Musing

Hmmm... excellent narrative which made me wonder (very simply) why DO we get married? Can't we just go on having friends, some closer than others, each for a different reason or being in our life? Why, why the commitment? I am on my third marriage (one divorce, one death) and for the life of me can't think why I did it again although I do adore my husband. What exactly am I looking for that I expect someone else to provide me? Why have to go through the day-to-day hassles of obligations and reciprocations? Think I'm just getting selfish with my time in my old age... yep... that's it!, CT, Houston

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It was interesting to meet the person whose writing I have been reading for 7 months now and I quite enjoyed our discussion. I looked up reciprocity in several dictionaries and was provided with lots of food for thought about what it would mean in the context of a male/female love relationship. I like the Cambridge Dictionary view below as it was most apt for relationships, though I still like the 3/4 vs. 4/3 way of looking at it because I like the math. The word kept floating around my head and I finally remembered that it was used in a song from the movie/musical Chicago. Queen Latifa sings it; "When you're good to Mama, Mama's good to you." Reciprocity – noun, [U] FORMAL; behaviour in which two people or groups of people give each other help and advantages . . . reciprocal adjective FORMAL; A reciprocal action or arrangement involves two people or groups of people who behave in the same way or agree to help each other and give each other advantages. BB, Calgary

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You will be pleased to learn I have retired my crankiness…. I bought a ranch in northern BC. With an open mind, on your suggestion, I did investigate Saskatchewan as an alternative. Yes, dirt is cheap in Saskatchewan and all the billboards recently posted in Calgary indicate it’s a great place to live. Unfortunately, I need to see trees, at least within 100KM!! Anyway, I laughed out loud when I stumbled on this particular listing that was “cheap” check out MLS# 230261. I love the older gentleman that comes with the cabin! Only in Saskatchewan….(as far as I know) In reading your musing today, it brought back memories of an interesting book I read several years ago – Love and Friendship by David Bloom. He is another thought provoking essayist. If you don’t know his work, you may also be interested in a couple of his other books – Giants & Dwarfs and The Closing of the American Mind. I must have missed your musing where you were cat-bashing, but I have to agree with PF about your (misguided) attitude towards cats and cat people. My experience has been (in general, I don’t necessarily mean you) that people who hate a particular species of animal, don’t truly care for any animals. The same goes for people who only like particular breeds of dogs or horses, they are usually the worst abusers. I’ve observed it in the horse industry to the point of tragic results. I believe that all critters have their own unique “animality” that can greatly contribute to a human’s quality of life, just like your Gusta. (this is especially true with seniors – does your Dad have a pet?) The bonus is that you can share your life with an unlimited number of animals, but when it comes to wives, you can only have one!!! At least one at a time, EJJ, Still in deWinton

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RE: inclinations - Feb. 25 musing; Bravo! Mahalo for your musing today, GR, Haiku

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RE: inclinations; enthusiastically towards those people who care to keep cats!, VJP, DeWinton

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RE: inclinations; Hi - Like all of us, I've had some very, very dark times. During most of those in mid-experience I would have traded anything to avoid the pain, the work, the stress. Yet each time they have ended I am conscious of relief and then sometime after all the dust has settled I begin to see how that pain, stresss, work has become a source of strength and knowledge. I wish the same for you, CH, Chimacum

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Aloha~ Two brightly colored beach chairs always ready in the car for planting. Days flowing into nights filled with the fullness of the risk taken. GR, Baby Beach, Haiku

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On Friday I had suffered a loss. It was inevitable, it wasn't in my control and there was nothing I could do about it. Today I inflicted a loss...on myself. Perhaps it was inevitable, but it was within my control. On Friday I lost a huge portion of my past. Today I lost part of my present and part of my future. It's easier to measure the skid marks of the first loss; the second is not so clear...kinda slides into the hazy future. On Friday I lost the one person who accepted me with no conditions. Today I lost some of my self-respect. Hard to say which hurts the most. Trust is a fragile concept; I just broke trust with a friend and with myself; and, I did it under the guise of "creating trust". Where are the boundaries? How do I remain true to me and my values and create room for in my life for a stranger, a valued stranger, but someone who cannot yet accept me, unconditionally? How do I build a relationship based on love, honesty, and companionship when I cannot communicate my values to him? How can I go forward into a future based on togetherness when fundamental communication seems to be flawed? Or perhaps, yet again I am over analyzing. Perhaps his request was reasonable. Perhaps, I am too emotional to assess this rationally. Perhaps it is not rational. Perhaps his request was based on Freudian projection...now that's food for lots of over analyzing. Perhaps I need more sleep... Perhaps my grief is too raw to even address the future. (One day at a time Sweet Jesus...) Oh and sign me up for musings again please. SB, Calgary

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Good Maui Morning Mark - So many times this past month I think I would like to take up my pen (keyboard) and answer back something positive to your musings for the day, and then the waves call. I float out the door on visions of donning even my soggy, cold wet bathing suit and diving in the crystal clean waves at Keawakapu. At that point I am overcome with the desire to escape into the blue, rolling, gently pulling waves, so sitting in this cold, stilted, bustling real estate office for even one more second loses to the enticement of the waves once again. Sorry. And I know you have plenty of others out there in museland who will make up for my failures and shortcomings... NOW, I am taking this moment, and letting you know that the continued theme for several of your musings lately leaves me no alternative than to write. Your questions are yearning for answers. The answer is right there at the tip of your nose, but you are unaware, oblivious, and confused. The most important realization that you need to make is that the only thing that will ever happen that we can be assured of each day is that things will change. You alone have the choices, and you alone must make the ones that allow you to find what eludes you, eternal happiness. Once you make those discoveries, the clouds will lift, the people you correspond with and meet will be new creatures, and you will look at things in such a different light that you'll think you've been in a haze for the past ___ years. You can use any excuse in the world to prevent you from maturing to that point, but someday, you are going to wake up and find out the secret. You are obviously puzzled, frustrated, disenchanted, and depressed because you are constantly seeking what you cannot figure out to be the problem, when the real problem is you. People can TELL you all sorts of things to make you feel good, but until you discover the secret inside you, you will never understand. Don't be discouraged any more. Ask someone who knows what it is, and in the asking, you will find the truth, if you want it. But you have to ask, that is all that is necessary. You can't keep telling... since you don't know, you HAVE to ASK. Got that? OK, the waves are screaming and another warm, sunny day and those eternal waves are missing me more than you could imagine. Wish you were here to come and get to accompany me, and that you looked forward to it as eagerly as I do. That would be something worth musing...Aloha,NB, Kihei