Musing

breezy, overcast, 7C/45F, spring-morning-esque; Gusta finds every obscure remaining mini-drift suitable for diving; I feel more relaxed than in many weeks . . we walked further than usual

feeling better in part from a great sleep, in part from cathartic stuff going on; some of it emanates from my speech the other night at Toastmasters, connections made in the moment, conversations afterward – of lessons learned deserving exploration

other thoughts invade . . . influenced in part by ‘it’s December – avoid being gloomy at all costs’ stuff’

this season of societal influences on happiness, joy & fulfillment has me wondering if settling for something ‘acceptable’ is a better short term course than the one I’ve chosen

in my work a time-worn thing to do this time of year; to review the year’s business, predict/budget for the coming year & develop a plan for measurable achievable goals

I have wonderful benchmarks – women of high quality [SC & KT my top of mind examples] where connections transcend the ordinary, the trivial, the superficial; experiences of intellectual curiosity blending humour, sensuality & purpose in life . . . a giving/getting equation of reciprocity built more on giving/giving with the getting simply a by-product of the joy, an unbreakable connection of loving on a deep level

I am a smart guy; I should be able to define a set of parameters: max/min levels of points per category, demonstrations of qualities to float my boat

why then, can I not do the same in my pursuit of a ‘woman companion lover friend pal buddy collaborator co-traveler golfer laugh-mate play-mate soul-mate ? I clearly have all of these elements in my life, a composite of many people who play different roles in my life, I in turn play a some role[s] in theirs?

‘I want it all’ , a phrase most are familiar with; I do ‘have it all’ which might be the better course because the joy brought to my life has bits & pieces of this person or that person in it; though some people come & go in our lives, some stay there . . forever and always, in all ways . . with no legal issues, property rights or asset divisions ever looming

I had a discussion with DL about the women in my life; she wondered if I would be comfortable meeting a woman who had a collection of men in her life comparable to the collection of female friends I carry around in my rolodex; maybe that is an obstacle in the minds of some – I find it a great joy I’d wish on anyone !

JT in Costa Rica or KN departing Maui golf/Little Beach adventure bound have me itching to swing a club . . . get some sun & play

for today, I’ll stick to my pile-o’-work & maybe take a break to visit the market or catch a movie

project goals = work days left in 2005; is that reality or my rationalization ? I may be deluding myself, but for now I’ll cling to it

. . but come Monday, I think I’ll call my golf gods advisor [CC the travel agent] for guidance on how to make winter shorter on a modest budget; I’m thinking Feb/Mar . . or I could just go to Osoyoos in Jan. . . . or Bandon Dunes in April . . or Phoenix in Jan.. . too many options to think about now

have a great weekend

Mark

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