Sunday, November 19, 2006
Sunday Nov. 19, 2006 – life in my purpose
-1C/30F, overcast, bands of light on east and west horizon holds up the clouds; Gusta romped off-leash for a while around the lagoon while I followed - I had no idea what to do when Gusta took off across a field after that coyote, male I presume, as they took turns chasing each other for a few minutes, then Gusta came roaring back tail-a-waggin’ so that seems to have gone well
SB was over for dinner last night; my chicken breasts, stuffed with roasted red peppers (I roasted my own for a change) and bocconcini cheese were yummy as was my guest’s contribution - she brought dessert, something sweet with fruit in it
animals - Gusta anyway, seem to be able to have an impromptu meeting or playtime with anyone who smells new or wants to run around a while; I wonder if we human critters so different?
my purpose in life must be more than this, more than playing on Saturday night, more than being a friend, an ear, a shoulder; the women I am drawn toward, appear so often complicated by unavailability or inappropriateness - or is it me, keeping myself unavailable?
lately I've been giving this some thought in my dating/mating efforts; something I am interested in changing; I enjoy the unexpected, unplanned, unprepared moments - they always get my adrenalin pumping; the unnerving, the impossible, the improbable, the untenable, but will that lead me where I want to go?
I find myself so often avoiding the ones where real possibilities, real risks and real fire might be kindled; maybe like Gusta and the coyote – each thrilled by the chasing but unable to commit to more than that - the impossible situation neither impossible or a situation; it is a term I use to describe my reluctance to advance, to stay in, to continue, to risk
my purpose in life is something I am clear on, but is there life in my purpose such that I give as good as I take, give us much as others do?
some days, especially Sunday mornings alone, I wonder about that
Mark
SB was over for dinner last night; my chicken breasts, stuffed with roasted red peppers (I roasted my own for a change) and bocconcini cheese were yummy as was my guest’s contribution - she brought dessert, something sweet with fruit in it
animals - Gusta anyway, seem to be able to have an impromptu meeting or playtime with anyone who smells new or wants to run around a while; I wonder if we human critters so different?
my purpose in life must be more than this, more than playing on Saturday night, more than being a friend, an ear, a shoulder; the women I am drawn toward, appear so often complicated by unavailability or inappropriateness - or is it me, keeping myself unavailable?
lately I've been giving this some thought in my dating/mating efforts; something I am interested in changing; I enjoy the unexpected, unplanned, unprepared moments - they always get my adrenalin pumping; the unnerving, the impossible, the improbable, the untenable, but will that lead me where I want to go?
I find myself so often avoiding the ones where real possibilities, real risks and real fire might be kindled; maybe like Gusta and the coyote – each thrilled by the chasing but unable to commit to more than that - the impossible situation neither impossible or a situation; it is a term I use to describe my reluctance to advance, to stay in, to continue, to risk
my purpose in life is something I am clear on, but is there life in my purpose such that I give as good as I take, give us much as others do?
some days, especially Sunday mornings alone, I wonder about that
Mark
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