Musing

I loved what you wrote today about being in relationship. Now that it is out in the universe it will come for you. That is what we seek. The animus/anima completion of us ….. that easy place to be with another, full of stimulation, challenge, gentleness, heightened senses and where the ego is nonexistent. Did I mention vulnerability? , DB, Red Deer

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You ask "why must we all figure it out, 1 at a time, by ourselves". I think that many people do not realize that sometimes there is an option. Our culture is so busy preparing us for the times when we must figure it out for ourselves. We have forgotten to teach that sometimes there are observable facts that could inform choices, that applying common sense is useful, and learning about how choices have worked out for those who aren't special cases can be enlightening. If people choose stress and like to be non-learners, that is their choice. Sure I think that it would be a good idea to teach that choices informed by fact, and made with open understanding that some things are not known, are better that uninformed choices. But will our culture be giving up psycho babble anytime soon? Psycho babble is such a good way of promoting something without being upfront. And way too entertaining. LHE, Calgary

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Hey Mark..... Incredible the number of rabbits we see in Calgary these days..... Have you thought about Hassenfeffer....marinated Easter bunny meat...a European delicacy. Rabbit stew....awesome..... Cheers, TL, Calgary

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Sometimes the difficult part of being open and honest with people, is that some simply don't know what to do with it. If you let them in and make yourself vunerable in the process, you take the risk that at some point in the future, they can use it against you. My response is this, if you do, it certainly tells me where you stand with your ethics and allows me the choice of retaining the relationship or being able to relinquish it without guilt. I live my life sincerely trying to be the best person I can be - kind, loving and generous - if you make that a weapon to be used against me, I consider it your loss. Some find it extremely refreshing, while others find it too confusing to work with, but I strongly feel that if I have been a positive influence in changing even one life while I am here, then I am successful. Besides, strangers are only strangers until that first encounter, SB, Calgary

7C/45F, lightly overcast & damp; we walked at first light when nothing in the neighbourhood was moving except that Gusta’s nose wanted to chase 2 rabbits bounding off in opposite directions to her confusion, my amusement - these gray guys had more white fur than I expected

why must we all figure it out, 1 at a time, by ourselves?

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." - Abraham Maslow

observing nature, observing behaviours of those around us, observing our own moods, quirks & shifts is beyond interesting; it fascinates me

as I observe myself I learn more slowly than I do from observing others; it is very comfortable to look at others because we, I think, judge ourselves far more harshly than we might ever judge (as if we have the right!) someone else; I know I do

the 2 deer in the light were not safe, any more than 2 rabbits in the dark; each has its natural enemies, each has its shortcomings that put them in harm’s way

if we each have within us the stuff & qualities of a higher-life form , we should be able to keep safer than the deer & the rabbit; we know so much more, understand so much more, we are the highest smartest life form

if we are so smart, why are we human critters so collectively troubled?

we can pretend to be as innocent as the deer & the rabbit – we will meet a fate like theirs or worse if we do; it won’t be a fender or a coyote or a hawk that does us in; we will be our own undoing, we will be solely responsible – but few of us will hold ourselves accountable

fewer still will do something preventative; if more of us did, would our world be better?

I think so

surely today, when all the data from all of time, all the wisdom of the self-help, psycho-babble & intellectuality of life can now be stored on less than ½ the head of a pin, we smart humans have not yet developed a micro-processor to synthesize that into 10 simple rules, 7 simple rules, 1 simple rule to explain it all, make sense of it all, to have us all live productive happy lives of joy - how do we all figure it out?

perhaps we should listen more, talk less – I know I need to

perhaps we should touch each other more, hold back less – I need to do that better

we need to let people get closer to us, open up more - being truthful, being open, being 'in the moment' is easy to do if we keep the core of our being protected & hidden; not so easy when we struggle to pry ourselves open to reach the center, to expose that center to another human being

like 2 rabbits in the dark

someone wrote me this morning - in response to my profile on an internet dating site where I lamented that too often a great beginning sizzle often ends in a fizzle within that 2-12 week opening act; her critique deserved response, so here it is: 'perhaps my words on the profile do not fully explain; I DO want to meet someone where the magic lasts & lasts; I was simply pointing out that I often find that impressive early connections have a short shelf life - not because I don't want them to last, but because the 'secret sauce' or 'fairy dust' is absent - that mix of brains & caring, the mix of lust & learning, the laughter & play . . on a very high level is challenging to find; I don't want to settle, I don't want to have half-measures for me or for a partner; I want the full meal deal. That said, something that looks really good in the beginning must be an incredible combo to pass the early tests any budding relationship is put to. That means getting deeply to the core of someone, and . . letting one's guard down so a counterpart can get just as close; I've had that level of magic 3 times in my life so I don't believe it is so elusive as to settle for something less . . yeah . . that's it . . in a spirt of reciprocity . . uh . .huh .. that's it !


like 2 rabbits in the dark


a few comments on yesterday’s feedback:

yesterday’s musings & AK’s contribution generated lots of discussion . . thanks all

several times over the last 3 yrs. I published the ‘Dash’ poem first sent to me by BP from Mexico City; it had a big impact on me & numerous other musers; we did not know the author but liked it all the same; this morning KN, a precious platinum part of my dash, sent me a link you might all want to check out (see below) by Linda Ellis http://www.thedashmovie.com


To PF: I’ve had lots of feedback . some written, some verbal . .from musers; some thought I was being critical or inappropriate, others wished me well with my ‘Irish Lovely’ . . some made inappropriate (in my view) comments – I told them to stuff it; as for you, you are desirable & worth anyone’s effort. If you were interested in me I’d surely make the effort as would, I think, any red blooded Canadian man would leap at the chance to get close to you

To GR: you put your nose/foot in it yesterday; we volleyed notes that will NOT be published; Georges, no need to stop writing . . . . but . . if I wrote you & told you how to run your life you would likely not smile; neither do I when someone tells me how to run mine . . especially so when they are commenting on something where they lack knowledge of the circumstances; people who reply to musings see their responses printed unless, as you did, they cross that line . . or they use profanity

Mark

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I haven’t seen your “musing” today – too many other things to do?, SB, Calgary

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Hi Mark. Your musing today, seguing into your musers' responses to yesterday and a day past, caused introspection at several levels for me. I live gently, close to the wilds and wild things, find it so hauntingly lovely because I am allowed to share their simple beat for a time, maybe unconsciously give something of value. A canoeist, over time, learns to paddle their own, fishing and enjoying the wildlife and the scenery. Many canoe people have never spent time with other canoe people. Isn't that grand? And just imagine! They've never heard of Maslow and never had to analyze why they love their own j-stroke against the current, other than that it's soul satisfying. A canoe delivers a personal space, a moving environment, a personal stroke and a knowledge that you're in control, or not. It's a place where one learns to get his or her feet wet and to glory in being incommunicado, or not. It's a challenge for many and recognition of perfection for some. Which brings me to the Irish. I'm, myself, a bit of a cat lover and a lover of vegetables. Hea'en forbid that I go to my grave with certain people judgin'. God knows, I give them no means to. My cat-huntin' hound nuzzles the newest cat, 'thout prejudice. Maybe it's nurture, but even he might choose a succulent red pepper or a crispy carrot, over meaty fare. I think it's so neat that he likes vegetables. Still not sure if Mark has a sense of humour but, here goes. I'm a cat-lovin', dog-walkin', child-driven, mark-musin', smokin' lady! I'm not a bad golfer. It's like knowing how to ride a horse but not needing to. I like golfers like I like horses. There's a barn for creatures like that and someone has to pay for it., VJP, Dewinton

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Sorry to hear about the passing of the apple nibbler..., AK, Calgary

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Cheer up - it can only get better!, AK (a different AK), Calgary

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Mark, You are funny, warm & wonderful, and don't you ever forget that! That whole piece about the Globe killed me, I love it. I completely relate to those moments of frustration, in today's crazy busy life many of us are leading...15 mins is a long time! I know that I can always count on your musings for a laugh, sometimes a needed cry and mostly some introspective thoughts. I promise you I'm not alone. I can assure you there are many others out there that feel the same, there is no option, you don't get to not continue musing. Perspective is a funny thing isn't it? I adore what PF wrote today, about being an "oddball" or even "feeling like a real weirdo." I think many people feel like that at one point or another, I know I have. Putting yourself out there is scary, the whole rejection thing...Yuck! At the end of the day we are genetically put together to not be alone, that's why everyone continues looking for something, someone to connect with, on some level, somehow? My daughter's screen saver on the computer is boldly written with lots of awesome color and reads" They laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them, because they are the same!" Kudos to the Oddballs, it keeps life interesting! CN, Okotoks

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Re: Globe . . Mark, hello? You should subscribe to the online version. Much greener, cleaner and happier demeanor. Yours with a smile, JD, Vancouver

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Hi – not sure what has been going on for you but reading the response this am caused me to wonder, as I have many times. I think your honesty may have offended someone but I am not sure…. . I read the title of a couple of books today… “spending a day with a stranger” and “having dinner with a stranger”. At least I think that was what they were titled and I thought of you and how open you are to engaging actually I believe it’s more actively seeking strangers to engage. All thought provoking for me. I am happy to be back in Red Deer …. The city is too noisy for me. I am sorry to hear about the deer. I am disturbed about our species encroaching on the wild life. We move into their territory and then we complain that a coyote eats a domestic cat left out at night. Keats bear is very happy with the blackberries this year…. Lots of bear scat in the back yard but no sightings. Also lots of island deer enjoying my property while I am in Red Deer … all good. Must run. Hope you are well. Cheers, DB, Red Deer

