Musing

[a note about responses: I often find in conversation with some of you that you have insightful & interesting things to say, yet you don’t often hit ‘reply’ to share those thoughts with me & with the group – something I would encourage you to do; please & thanks !]
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+17C, sunny, light breeze
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Gusta’s spurts of energy interrupted only by stops for stick hunting in the tall grass; my walk was unsettling – this was a day I wanted to just saunter, relax & clear my head
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that was not to be
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whether complex business venture, research, academic pursuit or athletic triumph; few things are more gripping to see in action than the loss of freedom, loss of mobility & loss of choice that is the reality of people as they lose functioning . . . & more obviously for most of us, for people with disabilities – something I have seen many times over 26 + years involved in advocacy work for people with physical & developmental disabilities
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when I see someone paralyzed in a motorized wheelchair you might see someone completely absent of abilities, choices & independence
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I learned to see people who possess enormous strength, resolve & determination to make even the smallest of decisions
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to take the opportunity to boldly say or do something, anything . . whatever they can to assert their independence is incredibly important & deserves respect, deserves to be revered
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whether in the John Callahan cartoons I love so much or when I see seeing someone blow into a mouth control to drive their chair – I appreciate how much that independence means, how treasured it is especially when it is all you have
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in conversation with a friend who is watching someone she loves in palliative care - it was hard for me to think of any argument otherwise yesterday when I heard this phrase:
‘nothing good comes from this’
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in that moment I wanted to say something comforting to my friend who, between smiles, is in a cruel form of despair daily – nothing more cruel I can imagine than what she must witness sitting vigil with someone she loves dearly wasting & waiting
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waiting for inevitabilities to unfold, watching daily agony of robust life reduced to carcass, waiting for bodily functions to fail
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comforting words escaped me
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is there something good ? anything at all ?
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the finality & cruel indignity of existing until you die, all intervention fruitless – watching the clock tick, waiting
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in the US yesterday was independence day
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for each of us everywhere today & every day is independence day
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someone lived their life fully, robustly & with passions – made choices, pleased some, displeased others – was his own man !
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the choices left in the waning days might be few; milk or juice ? see this friend or relative ? . . or not ? take this pill . . . or not . . . or not – freedom to make some choices, however few
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so much of what we do is based on initiative, drive, desire & choices
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Nike invites us to ‘just do it !’
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make a tiny choice today – appreciate that for many people, that is the only kind of choice they can make . . . help me show my friend that ‘something good comes from this’
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Mark

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