Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Wednesday Sept. 6, 2006 - Year 4, Day 169 - different this time
12C/54F, clear & breezy, sun soon on the rise as early morning twilight relaxes me; Gusta seems to have a need to sniff every familiar spot she visited twice yesterday, visited twice the day before etc. – each time as if she is expecting it to be different this time
a consulting client for whom I’ve done a number of proposals, as he thanked me for letting him know we are embarking on projects potentially as his competitor; GS said it all so well yesterday, ‘better we do these things with our friends because our enemies won’t help us’; then he asked me to explore another project for him
today began like so many that have gone before
the last 5 days, except for those 2 glorious rounds of golf, I’ve been sleeping a little between writing sessions – another project proposal(RFQ stage) of stitching together contributions from great teammates, weaving a message designed to move us closer to the brass ring
not a big one this time, but an important one nonetheless, is completed
special thanks to my daughter Carla – you are a superb proof-reader & editor – maybe one day it will be you having those sleepless nights with me as your editor!
I’ll be on the road soon to Edmonton; I need to pick up the printed product, sign it & deliver it to its destination, say hi to a couple of people, have a quick meeting or two – simply to turn around to drive home again
some of this is so old, so trite
everything up to NOW has just been preparation – now I am ready
everything up to NOW has been gathering experience – now I am ready
everything up to NOW has been playing as opposed to playing for keeps – now I am ready
I woke, slightly dazed, confused, stiff neck, sore lower back
my body crying out for another 24 hrs of sleep
I set aside the ‘tee-time schedule’ for the MLAA tournament I’ll miss today
I stare at the 10 things on my desk that must have attention before I hit the road; is it déjà vu – or will it be different this time?
so many times I recall opting out of a golf tournament (as I am today #&_%#), a conference or an event – often ones I’ve shelled out non-refundable cash to attend – so I can attend a briefing, be interviewed on or to deliver a proposal on some project I’ve pursued only to learn we came 2nd or 3rd or 1 spot out of being short-listed; the pursuit efforts on these things is very draining – but winning is not the only benefit of the pursuit
sometimes we do well – an important meeting Thursday on another one; but win, lose or draw, each time I go through these tree-killing exercises I find the energy of a collective group goes well beyond the collaboration – it genuinely builds relationships with people one would otherwise not know
it will be different this time
there seems to be, for me, an epiphany on these things – not sure I can pin it down in 25 words or less
there is a connect between pursuit of these projects – experience, learning & approach – that influences my behaviour in personal matters, or is it verse-vicea?
I wonder, as I embark on meeting someone new, re-connecting with someone from the past or pursuing a business deal, do I behave like Gusta?
I seem so often to be chasing the déjà vu, chasing the adrenalin rush as I have so many times before always thinking ‘it will be different this time’
arrrgh! - another summer slipped by without catching the lightning bug in the jar, without that someone magical to hang out with, sleep in with & to play with
was it something/someone/some set of issues I was trying to avoid?
or was I just preparing myself, gaining more experiences, sharpening my skills?
I’ve been looking for sparks & smiles & joy & joi de vivre a little more diligently of late trying to sniff out those ah-ha moments; with each new connection, each coffee date, each chat – hoping to find it different this time
will it be different this time?
I am, once again, expecting a different experience - this time
am I crazy to expect, similar ideas/methods & process to familiar situations to produce a different result this time?
that requires change; in my perceptions, in my actions, in my attitudes
this summer has been one of some travel, exposure to a broader range of influences - exploring some old hopes & some new dreams
I am expecting it to be different this time
really, I am
Mark
a consulting client for whom I’ve done a number of proposals, as he thanked me for letting him know we are embarking on projects potentially as his competitor; GS said it all so well yesterday, ‘better we do these things with our friends because our enemies won’t help us’; then he asked me to explore another project for him
today began like so many that have gone before
the last 5 days, except for those 2 glorious rounds of golf, I’ve been sleeping a little between writing sessions – another project proposal(RFQ stage) of stitching together contributions from great teammates, weaving a message designed to move us closer to the brass ring
not a big one this time, but an important one nonetheless, is completed
special thanks to my daughter Carla – you are a superb proof-reader & editor – maybe one day it will be you having those sleepless nights with me as your editor!
I’ll be on the road soon to Edmonton; I need to pick up the printed product, sign it & deliver it to its destination, say hi to a couple of people, have a quick meeting or two – simply to turn around to drive home again
some of this is so old, so trite
everything up to NOW has just been preparation – now I am ready
everything up to NOW has been gathering experience – now I am ready
everything up to NOW has been playing as opposed to playing for keeps – now I am ready
I woke, slightly dazed, confused, stiff neck, sore lower back
my body crying out for another 24 hrs of sleep
I set aside the ‘tee-time schedule’ for the MLAA tournament I’ll miss today
I stare at the 10 things on my desk that must have attention before I hit the road; is it déjà vu – or will it be different this time?
so many times I recall opting out of a golf tournament (as I am today #&_%#), a conference or an event – often ones I’ve shelled out non-refundable cash to attend – so I can attend a briefing, be interviewed on or to deliver a proposal on some project I’ve pursued only to learn we came 2nd or 3rd or 1 spot out of being short-listed; the pursuit efforts on these things is very draining – but winning is not the only benefit of the pursuit
sometimes we do well – an important meeting Thursday on another one; but win, lose or draw, each time I go through these tree-killing exercises I find the energy of a collective group goes well beyond the collaboration – it genuinely builds relationships with people one would otherwise not know
it will be different this time
there seems to be, for me, an epiphany on these things – not sure I can pin it down in 25 words or less
there is a connect between pursuit of these projects – experience, learning & approach – that influences my behaviour in personal matters, or is it verse-vicea?
I wonder, as I embark on meeting someone new, re-connecting with someone from the past or pursuing a business deal, do I behave like Gusta?
I seem so often to be chasing the déjà vu, chasing the adrenalin rush as I have so many times before always thinking ‘it will be different this time’
arrrgh! - another summer slipped by without catching the lightning bug in the jar, without that someone magical to hang out with, sleep in with & to play with
was it something/someone/some set of issues I was trying to avoid?
or was I just preparing myself, gaining more experiences, sharpening my skills?
I’ve been looking for sparks & smiles & joy & joi de vivre a little more diligently of late trying to sniff out those ah-ha moments; with each new connection, each coffee date, each chat – hoping to find it different this time
will it be different this time?
I am, once again, expecting a different experience - this time
am I crazy to expect, similar ideas/methods & process to familiar situations to produce a different result this time?
that requires change; in my perceptions, in my actions, in my attitudes
this summer has been one of some travel, exposure to a broader range of influences - exploring some old hopes & some new dreams
I am expecting it to be different this time
really, I am
Mark
340,876