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Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed her diploma hanging on the wall. It bore her full name and I suddenly remembered a great looking gal with the same name. She had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if she could be the same gal. I had the hots for way back then?? When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This heavy set gray-haired lady with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was she??? After she examined my teeth I asked her if she had attended Castle High School. "Yes, I did." she said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1959. Why do you ask?" she answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. Then that ugly, old wrinkled bitch asked, "What did you teach?", ND, Calgary

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Hi Mark......thanks for the note. Yea, it was nice seeing you again and catching up. Enjoy the rest of your summer and look me up from time to time when you're back this way. Take care, CD, Edmonton

9C/48F, overcast, chilly breeze; leaves are falling in quantity earlier than one might expect by this date which should produce a spectacular colour show in the park very soon

thanks SB for the pep-talk/mutual coaching session last night; nice to catch up & wish you well with your potential bean-counter conquest

Detroit 1, Young Bucks 0

my two deer friends did not visit for apple tree nibbling last night; about 8:30 the ‘car hitting something non-metal’ sound hitting my ears told the story; ½ block away where dim street lights far apart make it hard to see there was a car stopped, 4-way flashers blinking while other cars went around while they waited for the cleanup crew

arrggh%_@*%&@%**)

to the Globe & Mail writers on the musing list, sorry to write this but your management group are 2nd rate idiots - my call to inquire why my paper was 2 hrs. late already produced this: a call centre person in Toronto asking me if I knew there is a labour shortage problem in Calgary – I indicated since I read the Globe every day I was not aware of this issue because the Globe never reported it – she didn’t like that

imagine if they had thought to run a story yesterday saying they would not be delivering in Calgary today or for the foreseeable future - a truth they knew about - then I could have saved 15 minutes on hold this morning & I could have cancelled my subscription
yesterday instead of today

arrggh

I read something once about something being idiot-proof; the piece went on to suggest that someone would invent a better idiot

someone did & they work for the Globe & Mail

I think I have this in perspective

note to AK - Andre, thank you for your encouraging words & pats on the head in the past . . but your note this morning is over the top, very thoughtful & thoroughly appreciated. I hope I can live up to that standard. Some days I know I that I do & some days I really wonder - but encouragement from you & many others is a big part of why I continue. I do it for me too - that is the prime mover, but on days when I am feeling a tad low, like today, it seems that out of nowhere, from out of the ether someone connects in a very meaningful way. Thanks.

Mark

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Hi Mark, you don’t have to print this, but I am from High Prairie not Fairview. No big deal, but I thought I would let you know. Take care., LW, High Prairie

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Mark, I just read this Report prepared by the executive director of the Bow Waters Canoe Club. I found it very well written and that it might give you something to "muse" about. I think your musings are working on the higher levels of Maslow's hierarchy, and I wonder how many people have managed work out the self actualization level of the hierarchy for themselves. I wonder whether that self actualization is something that each of us gets a taste for, once in a while, whether with kids or grand-kids, our involvement with charities or clubs, our businesses, our gardens, our artistic pursuits or otherwise --- a taste that fades and is replaced witha new search for self actualization? I think I should get a copy of Maslow's body of work and figger out what he was thinking about... Executive Director’s Report – June 2006 “Voice of the River” It’s now June, and we are well into our 2006 canoeing season. We have over 65 trips on our schedule, with more to come by way of our BWCC Forum and weekly Updates. Thanks to Committee Chair David Campden and all of our volunteer tour coordinators for making this happen. Membership Chair Mollie Cole has been working since January on initiatives to make our new members feel welcome and to get them involved with the club as quickly as possible. She put a lot of thought into the timing of our New Member Orientation sessions and our New Member Canoe Tours. She has also overseen (and personally worked at) many of our publicity events, including the Outdoor Adventure Show and our Wednesday Open Houses. Vice President Mike Kelly continues to take a leadership role in all that is going on around the club. The Spring Group Lessons component of our Lessons Program is well past the half way mark. Lessons Program Coordinator Karla Handy tells me we currently have 23 groups booked, with a projected total of 1,012 students. In addition to this, we’ve already completed several of our Adult Canoe courses, and Karla is processing new applications for our Youth Summer Camps every week. All of this activity is made possible because we have a wonderful set of facilities built right here on the canal. These include our clubhouse, where we store some fifty canoes, our old boathouse with additional storage space plus a boat repair facility, and last but not least, our dock systemand eddy makers. As I’ve noted in the past, we are the beneficiaries of the work done by our founding members who dared to dream big dreams. If you’ve ever wondered what might have motivated them to move beyond creating an annual canoe tour schedule, you might take a look at the work done by Abraham Maslow (1908-1970). Maslow created his now famous hierarchy of needs. Beyond the details of air, water, food, and sex, he laid out five broader layers: the physiological needs, the needs for safety and security, the needs for love and belonging, the needs for esteem, and the need to actualize the self, in that order. Paddlers who join our club have likely satisfied the first two levels of needs, and have arrived at the “belonging needs” level. This includes the desire for friends and perhaps the need for a sense of community. Bow Waters certainly offers such an opportunity. In terms of overall development, Maslow believed that we move through these levels a bit like stages. As I see it, our club’s original “movers and shakers” eventually moved into the two highest levels. They were able to look at the bigger picture and beyond themselves. They had an interest in building something for future generations of paddlers. Over the years, and including present times, we have been fortunate inattracting members who also have reached the top two levels of Maslow’shierarchy. These are the folks who keep the dreams alive. They would concurwith Eleanor Roosevelt, who said “The future belongs to those who believein the beauty of their dreams.”

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Comments re: - no expectations
“but what of someone we do not know, want to get to know - having expectations - finding someone quite different indeed from the expected, from the norms I know, from my pre-conceived expectations” Mark, Thank you for a lovely evening on Saturday. You are indeed an amazing, polite, interesting, entertaining, easy going and generous man. Of course I would like to see you again as you are, might I add, not “the norm” type of guy that I normally meet. On reading your musing on Sunday I wondered: What expectations did you have? What is the norm? “she is a delightful Jane Curtin look-alike with dimpled cheeks & disarming Irish accent;” - “WoW” Thanks! we enjoyed a delicious dinner last night; lots of interesting conversation but it quickly became clear I am not the sort who interests her; an interesting friendship opportunity perhaps if explored further but I sense she's not so interested in that or in me; “ Oops! What do I say? Interested in friendship! - “is it really as simple as whether a childless non-golfing borderline vegetarian cat keeper restless to return to Europe might be compatible in some way with me? Am I really such an odd ball? Makes me feel like a real weirdo! I know loads of childless women but I guess like attracts like. The words childless, cat keeper, vegetarian, however, sounds negative. Oh well, maybe I am going a little odd as I near my twilight years. Do keep in touch, Regards, PF, Calgary

14C/57F, light overcast, steady breeze brings welcome cool; Gusta went nose to nose with a Scottie show-dog type to the chagrin of its snotty owner who barely grunted a ‘good morning’; it seems some folks cannot speak clearly when their nose is tilted so high or, maybe, it was because her prize male pooch took a licking from an in-heat visiting female

are we all acting on whim, reacting to an opportunity or, are we simply doing the obvious when an opportunity we have been waiting for shows up on our path, on our patio, in our office or in our bedroom?

exhausted from a long & fruitful day yesterday, I should have crashed early last night but could not turn off that great Andre Agissi 5 set marathon tennis match at the US Open; had I crashed early I would have missed the 2 deer nibbling my apple tree – again I was fawn-length from them on my patio

they are not without fear or ability to run away, but they explore with such youthful enthusiasm, drawn to light, drawn to things delicious

perhaps, instead of making plans for yummy meals when entertaining friends, I should say ‘come over later & nibble on my apples’

it seems to work for these deer

KL called me a ‘guy of a certain age’ yesterday referring to my ability to accomplish a lot of work on a smaller than average volume of sleep; he meant it as a good-humoured shot, but it got me thinking whether my ‘turn some things on their head’ approach is really unique to me or if it is just a typical stage for members of the Pepsi generation - reaching a ‘certain age’ & seeing things from different angles

understanding what drives people – starting with myself – is always intriguing; some people are driven by the thrill of the opportunity, the reaction ‘in the moment’ like the deer coming back for another taste of my apples, like Gusta licking the Scottie or me adventuring in business & in personal relationship adventures

here’s to preparation & experience & youthful sniffing around for opportunities, here’s to having some form of plan/expectation/goal & here’s to letting imagination take us in directions we never imagined

there will always be instinct, experience & somebody to tether us to reality when we flirt with danger, but first, lets roam around & explore

I think I pause more often these days to ponder - is this really what it appears to be or is it an illusion of some kind

is it real, is it worth it, can I win?

