Thursday, July 20, 2006
Thursday July 20, 2006 - Year 4, Day 121 - spectacular fire
13C/55F, lots of dogs out, breezy sunny; Gusta wagging & dew-drenched
I like praise
I hate criticism
more complex than that, but that is the quick answer
on the other hand there are those who deride, criticize, mock or slam – most of those I’ve learned to put on ignore; criticism, the head of a different monster
a speech at Toastmasters last night touched me & I think touched us all who were there; to see the fire in the belly of an outwardly mild mannered guy
his first ‘Ice Breaker’ speech; his story more than broke the ice as he recounted a home & childhood of whacks emotionally, verbally & physically, of how he continues a struggle to rise above & go beyond all that; moving, powerful & worth every moment of listening
it got me thinking about criticism (some constructive, some not) that we all experience every day & every time we re-member & re-live those experiences from our childhood which may have scarred or scared us
each week I get lots of feedback from many quarters; if I listen to all the negative & critical
comments & tried to act on it I would be tongue tied & mushy ball of flesh absent any self-
confidence ; friends & mentors have encouraged me to recognize the real criticism & treat it differently than dung flung indiscriminately
through the muck shine bright stars who come out rarely to shed light & offer criticism intended so genuinely to be helpful – I try to notice that, try to listen & try to learn
last night I was asked why, after having met so many women in recent years, that I have been unable to find someone appropriate for me; my answer would not fit into a sound-byte nor was it appropriate for discussion in that group in that place at that time
this morning I got a note from MP, an original-8 member of this muser community & rare respondent; she added some fuel to an issue that deserves airtime; reminding me that I use the word ‘next’ more often than might be wise or at least politically correct – that doing so might give people I meet, women in particular, a view of me that might not be conducive to opening discussions for fear they might be dismissed or discarded in an uncaring manner
I am too flippant & probably not going to change much but being more diplomatic is probably good advice – the question remains whether I can implement it
it has come out when - notwithstanding great expectations & build up someone turns out to be very different than they have represented after having been 'great expectations'; conversely, if the expectations are low, the build up small I think the 'let down' is much less when people don't connect
waiting for lightning to strike & thrill me with joy again, as has only happened 3 times in my life – I am looking for that magic again & would far rather have someone mad at me because I said ‘NEXT’ than to choose to spend serious time with someone where a spectacular fire could not be built
a spectacular fire does not consume or scar; it changes you forever & that is a very good thing my friends
Mark
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Mark,
Who does like criticism?...unless diplomatically communicated and maybe creatively expressed I guess. I have somewhat stumbled upon your musings by accident and must be honest when I say they are quite intriguing, and often worth reading. I have met you many times, spoke to you on the phone, and bluntly am not a fan of your personality, but then again I doubt you are a fan of mine. I have had you in my home and even been in love with one of your daughters only to be discarded "Next!" At first I was devastated as it literally shook my world and I also held a deep anger but now realize that she came by it honestly, I should have known after seeing how alike you two are. Through that loss I have grown immensely, found that others can only help so much, most of the helping is up to you, but this is not about me.
I hear you speak of praise as if you have never heard or received any in your life, but should record any of your conversations you would suffer from a swelled head. At times where both you and I have been present, the conversations were often overtaken by your own self praise, rather than showing interest in the lives of others you are closely related. Now I am not trying to condemn self praise, however I beleive that should you take a step back and realize what you have achieved and overcome in your life you would be humbled. Two daughters, three relationships (where lightning struck), a business, and a retriever, not bad at all. Maybe just my opinion, but should you like to hear praise maybe have a look on your life, reflect, and realize what you have had, lost, and still have today and let it speak for itself, rather than boasting pompously. You have many great characteristics Mark, but sometimes the loudest messages are the ones not spoken at all. It may give you a deeper perspective on what path you want in the future.
Now I have shared some criticism and some praise what do you like better. I always like to tell the truth.
But then again this is only one intellectual midget's opinion. (I think they like to be referred to as small people now)
Anonymously JAD
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Who does like criticism?...unless diplomatically communicated and maybe creatively expressed I guess. I have somewhat stumbled upon your musings by accident and must be honest when I say they are quite intriguing, and often worth reading. I have met you many times, spoke to you on the phone, and bluntly am not a fan of your personality, but then again I doubt you are a fan of mine. I have had you in my home and even been in love with one of your daughters only to be discarded "Next!" At first I was devastated as it literally shook my world and I also held a deep anger but now realize that she came by it honestly, I should have known after seeing how alike you two are. Through that loss I have grown immensely, found that others can only help so much, most of the helping is up to you, but this is not about me.
I hear you speak of praise as if you have never heard or received any in your life, but should record any of your conversations you would suffer from a swelled head. At times where both you and I have been present, the conversations were often overtaken by your own self praise, rather than showing interest in the lives of others you are closely related. Now I am not trying to condemn self praise, however I beleive that should you take a step back and realize what you have achieved and overcome in your life you would be humbled. Two daughters, three relationships (where lightning struck), a business, and a retriever, not bad at all. Maybe just my opinion, but should you like to hear praise maybe have a look on your life, reflect, and realize what you have had, lost, and still have today and let it speak for itself, rather than boasting pompously. You have many great characteristics Mark, but sometimes the loudest messages are the ones not spoken at all. It may give you a deeper perspective on what path you want in the future.
Now I have shared some criticism and some praise what do you like better. I always like to tell the truth.
But then again this is only one intellectual midget's opinion. (I think they like to be referred to as small people now)
Anonymously JAD
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