Musing

Mark, I am one of the many who were mysteriously added to this list...and are grateful to an anonymous benefactor. I enjoy your musings as I have spent the last ten years learning (or at least trying) to live in the moment and be open to all the experiences and learnings that present themselves. It seems it is much easier said than done! I will have a new e-mail as of this evening. Please change to XXXXX . While my friends might suggest that m.p.d. is a likely factor, in fact I have been married for almost 10 years to a great (and very understanding) guy and have decided for various reasons (change of direction in career, two inquisitive kids) that it is time to finally drop my first husband's last name. Oh the tangled webs we weave... As for for your first question, I am a real estate lawyer (likely the connection with one of your readers), a mom, a wife, a friend, and just generally someone who enjoys life and pondering the deeper questions (when I have time, which can be a rather rare commodity if I'm not careful). Keep up the interesting thoughts. JO, Calgary.

. . .

I would suggest that any woman who is afraid of being dismissed or discarded by you because of your flippancy isn't the right person for you (or possibly the right person for anyone, see the next paragraph). If flippant is a characteristic you have, you need someone who is comfortable enough with who they are to realize that your style of communication is simply that, a style of communication, not an indication of your feelings for her. The fear of dismissal or of being discarded in terms of initial or short term connections is an interesting comment on a person's readiness for or ability to have a real relationship. Why be fearful at all? If someone I have recently met decides they don't want to pursue a long-term relationship with me, it is not a negative reflection of who I am. Why should I feel disappointment, sadness, anger, embarrassment or rejection because someone I barely know doesn't want to be with me? The opinion of a stranger (even if I am wildly attracted to that stranger) is irrelevant to me because I know who I am and what value I will bring to a relationship if and when I meet someone with whom I experience mutual attraction. In fearing rejection a person is in danger of avoiding altogether opportunities to connect or allowing themselves to alter their behaviour and/or appearance in the hopes that they will be more likely to attract or retain a connection then they otherwise would be. Bad news either way. A relationship predicated on misrepresentation is only heading in one direction and someone once said, there can be no success without trying. Regarding "great expectations". Why approach any first meeting (or even the first few meetings) with anything but an open mind firmly parked in neutral? It is not reasonable (though perhaps a natural human response) to form an expectation of what a person is really like from emails, msn and/or phone conversations no matter how many of these you have exchanged with them. I have known people who communicate exceptionally well in email or sparkle on the phone but can't manage to sustain a conversation in person, BB, Calgary

. . .

Hi Mark, I'm pleased that MP mentioned the undiplomatic "NEXT" thing you do. I know that as a one time"prospect" I know it has given me a wholly holy fear of meeting you. It comes off very cold. You also seem to be strangely passive - as in "show me what ya got babe" rather than looking to inspire your lover. Wishing you well. CH Chimacum

. . .

With respect, I agree with MP. Ms. NEXT and Ms's EX, combined with the backup group, kind of crowd the hallway. I think you should learn to admit that you're incorrigible and be done with it. Who has more fun than you?, VJP, Dewinton

. . .

I must confess that I have noticed those ‘NEXT’ retorts recurring in your musings’ comments and also took offense at the apparent underlying tone which I found dismissive and perhaps even arrogant? Just an FYI for what it’s worth!, MM, Calgary

. . .

Hi – you refer to your stickies and I have been meaning to ask you what that is about. I am reading Barbara Sher’s new book regarding scanners. So far I see myself as a scanner and it has gone a long way in clarifying what goes on for me regarding what seems to be a lack of focus… as others see me. So I gather you write “stuff” on your stickies. I will recap what the book says when I finish reading it. I think you might find it interesting although you seem to have found your place in the world. I think my constant changing and moving to suit my curious mind and need for learning has left me feeling happy within myself but out of sync with others. People who work 20 years in a place don’t get it at all or there is some sadness around what they feel they have missed. Been answering a lot of questions at work regarding what I am doing and how bizarre it is that I would leave Vancouver and UBC to do what I am doing. I seem to spend a lot of time explaining to others why I do things. That never works out very well for me as I feel judged. I am really glad to have found this book. She talks about stickies and I haven’t read that part yet so I am not sure if this is the same as yours. I will keep you posted….Living in community is one thing and living in the community is yet another to me. In Vancouver I had a community of like minded individuals. It was a group in constant flux … some living together, some working together, some playing together but always connected. I think shared values of caring for each other and mother earth as well as striving to make a difference. I think you would like them. My postman said the other day that “I am so restless” and that is how I feel when my time is over. Like a prowling lioness looking for the next meal to devour and so it is until I find what it is I need. NEXT. Have fun golfing. I know nothing about Swift Current but I love the name. Cheers, DB, Red Deer

. . .

Mark, Who does like criticism?...unless diplomatically communicated and maybe creatively expressed I guess. I have somewhat stumbled upon your musings by accident and must be honest when I say they are quite intriguing, and often worth reading. I have met you many times, spoke to you on the phone, and bluntly am not a fan of your personality, but then again I doubt you are a fan of mine. I have had you in my home and even been in love with one of your daughters only to be discarded "Next!" At first I was devastated as it literally shook my world and I also held a deep anger but now realize that she came by it honestly, I should have known after seeing how alike you two are. Through that loss I have grown immensely, found that others can only help so much, most of the helping is up to you, but this is not about me. I hear you speak of praise as if you have never heard or received any in your life, but should record any of your conversations you would suffer from a swelled head. At times where both you and I have been present, the conversations were often overtaken by your own self praise, rather than showing interest in the lives of others you are closely related. Now I am not trying to condemn self praise, however I beleive that should you take a step back and realize what you have achieved and overcome in your life you would be humbled. Two daughters, three relationships (where lightning struck), a business, and a retriever, not bad at all. Maybe just my opinion, but should you like to hear praise maybe have a look on your life, reflect, and realize what you have had, lost, and still have today and let it speak for itself, rather than boasting pompously. You have many great characteristics Mark, but sometimes the loudest messages are the ones not spoken at all. It may give you a deeper perspective on what path you want in the future. Now I have shared some criticism and some praise what do you like better. I always like to tell the truth. But then again this is only one intellectual midget's opinion. (I think they like to be referred to as small people now), anonymous post on the blog