I pursue the delicious ones, every one, as though it might be THE ONE I’ve been waiting for, sometimes scared away early, sometimes tasting the fruit, sometimes gorging on it all

it seems to work for these deer

Mark

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I hope that you enjoyed your trip to Northern Alberta. We live about an hour from Valleyview. It is beautiful country, isn’t it? , LW, Fairview

11C/52F, steady breeze, clear (30C predicted); Gusta seems so routine in our morning walks – time for a new route to disrupt the familiar routine

I am about 90% habit, practice & routine – so stepping outside that box always feels weird

7 days ago I started my week with a trip, mostly business, some pleasure – a routine breaker to be sure

this morning I wonder what I can do to disrupt this week too!

why?

why not?

that disruption of routine, of habit; is unsettling at first - energizes, animates, ruminates & produces incalculable results

that was my experience last week

what are you going to turn on its head this week?

why not?

what do you have to lose?

what might you gain?

if you haven’t picked something yet, do it soon or the opportunity to change the course of your entire week (or maybe your life) might be missed, forcing you to wait another week to try it

on second thought, why is Monday the first day of the week?

if you want the week to start on another day, why not; who will know you changed it for you?

thrive, be alive, don’t merely survive; decide instead that it is time for a new route to disrupt the familiar routine – you might be amazed at how much energy a simple decision like that generates

have a great week, whenever you choose to start it; just break your routine & hang on for the ride

Mark

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say hello next time, anonymous posting on the blog

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Very nice Mark. CCH Chimacum

12C/54F, sunny, steady breeze; a brisk walk around the lagoon to get our motors running, Gusta a little lethargic; I walked/ruminated feeling a little out of familiar territory

I think that is good; not FAR outside my comfort zone, but in new thought-territory

expectations fill every corner of life; having ‘no expectations’ is something I doubt I could do even while unconscious

I have an expectation the world will keep turning & the sun will come up to greet me each day – a realistic somewhat universal expectation - I expect water will flow from the tap, I expect lights will come on when I flip the switch; these things are not certain, but they are expected

get the picture?

not to confuse ‘taking things for granted’ with expectations, but just what is it I/we expect?; to say ‘I never expected that from you’ or words to that effect arise among friends who learn something new, something surprising about someone they thought they knew quite well

I believe we all can easily talk at length with someone who is very much like us, someone with similar views, experiences, expectations & dreams but, when we encounter someone on a very different path who marches to a very different drummer – that opens up a few brain cells that would otherwise sit idle; I like that & dislike it too

I like it because it is stimulating, expands horizons of thought & is part of the intrigue of getting to know someone new/different/unique to my experience; I dislike that it challenges my brain when it would be so much more convenient otherwise

questions like ‘why did I have my expectations, where did they come from, why were some basic assumptions I made so far off the mark?

I question whether it is reasonable to have expectations or, rather, if ‘wishes’ a more appropriate word?

the trite phrase ‘no expectations’ fits when we explore new opportunities, new people or sometimes a new day - what a croc that is - I have expectations every hour every day

but what of someone we do not know, want to get to know – having expectations – finding someone quite different indeed from the expected, from the norms I know, from my pre-conceived expectations

she is a delightful Jane Curtin look-alike with dimpled cheeks & disarming Irish accent; we enjoyed a delicious dinner last night; lots of interesting conversation but it quickly became clear I am not the sort who interests her; an interesting friendship opportunity perhaps if explored further but I sense she’s not so interested in that or in me

sometimes expectations are fulfilled, sometimes not, sometimes it is too soon to know; what then, of the person we do not know at all; do we have expectations?

I think the differences are not just ones of style or personality - they much more fundamental; of lifestyle, upbringing, experiences & future plans; is it really as simple as whether a childless non-golfing borderline vegetarian cat keeper restless to return to Europe might be compatible in some way with me?

truth told, I had expectations – perhaps wishes – about someone I did not know; I learned much & enjoyed her company as I learned my expectations/wishes were off in a totally different direction; someone no less good, complete, articulate & friendly than I expected; someone very much different from what I had imagined; I found that truly interesting, stimulating & confusing all at the same time

I’m having lunch with my dad today

I have expectations, so does he

I expect I will talk, I expect he will listen

I expect when I ask him how his week went, how his day went, how is appointments went that the stories will be so much like the usual answers to those questions (I suspect the same answers will flow if I ask different questions)

we have a bit of a script you see – familiar unspoken cues – expectations of what the other is saying, where they are going with it; it works both ways – much of it non-verbal

I expect he will want to pay

I expect he will want to know about my week, my work, my trip & especially my date last night

I expect I will tell him all he wants to know

I expect he will forget some of it & ask me again tomorrow

must go soon, I am expected

Mark

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Hey Mark....careful....you will be finding your text bounced by some of the tighter spam controls....To your success.....salute etc... Cheers, TL, Calgary

20C/68F, a sharp ramp-up in temperature in the last couple of hours; a beautiful morning with only a few folks doing yard work; Gusta very happy to trot around familiar territory

happy birthday to TH

nibbling on two ears of pleasure is something that you non-Albertans cannot appreciate so I will tell you

one of the great pleasures of late summer here is tasting a delicacy that was in the field just the day before, mature ripened Taber corn; gorging on those rows of perfectly formed firmness, continuous rows of kernels like toothy smiles, chomping into such a treat
as natural juices at their finest burst on your palate; I had this pleasure last night depleting my stock by two ears (memories of 4 at one sitting when I was a teenager)

what did you nibble on last night?

last night, as I opened my patio screen après dinner about 8:30 I got a treat one could never recreate; two deer (antler growth suggests these guys are 1-1.5 yrs.) looking for treats to nibble on at the apple tree

they exchanged intent stares with me as they let me get to within a metre until a noise startled them into dashing frenetically across that busy road, innocently oblivious to dangers

life is like the corn, also it is like the deer

experiences are mixtures of planned/unplanned, mature/immature, ripened/raw – whether youthful zeal or mature savouring, the fruits of life are there for us all, for the taking, for the enjoying, for the nibbling

just letting it happen, offering a nudge now & then, produces more & better results than does the pushy exuberance of our youth; then again, re-enacting youthful exuberance is part of staying young in mind & body

the mature approach would be to approach a 'first date' experience with calm aplomb showing ripened maturity but that rational calm approach competes with curiosity, appetite & teenage excitement innocently oblivious to dangers

I have an exploration dinner date tonight with a delightful mature, ripened creature; delicious to the eyes, intriguing to my mind; we’ll go somewhere nice to get acquainted & to find some treats to nibble on

. . . nibble on something tonight; if not an ear perhaps something else

Mark

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It sounds like you were fortunate enough to be brought up knowing that you were worthy of happiness, and that you could achieve anything you wanted. I too have a strong sense of self-worth and I'm thankful everyday. This seems to be a missing element in people who allow themselves to be abused on a long term basis. So when you are reaching out to your friend, letting them know you are there to help, don't forget to tell them that they are worthy. There is happiness out there and they deserve it, NI, Calgary

13/55F in south Calgary this morning; we walked under a canopy of stars VERY early this morning in North Edmonton before hitting the road for Calgary, a whiz around Red Deer to check out a property – then back on the road, finishing that walk a few minutes ago; Gusta seems very content to be back in familiar territory, I’m happy to be here too but I really enjoyed a work & play & family week

I had a great day yesterday; driving & meetings, a visit to Eva’s massage table & a get together with CD (it is hard to believe it has been 10 yrs!) .. nice to see you again

MM . . as always your hospitality & guest room is very much appreciated . . Gusta says thanks too for the great yard to roam

does anything unhealthy, left unchanged, get better on its own?

I just don’t get it

I fail to grasp the logic (if there is) when someone is not stuck, not chained (I mean figuratively) to a situation who is not moving, not taking decisions to generate happiness they crave, choosing instead in a resigned fashion, to remain in a long term unhappy place

in this employment market, I cannot imagine anyone feeling they have no choice but to stay in an abusive employment situation; so too in personal relationships given the knowledge, services & help of governments, agencies & just plain folks – I cannot understand why anyone stays in a situation which offers nothing but continued ‘absence of happy’

whether it is a job or a domestic relationship, given the worth we all have, I cannot imagine coping in an unhealthy, unhappy & unfulfilling personal relationship when there are so many options available, so much help available, but mostly, I cannot imagine why anyone denies themselves likely happiness, likely improvement in favour of a path of certain unhappiness

if there is NO choice, that is one kettle of fish, but when choice is easy & abundant, why stay?

a confusing conversation yesterday, a déjà vu reminder of similar stories of someone in a long term situation, someone with obvious latitude to move on, move out, move forward – but instead they are resigned to leave things unchanged

whether that relationship is domestic bliss gone wrong or job gone weary I cannot understand it; the characters are always different in these stories, the nuances vary but the point is so often similar; a smart worthy capable person is kept down, kept in place & kept there – be that a marriage or long-term employment; I am not a pro in the field but it seems to fit so clearly the symptoms of abuse that I’ve read about that it makes me wonder why

why is it that people fail to see their own worth, their own happiness, their own physical & mental health as so precious that there is NO other choice but to extricate themselves, while instead they project many reasons, excuses & illogic as to why they must stay, cannot leave etc.

