Saturday, March 25, 2006
Saturday Mar. 25, 2006 - Year 4, Day 5 - to reverse reality
+3C/37F, overcast with rain &/or snow predicted; yesterday’s melting made for many mini-rinks along the path; when Gusta met a big black Bouvier who wanted to make her acquaintance I advised her to keep him for another day & that size wasn’t everything
Apr. 20-30 I’ll be walking a beach & golfing daily; trip is booked - thanks to all who offered great advice, but Maui beckoned most . . .
BP; nice to see you – it had been way too long; don’t be a stranger !
To BE: I hope your day today puts a reflective smile on your face to catch your tears – big losses heal best with time & more time & new adventures – I am sure he would want you to be walking straight, thinking clear & laughing more than you are
‘Grief is the agony of an instant; the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.’
- Benjamin Disraeli
someone taught me an understanding of grief, grieving & dealing with loss; ‘grieving the loss of our expectations’ is the part that hurts the most & cannot be fixed
often as not, those expectations were really unrealistic in the first place, so hanging on to a memory of an impossibility is pretty tough to do
today my dad is not grieving the loss 7 years ago today of his wife of 51 years based on loss of passion, love, lust or laughter as much as he is no longer able to ‘try to change who she was’, something he struggled with in futility all those years
my frustration, mostly resolved before she died, one of coming to grips with facts; she was not the person I wanted her to be, wished her to be . . not someone I could effectively or affectionately discuss anything with; notwithstanding many efforts she was not a partner in that kind of dialogue except in the last months of her life when, sadly, too much water had long gone under the bridge to reverse reality
‘Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.’
-David Searls.
I’ve grieved differently than my dad; I wish he could let it go & stop clinging to what he cannot change
I wish I had something from her that I wanted to hang on to . . .
maybe I do . . . I have him
Mark
Apr. 20-30 I’ll be walking a beach & golfing daily; trip is booked - thanks to all who offered great advice, but Maui beckoned most . . .
BP; nice to see you – it had been way too long; don’t be a stranger !
To BE: I hope your day today puts a reflective smile on your face to catch your tears – big losses heal best with time & more time & new adventures – I am sure he would want you to be walking straight, thinking clear & laughing more than you are
‘Grief is the agony of an instant; the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.’
- Benjamin Disraeli
someone taught me an understanding of grief, grieving & dealing with loss; ‘grieving the loss of our expectations’ is the part that hurts the most & cannot be fixed
often as not, those expectations were really unrealistic in the first place, so hanging on to a memory of an impossibility is pretty tough to do
today my dad is not grieving the loss 7 years ago today of his wife of 51 years based on loss of passion, love, lust or laughter as much as he is no longer able to ‘try to change who she was’, something he struggled with in futility all those years
my frustration, mostly resolved before she died, one of coming to grips with facts; she was not the person I wanted her to be, wished her to be . . not someone I could effectively or affectionately discuss anything with; notwithstanding many efforts she was not a partner in that kind of dialogue except in the last months of her life when, sadly, too much water had long gone under the bridge to reverse reality
‘Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean.’
-David Searls.
I’ve grieved differently than my dad; I wish he could let it go & stop clinging to what he cannot change
I wish I had something from her that I wanted to hang on to . . .
maybe I do . . . I have him
Mark
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