish for, but what is done cannot be undone, what is said cannot be un-said

undoing is my undoing sometimes; how can I make myself not think about this one little thing (OK, so I am making a big thing of it)?

but it really isn't a little thing; it may not be one of those 'defining moment moments' but that handful of words is not easily dismissed or ignored; obviously discussion is called for; but first come my ruminations

I seem to need to work those through; did I hear it right, did I hear it in context?

is it representative of how that person really feels, or was it just an off-hand comment?

crap, no one makes that kind of comment off-handedly, do they?

I could be that I am really over-reacting to nothing at all, just a handful of words that do not represent someone’s deeply held views – but I think they do, I think that little leak revealed a hugely important issue that is otherwise obscured from view

to confront this is a healthy choice, to not confront it is an unhealthy one - I tell myself this like it is something I MUST repeat to myself in order to keep this in perspective; but, crap, no one makes that kind of comment off-handedly, do they?

several days have passed – am I still seeing this in perspective, or has a hind-ward view been clouded by a hundred other little things?

what has this taught me so far, is there a kernel there that will help me?

I think so, or so it would seem sitting on the sofa sipping my 3rd cuppa jo

a very talented speaker gave me some advice – just a handful of words: “what will they think about differently when I am done?”

today I will meet many people, I will speak to two groups and countless individuals as I go through my day; some will just hear or see me going by, others will hear one isolated comment, one snippet to gain an impression which might be true, or not

will they hear my words as meant them, or will they hear just enough to get it really wrong, really out of context, really skewed from what the speaker intended?

will they tilt on one isolated, out of the blue, out of context remark; will it drive them a little nuts, will it cause them to examine something?

what will they think about differently when I am gone?

will someone ruminate for days over a handful of my words?

from where I sit, I hope so

Mark Kolke
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