I just don’t get it; but maybe, there is something we can all do about it

musers, here is your challenge du jour:

if you know someone in a regular state of ‘absence of happy’, call them up or write them to tell them that you are there, that you care, that you can listen, that you can fetch & carry, that you can offer something as simple as a comforting word or a place of shelter, or a job or a helping hand – whatever it is YOU have to give to THEM that might help

if it is only a word expressing you know & care that is so much more, SO MUCH MORE, than doing nothing which is easy to do but has no value

without doubt that person must do the emotional heavy lifting on their own, but imagine how much easier it is for them when they know someone cares & is willing to offer assistance in some form

have a great weekend & nibble on a scrumptious ear – human or Taber corn – take your pick

Mark

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re: not so far - Your words spoke to my heart, Thanks VJP, Dewinton

written & published from the Quality Inn, Whitecourt

6C/43F, frost on the windshield being nibbled away by brilliant sunshine; our walk short & rugged as the motel I chose is out the back entry of the Millar Western pulp mill wood yard; perhaps my absence of a sense of smell is a good ’ting

my breakfast server asked if the reason I didn’t sleep was the trains going by in the middle of the night

I said ‘what trains?’

good ’ting I don’t have a long drive ahead of me this morning

my trip to High Level relates to a health care project – so thoughts of wellness & all things connected with it have been on my mind; good ’ting – a learning experience meeting the players, seeing the sites, the town, the problem so clearly will, I hope, help us find a winning combination to not only win the competition, but to create something which truly does enhance front line health care delivery in a truly unique community

‘A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illness.’ – Hippocrates

having a small bout of illness every now & then a humbling reminder of how little distance between wellness & non-wellness can be - good ’ting

yesterday I finished about 4pm in High Level; my debate then became ‘where to spend the night?’, knowing I had a noon meeting in Whitecourt today; I got to Peace River . . decided to press on, Valleyview offered spectacular scenery under a setting sun, Fox Creek provided a coyote sighting but every place was full . . so Whitecourt was THE choice; good ’ting because I was up half the night feeling really ill, so a slow easy start this morning suits me fine + I won’t be late for that meeting or for ones later in the day in Edmonton

I made it through moose country, twice now, but never saw a moose

I get to spend an easy morning in my room near porcelain while catching up on calls & emails; good ’ting

not feeling well, though improving hourly, I wonder the cause

was it the long day/long drive, too much air conditioning (car & hotel) or something I ate?

probably ALL of those

I’m feeling so much better as I remind myself I am not in Mexico eating salad & drinking water; good ’ting

I feel better already

gotta run (oops .. poor choice of words) – must work now!

Mark

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my god - your traveling into my homeland. There is quite the history up there. They used to run these marvelous boats up the Peace River (no roads then) and the service was linen tablecloths and silver. A man by the name of Louie Bourassa took the mail for years via dog team from Peace River to Ft. Vermilion (some 300 miles) and actually got an OBE (Order British Empire) for his perseverance - he was my grandmother's brother. His son, Johnny Bourassa ran one of the river boats. If you get to Hay River be sure to take Gusta to the lake and build a bonfire. Its wonderful. I went to school in Hay River and then to Akaitcho Hall in Yellowknife for my high school. I believe they have or are tearing it down now. My brother, Tony Bittman, is buried in the town graveyard. My cousin, Johnny Bourassa, a bush pilot, was lost up there and the NWT conducted one of the biggest searches in its history to no avail. They finally found the plane with his note that he was walking out but never his body. Regards and good luck on your northern trip., DJ, Edmonton

. . .

Mark – Make a point to plan that trip you never took with Tony, in memory of him. I had plans to take a trip to Australia with a very close 80 year old Australian acquaintance. She came down with an illness this past month. As I laid in bed Saturday feeling sorry for myself she passed away. I will be taking that trip next summer in memory of her. Get planning that trip Mark! VBL-Englewood, Colorado

. . .

Home is where humour gentlly teases, with lightness and joy -- in you. Home is where you strive to be part of a great thing. It is a place that is forgiving if you cry and unforgiving if you're crying for nothing. Home is a place where there are judgments without words and words without judgment. In a home, there are battles, with understanding, battles to understand. There are hugs, always, in a home. When I picture my home, I feel it light my eyes because it is what is behind everything I am and everything I do. This week it is that my daughter is going back to school. Last summer, it was because my hounddog didn't die of poiisoning. Tonight, it is a grownup bottlefed cat, waking me up because he's afraid of the coyotes. Yesterday, it was a great day for me in the market. Tomorrow, I hope my feeling of home will be an undisturbed day in the garden. I never wanted the cat. I never wanted the horses in the pasture. I love it all. Everyone demands because each gives so much. With no conscious thought. Without reprisal. With love, knowing safety., VJP, Dewinton

written at & published from the lobby Flamingo Inn at High Level (they also have a Stardust, Sahara, Frontier etc a-la- Las Vegas)

10C/50F, clear, a little chilly before sunrise; Gusta pulled frenetically along motel row, much to sniff, one black cat scattered & people watching in the restaurant was entertaining

my friends SS & DB celebrate birthdays today; wishing you each another spectacular year

may years ago Tony & I used to talk about taking a long summer trip to Inuvik & back; we never did it & Tony is long gone but knowing now how the first leg of the trip goes I have a twinge of regret for having not done it; but I suppose I could do that trip with someone else one of these days . . maybe next year . . hmmm; I think I need something bigger than a car, smaller than an 18 wheeler . . both of which are in abundance here

I’ve lived in cities, lived in the country, traveled a bit – but the notion of living & working in a remote area in the north is something I’ve not contemplated; here I can see that up close & get a taste without diving in; a little voyeuristic perhaps, but a great chance to listen & learn & learn & learn

8 hours of spectacular sunshine yesterday; just me, my thoughts, my dog & my George Carlin audio book playing interspersed with Percy Faith & quite a few calls – I was entertained & had plenty of reflection time; riding a long way, but when considering the BIG north to the north of me, it was not so far; driving through Peace Country landscape during harvest season on that very flat plateau, then moving to higher altitude wetlands (a.k.a. moose pasture) in sunshine yesterday – spectacular; in the evening I walked the downtown & drove the residential areas; it seems like a great little town with much evidence of good planning, new development & lots of oil & gas, forestry & development activity in this last business centre (yes they have a golf course) before entering the Northwest Territories

I’ve breakfasted, read Echo – the local weekly, talked to two staff at the restaurant who have not been here long enough to help me with directions (one might think a year would be long enough to know directions to the airport); lots of places to go, people to see . . gotta run, but not so far . . no traffic lights, no traffic jams

Mark
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Hi Mark, I recently have found "home". I too was caught between cities and unsure of exactly where I belong. On a recent flight I was on, I had the opportunity to see "home" from the air. The jet flew over my home, over my neighbourhood, over the places that are dear to my heart. That's when this smile grew on my face and I finally realized that Edmonton is not only the place I live, but it is truly "home" and once I found that everything else all came together. I am no longer homeless!, SdeV, Edmonton

. . .

As the old saying goes .....' Home is where the heart is ! ', CC, Calgary

. . .

Hey Mark....I grew up in Edmonton, have lived in northern Alberta and British Columbia, Red Deer, Regina, Vancouver, Victoria, and subsequently relocated to Calgary in the late 70's. Stampede, summer festivals, the mountains, bicycle paths, the Bow and Elbow River, easy going people, no poisonous snakes, insects, or other critters. What a great city this is!!!! Thus, when it came to consider offers of promotions tied to corporate moves to Toronto, they were diplomatically rejected. Home is where your favorite activities and friends are. Albeit I enjoy a trip south in the winter and a summer holiday in the Balfour/Nelson area, Calgary is "home". Only pondering I do is whether or not to down scale the house in Calgary, then purchase a villa style condo and a small place in the Balfour/Nelson and split my time between the two locations. With blue tooth technology we can work anywhere.Cheers, RL, Calgary

written in Edmonton, sent from an internet café on Jasper Avenue

17C/63F, calm, clear & mild this morning inn north Edmonton; Gusta remembers the neighbourhood but not enough to walk calmly - she knows this is familiar, but clearly it is not home

where is home?

yesterday was full & long & wonderful; an early start, lunch with DB in Red Deer & the evening with my kids @ The Fringe Festival in Edmonton; we soaked up atmosphere, saw a mediocre play & hung out; the big event was to see some of Krista's new things she is so proud of - apartment, car & boyfriend - each nicer, newer & cleaner than their predecessors . . very vice
return visits to Edmonton are more than 'warm summer evenings & soft water', but those two are especially nice; the Fringe Festival has morphed a little, but not much - but I feel like a Calgarian visiting more than an Edmontonian coming home

moving at age 8 to Red Deer, I feel no sense of home with Estevan yet I really enjoy spending time in that province & standing in a wheat field; then leaving Red Deer where I grew up, where I felt at home but I lack the need/urge to return there for something I miss or long for that cannot be cured by visiting with DB; Calgary, then Edmonton then back to Calgary have been my homes interrupted only by meaningful vacations to far off warm places; yesterday I spent some of my time in Calgary, Red Deer & Edmonton - in each feeling at home, but not feeling I was home

what makes one place HOME & others just places to revisit?

clearly western Canada is where I am from, Alberta is where I live, Calgary is the community I currently feel most part of; my recent explorations of countryside in this province & SW Saskatchewan searching out the ideal weekend retreat & regular musing about spending part of the year somewhere very warm where palm trees grow causes me to wonder where home is/was, or, if I really have had a sense of home

home, or perhaps the absence of feelings of homelessness, is where you are with the people who matter to you; that makes a lot of places home

Hello Mark. you know you sound just like my son & daughter, they say Iam never in, I am also 84, & my son tells me I am out far more than he & his wife are, but if we give in,it means they have the job of looking after us !!( not my daughter 'cos she lives in Bermuda ) by the way has your putting improved you have never said whether my tip worked for you ! Cheers , bb U.K.

