Saturday, July 09, 2005
Saturday July 9, 2005 Year 3, Day 111- life, my little experiment
+14C, partly cloudy, light breeze
. . .
walking slowly & late I find Saturday morning cruising the area unlike the other days; Saturday seems to be all about yard work & garage sales & packing & moving in this neighborhood; Gusta & I cruise by – our park path is ours alone – quiet, serene
. . .
so much of what I do is a product of continuing what I have done before without examining whether or not it makes sense
. . .
what I think scare us, me anyway, is giving up control of things I naively think I control to expose myself to uncharted territory; to be in a place where I have no bearings, have nothing concrete to cling to – to boldly go where I’ve not been before
. . .
to experiment with what my exploration does to my emotional experience, what my emotional experience does to/for others, what my experience teaches
. . .
fear is not so much of meeting someone new or learning about a person, a company, a pursuit; it is simply the ‘new territory’ fear; I realize rationally that risk is present everywhere, in every thing, in every moment – so there is no point hiding out from risk – it will still find me !
. . .
in risk there is opportunity, in opportunity learning, in learning growth, in growth risk
. . .
fear of the unknown, concerns me less than the fear of not exploring the unknown – afraid of what I will miss, how I will fail to grow
yesterday’s frenzy of work seems to have left an even taller pile labeled ‘weekend’ - my fate is sealed unless a tall stranger rescue’s me to get out & about
. . .
a Friday night on the town did not materialize; it’s been a long while since I’ve been stood up – so I spent a quiet evening at home last night, keeping my dog company; SE is in town however she neglected to call/chickened out/got busy or the unlikely possibility that there is a very good reason; rude behaviour for a Calgarian, but then again, she is from Toronto; next !
. . .
Mark
343,112
responses invited – scroll down to fill in your comments
. . .
walking slowly & late I find Saturday morning cruising the area unlike the other days; Saturday seems to be all about yard work & garage sales & packing & moving in this neighborhood; Gusta & I cruise by – our park path is ours alone – quiet, serene
. . .
so much of what I do is a product of continuing what I have done before without examining whether or not it makes sense
. . .
what I think scare us, me anyway, is giving up control of things I naively think I control to expose myself to uncharted territory; to be in a place where I have no bearings, have nothing concrete to cling to – to boldly go where I’ve not been before
. . .
to experiment with what my exploration does to my emotional experience, what my emotional experience does to/for others, what my experience teaches
. . .
fear is not so much of meeting someone new or learning about a person, a company, a pursuit; it is simply the ‘new territory’ fear; I realize rationally that risk is present everywhere, in every thing, in every moment – so there is no point hiding out from risk – it will still find me !
. . .
in risk there is opportunity, in opportunity learning, in learning growth, in growth risk
. . .
fear of the unknown, concerns me less than the fear of not exploring the unknown – afraid of what I will miss, how I will fail to grow
yesterday’s frenzy of work seems to have left an even taller pile labeled ‘weekend’ - my fate is sealed unless a tall stranger rescue’s me to get out & about
. . .
a Friday night on the town did not materialize; it’s been a long while since I’ve been stood up – so I spent a quiet evening at home last night, keeping my dog company; SE is in town however she neglected to call/chickened out/got busy or the unlikely possibility that there is a very good reason; rude behaviour for a Calgarian, but then again, she is from Toronto; next !
. . .
Mark
343,112
responses invited – scroll down to fill in your comments
