Musing

+13C, overcast, thunderstorms likely
. . .
father & daughter match groans & panting as we worked out at stairmaster hill as Carla joined us for the trek to Fish Creek & back while Gusta cruised for twigs & small lumber, finally extracting something dead from the tall grass
. . .
I find mid year a better time for reflection that year end/Christmas time; time to see how things are going & consider change of course . . . or not
. . .
I struggle a little each year in May/June; I struggle to determine & separate that which is working out more slowly than I thought from that which is not working out at all
. . .
as I ‘imagine better ways to achieve desired results’, I ponder if it is time to redefine & examine those desires ?
. . .
my desire to work hard comes from childhood training; a work ethic instilled by example rather than lecture; thirst for ideas grew from seeds planted along the way by influential figures; lust for business & independence inspired by mentors who taught both bad habits & some good ones too
. . .
not many years ago I would have described a desire for robust business that would provide sustained success & wherewithal, a byproduct of which would be the opportunity to revel in a my desires; a decadent mix of travel, golf, writing & w-relationship-fun & comfortable lifestyle
. . .
today I don’t think I have necessarily evolved to a higher level of consciousness or anything profoundly zen-like, but I find myself reversing the order a little
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comfortable lifestyle remains a very nice thing, but it has fallen down the priority list; relationships & ideas have risen to take its position
. . .
I still thrill at the adrenaline rush of ‘the deal’ or the relax-factor that comes with a fat bank account & pursuit of ‘good life’ playtime, but pursuit of ‘that great life’ is overshadowed by the pursuit of a life more engaged with values, more intrigued by people, more focused on why am getting where I am going than how I am getting there – all the while dealing with the self inflicted post-marriage/start new business impecunious period that has lingered a little too long !
. . .
I am at a point of jumping off ; not a cliff, but perhaps a change of direction, of focus
. . .
to create some things new which work, or to do something tried & true in a new form that is timely, perhaps a new experience not yet dreamt ?
. . .
I dunno; it would be nice to be more confident & certain . . . maybe one day soon
. . .
for my navel gazing malady, for today at least, I will read & write & play with my first born & my dog
. . .
I had a great brunch visit with LL yesterday; tales of her trips & the glow of a happy relationship with her new fella warmed up an already warm day; hanging with Carla today [she drove down last evening from Edmonton for the weekend] . . lunch planned with HK . .
. . .
Toastmaster & golf buddy & dear friend AW gets another ring on her trunk today . . . happy birthday
. . .
Mark
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musings posted daily @ http://markismusing.blogspot.com & http://markismusing.blog-city.com