. . .

Hi - thanks again for reaching out to me. I really enjoyed your company at lunch even if you did try to choke with me laughter. Please remember to send me a picture of the house. I am very curious about it and the roof. For some reason I am considering Saskatchewan or the Arrow Lakes for a retreat. I would like more land, garden space and space for chickens plus the prices of land on Keats are skyrocketing. Hope your trip is productive. Dobie loved the smell of Gusta on me ... Cheers Dix, DB, Red Deer

8C/46F, hazy at first light with pinks & blue-gray emerging from the dark; we walked in silence, Gusta’s coat drenched from investigating all those dewy spots

14 yrs. ago I was introduced over lunch to a representative of a landlord; it was the beginning of a great working relationship, now a new partnership

along the way we found that knowing, liking & trusting each other was not just the development of a friendship – it was the foundation of a business venture

not having something fresh to say every day means nothing on its own; some days it just takes a little longer - some days not; first I take some routine, add some steps & my fingers just start moving on the keys; I write what I think about, what is on my mind in the moment, then I tell my story to this anonymous screen

I write what I think about, what is on my mind in the moment, then I tell my story to this anonymous screen

“The journey of thousand miles starts with a single step.” – Chinese Proverb

a great destination awaits, but first we need to take some steps

sometimes that might be a big meeting, a lunch meeting, a chance meeting or simply a chance of meeting

take the meeting, take the call, take the step

without that lunch, it never would have happened

you never know what will happen; but, sometimes, its just lunch

sometimes, most times, it is much more than that

sometimes it takes 14 yrs. of gestation, sometimes less

Mark

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Good Morning, Mark! As always, your musings have hit on something that has been going through my own mind lately - albeit with a twist! You muse as to being alone when we die, are ill, or just at various moments in our life. I have just returned from (I thought) laying to rest a number of my own ghosts - living and dead. The drive back across the country gave me a couple of days to reflect on why we move on, how we leave and why we don't take all our stuff - baggage and people included - when we do so. How much responsibility do we as individuals bear for the loss (presence wise) of our friends and dear ones, and how much is simply a growing apart of ideals and values, or simply and unconscious recognition that in the greater scheme of things, our jigsaw puzzle pieces just don't fit together anymore? You can care for someone, but no longer love them; still laugh over adventures you shared with a close friend, but no longer find yourself having anything to talk about when you call or visit. It isn't anybody's fault - rather it is about moving forward. I still have a lot of my ghosts hanging around, but now they share my space on my terms, with warm and loving memories when I look at them, rather than intruding with an undercurrent of guilt for having left them behind. Have a great day! , EP, ?

. . .

Sounds like your Dad is a vibrant 84 year old......same age as my mother.........who runs circles around me and always has. My thoughts are to let go and let God work out the way it's supposed to be for both them and us. You have no control!, CC, Chestermere

. . .

Just read your musing this morning for yesterday and can fully commiserate, the smallest of things can send me into a panic when I can't reach my dad, only to find that all is well. The price of allowing them that independence. It is surprising the strength one can find, where does it come from, was it always there, when the time comes. My mom exsanguinated when her aorta burst, just moments after telling me what a great day she had. Of course, she was dead instantly, but it never stopped me from applying my limited first aid knowledge until the EMT's arrived. As difficult as that was, (growth experiences are never easy) I was certainly glad to be there and to find comfort in the fact that she was in my arms when she passed. Sometimes that is the greatest gift we can give those that we love, SB, Calgary

11C/52F, calm in sparking sunshine, lots of joggers & lap dog walkers this morning; my mood unsettled, my pace faster than usual; a confluence of much on my mind, on my plate & drained a bit from yesterday’s workshop

I have identified a true gem – due diligence underway - a diamond, no doubt a gem for someone to treasure, a real gem, a killer smile

some people are like a rugged rock, some are pretty stones - fewer still genuine diamonds, real gems with many facets of clarity, of cut, of colour; more or less

BS in Edmonton; GEM, an advocate, teacher, survivor, mentor, tower of strength, wife & mother to 1 husband & 3 boys who could not possibly do better than to have her, colleague & friend had the good fortune to be born on this day; many of us have had the good fortune to know you – you are truly one of those gems – happy birthday Barbara

I woke this morning debating about making a call (early calls won’t wake the dead but they certainly annoy the living) or about just driving right over; instead, I waited past nine to call

I worry too much about an 84 yr. old reasonably healthy man who lives alone; like me, he could call someone, press the emergency button in his condo or ring 911 if there was something wrong

but what if he cannot get to the phone, what if he is dead already?

my worst fear – for me or for him, is for me or for him to die alone?

this feeling shows up 2 to 3 times a year when, notwithstanding efforts to connect, I am out of touch with him for a few days, compounded by his reluctance/forgetting to leave a recorded message if/when he calls me back; not gamesmanship or anything manipulative on his part nor fear of technology but, I think, a failure to see the importance of confirming to his son that he is in fact alive & well!

I call him every day so he’ll know I’m OK; if I miss him he should call back; that is at the root of it, more or less

I called my dad last night, I called him at lunch time, I called him mid-morning & I called him on my way home from the workshop too; each time no answer, each time I left a message – each time he did not call back – my thoughts were that he did not notice the flashing red light on his phone, or his slightly failing memory failed him, or his declining ability to reason things out was the cause – or he was too busy doing whatever he was doing (as it turns out he was) or that he was trying to elicit more concern & involvement from me; the roiling debate in my head – never verbalizing the real fear that runs through it all, that he might be dead or dying on the floor, unable to come to the phone; that’s it, more or less

I thought last night & again this morning I should just drive over, just as I have a 3 or 4 times in the last 5 years when he has been ‘out of touch’ for a few days while remembering how silly I felt each time before when I opened the door to find none of my fears confirmed because he was out being the active guy that he is

I spoke with him at 9:30, he is fine of course; my worry all for naught

he was sleeping late after being out late; a late breaking invitation to a birthday party etc etc etc following his busy day, several mentions of ‘I didn’t want to call & bother you because I knew you were busy’ etc etc etc

whether or not we want to re-couple, he at 84 or me at 55; as long as we are alive we don't want to be alone when we are ill or low or feeling blue - the more I let go of a need to see him as different from me, the more I realize the many ways we are the same, more or less

is it that I want him to not be alone when his time comes or is it that I want to be there when he goes, or both?

I know how I feel about that; I expect he feels the same, more or less

Mark

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Hi - I so appreciated your musing today. I have been experiencing so many - inner knowledge, intuition, moments lately. So its good to listen to others but maybe they just pointed out that your "tummy" was telling you things all along. We just have to listen to our tummys more. CH, Chimacum

. . .

‘Your subconscious mind is the producer of your experience. Your conscious mind is the decider of your experience. Both phases of mind are spiritual processes working together … and by your use of them, you determine your life. You can awaken out of mental and emotional lethargy and become a person in your own right. … Life says that you can become what you choose, but only when you choose it, and are willing to go through the necessary mental changes to be it.’ - Raymond Charles Barker in Treat Yourself to Life . . . - . . Hi – we have to listen with all our senses …. Working with nonverbal folks and animals help to fine tune it. I bet you have gotten much sharper with Gusta in your life to teach you the fine points of deep listening. Looking forward to visiting with you. , Cheers, DB, Red Deer

13C/55F, enough breeze to make waves on the lagoon but not enough for surfing; Gusta continues in heat to the happy howls of males who make our walk entertaining; it seems the usual collection of walkers & joggers are elsewhere

sometimes for me (perhaps others feel it too) there are moments where proportions are blown off the chart; this can happen for many reasons – always easy to see when looking back months or years, less easy to decipher in the moment, 10 seconds after the moment or even the following day

I mean those moments where things go off track, way off track, unexpectedly & often without any immediate or clear understanding as to why

was it me, was it him, was it something else? was it her, was it bad karma, was it bad chemistry, was it something not cooked right or just the timing of events?

chop & slice are words of cooking, of a playful kitchen; also they have many connotations as do the words knee & jerk

‘We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.’ – Anias Nin

I’ve always enjoyed this quote from Nin; I think I understand it much better now; in part for mulling lessons of Gladwell’s ‘Blink’ together with my own tummy-sense; sometimes it is time for knee & jerk to combine, sometimes it is just a clarity about things that will work, things that will not – the rest uncertain but we must ‘slice the moment’ to make choices

since reading Blink, yesterday was the first time I consciously made an immediate ‘no, this person is someone I don’t wish to continue getting to know’; just as Gladwell observes these slice the moment moments are so intuitive – that we must listen to them – they are harbingers of the future; listening to them spares wasted time & wounded time so easily, so reliably

my belly is becoming a better listener, I am seeing better with my ears, feeling wiser at moments & the complete bumbling fool at others

my day ended yesterday with a serendipitous connection with someone

if I listen to Gladwell, if I listen to Nin . . this could be at least interesting, at best a stupendous blend of flavours to savour

perhaps thin slices, gently sauteed, hmmm

I await chopping & slicing to see what delights – culinary & otherwise – emerge; a slice the moment kind of moment, I am sure Gladwell would approve

Mark

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I love the idea of flirting and think it is safe, innocent, feel-good fun. It's too bad there are some people who can just take things way too seriously and don't know how to accept a compliment (or give one), without any hidden agenda. Who doesn't like to feel they are attractive to someone else (even though they would never act on it)? Perhaps we should have a National Flirt Day :) Sorry Mark. I am happily married to a great guy whom I've been together with since I was 16 (I'm now 40). We both enjoy it when someone flirts with us (although my husband complains that more girls flirt with him when I'm actually with him !! ), and we never take it seriously [even if it's meant that way]!, ME, Calgary

. . .

