Musing

[written & published at Kamaole Sands, Kihei, Maui]

Maui weather today: sunny, high around 79F, north winds up to 10 mph; photo attached is one I took overlooking a yard in Maui Meadows yesterday . . looking NW across the bay; note the windmills up the centre of the mountain (cannot someone design an attractive windmill or at least paint them camouflage green?) . . the views from properties up from the beach areas are extraordinary

DE was working in Kihei yesterday . . came by for a salmon dinner before heading back up-country; nice to cook for someone besides myself for a change & great conversation to boot

this morning I went out slightly later than usual; strangely it was very dark – the result of a huge dark cloud over the volcano – so my ‘trip over things’ walk on the beach was a chance to nearly collide with sleeping fishermen, their poles anchored securing in the sand, but it was still too early to see any of those crabs scrambling out of their burrows to catch the receding tide

an eerie by-product of this darkness was sight of a fire burning high above Kihei on the volcano . . larger in terms of area but less intense than it was yesterday, its glow in the dark looking like it was painted on the mountain; SC, maybe you should send down a water-bomber to help them out . .

why is it, I wonder, that we have become so conditioned in our society to withhold our emotions, to stifle how we truly feel about things?

I’ve read so much about how good it is to clearly and calmly articulate how we are feeling – and I try to practice that every day

a great thing (I think) about having time and absolute relaxation going on as I do right now is that it provides time to explore thinking about some things without a time limit as opposed to ‘a few minutes squeezed into a busy day’

some things need more mulling, but I think I am really clearer than ever on some things; maybe from conversations, maybe from beach walks, maybe from quiet nights alone – maybe from all of those

we are all the same, we are all different, we are all at different stages on the cycle of things, we all experience the same emotions and none of this is contradictory

the difficulty I think is not so much in saying ‘I feel __________ about this/you/us/them and I think ________ is what I should do about it’ etc. . . but rather the reaction we expect/fear might come from someone else

confronting this silly fear is really more difficult than admitting it is silly; I’ve found it easier to ‘say it the way it is’ to strangers sometimes than I can with people I’ve known for a long time; too often I think the tendency is to avoid saying what we feel, what needs to be said, what we want to say because of fear of losing the connection we enjoy with someone, of endangering or altering it somehow; I used to think that way and behave that way – but thankfully I changed that to a large degree

sure, I’ve lost some acquaintances and some prospective clients as a result of being more forthright, but I’ve not lost a single good friend, I’ve not lost a connection that matters with any family member or client or damaged any interdependent relationship with anyone; I have found that I have built, enhanced and improved some though

tell me how you really feel

really

yes, really

I need to know, want to know

not sugar coated, not finessed, not disguised, not turned down a few notches – but the reality

I want that from people who care about me just as I have come to learn they want that from me in return

reciprocity is the tool, directness and honesty are the ingredients

air we breath gives us life

if we have something tainted, altered or misrepresented as air we would not see it but we would feel it, be affected by it and its toxic effects would injure or kill us

avoiding reality in our relationships has no less a toxic effect; maybe this is too dramatic an analogy .. but I don't think it overstates it at all

go ahead, try it; trust me, it works

if there is someone in your life you dislike, examine what it is about their behaviour you have trouble with and talk to them about it, make it something that is not an argument starter but simply a statement of how you feel . . not to defend or debate . .but just to say

is there someone who is not giving you what you want, what you need?

why not examine that, and examine if there is something that person is not getting from you?

imagine the difference between an open discussion and a superficial one; imagine the difference between the giving and the getting when truth is told; imagine the difference between defending a position that is not true and advancing one that is real, true and comes from the core of you

it might be easier to imagine when we are relaxed, at peace, have minimal stresses or pressures in our daily lives; every day we ALL get to choose whether we want to share ourselves openly with the people in our world – or not

maybe, just maybe, when we don’t get what we want it might be because we have not asked for what we want; maybe we ask for things that avoid dealing with what we are really wanting and needing (or kneading) because of fear that someone will not like us, want us, love us or care about us if they know us deeply with integrity

but that is the magic . . . open up . . . overcome that useless fear . . . display your real self to those who care about you the most – start with yourself, then another, and then another

I’m in the mood to go exploring . . . or examining . . . or both

which characterizes you today?

Mark Kolke
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