Saturday, December 17, 2005
Saturday Dec. 17, 2005 - Year 3, Day 271 - regrets
rising sun burned off the ice-fog revealing a dusting of snow overnight, clear, -15C/5F, Gusta easily pleased by so little . . sliding on snowy lawns at every chance
first order of business - on behalf of my dad [HK] who enjoys reading musings & all your responses; he appreciates the kind wishes of musing readers that get passed along. He asked me to send this message from him to all of you:
have a Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year, HK
I’d like to be cheering him up a little more/better, but that is difficult lately. The death of his brother the other day is not the sole cause as much as it is the loneliness he feels – living in a place with many people, but without a special ‘snap, crackle, pop’ with anyone at a time of year when so much reminds us of joy & happiness, without regard for whether anyone really has it
confronting our own reality is uncomfortable, for all of us
it only takes a moment, to reschedule or cancel altogether; I’ve done it many hundreds of times – a business norm to re-shuffle again & again, yet experience teaches that people who really want something to happen make it happen; when they don’t want it to happen, they ensure that it does not, rescheduling being a very effective tool
example: when we prepare minutes of meetings & reports we list the names of those who showed up & then have a separate list of ‘regrets’, archaic term indicates they did not show up - they cancelled, they could not rearrange their schedule, they ‘regretted’ not being able to attend; more often, I think, it means ‘could not be bothered’, ‘it was not important enough’ or ‘I have a bigger fish on the other line’ . . . as much as a REAL reason
I admit to doing it - last week I did it 3 times; twice I really had to, once because I was not prepared – so I rescheduled
rescheduling: polite way of canceling & telling the other party they were not important enough to plan for, to keep a commitment & to make the effort
not the words we use, but that is reality; when we do it regularly, we must expect it in return
when it comes back on it does several things; first it reminds me what it must feel like for others when I cancel, secondly, it causes me to examine motives, it affects my opinion of the other party - occasionally it frees up my schedule on a day when I was thinking of rescheduling, sweet relief in the moment; really a passive-aggressive rationalization
rescheduling a routine meeting two weeks out because of a conflict or schedule change is not what I am getting at here; I am both admitting & complaining – but when a meeting is cancelled or rescheduled at the last minute it sends a message
this phenomena spills to inter-personal events where I think it impacts feelings more readily; mine & others
‘zero to 60 in ten seconds’ a phrase we all know relates to acceleration from a standing stop
a new one: from ‘likely’ to zero in 10 seconds
my phone rang, a short conversation later a meeting was ‘not going to happen today’
‘from likely to zero in less than 10 seconds’
oh it will be rescheduled of course as these things often are, but when we really want something to happen we make it a priority – when we don’t, we reschedule or cancel via the rescheduling technique; when something really matters, we plan accordingly & show up - when we don’t, we reschedule
I am really ready . . trash bags in hand, my challenge today is to create some havoc out of all this order; oops, other way ‘round . . in essence to treat everything on my agenda as critical to do before I take a holiday, critical to do after my holiday & that which should be trashed altogether
I was planning to do some errands, shopping & to meet LS for coffee this afternoon, but then the phone rang; from likely to zero in less than 10 seconds - she called to reschedule . . no, actually to schedule a day to talk at which time the rescheduling might take place; whether she has a bigger fish on the other line, unexpected guests as was the story or not matters little
blue eyes sang: regrets, I’ve had a few . . but then again too few to mention
worth aspiring to methinks, as our actions are more significant indicators of our truth than words almost all the time
Mark
first order of business - on behalf of my dad [HK] who enjoys reading musings & all your responses; he appreciates the kind wishes of musing readers that get passed along. He asked me to send this message from him to all of you:
have a Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year, HK
I’d like to be cheering him up a little more/better, but that is difficult lately. The death of his brother the other day is not the sole cause as much as it is the loneliness he feels – living in a place with many people, but without a special ‘snap, crackle, pop’ with anyone at a time of year when so much reminds us of joy & happiness, without regard for whether anyone really has it
confronting our own reality is uncomfortable, for all of us
it only takes a moment, to reschedule or cancel altogether; I’ve done it many hundreds of times – a business norm to re-shuffle again & again, yet experience teaches that people who really want something to happen make it happen; when they don’t want it to happen, they ensure that it does not, rescheduling being a very effective tool
example: when we prepare minutes of meetings & reports we list the names of those who showed up & then have a separate list of ‘regrets’, archaic term indicates they did not show up - they cancelled, they could not rearrange their schedule, they ‘regretted’ not being able to attend; more often, I think, it means ‘could not be bothered’, ‘it was not important enough’ or ‘I have a bigger fish on the other line’ . . . as much as a REAL reason
I admit to doing it - last week I did it 3 times; twice I really had to, once because I was not prepared – so I rescheduled
rescheduling: polite way of canceling & telling the other party they were not important enough to plan for, to keep a commitment & to make the effort
not the words we use, but that is reality; when we do it regularly, we must expect it in return
when it comes back on it does several things; first it reminds me what it must feel like for others when I cancel, secondly, it causes me to examine motives, it affects my opinion of the other party - occasionally it frees up my schedule on a day when I was thinking of rescheduling, sweet relief in the moment; really a passive-aggressive rationalization
rescheduling a routine meeting two weeks out because of a conflict or schedule change is not what I am getting at here; I am both admitting & complaining – but when a meeting is cancelled or rescheduled at the last minute it sends a message
this phenomena spills to inter-personal events where I think it impacts feelings more readily; mine & others
‘zero to 60 in ten seconds’ a phrase we all know relates to acceleration from a standing stop
a new one: from ‘likely’ to zero in 10 seconds
my phone rang, a short conversation later a meeting was ‘not going to happen today’
‘from likely to zero in less than 10 seconds’
oh it will be rescheduled of course as these things often are, but when we really want something to happen we make it a priority – when we don’t, we reschedule or cancel via the rescheduling technique; when something really matters, we plan accordingly & show up - when we don’t, we reschedule
I am really ready . . trash bags in hand, my challenge today is to create some havoc out of all this order; oops, other way ‘round . . in essence to treat everything on my agenda as critical to do before I take a holiday, critical to do after my holiday & that which should be trashed altogether
I was planning to do some errands, shopping & to meet LS for coffee this afternoon, but then the phone rang; from likely to zero in less than 10 seconds - she called to reschedule . . no, actually to schedule a day to talk at which time the rescheduling might take place; whether she has a bigger fish on the other line, unexpected guests as was the story or not matters little
blue eyes sang: regrets, I’ve had a few . . but then again too few to mention
worth aspiring to methinks, as our actions are more significant indicators of our truth than words almost all the time
Mark
342,168