You ask whether it is wrong or unhealthy to tell someone that they are smart, clever, attractive and interesting. One rarely finds themself in trouble over complimenting someone on being clever, smart or interesting. It really comes down to the attractive portion of the question. I have on occasion felt really uncomfortable when someone has made a "you're attractive" comment. Mainly because it was an inappropriate comment for the situation or relationship. Perhaps the answer comes down to the reason for paying the compliment. Is the real purpose to make the person feel good about themselves? Or is the purpose more selfish in nature, its a way for you to relay your interest? It seems the potential for trouble lies in the intent. Women are usually fairly perceptive about the intention behind a compliment.- NI, Calgary

. . .

me thinks perhaps you think too much?? Give Gusta a dog cookie for me. Keep writing. (fellow dogwalker), DJ, Calgary

9C/48F, chilly breeze & clear as we walked around the lagoon; Gusta feeling frisky but no dogs in sight in sharp contrast to last night’s walk in Dover after dinner with PM . . many thanks for the great BBQ & a long overdue visit; I then went to the airport to connect with SC(Susan2) between planes – the visiting not the reason for my slow start this morning, but drinking coffee at that late hour caused getting to sleep this morning to be a challenge

I’ve been pondering - what is fair, fun, worth it & healthy?

healthy is pursuing an opportunity to determine possibility, quality of the opportunity, viability of the deal & the attitude/personality of the potential players – these principals apply in work, business & securing a date for Saturday night

I’ve been pondering - what is not fair, fun, worth it & healthy?

not healthy is pursuing something that, should it be possible or probable, one would not pursue if the answer was yes - toying with a possibility just for sport not seriously intending to act at all is low-down mean & despicable; in these cases some people/businesses flirt through action, innuendo, false representations or devious behaviour – at all times dangling an opportunity as if it is real, knowing the whole while it is not; this is despicable in business situations & even worse in personal ones – for shame!

‘Women flirt to keep their stock high, men to get somewhere.’ - Mignon McLaughlin

‘There are times not to flirt: When you're sick. When you're with children. When you're on the witness stand.’ – Joyce Jillson

I don’t see the problem with the witness stand

I flirt with it; I flirt with success, I flirt with disaster; not that I live or play dangerously but that I flirt openly & with intent to produce something good, with the intent of producing good feelings with others – colleagues, clients & personal acquaintances

I have been pondering the commonalities between flirtation in business situations (yes, misrepresentation of fact or intentions prevail as often in commerce as they do in social situations) with flirtation on a personal basis

I flirt by using attention to convey intention; I flirt directly, clearly & with little hesitation

I flirt with a word, with a look, with a touch; I flirt with disaster, but rarely

my intent is to flirt with people, businesses, situations & opportunities which excite me – excite me with the possibilities, excite me with adrenalin laden moments of success, joy, elation & potential for exhaustion in its most splendid form

yesterday I did a bit of each; a new business venture launched, a strong business prospect interested, 3 new clients – small but interesting ones with great potential & one that makes me smile this morning

an impossible improbable situation to be sure – not one brain cell of regret - I flirted deliberately with a delicious delectable charming & beautiful married woman who really seemed to enjoy the attention & the intention of my attention which was NOT to turn her away from her husband even if he is on shaky ground; my intention was to indicate interest ‘if & only if’ she was available – I found that to be fun, fair & clear - the laugh, the smile & the banter was genuinely well received; I think it was

what if I was wrong?

could it be wrong/unhealthy to tell someone who is smart, clever, attractive & interesting that they are smart, clever, attractive & interesting?

I never – that I can recall – flirted with anything or anyone with an untoward intent

I have not been error free - results have been mixed; I’ve been embarrassed rarely, humiliated seldom, enjoyed some times & once in a while I have made a strong connection of friendship or friendship+ . . . that NEVER would have happened had I not flirted with the call, the deal, the opportunity

some people turn away from complementary banter, but few
some people turn away from a smile, but few
some people turn away from an opportunity, but few
some people turn an easy situation into a difficult one, but few
some of my efforts to flirt with success, flirt with opportunity or to flirt with a woman have turned to disaster, but few

I rarely find myself feeling intoxicated out of control with a situation, a deal, a circumstance or a woman – but what heady stuff that is . . .

lighting may not strike again, but I think I will flirt with the possibility

I believe feasting on delicious ingredients of life is far better than focusing on absence of them; pursuit of ‘the possibility’ rather than impossibility is not the margin between success & failure but it is surely the margin between a smile & a frown

Mark

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...Well said!, CC, Calgary

. . .

Mark, can you please send me a recent photo of Gusta. I am enclosing a photo of my two little she-devils and myself at the cottage taken last week, LW, Mississauga

. . .

Regarding your comments about a Blackberry, I am an absolute convert to Blackberry, it has definitely made my life easier. I keep birthdays, anniversaries, contact info, follow ups to phone calls, to do lists, life goals; Mt Kilimanjaro 2008, quotes; “Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still – Proverb”, the word thank you in 30 different languages; Blagodarya, a list of my truly favourite web sites (just in case), my wife’s ring size, my shirt size, my glasses prescription, a list of “to do’s” every time I go away, on business or on pleasure – different lists!, account numbers, hints to passwords, the list goes on and on. I cannot speak highly enough about how invaluable my Blackberry is! I save everything to my computer. So if either device fails, I know I have a copy and can reinstall (it works, I’ve had two crashes in 4 years!) Get one, you will not look back, if you want tips and hints, call me! Regards, SB (yet another SB), Calgary
Mark, Tks for sending these to me. I enjoy reading them. Great take on what is really important, GvdB, Calgary

. . .

Speaking of "who you are" let me suggest that the picture appended to your musings does not do you justice, although I must admit that it does capture certain aspects (i.e. fun, adventurous, mischievous, etc.) of your personality! Besides, some of us want to follow the hair/no hair (facial that is) conundrum you surely face every morning when you look in the mirror. Time for an update?, KK, Calgary

9C/43F, sunny & calm; our walk revealed lots of wet paw prints on the paved path that drove Gusta the sniffing machine a little nuts but otherwise uneventful calm stroll through the woods

[when my internet service goes down as it did this morning, my comfort level seems to ease when I ring Shaw to hear a recording advising ‘service is out’ as opposed to confirmation I’ve been a techno-idiot somehow; these brief moments demonstrate how personal & business lives (mine anyway) are SO connected to being SO connected – fretting about if/when/how long we might be out-of-touch, albeit for just a short while, invades & alters my calm mood; I am sure that if/when I ‘go blackberry’ the short term anxiety will grow rather than shrink]

‘There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity.’ – Samuel Johnson

my PREPARATION yesterday produced an unnecessarily wasted morning, a great speech (I thought so) but I did not win(drat, drat, dribble, double drat) however, the day produced a wealth of learning, an ethics class style-dilemma-drama, some fun & some new prospects on several fronts; thanks Susan#5 for your wise counsel which I largely took – except for doing the one thing you strongly advised me not to do, which I did anyway because I need to be who I am or nothing works

I figured the fledgling friendship, well begun, was worth it/is worth it

if my steps backfire, the worst that can happen is that I lose an opportunity to capture a finite quantity of business from one client – the option I chose still risks that friendship I suppose, but the way I figure it ANY other course of action risks the friendship absolutely, full stop – easy choice

Q. would I pass on a business opportunity in favour of a genuine friendship that matters?
A. every time – easy choice

in the investment world the terms ‘full, plain & clear disclosure’ are supposed to be endemic however that does not mean that any person or company so governed in one area of their business carries that requirement into any other area of their work

our (my colleague & I) education & work paid off with some learning that will make us SO much more effective, reminding us that instant communication does NOT equal truth & understanding - ouch!

in business we seek 'most trusted advisor' status with those we call customer/client; it seems we need not ask - it is there or it is not - but when it is, we feel SO connected

in friendships we seek that ‘most trusted friend’ status; it seems there that if we need to ask, that status is not there while, if it is, there is no need to ask

the most important choice we make is the quality of the friendship we create with ourselves to be SO connected that we never lose sight of who we are which, sometimes with some deliberation, makes decisions an easy choice - every time

Mark

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Hey Mark, Today's musing caught me preparing curriculum for the upcoming school year...almost time to go back. My teaching motto: Be prepared...but remain effectively opportunistic., Cheers, LR, Irvine

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Hi Mark, the thought I had from being prepared is from a situation point of view. we as individuals have our own reality, situation, life with the various quarks, idiosyncrasies, uniqueness and that dictates what being prepared means; ie. a lady has 15 different bags (she gave a speech on being a bag lady) each of which helps her be prepared, MC, ?

. . .

