Thursday, October 12, 2006
Thursday Oct. 12, 2006 - Year 4, Day 205 - promises promises
-2C/28F, a magenta & gray colour show on the horizon, the lagoon was a perfect mirror on its side - the reflection of trees, sky & shore looking more genuine than the real thing just feet away from me; it promises to be a beautiful Indian summer day
one of the SB’s took me for lunch yesterday – thanks so much, it was an enlightening lunch; thanks!
we all promise so many things when we join someone in a coupling; whether vows, implied expectations or a promise of a rose garden – each creates expectations which, when not delivered, produce hurt beyond expectations
what is it that unlocks imagination, frees vision; from where to we pull out the ‘right stuff’ to covert dreams into real change, fulfilling our promises?
who wants promises & hopes without a plan?
who gets them without some pain & sacrifice along the way?
our regular 'meeting after the meeting' last night following Toastmasters, a smaller group than usual, saw discussion more serious than usual; mainly around what keeps us committed, what makes us want to be committed to a partner, a mate, a spouse; 'not being supported' in what is important to us was a topic the struck some chords; most of us have the failures from which to learn, experiences to reflect on & know this issue well
mulling this overnight I think it is not so much an issue of being supported as it is having a partner who respects my things/issues/passions that matter to me, with or without interest, but a simple validation & understanding of what is important to me really matters - if that translates to interest, discussion & genuine support well that's a lovely bonus
the converse must be genuine; these things are a reciprocal two-way street where actions speak so much more loudly than words
if I get lucky enough to find the magic I seek again, I'll work more to under-promise & over-deliver; I think it is better that way
'Better a broken promise than none at all.' - Mark Twain
we all need to be careful, I think, about what we promise or discuss that we are prepared to promise - there is wisdom in that debate, that tummy-turning activity of deciding what to commit to
it might be a long drown out process or snappy repartee - either way, a promise is a promise is a promise; it if is not worth keeping it is not worth making
this is a lesson I learned a long time ago; I don't need to make it again to deepen the lesson
Mark
one of the SB’s took me for lunch yesterday – thanks so much, it was an enlightening lunch; thanks!
we all promise so many things when we join someone in a coupling; whether vows, implied expectations or a promise of a rose garden – each creates expectations which, when not delivered, produce hurt beyond expectations
what is it that unlocks imagination, frees vision; from where to we pull out the ‘right stuff’ to covert dreams into real change, fulfilling our promises?
who wants promises & hopes without a plan?
who gets them without some pain & sacrifice along the way?
our regular 'meeting after the meeting' last night following Toastmasters, a smaller group than usual, saw discussion more serious than usual; mainly around what keeps us committed, what makes us want to be committed to a partner, a mate, a spouse; 'not being supported' in what is important to us was a topic the struck some chords; most of us have the failures from which to learn, experiences to reflect on & know this issue well
mulling this overnight I think it is not so much an issue of being supported as it is having a partner who respects my things/issues/passions that matter to me, with or without interest, but a simple validation & understanding of what is important to me really matters - if that translates to interest, discussion & genuine support well that's a lovely bonus
the converse must be genuine; these things are a reciprocal two-way street where actions speak so much more loudly than words
if I get lucky enough to find the magic I seek again, I'll work more to under-promise & over-deliver; I think it is better that way
'Better a broken promise than none at all.' - Mark Twain
we all need to be careful, I think, about what we promise or discuss that we are prepared to promise - there is wisdom in that debate, that tummy-turning activity of deciding what to commit to
it might be a long drown out process or snappy repartee - either way, a promise is a promise is a promise; it if is not worth keeping it is not worth making
this is a lesson I learned a long time ago; I don't need to make it again to deepen the lesson
Mark
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I've been reading the last year's worth of these and I notice one thing that stands out as a theme: You've had a lot of expectations of people over the years, they haven't delivered and you got hurt, things didn't work out, etc.; leaving you with a sore spot about that individual or situation.
Have these people *known* of your expectations of them? Were they realistic? Were you expecting them to be what they are not? Were they expecting the same of you, perhaps, and you just didn't fulfill?
Too many times, people get into relationships because they are, dare I say, desperate? They want a relationship so bad with anyone that they're willing to overlook the points they don't like and then try to change them later.
As a realtor, would you want someone laying money down on the first dump they looked at just because they want a house/office so bad? Would you feel right about that?
Dumpy houses and buildings can be repaired. They can be gutted, rebuilt, decorated and all fixed up.
People cannot. They come as they are...the whole meal deal. "Take it or leave it" as they say. You take the person and all their little quirks.
Sure, some things can be changed if the person feels you are worth making that change for.
People cannot be other than who they are, and most people are not psychic to know these things you expect.
Might that be the hole in your life that you are trying to fill? Expectations you have on people you cannot control that don't pan out?
Perhaps the answer is not just to under-promise/over-deliver, which is good in itself, of course.
Perhaps it is to under-expect and let people be who they are. If you don't like who they are from the start, then the relationship may not be worth pursuing. Why expend that sort of time and energy trying to change something you can't?
Planting your expectations on them will only make things worse for you both and leave you both hurt and angry in the end.
You deserve to be with a person who shares your interests, knows your expectations and is happy to oblige. You deserve to be happy.
You are worth it!
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Have these people *known* of your expectations of them? Were they realistic? Were you expecting them to be what they are not? Were they expecting the same of you, perhaps, and you just didn't fulfill?
Too many times, people get into relationships because they are, dare I say, desperate? They want a relationship so bad with anyone that they're willing to overlook the points they don't like and then try to change them later.
As a realtor, would you want someone laying money down on the first dump they looked at just because they want a house/office so bad? Would you feel right about that?
Dumpy houses and buildings can be repaired. They can be gutted, rebuilt, decorated and all fixed up.
People cannot. They come as they are...the whole meal deal. "Take it or leave it" as they say. You take the person and all their little quirks.
Sure, some things can be changed if the person feels you are worth making that change for.
People cannot be other than who they are, and most people are not psychic to know these things you expect.
Might that be the hole in your life that you are trying to fill? Expectations you have on people you cannot control that don't pan out?
Perhaps the answer is not just to under-promise/over-deliver, which is good in itself, of course.
Perhaps it is to under-expect and let people be who they are. If you don't like who they are from the start, then the relationship may not be worth pursuing. Why expend that sort of time and energy trying to change something you can't?
Planting your expectations on them will only make things worse for you both and leave you both hurt and angry in the end.
You deserve to be with a person who shares your interests, knows your expectations and is happy to oblige. You deserve to be happy.
You are worth it!
# posted by 
: 10:12 a.m.
: 10:12 a.m. << Home
