Musing

Well done!!! Putting on paper (electrons) the thought process that works many of us into a frenzy....then twist the light to look at ourselves and how our communications are received by others. The frenzy seems to melt away when we know how others perceive us. We await your first (official) publication (recognizing this blog etc as an unofficial publication. You just need some mechanism of compensation to make it "official"...or do you need further compensation?). Keep the Musings going!! HBB, Calgary

...

I just wanted to let you know that I thought your musing today was one of the best I’ve read so far. What I’ve found works best for me is to ask the person, whose words threw me for a loop, to clarify just what it was they were trying to convey. As for my own personal screw-ups, I, like everyone else I’m sure, have said things out of angst, anger, sadness, frustration or simply too much to drink, not enough sleep or just plain poor judgment and that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s who I am. It only means that it’s what I was feeling at the time and feelings can be skewed by a multitude of different things. All we can do is ask, ask, ask. It sounds like you are wrestling with something these past few days. I hope you are well, SB, Calgary

...

Hi - from where I am I read your musings as they are sent and the day is almost done. I thought about today and how many times I had to be sure I chose, and delivered, each handful of words so as not to offend or turn a relationship in the wrong direction. In this world a bad choice of words or a poor expression of them, will have permanent consequences. As opposed to your muse the words themselves probably would be forgotten but never forgiven. In that context, which circumstance should we prefer? An easy choice for me. Keep on thinking ! Your friend – SC, Dubai

...

To FA: I am a woMAN and when I chair meetings I am happily a chairMAN and should I ever aspire to civic government in Calgary I will happily be an alderMAN. If the feMALE alderMEN in Calgary are experiencing gender discrimination then simply calling them councilors isn't going to stop it and the energy expended on changing the title would be better used to address the actual discrimination. I think we get too hung up on semantics and political correctness and forget what the real issues are. Speaking of semantics; "right livelihood" seems a bit holier-than-thou to me. Does this mean that if my livelihood/job/means of support is not derived from a renewable resource it is a "wrong livelihood"? The woMEN's movement was an important and necessary milestone in our development - prior to the famous 5, woMEN in Alberta weren't even considered persons - but I think there are some who have lost perspective and are putting too much energy into activities that are not addressing the actual inequality that still exists. Along with the good that the woMEN's movement has accomplished I believe it has also done a disservice to many woMEN, the men they marry and their children. The woMEN's movement gave us more choices but incorrectly told us we could chose everything. There are an unfortunately large number of children who have been raised in daycares or by nannies because their mothers were told they could have a family and be CEO. There is also the issue of traditional feMALE roles being looked down on by woMEN who have bought into feminist propaganda (the stay-at-home mother vs. the working mother is a very real debate and issue for many woMEN). Sadder still is that the woMEN's movement in its more extreme forms has tried to eradicate or at least negate the intrinsic differences between men and woMEN. Can we not accept and celebrate our differences? I like to be feminine and I quite frankly enjoy having a man hold a door open for me, stand up when I do and provide the numerous other little courtesies that are considered inappropriate by some feminists. I also believe that there is a place for men to be masculine. Lest I be labeled as ultra-traditional or anti-feminist or something of that nature; I am a 40 something year old woMAN who has worked in the male dominated field of engineering in the high tech sector for 15 years where I am more often then not the only woMAN on my project teams. Oh, and before going back to school to pursue engineering I was a draftsMAN....gender neutral alternative; draftsperson, drafter....puuullleeease!!!! Going back to LHE's comments on February 19th; I totally agree that what a woMAN wants and cares about matters, however, I also think that woMEN have gotten very good at labeling and complaining about men's shortcomings but are all too often failing to accept responsibility for their own choices and actions. How many woMEN who complain that their men don't value what they want or care about have truly acknowledged and supported what their partners want or care about? As a woMAN whose 20 year marriage ended 2 years ago, I have done a lot of thinking and reading about what contributes to a good relationship. I realize now that the man I was married to would have been a better husband if I had been a better wife. Regarding relationship timing; perhaps one reason why men control the timing of a lot of relationships is that too many woMEN are in too big of a hurry. Regardless, for life impacting decisions like when to get married and when to have children there is no compromise; you both must be wholly ready. To ask a man to compromise on when to get married or when to have children is to ask him to marry or have a child before he believes he is ready - not a good idea unless your goal is to be a divorced, single mother. If he is really the man for you then you will be willing to wait until he is ready. Conversely if he doesn't look like he will ever be ready then he is not the guy for you. The double edged sword that the feminist movement achieved is sexual freedom which has in turn lead to living together being more socially acceptable. If a woMAN has chosen to live with a man who has not committed to her and has not committed to having children with her at some specific point in the future then I would suggest that she has only herself to blame when the relationship does not progress the way she would like it to, BB, Calgary