Ah, but a duck only has to prepare for one basic thing - survival. It merely has to eat, avoid predation, fly south and reproduce. In the process of taking our lives beyond basic survival, we have complicated them to the extent that we battle priorities against a back drop of distractions. I too seem to be trying to keep up with what needs doing and consequently am not sure I am prepared for everything. Periodically I think I should simplify my life; purge things that aren't necessary. Unfortunately I like most of the things I do and I am unwilling to give them up. The things I don't like tend to fall into the category of things that have to be done whether I like them or not. The people I know who are most successful at handling the multitude of things they have to do are the ones who can totally focus on each task as they are doing it. They do one thing at a time and do it to completion….not sure we all have the ability or the luxury to be able to do this but it seems to be effective. Regarding your previous post; maybe its time we did..., it seems to tie in with this one. With so many personal level things to do who has the time or energy to devote to helping to solve world level issues. Also, as you pointed out the bigger issues are also extremely complex leaving the average individual unsure of what to do even if they have the resources. If I donate money to an African country to help Aids orphans, how can I be sure that my money isn't instead going to keep some corrupt political leader in power? While I might be appalled at logging in old growth forests in B.C. and protest in some form will this stop me from purchasing cedar when I need to build a fence? In other words my intention might be to be part of the solution but I may end up part of the problem either directly through my own choices or indirectly because of other's choices, BB, Calgary

. . .

Mark - This mornings musing was particularly personal to me as we drive to our sons wedding in BC. Being prepared - for aging and passing of parents (mom passed away in april, she was 93); for the opportunity to make the most of family experiences and to contribute in the best way we can to our community. I don't often take the reflective time and it is difficult to keep thinking time. Your musings help with that thoughtful reflective process which helps me better handle the "just in time" process which often dominates life. Thank you, DH, Edmonton

. . .

Good picture! Hey, I know I’ll see you for many hours on Saturday, but wanted to arrange a breakfast or coffee, need to pick your brain (and such a good brain it is!) Thank you for remembering my Special Day. You know I didn’t do much, went golfing 9 holes, was tired and cranky, did some shopping for groceries etc. and waited for my sweetie to come home from Vegas. Didn’t seem to take the time to contemplate life except to cherish my health and the reality of just how D____ed Lucky I am! Anyhoo, give me a call, KK, Calgary

. . .

Hi Mark, Any chance you could change the phrase “skin the cat” to something else? You probably can guess that I am a “cat lover” and hate it when people use phrases about being abusive to animals, and especially when it is referring to my favorite feline friends. I hope you don’t mind the input, just some food for thought, RB, Calgary

. . .

NO doubt about the importance of preparation, but remember that the universe will always put obstacles in our path to challenge us. Sometimes entering a room unprepared takes us to a new level as we scramble not to let others down and we discover just how clever and adept we are at sidestepping the fall from the pedestal on which others hold us. You might walk way thinking "whew, that was a close one" or impressing yourself with your savvy. Being too prepared may not allow us enough time to be open to the serendipity in life that can divert us down a new and interesting pathway. Me, hmmm, well I tried to be prepared, but if not, well, I will certainly give my best shot at winging it, SB, Calgary

11C/52F, cool & damp après shower weather in south Calgary this morning; Gusta must be confused by those mid-sized ducks in the lagoon as they have grown from fuzzy chicks in a few short weeks – now eating their way to flight-weight for the trip south – they need to be prepared, it is important; critical in fact

this causes me to wonder how we human critters, traveling or otherwise, get & stay prepared - how I might better be prepared, be it for a meeting, a trip, for life, for death, for the next call or for the 10 AM meeting

I mean deliberately getting ready – really ready for something important, being prepared for something pivotal is always my theory/plan on big things that matter; but more & more as the pace of work & business quickens for most of us, I wonder how well prepared I am, how well we all are doing when it comes to being prepared

I can read, re-read & digest material in preparation for an important meeting; I can brainstorm with partners, teammates, suppliers & colleagues on how to best skin the cat on the great ‘next project’ we are striving to capture; each are deliberate, effective & energizing

I am only speaking for me here as many of you might be very different (please send me your secret tricks if you have them) – I find the multitude of ‘other stuff’ that sits on my desk each day, atop or at the bottom of tomorrow’s pile of things that need attention do not get my ‘be prepared’ approach - perhaps they should?

is it because I cannot devote the time, the energy or the quality of thought that it takes to make each returned call, each memo written, each report presented, each ‘little thing’ taken care of with the same zeal, determination & application of planning that ‘the big things’ regularly get?

I am trying to better separate those ‘little things’ into trash, quicker resolution (handle them once) & ‘this could be really important’ categories

be prepared, it could be really important

preparation – for a meeting this morning, for a proposal I am writing & a speech I am doing tonight will fill a large part of my day, so too will the ever-present pile + incoming calls & emails in large volume – how can I be REALLY prepared for everything? I cannot, but maybe those ducks are helping me focus best on what is most important

I am reminded this morning as I read the press release announcing the Jules Dallaire, CEO of Cominar REIT; to me he has been someone of note in the commercial real estate industry but I also know him from the musings distribution list; I have no idea if Jules Dallaire read them daily or if it was someone on his staff that read them or hit delete; I never heard from him, never met him, never talked to him, but this morning the list goes down by one

as I read of his struggle with cancer & death this morning it struck me as a reminder, not so much about mortality as it did remind me of preparation, but watching those ducks drove it home

I never graduated from Cubs to Scouts because I could not master the knots (explains why I am not a water baby/sailor type perhaps?) & then other interests intervened but that ‘Be Prepared’ Boy Scout motto sticks in my memory; but I digress

ducks do it instinctively they teach each new generation of ducks to eat hearty, learn feeding skills & predator avoidance in order to be prepared for the big trip

in their case, a trip south dodging deadly shot-gun pellets along the way; perhaps metaphor for all of us on our life journey – some of us dodging the bullet, some not

to me, perhaps for us all, there is clearly a difference between being prepared vis-à-vis altering the course of events; I want to BE PREPARED more effectively because the next little piece of paper, innocuous email or phone message could be REALLY IMPORTANT

none of us control anything, but we can control whether or not we are prepared

I must go now, important meeting & some errands + need to polish my speech for Toastmasters tonight . . I am prepared, it could be really important

be prepared, it could be really important

‘If I always appear prepared, it is because before entering an undertaking, I have meditated long and have foreseen what might occur. It is not genius where reveals to me suddenly and secretly what I should do in circumstances unexpected by others; it is thought and preparation.’ - Napoleon Bonaparte

Mark

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Hi – isn’t there an anthrax outbreak in Saskatchewan or did I dream that? I thought that was some kind of big scare in the States when people where mailing it to the government. Odd how TV and newspapers choose what things are important. As I was sprayed down yesterday, first with sunscreen and secondly with bug deterrent I couldn’t help but think … gee thanks I needed a good dose of cancer causing aerosol and chemicals or do I risk the West Nile and melanoma. What crazy choices we have to make every day. At least no one is bombing us for oil yet. I had a call last night from a friend who is waiting to see if the mass in his nonsmoking lung is cancerous, all I can think is that it a message to make some changes in his life because it can change in a minute. Enough of my twisted thoughts, DB, Red Deer

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Somehow I got on to your blog list and I read your musings most days. Some of your comments have had impact and some have not. Today’s musings are right on!, AK, Calgary

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Mark, I couldn't agree more, we see and hear it, filter it and promptly go on with our lives, because it doesn't really touch us. Cement shortages, contractor shortages, these supposedly touch us in a big way, but we can still leave at the end of the day, go out for a nice dinner and return home to our warm, clean, safe beds at the end of it all. What's the solution? We all have skills that we can share with others, perhaps we should make it our personal goal to personally spend time, getting our hands a little soiled helping others at least once every year. Take a one week vacation to work at a homeless shelter, perhaps a drug or alcohol rehab centre here or elsewhere in the world. Trust me, it gives one a deeper insight into how truly lucky we have it, SB, ?

10C/50F, spectacular clear start again today, steady breeze makes the lagoon choppy; Gusta contrite & well behaved this morning exhibiting a plaintiff & apologetic look for her chair gnawing crime

brainstorming potential deal structures with an accountant is somewhere between having a root canal & flying to the moon; exciting & potentially painful at the same time, but worthy brain exercise – gets juices flowing - corporate skullduggery, world peace & feeding homeless were part of discussion where SB & I actually made progress skinning the cat on a project

I am not cranky this morning – photos in the paper of evacuated families lined up to return home during the mid-east ceasefire remind me how far from truly ‘engaged’ we are here in our comfortable homes, comfortable communities

we do not so much live in the absence of fear as we do the absence of engagement in what is really going on around us here & around the world - maybe it is time we did

I read west nile virus is visiting Alberta along with some pine beetles that have leaked into our NW Alberta trees; I don’t see a stampede of action by anyone – just complacency we all exhibit most days on most issues because we believe someone in government is on the file

morning papers remind how un-connected we are from what is really happening in the world today; we (most of us) have forgotten how to put our shoulder to the wheel, to be active participants in solving anything – instead health care pros of old knock the way things are today when people have to do more with less, a ‘solve the world AIDS crisis’ does not engage us beyond reading about a conference where Bill Gates & Bill Clinton are helping, more than anything, to put money where the problem is – but who has solutions? More importantly, how many of the 6 billion of us apply our minds, our labour or our cash toward even token involvement? - maybe it is time we did

our media inform us all, but engage us not at all

we can be well informed about every problem on the planet – we can even care about some of them – the media brings them to our door & into our living room every day where we see the ‘best optics’ problems getting the attention of media addicted politicians & organization leaders – meanwhile few people get truly engaged in making a difference, while 6 billion of us are quite content to sit this one out, sit the next one out & the next one & the next one - maybe it is time we did

we seem to live in a cosy world where problems that need solving, issues that need resolution & complex issues need to be unraveled, but we leave them to someone else (I read this morning that there are more obese people on the planet than there are people starving – part of me says ‘great, lets all send 10 lbs of ourselves to Africa’ or ‘hey, maybe world hunger isn’t a big deal’); the point being we need to get connected with the truth rather than gobbling the news like pabulum as if it were all true & all being solved by the governments & organizations we fund with our tax dollars - maybe it is time we did

