Musing

-7C/19F, last night’s eerie swirling fog blanket replaced by low cloud & hoar frost coating ever tree branch – as if someone ran around overnight with a can of fuzzy white paint; the return of real humidity a welcome sign of spring

I remember being young & full of zeal when the day after tomorrow meant 48 hours from now; it was a time for me when ideas & activity without purpose = boundless energy going nowhere in particular; I remember those times like they were yesterday – in fact they were yesterday

yesterday . . . just metaphor now, so is tomorrow

is that what middle age means ?

that I encapsulate the last 35-40 years as ‘yesterday’ ?

it only seems a day has passed, it all seems so fresh it makes me wonder if the next 40 will be soon be just ‘tomorrow’ & that a long way off I’ll refer to the next 40 years as yesterday & the 40 before them as ‘the day before yesterday’ ?

if my goofy logic is followed, then my life will end . . . the day after tomorrow . . . tomorrow being the next 35 or 40 years

the day before yesterday I was an innocent, uninvolved, not yet engaged in life or ideas or the zealous pursuit of anything

today I am not innocent, often guilty!

responsible for some transgression that offended someone or sometimes offended a great number but occasionally making some small differences that make my world better & once in a while . . just when I think I am not relevant – on those days when I doubt myself, question my motives, try to analyze ‘what is it all about’ I make a difference to someone

I was listening to a TV interview the other night – a Canadian writer [cannot remember his name] sitting in his windowless basement room surrounded by his paper jungle with sticky notes on the wall – I found him intriguing & validating – he spoke so passionately about his goal of writing something that might change the world, or affect someone . . those being far more important to him than making fame or fortune as a writer

yesterday LS told me I made a difference & added value to her difficult equation

tomorrow will be long & thrilling – so much to do

tomorrow will be full; thrills & spills & trips & work & memories of beach visits past & future

I’ll go to the beach tomorrow

I’ll dream more dreams . . tomorrow

I’ll be alive & kicking & searching & seeking tomorrow

I won’t worry about the day after, till after . . tomorrow

it’s all metaphor, except for the beaches . . they are real . . Laguna immediately come to mind

always searching . .

‘I can think of no greater devotion,
Than to be shore to your ocean.’ - Hafiz

Mark

342,152