I don’t think pursuit of life, liberty & a BMW in the driveway to the exclusion of having a social conscience is unique to Calgary – I don’t think we are less of a people because things are going well anymore than the people of the Gaspe in mid-winter are; I think we are all substantially disengaged from the issues & we could make such a difference if we tried - maybe it is time we did

we have it so good here, we do not know trouble; we have it so good here, we do not know pain; we have it so good here, we do not have our head around what is going on in the world

maybe it is time we did

'If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.' - African proverb

Mark

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9C/48F, cooler nights, man & dog wove a path through the obstacles - pre-dawn rosy hues across cloudless horizon back-lit our route as silhouetted homes, dark mossy looking trees showed us the way the Andy Williams version of ‘autumn leaves start to fall’ (lyrics by Johnny Mercer. music by Joseph Kosma) ring in my brain

AW(thanks heaps) took me golfing yesterday (I should have birthdays more often); a couple of pars & 1 birdie, otherwise it was a struggle to put 3 or 4 good shots together on a given hole – the shots showed up but without coordination to have them on the same hole notwithstanding the oft repeated ‘that’s a gimme’

trip planning (to & from High Level next week) calls for re-scheduling artistry to allow time in Edmonton for Fringe Festival fun & visiting Krista & Carla & a few other appointments too

I find it interesting to examine how I manage Sunday time

Sundays alone used to be how I got a jump on my day, on my week; now it is just a routine that gives me quiet time

for nearly 7 years I have generally avoided Sunday afternoon or evening activities because I am working on my FacilityCalgary newsletter; while true, this has become more so a wall of protection – setting aside that time for me - as much as anything else

it says ‘I want to be alone’ without having to, it says ‘I treasure this private quiet time’; lately I have been doing some prep work during the week, but mostly it is a 6PM to 11PM thing on Sunday followed by an early rising Monday; today I awoke at 2:30 because the alarm told me to, re-settings pushed that to 3AM, then 3:15; just enough time to complete my work before my self imposed 5AM deadline

NOT an all-nighter, it is an early morn

writing this now, 5 hours into my early morn - 1 pot of coffee gone, feels like another

not in a rush, this is no rush – it’s a boost

gimme another boost

my day just got a big, non-caffeine induced boost; Carla (CK) is coming to visit on the long weekend; tell me, what is better than having children who write at 8AM to say they are coming for a visit?

got one

Mark

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Your thoughts on golf are 100% true. Nothing more that 4 hours of quality time on the golf course with a friend or group of friends. You don’t need to talk consistently, just need the friendship on the course and a beer afterwards. This is true peace of earth, SC, Calgary

7C/45F, breezy under virtually cloudless sky; Gusta romps along the lagoon, swollen further now from more rain overnight

happy birthday to NC, a half century behind you now, the best is yet to come

the movie was nice, Miami Vice; barely a slice of the old TV show - as action movies with some steam added it rates well – strange going alone to a movie on a Saturday night; certainly a great people/couple watching opportunity

must go no . . golf @ Shaw-nee Slopes with AW

‘A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.’ - Bernard Meltzer

ah . . golfing with a friend, that’s the ticket

golf is the best Sunday morning pursuit; far better than to read a paper that is empty of anything one might call news, far better than to sleep when the sun is shining, far better than any other game ever invented, far better than to sit somewhere being lectured to by those who do not reason

golf is best because you don’t need a reason; maybe that is why more men golf than women –
we don’t need a reason, we just need a place & a friend

‘One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.’ – Euripides

fore

Mark

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Hi there Mark. I am taking my son, Bryce, to see the movie at the Princess here in Edmonton tonight! Although there will not be great acting, since we are going to a documentary, I believe the film will fit all your other criteria. It is about crossword puzzles, focusing on the fellow at the New York Times who creates those tricky clues and patterns. How about that for an idea? And I am so glad you enjoyed your
birthday! , BS, Edmonton

RE: home on the range - Hey Mark. Thanks for the call the other day. The call was a surprise ... and yet, somehow, it doesn't surprise me. Anyway - I think that when you find the right place you will know it. It won't be something you have to think about or weigh against other options. It will grab you. You'll be taken. You'll take it. Cheers, safe travels, L.S., Calgary

Hi Mark, I'm not a football fan, but I do like watching games now and then, especially when I'm given tickets. My second "gift" ticket for tonight's game
against the mighty "Alouettes'... je te plumerai" has become available. They're good seats, so if you want to go to that instead of a movie, give me a shout ASAP, YB, Calgary

Man, it's busy in that head of yours. I'd like a rain check. Thanks, VJP, Dewinton

11C/52F, cloudy & clearing; long walk back after dropping the car off for servicing to begin a day of work & catching up on reading – play will wait till tomorrow

as I might have expected, yesterday’s musing drew lots of thoughtful comments – thanks; also huge thanks to CC for taking me out to lunch yesterday – a birthday treat – bringing along JR which made it sweeter still – thank you both

I love movies; I love serious movies, funny movies, thought provoking movies; I even like occasional chick flicks, kid flicks, silly flicks, sick flicks & slapstick flicks

I love new movies, old movies, great movies & clever movies & epic films & IMAX films

while ‘we still have Tara’ provides me with far less joyful memories than ‘birnie num num’ or ‘we’re burnin’ daylight pilgrim’, which has nothing to do with critique of Margaret Mitchell or praise for Peter Sellers or the pride of Laguna Beach - each offered great reflection for their times much of which is still entertaining today

I avoid horror & sci-fi; suspension of disbelief does not work for me there at all

I have watched those gag-me items disinterested as they are surreal constructs to create unrealistic scenarios; on occasion I’ve been dragged to one only to exhibit my worst anti-social behaviour of mocking the movie, mocking the lousy story constructs or mocking the person who made me go which usually ruins an evening & certainly leaves me absolutely alone for breakfast the next day

I don’t want to go

I never saw Schindler's List, I avoided Malcolm X .. . etc. etc. - it was not about watching history; it was about going to watch something I had read a lot about, felt well informed about only to go watch it on the big screen @ $8-10 a pop, so I could leave feeling horrible . . not my idea of entertainment or enlightenment

the only Oliver Stone movie I ever watched (loved it) was JFK, mostly because it was about a subject that enthralled me as an adolescent & leaves me curious still about who really orchestrated it all & how could so many law enforcement people be such bumbling fools . . . or maybe it was more about the legacies of Honey Fitz (vote early & vote often) or Joe Kennedy

otherwise, these deep serious enlightening dramatic portrayals of horrors of our times – often done to great & wide acclaim – do not interest me

they are close but not pure portrayals of what actually happened; tweaked to help us best enjoy our overpriced popcorn & watered down drinks – as we sit on the edge of our seats admiring Hollywood heartthrobs or just speculating ‘how much weight did Nicholas Cage actually lose?’ in order to play that part

World Trade Center is not just a movie or a memory of carnage or where a building used to be or the only place that can be called a grave for so many

it was a great place; it was an engineering & construction marvel

it was easy to get to, easy to find & impossible to get away from by cab on a Saturday or Sunday

I visited it a number of times on trips to NYC

who could not go?

who could not marvel at the engineering feat in the heart of the financial district?

who could not marvel at the view across the Atlantic from there or the view down to ‘tiny buildings’ a mere 60 or 80 floors?

I don’t want to go

this 9/11 movie portraying the true story of survival & heroism of very few very real people is laudable & reviews indicate it is one of Stone’s best works – Oscar nominee material no doubt, but I don’t want to go

it is Saturday – I want to go to a good movie, I want to have a good time, I want to have my brain & my funny bone tickled a lot

it is not that we have been bombarded with more media coverage than any human ought to withstand on the World Trade Center attack; I loved that building, I walked on its rooftop catwalk on two occasions, pressed my face against the floor to ceiling glass on the 110th floor; as a commercial real estate guy, visiting that spectacular place was for me like a trip to Mecca is for a Muslim; how’s that for counterpoint?

I’ve watched great documentaries on the life of Martin Luther King, the lives of kings & of Rodney King; our pop culture / info-media content control influenced lives might be the cause; I seek out things where I want information, crave information, need information

on this subject, I have way too much already

it is Saturday, I want to go to a movie . .

but not that one, I don’t want to go

it has nothing to do with current chaos in the middle east, banning carry-on for flights or recent arrested terror plots

it has nothing to do with what happened, why it happened

while so much that is true is far more entertaining than screen writers develop these days, sometimes I just want to be entertained while I am enlightened

I want something smart, I want something clever; I want great acting & insightful film making

I want every quality THAT film probably has to offer, but I don’t want to go

I DO want to go to a movie tonight, just not that one

does anyone want to join me for a movie tonight?

RSVP

Mark

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